by Elle Casey
My blood pressure goes up into the roof. I can’t help but glare at her. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Whoa, ease up there, cowgirl,” says Quin. “She’s talking about the legal reality. Regardless of how you feel about it, he has a right to know.”
I stand, unable to remain seated while listening to their well-intentioned baloney. “Don’t talk to me about legal rights.” I practically spit the next words out. “Legal rights, my backside.” I stop myself before I go into a rant about people who don’t deserve to have the privilege of certain rights. My newfound friends are already way too far up into my business as it is. I am not going to share what they would need to know in order to agree with me, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to change my mind about it. Charlie deserves nothing from me except maybe a two-by-four slammed up into his junk.
And yes, they are my friends. I’m looking at all their faces staring back at me, even Rebel’s, and all I see is concern there. It takes some of the fight out of me.
I swallow what little pride I have left and put everything I have into my apology. If it were just about me, I’d bail. I’d tell them to kiss my grits and disappear into the horizon. But it’s not for me. It’s for my baby. I have to do the right thing by her, even though it’s the hardest thing to do.
I clasp my hands tightly under my belly. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do here. All of you. Your support is awesome. And … needed. So if it’s okay with you, I will go to the new house with you for a little while. I’m going to work on finding something else, but in the meantime, it would be good to have a roof over my head and some food. And I promise I’ll pay you back, every single cent. I’ve been keeping track of everything. As soon as I can get a job, I’ll start giving you part of my paycheck. And I’m sorry for being rude before.” My face is burning. This is so hard. I just want to run away.
“This isn’t about the money,” says Teagan, sounding tired.
“For me, it is to some degree,” I explain. “I don’t like owing people things, and you guys just stepped in and took over my life. I appreciate it and I will pay you back.”
“No one’s taken over your life,” says Quin. Her tone tells me she’s disgusted. “You’re in charge of your life, even when you’re fucking it up. At least have the decency to not give people who are helping you a hard time over it.”
I breathe in and out a couple times, trying to calm myself. Reacting to her the way my first instinct wants to would be a mistake. I know she means well, and I have been kind of rude. “You’re right. Absolutely. I’m going to work on that.” My face burns with unspoken retorts. I just have to suck it up and take the abuse. I need these people and so does my baby. I’m going to do whatever I have to for my child.
For some reason, this thought makes my heart lighter. It makes this whole event just a tiny bit less awful. I’m still trying to figure out why when Quin starts talking again.
“Good. Because seriously, we can be fun if you just let us be a part of your life.”
My smile is watery. “I’m sure you can. I’m just … too pregnant maybe to appreciate it right now.”
“I think you guys need to just stop being so fucking pushy with her,” says Colin.
I finally look at him, surprised to see his jaw muscle twitching like mad.
“Ease up, dude. No one’s harassing her.” Mick sits forward a little in his seat.
“Bullshit.” Colin stands and points at Quin. “She’s at the top of the list, followed right behind by Teagan.” He gestures at her too. “Fuck … Liss can’t even take a nap without them in her face about it. No wonder she hides out in the bathroom.”
My jaw drops open when all the brothers are suddenly standing.
“Easy, brother,” says Rebel. “This isn’t the time or the place.”
Colin turns on him, his voice laced with bitterness. “When is the time, brother? When it’s all over? When she’s run out and disappeared because she’s tired of being ridden all the time?” He turns his ire on the rest of the group. “None of you know where she’s coming from or what she’s dealing with. But I can guarantee you this … it’s a hell of a lot more than what any of you are dealing with.” He gestures at Teagan. “You think your father’s company shit is harder than becoming a mother? Being homeless and jobless and penniless while pregnant? I don’t think so.” He looks at Rebel. “You think being a business owner is harder? Yeah, right.” He looks at Mick. “And you’ve got nothing to worry about. You’ve got a job, a place, a girl. What do you worry about at night? Whether you’re going to get laid or not, probably.”
Mick roars and jumps at Colin, knocking me back into the couch in the process. I fall down in a poof of cushions and my round ligament pain flares back to life.
“Aaaaah!” I scream, unable to stop myself as waves of agony take over my every thought.
Colin is flipped over the back of the armchair he was standing in front of and Mick is rolling around on top of him. The chair bangs loudly into the table.
Teagan and Quin start squealing and jump over towards me on the couch.
I curl up into as tight a ball as I can while breathing heavily through the pain. “Ohhhh, God, that hurts.” I can barely get the words out. My eyes are shut now as the knife-like pain slashes through my side.
“Cut it out!” Rebel yells.
A few grunts and groans later and some banging sounds, and the noise quiets down. All I hear is heavy panting and my own moans of pain.
“What’s wrong with her?” Rebel asks.
“Fuck,” says Mick. He sounds nervous.
“Alissa? Alissa, are you okay?” It’s Teagan and she’s very close to my face.
“It’s just round ligament pain,” I say without looking at her. “Just give me a minute and it’ll go away.”
“Nice, Mick. Fucking Grade-A. You just kicked a pregnant girl’s ass.” Colin is completely unconcerned for his own welfare, apparently.
“I didn’t mean to. Shit, I’m sorry, Alissa. I lost my temper.”
“Just go to work,” Rebel says in his quiet, controlled voice. “I’ll deal with this.”
“You keep cleaning up his messes and he’ll never work this out with Colin,” Teagan says.
“What the fuck, Tea?” Quin asks, definitely mad. “Messes? Colin is the one making messes, not Mick.”
I glance up to find Teagan shaking her head. “I don’t think you know everything that’s going on here, Quin. Don’t be mad at me for being honest. You’re the one who said friends should be honest, right?”
Quin stands in the middle of the living room with her hands on her hips. “What the hell, Mick? What’s going on?”
No one answers her. Everyone is just gazing around the circle of faces. No one looks sorry or guilty. I’m too intrigued to pay attention to my own pain now. There are family secrets here and they’re much more interesting than my stupid problems.
“Maybe you guys should have a little family therapy session,” I say, trying to ease the tension in the room with a joke.
“Great idea,” says Quin, plopping down in the spot next to me. “You can be our therapist. Start asking questions.” She folds her arms across her chest.
“I have to go to work,” Mick says.
“Uh, I don’t think so,” Quin replies. “Sit.”
“I’m not a dog,” he says.
“No, but you’re my boyfriend and if you want me to move into this place with you, then you have to be willing to work family shit out. Trust me, I just had the scare of a lifetime with almost losing Jersey and my mom … you don’t want that crap on your conscience. Just work it out.”
“Yes, I agree,” says Teagan, sitting on the couch too. “I wish I’d had something like this with my dad before it was too late. You guys deserve to be happy and honest with each other. Let’s fix this once and for all.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
TO MY AMAZEMENT, EVERYONE SITS down. Rebel looks at his brothers and they all exchan
ge silent nods. Suddenly, I’m in the awkward position of being a completely unqualified therapist for a very strange family. Who does weird stuff like this? No one in my family, that’s for sure. We’re all about not talking things through and keeping our thoughts and emotions to ourselves.
“You guys can’t be serious … I hardly know any of you.” My pain is receding quickly, so I put my legs back down.
“That’s perfect. Therapists aren’t supposed to have any preconceived notions about their patients,” Teagan says.
Quin snorts. “I’m pretty sure she has some preconceived notions.”
“And I’m not qualified,” I add.
“So what? Just ask some questions and get the ball rolling. We can take it from there.” Teagan nods at me and then the others. “Right? We just need to talk it out.”
Colin shakes his head slowly. “That’s a chick thing. That’s not how we do it.”
“Rebel doesn’t even really talk,” I say. When Teagan glares at me, I add, “Does he? I mean, I never hear him talk much.”
“He talks when it’s important,” Teagan says. “Just ask a question. It doesn’t hurt to try.”
“Okaaaaay,” I say, warming up to the idea. “Just promise me one thing before I start. No … two things.”
Everyone waits for my conditions. When I’m sure I have all their attention, I say, “No fighting and no cussing.”
Mick rolls his eyes. “Jesus Christ.”
I grit my teeth to keep from telling him what I think about that comment.
Colin steps in. “Dude, get a fu … godda … uh … grip. Get a grip. You can hold off on the language for ten minutes.”
“Fifty bucks says you swear before I do,” Mick says, holding out his hand towards his brother.
Colin gets up enough to grab it and shake it. It looks like they’re having a quick arm-wrestling competition. “Deal,” he says. “Give it your best shot. I need that fifty bucks for art supplies.”
“What about you?” I ask Rebel. “Are you okay with these conditions?”
He shrugs ever so slightly. “I don’t swear. I don’t fight my brothers.”
“Oh.” I’m kind of taken aback by that. I guess I just assumed he swore, but it’s possible he doesn’t. He doesn’t talk enough for me to know any different. “Okay then. Ummm …” I search their faces, looking for direction.
Quin points at Colin. “Why don’t you ask him why he’s always picking fights with Mick?”
“Hey, that’s not allowed,” protests Teagan. “You’re not the fuggin’ therapist.”
I nod, knowing that to ask that question right off the bat would cause a war amongst all of them. I speak quickly before the flames get any higher. “Okay, how about this one … Rebel, if there was anything you could change about your brothers, what would it be?”
Rebel’s nostrils flare as he stares at me, making me wish I could shrink myself down into the size of an ant and scurry off. I’ve only asked one question and I’ve already blown it.
“Excellent. Jump right into the heart of things,” says Quin, a huge smile on her face. “I like it.” She leans over and pats me on the leg, making me feel just a tiny bit better.
“You have to answer,” says Teagan, rubbing Rebel’s arm gently. “Come on, you can do it.”
“It’s not going to change anything,” Rebel finally says, barely sparing her a glance.
“So? It’s just an exercise,” Quin says. “Answer the question.”
Rebel looks at Mick and stares at him for a while. Everyone starts to get antsy. I can literally see them squirming in their seats.
“If I could change something about Mick, it would be to have him reach higher. Own up to the mistakes he’s made and be a better man about it.”
Mick stands up. “What the fuck, man?!”
“Fifty bucks! Pay up, asshole!” Colin’s standing now too, a big grin splitting his face.
“Both of you can pay me fifty bucks!” I say, trying to stand but failing. I give up and fall back into the cushions. I sigh loudly. “This won’t work if you act like fighting cocks. I mean game hens. Or whatever.” My face goes pink; I can feel the heat in my cheeks.
The both look at me.
“What?” Mick asks. He looks at Quin. “Did she just swear? She said cock, right?”
“Just sit down,” I say, gesturing towards his seat. “You’re giving me a neck ache and round ligament pain.”
He slowly lowers himself into his chair again. Colin does the same. A slight smile plays on his lips as he looks at me. I try very hard to ignore him.
Quin puts her arm around Mick’s shoulders and kisses him on the temple. “Come on, babe. Let’s do this thing.”
He frowns at her. “We’ll see if you’re so happy about sharing when it’s your turn.”
“Hey, I’m an open book. Ask me anything. Let’s just talk it out.” Quin’s eyes are sparkling. I’m pretty sure she thinks she’s being given a sneak look into Mick’s secret life. I kind of feel like I am too.
“Fine. You want to know how I feel about that?” He looks right at Rebel. “I feel like shit hearing that. I work my ass off for you, covering for all of Colin’s shit when he’s too busy being in jail to do his work. So what if I blow off a little steam at the club? Who does that hurt?”
“You don’t cover my ass at work. I do all my work myself,” Colin says.
“Bullshit.” Mick glares at him.
“You’re at a hundred and fifty bucks, man,” Colin says, holding out his hand.
“Shut up.” Mick gestures at his brother and looks around the room at all of us. “You see? It’s not me. He’s always picking fights. This is on him, not me.”
“You want to know who it hurts?” Rebel asks. He seems completely unaffected by his brothers’ bickering.
“Yeah,” Mick says. “Tell me one person.”
“Sheila. She was a good girl.”
Mick doesn’t respond except to twist up his mouth.
“Yeah. Sheila,” Colin says. “You screwed up with her, man. From day one.”
“That’s past history,” Mick says. He’s practically growling.
“So what’s the deal with her?” asks Quin. “What’s she got to do with anything? They broke up, right?” She looks first at Rebel and then Colin for an answer.
“I’ll tell you what the big deal is,” says Colin, sounding only too happy to share. “For a year he messed around on her. Even got her pregnant. You don’t do that shit to girls, I don’t care who you are or who she is.”
“That’s not how it happened!” Mick yells, sitting forward in his seat. “And if you were around ever and bothered to talk to me ever, you’d know that!”
Quin looks stricken. “Mick … you never told me…”
“No!” Mick turns to face her and grabs her arm. “Do not listen to this shit. Give me a second to explain.”
“Oh, you have a second, alright. You have a whole minute if that’s what it’s going to take to keep me from slapping your entire face off.” Quin jerks her arms out of his grasp and leans far away from him into the couch.
Mick seems to forget the rest of us are in the room. “Sheila was a nice girl, yes. But not just with me, okay? She had lots of boyfriends when we were together. We had an understanding. There was no exclusiveness between us. None.”
Colin lets out some annoyed air, but Mick ignores him and continues with his explanation. “You can ask anyone you want at the club. Ask Olga. Shit, you can see it on the video tapes she has of the entire place. Sheila was always getting with other guys. It was no big deal. And when she got pregnant, it was her choice to get an abortion. She didn’t even know who the father was. It could have been at least three different guys. And yes, I was one of them, but I left it up to her what to do. She decided. I just helped her by driving her to her appointment. Does that make me a bad guy? I don’t think so.”
“That’s bullshit,” Colin says.
Mick spins around. “What do you know about my
life, asshole?! You’re never around long enough to know anything about anybody here. And have you ever gone over to help Olga out? Hell, no. You help no one but yourself. And don’t act like you’re some kind of prince among men over there, dick. You go through chicks like you do underwear.”
“I don’t wear underwear.”
“Exactly. Use ‘em and lose ‘em. That’s your motto.” Mick turns back to Quin. “Babe, trust me. I didn’t do anything wrong. I was just …”
“…Being a guy,” she finishes for him. Her expression is guarded.
“Maybe. But not a bad guy. If she had wanted to be solo with me, I would have done that. Or maybe I would have just broken up with her. The relationship worked for a while, just the way it was. I know it’s not how you and I are. I wouldn’t do that stuff with you, and I wouldn’t have done it with her if it wasn’t okay with her.”
Quin looks over at Colin. “Why are you being so harsh with him about all this?”
Colin shrugs. “He’s my brother. I don’t like it when he does shit that’s bad for him. You want me to just keep my mouth shut and let him ruin his life?”
Mick shakes his head. “I’m not ruining my life.”
“You aren’t doing your best.” The fact that it’s Rebel talking now gets everyone listening very closely. “You’re capable of so much more. You’ve got a good girl now. Time to move it to the next level.”
“I thought I was,” says Mick, looking down at the ground. “Moving in here was part of that.”
“Fine,” Rebel says, nodding, “but go back to school. Move on. You don’t want to work for me the rest of your life.”
Mick just drops his head down low.
Seconds tick by. Maybe a whole minute does before Colin clears his throat and starts talking again. “Listen, man … I’m sorry about giving you sh … crap.” He leans forward in his seat, looking directly at Mick. “You’re just such a sanctimonious prick sometimes, it’s hard for me to just not bust your ass once in a while. I care about you, dude. Brothers for life.” He holds out a fist.