by Tara Shuler
“Why you were going to kill Max.”
“Do you?” he asked. “And does it change
anything? My mother was right. I’m a pathetic
waste of life. I’m nothing. I’m a monster.”
“Look at me,” I said.
He refused, so I used my other hand to lift his
gaze to mine. “You are not a monster. I am.”
“What?” he gasped. “N-n-no! No! You’re not!
I was going to kill someone because I was so
jealous! I wanted you all to myself. I wanted… I
wanted to own you.”
“I understand,” I told him again, squeezing his
hand.
I noticed a tear spill from one eye and slide
down his cheek, and I brushed it away with my
free hand.
“You’re too good for me,” he said. “I’ve
never met anyone like you. You see things other
people don’t. No one ever loved me my whole
life. Not my mother, not my grandparents – no
one. There’s a reason for that, Alice. I’m no
good.”
“Please don’t say that,” I begged. “I can’t
stand to hear you say that about yourself. You
are so smart and so beautiful and so kind. There
is nothing bad about you, Kai.”
“Except the fact that I want to kill people,” he
snapped. “I almost killed that Alexi until…”
He looked back down at the blanket.
“Until?” I pressed him.
“Until you did that thing,” he said. “It almost
killed you.”
“What thing?” I asked.
“You healed him,” he breathed. “It all
happened so fast I couldn’t tell what was going
on, but in a split second you were beside him,
and the next second there was blood dripping
from your eyes and nose and you just fell
forward.”
I thought back. So that was the warm wet stuff
I felt on my face. It was blood.
“I almost died?” I asked.
“You were unconscious for almost a week,”
he explained.
“A week?” I gasped.
He nodded. “And it’s all my fault. You could
have died, and it was all my fault.”
He dissolved into tears, and I pulled him
toward me. I wrapped my arms around him and
tried once again to shelter him. Kai was so
delicate. He needed me. Why did I keep hurting
him so much?
I pressed my lips to his hair and kissed him.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“It’s not your fault.”
“It is. It’s all my fault. Everything is my fault.”
“You can’t help how you feel.”
“No, but I can help how I act.”
“Maybe not,” he said, looking up at me.
“Alexi seems to think otherwise.”
“You’ve been talking to Alexi?” I asked.
“Well, Alexi’s been talking to us,” he replied.
“What did he say?”
“A lot. But he makes a lot of sense. He knows
a lot about you considering you two just met. He
understands you in a way Max and I can’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s hard to explain.”
“Try.”
Kai sighed. “He says you’re a lot more
powerful than you think. But if you use the
strongest of your abilities, it drains you. Just
using them at all causes your brain to
hemorrhage. If you keep using them, it could kill
you.”
“I don’t really use them on purpose, Kai. It
just happens. I can’t control it.”
“He said you could learn to control it – that
he could help you. He said… he said he could
help you, but Max and I would have to let you
go.”
“What? Let me go? What does that mean?”
“Your father and his father arranged your
marriage when you were born,” Kai said, his lip
quivering. “There’s nothing Max or I can do. It’s
already been sealed.”
“But arranged marriages haven’t existed in
hundreds of years!” I argued.
“Some vampires still practice it,” he corrected
me. “Your mother said her marriage to your
father was arranged.”
“Oh, that’s right,” I said, remembering when
Mother told me.
“She knew a lot of this,” Kai said. “But she
was hoping Alexi would never come. She didn’t
want you to go through what she went through.”
I was quiet, letting it all sink in.
“I think he may be right,” Kai said reluctantly.
“Max and I haven’t done the best job of
protecting you. You’ve been getting into more
trouble with us than you might have if you didn’t
know us. Maybe he’s… good for you.”
“Good for me?” I balked, scoffing. “That
psycho?”
“I heard that!” Alexi shouted through the
door.
“Figures,” I grumbled.
The door opened and Alexi walked in. He
chuckled.
“Can we have a moment alone, now?” Alexi
asked.
“Fine,” Kai said. Then, turning to me, he said,
“I’m not going anywhere, yet.”
I nodded, and he kissed my forehead and made
a hasty exit, shooting Alexi and angry glare on
the way.
Alexi sat beside me.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“I’m fine,” I said. “Physically, anyway.”
“What do you mean? Is something wrong?”
“This is a lot to absorb,” I admitted.
He nodded.
“Indeed it is.”
“How long have you known?”
“About the arranged marriage?”
“Yes.”
“Most of my life,” he told me. “My father told
me when I was very young, and he said he’d seen
us get married.”
“He saw us? What do you mean?”
“My father is a powerful Oracle,” he
explained. “He can see the future. He saw us on
our wedding day. He described you in great detail
– so vividly I could see you in my mind. I carried
a picture of you inside my head all my life, and
when I saw you, I knew it was you. I’ve loved
you for as long as I can remember.”
“You knew me because you saw a picture of
me in your mind?” I asked, confused.
“No, no,” he argued. “It was much more than
that. My father had visions of you as you were
growing up. He would tell me all about them.
I’ve known you for years. I watched you grow up
through his eyes. I was there when you fell off
your bike and scraped your knee on your fifth
birthday. I saw you crying the day your mother
told you why you didn’t have a father, because
you were too young to remember when he died. I
saw your first day at the human school. I’ve been
there for every painful, frightening, and even
joyous moment of your life. I’ve wanted so
much to be there for you – to hold your hand and
comfort you through the pain. But my father said
it wasn’t ti
me.”
I listened intently, but skeptically.
“Still, how does this mean it’s ‘destiny’ as you
say?” I asked.
“Not only did my father see it, but I feel it,” he
said, taking my hand and placing it on his chest.
“In here.”
“Alexi…” I whispered.
“Yes, Alice?”
“In the warehouse… when you were…” I
gulped, unable to speak.
“Yes?”
“When you were dying,” I said at last. “I felt
like I was dying, too.”
He nodded. “Every time you feel pain, I feel it,
too. I always have. We are deeply connected in a
way neither of us can truly understand. Now that
I’ve found you, I will always be here.”
“But, what about Kai and Max?” I asked. “I
can’t just abandon them.”
“I feel that, too,” he sighed. “I was hoping to
get to you before you… fell for anyone. I was
too late – by two times, it seems.”
I winced.
“I love them.”
He nodded again.
“I know. I feel it,” he said, with a deep sadness
in his voice.
“I’m sorry, Alexi,” I told him. “I can’t help
how I feel.”
“I know. I don’t expect you to.”
“So… where does that leave us?” I asked. “If
you think we’re going to be married someday,
where do they fit in?”
“Alice,” he said seriously. “Listen to me. I
don’t want to own you. I don’t want to control
you. I will never do that to you. I only want you
to be happy, no matter what it may cost me.”
“So, you’re saying…”
“I’m saying that even if it kills me, I will never
stop you from being with someone else if that is
what you choose. Whatever makes you happy.”
“I want to ask you something,” I said.
“What is it?”
“I remember just before I passed out in the
warehouse, you said something. I think it was
‘Grace’. What did that mean?”
“Grace is the name we have for the gift of
healing,” he explained. “I’ve never met anyone
with it. I’ve only heard tales. It’s extremely rare. I
never expected you might have it. You have so
many gifts.”
“You have quite a few,” I reminded him.
“Yes, but yours have been dormant all your
life,” he said. “When abilities aren’t used, they
tend to weaken or disappear altogether. Yours
were
latent,
but
they
certainly
haven’t
diminished.”
“Is it true they could kill me?” I asked.
He nodded solemnly.
“They might, indeed. You must learn to
control them, Alice. If you don’t, they could kill
you someday.”
“Why?”
“Yours are some of the most powerful
abilities I’ve ever seen,” he said. “As an Elder,
I’ve trained hundreds of vampires and hunters to
harness their gifts correctly. I’ve never seen
anything even close to you.”
“How did I not know I could do these
things?” I asked.
“It works that way sometimes,” he shrugged.
“No one knows why. Most of the time, the gifts
are present from a young age. Other times, they
manifest later in life, but those are almost always
weakened.”
“Any theories as to why mine are so powerful
even though I haven’t used them?”
“Only one,” he said.
“And?”
“I think you’re such a good, kind person – you
have so much love in your heart – and that love,
that desire to protect others, has kept your latent
abilities strong. Your gifts are all designed to
protect and heal others.”
“But I touched you and I hurt you,” I said,
remembering the day in the clearing when I
caused him to slump to the ground with a single
touch. “I hurt you, Alexi.”
“No, love,” he said gently. “It wasn’t painful. I
simply went to sleep. So you see, even when you
incapacitate someone, it’s done gently and
lovingly.”
“Oh, fine,” I joked. “So I ‘lovingly’
incapacitated you!”
“It sounds so bizarre when you say it that
way,” he chuckled.
“It is bizarre,” I corrected him.
“No,” he argued softly. “It’s beautiful.”
His hand went up to caress my cheek. I
reached up to take his hood away, but he
recoiled.
“Please don’t,” he asked.
“I saw you in the warehouse,” I reminded him.
“Only for a moment,” he said quickly.
“It felt like much longer than a moment to
me.”
“Please,” he begged. “I don’t want you to see
me.”
“Why not?”
“You know why,” he answered. “I’m
hideous.”
I reached for his hood again, and he grabbed
my arm so forcefully it hurt.
“Ow, Alexi!” I shrieked. “That hurts!”
He released me.
“I’m sorry,” he said quickly.
The door opened, and Max and Kai stood
there with wide eyes and clenched fists.
“Alice!” Max hissed. “Are you okay?”
“If you hurt her…” Kai snarled.
“I’m fine,” I said, rubbing my throbbing wrist.
“I heard you cry out in pain,” Kai insisted.
“It was nothing,” I said.
He looked at me rubbing my wrist, and he
eyed me skeptically.
“Nothing, huh?” he mumbled.
“I’m fine, really,” I said again.
Max’s eyes narrowed, and he and Kai
scrutinized the situation carefully. They looked
at each other, and then silently backed out of the
room and closed the door.
“That will never happen again,” Alexi
promised. “I forgot my own strength.”
“It’s okay,” I told him.
“No, it’s not,” he said. “I feel it every time
you feel pain. I can’t stand it. And to know I was
the cause… it kills me.”
“But yet you kidnapped my brother and Kai,
and held a dagger to Max’s throat,” I snapped.
“I did those things out of love,” he insisted. “I
know it sounds strange, but it’s true.”
“It does sound strange, Alexi,” I said. “You’re
strange.”
“That’s why I don’t want you to see me,” he
admitted. “It’s bad enough that I’m ostracized for
my behavior. My appalling appearance does little
to remedy the situation.”
“I don’t care what you look like, Alexi,” I told
him. “I want to see you.”
He shook his head. “Please don’t ask that of
me.”
“Alright, Alexi,” I caved. “I won’t ask it just
yet. But I will someday.”
“Never,” he pleaded.
“Ale
xi…”
“Please, Alice. Promise me. Never ask me.”
I could hear the pain in his voice. As much as I
desperately wanted to look into his eyes, I
couldn’t hurt him.
“Fine. I promise.”
“It’s enough you’ve seen me once,” he said. “I
can’t bear more than that.”
“I still see you,” I told him. “In my mind.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know my face is a
horror.”
“No, Alexi,” I whispered, taking his hands. “I
think you’re beautiful.”
He scoffed.
“You’re so kind, Alice. But even you can’t
mean that.”
“You say you can feel what I feel,” I reminded
him. “Feel it. You must feel it. Read my mind.
What I say is true, Alexi. I think you’re
beautiful.”
His shrouded head moved closer to my eyes,
and his mouth twitched.
“I suppose it might be possible…” he
mumbled.
“It is, Alexi,” I said. “I swear it’s the truth.
You can read my mind, so you know it’s true.”
He moved my hands to his lips and kissed my
fingers.
“I only hope that’s the truth someday,” he said
quietly.
“It’s true now!” I insisted.
“Perhaps,” he said. “But I cannot take that
chance. Minds can be tricky. Perhaps you have
even fooled yourself into believing it for the
moment, so reading your mind would not reveal
the truth.”
“Why is it taking a chance?” I wanted to
know.
“Because I’m afraid… you might…”
“Wait,” I stopped him. “Are you seriously
thinking I won’t want to be around you if I think
you’re ugly?”
“Almost everyone else does,” he shrugged.
“I am not everyone else,” I grumbled. “You
know that.”
“I do know that,” he said. “But I just don’t
want to risk anything taking you away from me.”
“Alexi,” I said. “We’re not together.”
“No, I know that,” he admitted. “But I believe
we will be.”
“I already love two men,” I said. “You really
think there’s room for a third?”
“I’m hoping that someday they won’t be an
issue.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You’re not thinking
of…”
“No, no!” he gasped. “Don’t even think such
things! I would never hurt you like that! I would
never hurt anyone you care about. I’m just
hopeful that someday your feelings for me will
overshadow your… infatuations with them.”
“Infatuations,” I repeated. “You think that’s