by Lynda Renham
I suppose she has a point.
‘There’s no sign of the bridal car so you could quickly nip in, pretend to be a bridesmaid and check it’s the right wedding …’
‘Check it’s the right wedding? What am I, the dumbest bridesmaid on earth? I’m not going in there on my own. What if William is there and …’
‘Max? I ask.
‘No,’ he says waving his hand. ‘Driving the getaway car is as far as I go.’
Shit. I’ve got to do it haven’t I? Honestly if you want something done right do it yourself. I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t tell William how I feel.
‘Right,’ I say, opening the door determinedly.
‘Bugger,’ says Muffy. ‘She’s only bloody going through with it.’
I clamber from the Rolls with Muffy behind me. I realise I’m still clasping my bouquet and throw it back into the car. I grab Muffy’s hand for support and find it hot and sweaty.
‘Hold the train,’ I say.
‘What?’ says Muffy straightening her headdress.
‘My wedding train, you’ll have to hold it.’
I walk as fast as I can towards the church with Muffy following behind. I reach the heavy oak doors, take a deep breath and push them open. The coolness of the church makes me shiver. The congregation turn and there are a few hushed gasps. I look ahead to the vicar who is holding a baby over the font. Oh shit, it’s only a sodding christening. He looks at us and confusion creeps slowly across his face. I cringe as his hands shake and the baby’s head touches the water. Bloody hell, he’s going to drown the poor little thing.
‘Hello,’ I say.
Well, what else am I supposed to say?
‘Did I muddle up? Oh no, I didn’t, surely,’ he says. ‘Not again.’
‘Again?’ I whisper to Muffy.
‘Christ,’ says Muffy and quickly puts a hand to her mouth and mumbles, ‘shit.’
‘Sorry,’ she continues, ‘I didn’t mean to say that. What I meant to say was …’
The baby’s head seems to dip further into the font.
‘Oh God,’ Muffy cries and bites her lip and then finishes with, ‘Oh Jesus … I’m so sorry.’
I roll my eyes.
‘What I mean is, wrong church, sorry for the Christ Jesus, stuff.’
‘Muffy, you’re just making things worse,’ I whisper.
‘I didn’t then?’ asks the vicar, sounding relieved.
‘No, certainly not,’ smiles Muffy pulling me backwards by my train. ‘It isn’t you, absolutely our cock-up, totally.’
‘Muffy,’ I say despairingly.
‘Must dash,’ she says.
The church is silent and all eyes on us, and all I can think is God, we’re too late. By the time we get to the right church it will all be over. I will never be able to tell him how I feel and will live my whole life carrying that burden.
‘Come on, we don’t have much time.’
‘Right,’ says Muffy. ‘Oh, and congratulations on the baby by the way.’
I pull her by the arm and we race as fast as anyone can race in a wedding dress, back to the car.
Chapter Forty-Two
‘Go,’ I shout to Max, pulling my dress into the car and hearing a rip.
‘Oh my God, that was awful,’ groans Muffy.
‘It’s just a small tear,’ I say.
‘I don’t mean the dress, that whole pantomime back there. How could I have blasphemed three times in as many seconds?’ she says, slapping her forehead.
‘Where to now?’ asks Max.
I feel tears prick my eyelids.
‘I’ve no idea,’ I say and burst into tears.
Muffy takes my hand and with the other checks her phone.
‘Ooh, there is an update: Quick Éclat touch up. Can see church now, don’t you just love those arch gates. Can’t wait for William to see me.
‘St Matthew’s, not St Andrew’s,’ says Max. ‘It’s the only church with the arched gates.’
With a screech of tyres he turns the car around to bursts of car horns.
‘But she must know where she is getting married,’ I sniff.
‘Let’s face it, she is so full of herself that she probably got it wrong,’ snorts Muffy.
I shake my head. I don’t believe a bride forgets the name of the church where she is getting married. She’ll be forgetting the name of her husband next. With a pain in my heart I realise I’ve lost everything. The man I love as well as my best friend. I’ve no home to go back to and I’ve deeply hurt the one man who really loved me. I’m the biggest bitch on earth. I don’t deserve happiness.
‘Shit,’ says Max, banging his hand on the steering wheel. ‘Roadworks. Of all the bloody times, okay girls, hold onto your bridal gowns.’
He swings the car around and Muffy and I slide across the back seat. Muffy’s chignon is askew and escaped strands of hair stick to her neck.
‘How do I look?’ I ask.
‘Amazingly, still rather stunning, I think it must be the adrenalin,’ she says breathlessly.
Before I realise it Max is careening around a corner and heading towards a church with arched gates. My throat tightens and my heart begins to beat so fast I can hear it in my ears, and feel sure Max and Muffy can hear it too. There are lots of cars parked outside the entrance and with a pang I see William’s Lamborghini.
‘This is the church then,’ says Muffy following my gaze.
My hands and legs are trembling so much that I can’t move.
‘I can’t do it,’ I say, feeling an overwhelming urge to throw up.
‘Right fine, let’s go Max,’ says Muffy firmly.
‘No,’ I cry.
I’ve got to do it. What’s the worst that can happen? I could open the door and find William and Andrea are already married of course. Or I could be in time and maybe they haven’t started yet. I could ask to have a quiet word with William. He’s his own man isn’t he? William would never go ahead with something if he was unsure. If he knew I loved him, if he knew we had a chance together. Oh for Christ’s sake Binki, stop bloody analysing everything.
‘You’re right,’ I say. ‘I can’t do it. I can’t just walk in there and ruin his day. They’re probably married now anyway.’
I fumble for a tissue and Max hands me one.
‘I’m going in,’ says Max, sounding like an SAS agent. ‘I’ll give the thumbs up if the wedding hasn’t started or a down if it has.
‘Oh God,’ I groan. ‘What if I can’t do it?’
‘Then I guess you’ve lost them both, Oliver and William. Which means you’re stuck with me, surely that’s an incentive to do something. Let’s face it, you’re buggered if you do and buggered if you don’t now. The fact is you’ve lost Oliver and that was no great loss I suppose and …’
‘But this could lose me William as a friend …’
‘Grow up Binki, once he’s married her you can’t be friends, and he knew that once you married Oliver you couldn’t be friends too. So you’ve got everything to gain and nothing to lose, right?’
We both look to Max as he exits the gates with a thumbs up sign and a wave to hurry.
‘It’s now or never Binki,’ says Muffy, squeezing my hand.
Everything that follows seems to happen in slow motion. The walk to the church seems endless and it feels like I am in a nightmare where the nearer you get to something the further away it becomes. I feel certain the church is moving back all the time. Oh God, I’ll never reach it, I’ll never get to the doors in time. I’ve got no idea what I’m going to do when I reach the doors anyway. I can’t just open them and shout Stop the wedding. I’m in love with the groom. If I do, supposing William says but I don’t love you. I imagine I’ll faint at that point and won’t know much about what happens after that. I’m finally at the doors and all we can hear is the mumbled tones of a man’s voice. It’s the vicar performing the ceremony. I look at Muffy and Max and with a nod we all push the doors open.
Chapter Forty-Three
The door creaks loudly and the congregation turn to look at us. The vicar is seemingly unaware of us and all I can focus on is the back of Andrea’s head, and her outstanding wedding dress which makes mine look like it is off the peg from Primark. My eyes move to the back of William’s head. I feel Muffy’s hand on my arm and she begins to shake it and I realise I can’t just stand here looking like Grace Kelly, as lovely as that may be.
‘If any of you can show just cause why they may not lawfully be married, speak now or else forever hold your peace.’
‘I do,’ I shout. ‘The groom loves me and I love him.’
The congregation murmur in response. Everyone turns to survey the woman in her wedding dress standing at the door. Oh God, what must I look like? It’s like I’ve come all dressed, ready to take over from the bride. Jesus, I want the floor to open up and devour me. Andrea spins around to see who has shouted, except it isn’t Andrea. It takes me several seconds to take it in. For a moment I find myself wondering why William is marrying this woman instead. Muffy reels at the side of me and Max leans out an arm to support her, and it all kind of confirms the fact that I’m at the wrong bloody church, again. Once is a mistake, but twice is just bloody stupid isn’t it? The groom turns slowly and looks at me. I gasp. I’ve never seen this man in my life, or maybe I have somewhere. He looks kind of familiar, but he isn’t the man I love. I cringe, and feel my body go hot. Oh God, I just said he loves me and I love him. Piss it. It most certainly is the wrong sodding wedding.
‘Jools, who the hell is this woman?’ screams the bride.
‘I’ve never seen her in my life,’ he stammers.
‘Well, she seems to think she knows you,’ she says, beginning to cry.
Sod it. I rush down the aisle towards her but my train gets stuck on a pew and I am yanked back.
‘It’s a mistake, I’m so sorry. I thought someone else was getting married. Please forgive me. I don’t even know Jools. I’ve just jilted my own groom because I realised I loved someone else and he’s getting married today and …’
At that point I see William standing at the side of Jools and I gasp. I’d been so intent on the sodding groom that I had not noticed the best man. Piss it. How could I have got everything so wrong? I’ll kill Muffy.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I say, my eyes falling on a woman in the front row. She raises her fist. Andrea? Is that the sophisticated, elegant, fashionable and confident with an air of grace Andrea? She looks the ugliest I have ever seen. Her eyes are glinting dangerously at me. She looks amazing in a fabulous white satin dress which clutches her slim waist perfectly. A beautiful garland of flowers is grasped in her other hand and I now realise she was never the bride but just a sodding bridesmaid. Muffy takes my arm and Max lifts the train and I begin to walk from the church just like a real bride, minus a groom of course. The church doors open and I see my mum, Oliver and Dad standing outside.
‘Fuck,’ says Muffy, ‘this is a bit intense.’
‘You phoned my parents?’ I say.
‘I thought you might need some support,’ she says lowering her eyes. ‘I didn’t think they would bring bloody Oliver with them.’
‘I’ll get the car started,’ says Max, making a quick exit.
Honestly, you’d think we’d robbed a bank the way he’s carrying on. I try not to meet Oliver’s eyes. I’m beginning to think if there was a horse nearby this may be a good time to jump on it.
‘Binki.’
I stop at William’s voice and turn. Oh, he looks so gorgeous wearing his starched white shirt and black bow tie and the way his hair flops casually over his forehead. It’s all I can do not to throw myself into his arms. The congregation turn their heads to me and then back to William. I feel like I’m on centre court at Wimbledon, although thankfully there is no balls-balancing going on here.
‘Hello,’ I say. Well, what the hell else is there to say?
‘Sorry about all this,’ says Muffy. ‘It’s been a hell of a day. I think I should get her home.’
He doesn’t take his eyes off me.
‘You didn’t marry Oliver?’ he says simply.
I shake my head. I so wish he would smile. He looks so serious.
‘I almost did and then Max, the driver, you don’t know him,’ I say stupidly and see a small smile cross his face. ‘He played It Had to Be you and I suddenly knew that it did. That for me it had to be you. I totally understand that you’re marrying Andrea but I just had to tell you.’
My voice is shaking but the sense of relief at finally telling him is so great that my whole body seems to give way and I clutch at a pew to support myself.
‘You’d have stopped my wedding?’ he asks.
I see Andrea push past the bride, sending her falling into the arms of the groom.
‘Yes, I’m so sorry,’ I say, realising how selfish I’ve been.
I turn to look at Oliver who gives me a weak smile. I’m about to apologise again to him when Andrea is upon me like a wild cat, pulling at my veil with one hand and slapping with the other. I am sent reeling, but fortunately reeling into William’s arms, which is the silver lining I suppose. Muffy screams and my mum rushes forward. They both try to pull her off me but I hear the rips as she tears my dress.
‘You bitch, you man-stealing bitch. Everything they say about you is true. You only want other women’s men. Can’t get a good one for yourself is that it?’ she cries.
‘Andrea,’ says William, gently grasping her hands in his. She struggles against him as the congregation gasp. Mum takes my hand and pulls me towards the door.
‘We need to get you out of here. I don’t know what you’re thinking of,’ she says sharply.
‘Yes, let’s get the hell out of here,’ agrees Muffy.
Andrea pulls one hand from William’s grasp and slaps him hard around the face also. The congregation wince in unison.
‘How could you?’ she asks. ‘I could have anyone, you know that don’t you? There are plenty of rich men in the world you know? You’re not the only one.’
‘I was under the impression you were marrying me because you loved me, not because I was rich,’ William says angrily.
She grits her teeth and finally pulls herself away from him.
‘You were a good catch William, what the hell has love got to do with it?’ She pulls the solitaire diamond ring from her finger and throws it in his face. ‘I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last man on earth,’ she hisses.
She gives me a filthy look and marches to the door, giving Muffy a shove as she does so. I look at William with a grimace. I can’t imagine what I look like now. Any resemblance to Princess Grace I imagine, has well and truly disappeared and I look more like the bride of Chucky.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I say to William. ‘Muffy follows Andrea on Twitter and it sounded like it was her wedding.’
‘Don’t be, I came close to stopping yours.’
I take a sharp breath.
‘You did?’ I say in a high-pitched voice.
‘Attending this wedding today was unbearable. Knowing as I heard Kat say ‘I do’ that you would be doing the same thing just a few miles away. It was torture.’
I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out.
‘I need to say something,’ says Oliver walking towards us.
‘This is all highly irregular,’ says the vicar loudly.
‘It’s fine,’ says the bride. ‘I’d rather it got sorted and then we can all carry on.’
I turn to Oliver.
‘I’m so sorry Oliver, I …’
‘Amanda’s pregnant, it’s mine. I didn’t find out until this morning. I was going to jilt you. Frankly, I couldn’t have been more relieved.’
I gape at him. Muffy shakes her head and mumbles,
‘Little shit. I always said you were a little shit.’
‘You were going to jilt my daughter?’ Mum says quietly.
‘Lucky escape if you ask me,’ mumbles Muffy.
‘Don’t get
upset Bella,’ says Dad.
I pull the ring from my finger and hand it to him.
‘I think you should have this,’ I say. Knowing Oliver he will recycle it if he can.
William takes my hand and pulls me into the vestry.
‘Can you give us a few minutes,’ he says.
The coolness of the church and the shock of Oliver’s words have set me trembling so much that I find I can’t stop shaking. William pulls me into his arms and his lips brush my neck and I feel that familiar tingle that only he can produce.
‘I’ve missed you,’ he whispers. ‘I’ve missed everything about you. I keep buying M&Ms for the teapot and then remember you’re not there any more. I can’t play Tony Bennett any more without thinking of you. I can’t go to a jazz club because they remind me of you. I don’t even ice skate any more. You’re everywhere. I didn’t want to spoil things for you if it was Oliver you loved. It would have been selfish of me. Binki, the truth is nobody else gave me a thrill like you. With all your faults, I love you still. You see it had to be you, wonderful you, only you.’
I feel the tears forming and take a deep breath.
‘I thought,’ I say fighting back my tears, ‘that I wasn’t your type, that I was not big breasted enough or …’
‘I’ve seen them remember. They’re perfect,’ he smiles.
‘That work was more important and …’
‘You worked with me. I’ve missed you so much in the office. Everywhere feels empty without you.’
‘Oh William,’ I cry, wrapping my arms around his neck.
‘In fact I’ve decided you’re the only one I would ever consider sprawling over my desk, that’s if you don’t mind of course?’
‘Is there a bonus in it?’ I smile.
‘Well I’m sure one could be arranged.’
I lift my face and close my eyes as his lips come close to mine. In my head I can hear the song It Had to Be You playing as his lips touch mine.
‘I love you,’ he says gently, clasping my hand in his.
‘I love you too,’ I whisper.
‘Not your best dress though, I have to say I’ve seen you in better.’