Which, I was starting to believe I was. Why the hell was I in a bar, lusting like a maniac after a woman when just yesterday morning I’d been engaged and ready to marry another?
Oh, right. Fuck you, Lucas. You left me on my own.
Once you saw her, would it have mattered if he was here?
No, of course not.
So fuck you for inviting and convincing me, Luke.
“Calum, look at me.”
I took another sip and forced myself to do as she said.
“You seem...” She tilted her head, moving even closer. “Nervous.”
“I am,” I responded honestly.
She bit her lip. I wanted to kick the table away from me and rail. Why couldn’t I have met her later on? Oh say, months after my engagement had been over?
“Why? Is it because you can tell I’m attracted to you?” Nothing about her seemed to be hesitant or shy.
My cock punched at my jeans, almost making me curl into myself. Her admission was exactly what my body had been waiting for. Like an unmerciful tidal wave, the full extent of my lust for her unleashed itself.
I almost couldn’t hear anything beyond the roar of my heart. It pounded in my head. In my throat. The artery that rose up my neck and crossed my jaw twitched painfully with each heartbeat.
The throbbing in my dick beat all of that out, forcing me to consider when was the last time I’d actually had an orgasm. I hadn’t had sex for weeks. Fucking weeks. I’d been engaged and hadn’t slept with my fiancé for nearly a month.
What the fuck?
I didn’t have time to masturbate, hadn’t thought of doing so since I was younger. My need for sex had always been beyond healthy yet, somehow, I’d lived the last month of my life not realizing that I wasn’t getting anything.
Anything.
Had I been living in some sort of daze? What the hell was wrong with me?
Obviously, it’s not like I was suffering from some early case of E.D. Liv was the living proof of that. All it would take was one touch from her and I’d probably explode. I was sure of it.
Swallowing was becoming a nervous reflex thanks to her. I finally nodded at her, unable to find my voice.
Liv’s eyes fell to the table. “And y—you’re not attract...I mean, interested? Am I making you uncomfortable?”
I straightened at that, sensing something completely different in her tone.
No longer so self-assured, Liv looked embarrassed. Her position hadn’t changed much but I could somehow read the insecurity in her. Could read that she wanted to curl into herself and possibly away from me.
“You’re very, and I do mean very, beautiful Liv. I’m sure I’m not the first man to tell you that.” I was aware that my words were dangerous. But there’s no way I couldn’t be honest with her about this. I did find her beautiful and although it might have been in my best interest to let her believe I didn’t, I couldn’t go through with it.
Liv’s eyes came back up and stared right into my own. Jaw twitching, I stared back, not knowing where to go from here and knowing that if I did what I wanted to do, it would be a problem.
It would be beyond unwise.
“So you’re just nervous, that’s it?” Those eyes of hers were glittering in the dim lights. There was a small votive candle on the table and its flickering flame bounced inside her eyes, drawing me further in.
“Yes. You...I’ve never been around a woman like you and admittedly, flirting isn’t my strong suit.”
I’d had one girlfriend in college and she’d asked me out. Not that I hadn’t been attracted to her, I had. As for lovers, they’d also come after me but there had never been a lengthy seduction. I’d always known outright whether I’d wanted them or not and had always been quick to decide.
All in my professional manner, as Luke had once complained. He’d claimed that I approached sex much like a business negotiation. Compatible, yes or no? And no wasting of time, of course.
Liv smiled, taking her hat off her head. “That’s adorable. But lighten up, Calum. I’m not gonna bite.” She literally shoved the hat on my head, pulling the rim down over my eyes and giggling. “At the sake of sounding cliché, I must say, unless you want me to.”
I couldn’t see anything outside of the hat but her giggling and playfulness made me smile. A small gasp from her had me freezing, eyes still covered by the hat.
“Calum?”
“Yes?” I grabbed onto the hat and re-adjusted it so that it wasn’t covering my eyes. When I could see again, I saw that Liv was kneeling on the booth.
Right next to me.
Leaning over me, in fact.
“I’m sorry, Calum.” She cupped my face in her small hands. The feel of her skin almost made me hiss, my body tensing and my eyes shooting wide. “But I really, really have to kiss you. I’m sorry.”
And, yes, she did. God help me, she leaned in and gave me those lips.
4
How long had I fantasized about those lips? An hour? Maybe two? It didn’t matter. To my starved body, it felt like a lifetime.
Soft, pillow-like flesh covered my own and I lost it. An uncharacteristic sound vibrated out of my ribcage. I heard the table complain when I moved too sharply and accidentally kicked it.
Liv gasped, her plump lips still pressed to my own and falling open.
Need. Want...Take. Take it all.
I was lost. My hand snapped around the back of her head, the size dwarfing it. I held her still, slanting my mouth against her and rubbing our lips together.
She whimpered.
And...I finally recognized the sound leaving me. As my lips trembled against her mouth and she started shaking against me, I realized that I was fucking growling.
The taste of her sat heavy on my tongue, wrenching more hunger out of me. I wrapped one hand around the back of her head. My other hand curved around her lower back.
She fit right into my hands. Fantasies were unleashed in flashes of pain, each image battering more need into my groin.
Liv shifted, tilting her head and letting me suck on her bottom lip. The need to bite down into its plumpness was borderline cruel.
She let out a little exhale that slid into my mouth. I nibbled on her bottom lip as softly as I could while feeling my teeth vibrating with a groan.
Liv moved again. I felt the slightest flick of her tongue. I slanted my mouth over hers, wet lips sliding across each other. Thoughts abandoned me, leaving me at the mercy of my senses.
And all of them were honing in on her.
Our saliva mixed and aggravated my lust. Her tongue began dancing shamelessly with my own. God forgive me, I was lost. Her tongue had taken over my own and was now commanding it.
Pulling her closer and surrendering my body over to the feeling, I held her as close as I could considering that we were in a booth.
My dick was sticky, the head rubbing against the boxers. At any other moment of my life, this would have shocked me. But right then, all it did was heighten my need.
Liv pulled back, retaliating for what I did earlier and giving me a light bite that dragged across my bottom lip. It took all of my strength to stop myself from thrusting up into the air.
When she pulled back to lean her cheek against mine, I groaned and turned my head to press my lips into her skin.
“Oh, God. Calum, that’s intense,” she breathed, rubbing her cheek across my mouth.
Saying that we were in perfect agreement would have been a tragic understatement. “Give me more.” My voice grated with my demand.
Liv whimpered under her breath, turning her head and kissing me again.
It wasn’t lost on me that I was still wearing her hat, nor was it lost on Liv. She whimpered between kisses. “You look really sexy wearing that.”
I was tempted to tell her I’d keep the thing on all night if it meant that she wouldn’t stop what she was doing. She flicked the tip of her tongue, teasing the tip of mine and making my toes curl in my shoes.
Everythin
g was too tense. It registered in the back of my mind that we had become the couple making out in the dark corner of the bar.
I’d never done something like this, yet I basked in the knowledge that every idiot that had been drooling over her could just pass by and see.
“Fuck. I’m dying to—” but she didn’t finish, just slid her little tongue right back into my mouth. Hands rough around her hips, I held her still, letting our mouths all but fuck each other.
Who am I kidding? This was mouth-sex, plain and simple. My body was teasing me with little glimpses of what she’d be like in bed. If she was as good with her body as she was with that tongue...
Liv pulled back suddenly, her breath panting across mine. “I’m sorry. I got out of hand. This is getting out of hand.”
I was breathing just as hard as she was. “Agreed.”
We leaned in at the same time, lips touching again.
Liv gasped, pulling back and moving her hair away from her face. “Sorry!”
“Don’t be. I believe I’m also to blame.” Tell her. Tell her now. Tell her why this is a bad idea. But she was turning me selfish. I liked her lips too much to give them up. It’s just a kiss. Nothing more. Won’t take it farther than that.
Even as I thought it, I knew it was close to being a lie.
“Maybe we should get another drink. Pause.”
I shook my head, eyes heavy lidded and locked with her mouth. “Bad idea. I’m already pretty close to getting drunk. Any more drinks, and I definitely won’t be able to stop this. Your lips feel too good.”
I cupped her chin, thumbing her lower lip and wondering how much of that I had actually said out loud.
Liv exhaled, eyes blinking rapidly. “Okay, Mister. You just killed whatever shot you had at getting out of this.”
Huh?
But I didn’t have to wonder long. Liv stood up, confusing me. In my hazy brain, a part of me feared that I’d pushed her too far or did something to offend her.
Was she leaving? Fuck. I wasn’t ready for her to leave.
Once she was up, she turned and grabbed my hand, giving it a tug. More confused now than ever, I let her lead me until I was up and following her along the back of the bar.
I forced myself to look away from our hands, feeling another wave of alcohol hit my brain. I’d unquestionably drunk too much, too fast. I wasn’t anywhere near incapacitated enough that I would be unable to walk but it was getting harder to convince myself why I shouldn’t give into what my body wanted.
Liv led me into a small alcove that faced a door with an exit sign above it. It hit me that she was leading me out of the bar. Curiosity, desire, and equal parts dread mixed in my system.
I wanted nothing more than to follow her wherever she planned on taking me. My skin flared with the idea; I still knew I wasn’t going to be able to go through with this. I wasn’t the type of man to do rash things like this.
Was I?
Liv stopped right next to the exit, turning to me and pulling my head down. I opened my mouth, determined to be honest with her regardless of what happened after. I got a mouthful of her sweet taste instead.
Dear God, what was it? It tasted familiar. I couldn’t place it but it had me opening my mouth as wide as it could so I could suck in her tongue and play with it. “Liv,” I managed to half-heartedly protest, trying to move my head back.
My body rejected the idea, especially since it had such a sexy little thing standing on her tip toes just so she could reach my mouth. Without thinking about it, I let my hands slide around her waist and lifted her up a bit higher.
Liv ended up against the wall. I was barely holding back the urge to press my body fully into hers. She was eager, her hands wrapping around my shoulders. All it took was one pull from her and things got really out of control.
Anyone could walk by and see me humping her into the wall, yet I couldn’t stop. Liv whimpered into my mouth, her legs shifting and pressing against denim covered and aching flesh.
With a hiss of air, I pulled my mouth back, needing to regain control.
“Calum.”
There went my endeavor, destroyed with a mere whisper of my name.
My mouth came back down on her skin, my veins throbbing with unprocessed sensations, all of them too potent for my self-control to contain.
She tasted incredible. I was finally able to pinpoint what I tasted. There was a hint of vanilla on her skin. There had to be. No way had the alcohol fucked with my head to that extent. I licked. Sucked. Ground against her like I've never ground against anyone before.
Dizzy, I pulled my mouth away from her skin, mumbling. At first, I had no idea what I was saying. All I knew was that I was being led by need and guilt in equal parts.
It took me awhile to notice the change in her. When I did, I pulled back. Because I was piss drunk, yes, but I wasn't that far gone. “What's wrong?” I tried not to be blinded by how gorgeous she was. I hadn’t wanted anyone this badly in years. Years.
I was thirty-fucking-three for Christ's sake!
Thinking of which, did I even know this pretty little thing's age?
Had I asked?
I was two seconds away from whimpering like a girl. And only because she hadn't given herself to me, yet. I had been determined not to take it from her and still, not getting her body was driving me insane.
Livana’s cat-like blue eyes were wide and slightly closed off now. “Did you just say you broke up with your fiancé yesterday?”
Fuck! Had I really admitted that without realizing it?
Apparently, I had.
5
“Did you come out tonight looking for some sort of physical rebound or something? What is this, have sex the moment you’re single?”
“No! I told you, I was supposed to meet my brother. I’m sorry, this wasn’t supposed to happen. It got out of control. You...you turned me on too much and I wanted to tell you earlier but things got out of hand.”
Her eyes had watched me, looking like they were trying to read my mind.
“Are you serious about that?”
“You saw yourself that I wasn’t comfortable flirting. I haven’t done something like this since I was a kid. Probably not even then.” And I hated myself for admitting something like that to her but I also couldn’t stand the look of censure that was starting to bleed into her eyes.
Liv mumbled under her breath, her small jaw twitching. “I can’t believe I’m going to do this.”
She tucked a strand of that blond hair behind her ear before turning to look me in the eye. “Look, Calum. I’m attracted to you. I like you...in a way I haven’t liked anyone in a while. But not enough to do this. We both know how irresponsible it would be. I don't want to come into something where the other person still has emotional hang-ups because I don't. So here's my number. Wait a while and then if you're still single and interested, give me a call.”
“But how long?”
“However long it takes.”
“I never really cared about her that way.” Another thing I couldn’t believe I’d confessed but I was staring at the business card she’d just given me with a slightly shocked and numbed brain.
She was leaving? Just like that? Funny, I’d wanted to stop what we were doing because it would be right but now that I’d accomplished that, I was regretting it more than I had thought I would.
“Good. Then I shouldn't have to wait long. But there's no way you're fucking me the very next day after. Good night, Calum.”
I had been forced to stand there and watch her leave. She’d given me one last look over her shoulder before pushing the door open and exiting the bar. It wasn’t until a few seconds had passed that I realized two things.
Yes, she’d actually given me her number.
And I was still wearing her hat.
That had been a week ago and in that time, that damned business card had almost burned a hole through my brain. I tried to convince myself to just leave it at home, in my office, where it wouldn’t b
e around to remind me all the time. But instead, the thing had found a permanent home in my wallet, where it taunted me from within, reminding me that I could call her at any time.
No. Not really. She’d made it clear and she was right. Besides, I’d already told her the truth, there was no going back. I’d been single for a little over a week; this was definitely not the right time to pursue her.
But I wanted to. There was no denying it.
It took the same amount of time for my damned brother to finally show his face. He’d finally come in to see me and in the mental state I’d been in, I’d made the mistake of letting him know how displeased I was.
Oh, and why.
No one said I was running on any version of high–intelligence at the moment.
“So...you met a hot chick at the bar—”
“A twenty–one year old—”
Because although I hadn’t called her, we’d had a text conversation a few days ago when I text her to remind her that I still had her hat. Don’t ask me why I decided to find out her age then, but I did.
“A very hot twenty-one year old, by your own admission. And you guys hooked up.”
“We almost—”
“Damn it, Calum. I still don’t see why you’re so pissed. What exactly is the problem?” Lucas glared down at me, the look of incredulity familiar. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’d been seeing it in the mirror for the last week.
“The problem is…” I gritted my teeth, stopping. I was really hating what I was about to do. But I didn’t have any close friends aside from Dorian. Acquaintances abounded; true friends were rare in my circles.
And for some Goddamn reason, I couldn’t bring myself to talk to Dorian about this even though I knew that talking to Luke about it might be the worst decision ever.
Seriously, think about this. Luke?
Who, by the way, was still looking down at me and waiting for me to continue.
“The problem is, I am in no position to just go out there and attempt any type of relationship, seduction, an affair, or whatever you want to call it. I just became single.”
“But it’s just sex. You obviously really want this girl. I’ve never seen you this worked up over anything and I definitely never heard of you doing anything this spontaneously rash. I’m proud right now. Or, I was, until you started bitching at me like a little girl. Why not sleep with the girl? You told me yourself that she kissed you first.”
Addictive Lunacy Page 3