by Difar, Amy
“Make myself scarce?”
“Yeah, like I said, take the night off. Sorry, but you’ll need to find someplace else to stay tonight, too. I can’t risk having you here. You can check back tomorrow and I’ll tell you if it’s clear.”
Darakin went back to his room to find Mrowley. “We have to leave.”
Story of my life, said the cat, looking sad. What did I do wrong this time? Was it the mousie?
“No, it’s not you. It’s only for one night, Sean says.”
Yeah sure. They always say it’s only for a little while.
Darakin picked up the cat and went back to the bar to pick up his pay.
Sean slid an envelope with some money next to a pint glass. “Listen, I called Nora, she has to stay away tonight, too. She’s coming by to take you to her place for the night. Have a stout in the meantime.”
Mrowley crouched low in Sean’s lap, waiting for the inevitable screaming and kicking that always occurred when he was inside a shop. Darakin stroked the trembling cat to reassure him.
After a few minutes, Nora walked in. “Come on then, Darakin. Time for us to disappear.”
“You can do that kind of magic?” He asked in surprise as he fell in step alongside her, carrying Mrowley.
“Magic? No, no. I mean we can’t be in the bar tonight. Sean has to pretend that we don’t work for him.”
“Oh, why?”
“Because the INS is going to be around.”
“Who is the eye en es?”
“You don’t know? INS means Immigration and Naturalization Services. They’re the ones who will send you home if they catch you.”
Darakin stopped short. “Really? They can send me home?”
“Can they? They want to. It’s all they do. Find illegal aliens and send us home.”
“Why did nobody say so? I must go back and find this INS.”
“Why would you want to get sent home?”
“Because I don’t know how to get there myself. They must be powerful wizards indeed, if they can send me home.”
“What on earth are you talking about?”
“Well, those who summoned me couldn’t even send me back, so if these men can, they must be more powerful than the others.”
“Summoned? Darakin, you’re starting to freak me out.”
Dude, the cat hissed. Ixnay on the agicmay alktay or she won’t let us go to her place.
“See? You’re freaking your cat out, too. He’s hissing at you.”
“Him? No, he’s … well, actually he is speaking in some strange language right now.”
Not strange, dude, it’s Pig Latin. So she won’t understand me.
“Pig Latin? What’s that? You crazy cat, she can’t understand you anyway.”
“Okay, not only is the cat speaking to you, but he’s speaking Pig Latin? Maybe you should find somewhere else to stay. I don’t need any loonies in my life.”
“Loonies?”
See, she thinks you’re nuts now.
“Crazy people,” Nora clarified.
“I’m not crazy. It’s just that everything is so different here.”
“Oh, I get it, you’re homesick. I get that way, too, but not enough to want to get locked up by the INS.”
“Locked up? I thought you said they’d send me home.”
“Yeah, first they put you in jail and then they put you on a plane.”
“Another plane of existence?” Darakin asked in fear.
“What the hell are you talking about? Plane of existence? No, silly, an airplane. Are you afraid to fly?”
“They could make me fly?” Darakin gulped, thinking that perhaps these were wizards he did not want to meet after all.
“I don’t know, maybe a boat is an option. Look, just come back to my place for awhile. Turning yourself over to the INS is too drastic. I can’t let you do it, even if you are nuts.”
Mrowley relaxed and started to purr in Darakin’s arms as they followed the pretty woman home.
Chapter Six
Nora took Darakin and Mrowley up to her small apartment. “I’m afraid I only have one bedroom, so you’ll have to sleep on the couch. And what are we going to do about a litter box for the kitty?” She looked around.
Mrowley purred in pleasure that she was considering his needs.
“I’ve got it.” She picked up an empty cardboard box and tore up some newspaper to put in it. “Show him the box so he knows where to go.”
Tell her I know where to do my business, I’m not an idiot.
“Mrowley thanks you very much,” Darakin translated.
Hey, what about the ‘I’m not an idiot’ part?
“Never mind that.”
“Never mind what?” Nora asks.
“Oh, nothing.”
“You’re a strange one, Darakin.”
“Sean said the same thing.”
“You know what? I’m going to put on some coffee, and you and I are going to talk. I want to know all about you and where you’re from. It must be a fascinating story.”
Don’t tell her. It’s a trap, Mrowley said in alarm.
“No, it’s not.” Darakin gave the cat’s ears a scratch.
“It’s not? I’ll be the judge of that.” Nora called from the little kitchen area.
Good hearing on that one, too, the cat murmured as he leaned into Darakin’s hands to enjoy the ear scratching.
Nora came back into the room carrying a cup of cream and some sugar. The cat smacked his lips at the sight of cream.
“Wow, that cat looks thirsty. You know, milk products are actually no good for cats,” she said.
Noooooooo! That’s not true, Darakin. Tell her she’s wrong.
“Why is he howling?”
“He’s quite partial to milk and cream.”
“Well, okay, I suppose he can have a little.” She returned to the kitchen and came back carrying a small saucer for Mrowley’s cream.
“I need to use these notes to get him more food,” Darakin looked at the cash that Sean had given him earlier.
“Fine, we’ll go to a market in a little while. But first, I want to hear about where you’re from.”
“I don’t think you’ll believe me if I tell you.”
“Try me. I do know that you’re a bit weird. No offense intended.”
“None taken. But if I told you that I wasn’t of your world, what would you say?”
“I’d say no shit, Sherlock. I’m guessing that you’re from some primitive, third world nation with no plumbing or refrigeration and very little sanitation. How’d I do?”
“Who is Sherlock? And what’s this third world you speak of? Is this that other plane of existence you mentioned? The one where the INS would send me?”
“No, you know, third world, underdeveloped.”
Darakin shook his head in confusion. “And plumbing?”
“Oh come on. You know, pipes that carry water to buildings and carry away sewage?”
“We have no such thing where I am from. We do have ice houses, however, and water pumps.”
Nora laughs. “Yeah, we did, too, a long time ago. Now we use electricity to power refrigerators that keep food cold and indoor plumbing to give us water.”
“Electricity?”
“You know, like lightning?”
Darakin’s eyes lit up at the mention of one of his elementals. “Yes, lightning! We have that.”
“Well, duh. It’s a force of nature. The whole world has it.”
“Nora, I don’t know how to tell you this, so I’ll just say it.”
Nooooo, the cat wailed, looking up from his plate.
“Oh hush up and drink your cream.” Darakin looked back at Nora. “I’m not from this world.”
Nora just stared.
Darakin waited and finally said, “Please say something.”
“Do you mean that your homeland is so different that it seems like a completely different universe?”
“No, I’m saying I am from a different world.”
Now, you’ve done it. Street, here we come. Man, I hope nobody stole our box.
More silence. After a minute, she asked, “So, you’re trying to tell me that you’re some kind of alien? I don’t mean illegal alien like me, I mean like an extraterrestrial?”
“I don’t know what that is.”
“From outer space. Someone who travels through the stars.”
Darakin laughed. “Oh no. I don’t believe in space men. At least I’ve never met one or seen proof that there are any.”
Good, good. The cat went back to his cream.
“I’m from a different dimension.”
Mrowley spit out his cream and made some sort of choking noise. Duuuuude!
It was Nora’s turn to laugh. “You don’t believe in ETs, but you do believe that you’re from a different dimension? Christ, you really are crazy.”
“No, I’m not. I was having tea, as payment for some work I did for an outtown family when –”
“Outtown?”
“People who choose to live outside of the towns and cities of Kwagl are called outtowners. I started a fire for this family and they were feeding me tea as payment.”
“Wait, these people choose to live away from civilization yet they can’t start their own fire?”
“Of course not. They’re not mages.”
“And you are?”
“Yes. I am one of the Kakdali, a sect of elemental mages. We summon the elements in return for food and services.”
“Okay, okay. You need to get your fantasy straight here. Why can’t the out … what was it? Oh yes, outtowners. Why can’t they start their own fire by, say rubbing two sticks together?”
“Because only an elemental mage can summon the forces of Nature.”
“Of course.” Nora stared at Darakin for a few minutes before speaking again. “Fine, summon me … summon me some wind. Right here, right now. Inside my apartment.”
“I can’t.”
“Of course you can’t. There’s always some reason why the loony can’t use his magic or return to the Mother Ship.”
“Ship? What ship?”
“Darakin, you’ve got an elaborate fantasy going there.”
“It’s not a fantasy, it’s my life.”
“Look, when people are really crazy, they invent these elaborate fantasies that can’t be proven or disproven. I’ve read about stuff like this and seen it in movies. And that’s what this sounds like.”
“I would love to prove it to you, but I don’t seem to have my magic here.”
Duuuuuude!
“That’s exactly what I’m talking about … why is that cat howling?”
“He’s not howling, he’s saying … oh never mind.” He turns to the cat in annoyance. “What?”
Dude! You have to show her some magic.
“I can’t, it won’t work here.”
Really? Because you’re talking to a cat.
“You’re right!”
“What? Are you talking to me or the cat?”
“He reminded me that I can talk to him.”
“Because you forgot?”
“No, because I did a translation spell when I first arrived. It let me understand the first few languages that were spoken to me. Oddly enough, the mechanical beasts that I found second seemed immune to the spell. They couldn’t understand me when I tried to imitate their sounds. But Mrowley was the next being I talked to, so I understand cat.”
“If you think that’s proof, you’re wrong. I mean, you’re not even meowing when you talk to him.”
“I don’t have to. He understands us.”
“Oh really?” Nora asked in disbelief.
“Yes. And the point is that if I could do that spell, I can do other stuff. I just can’t summon the elements.”
“Fine, do a spell.”
Darakin looked around for a minute and then spoke in some strange tongue. Objects from the coffee table levitated in front of Nora.
Her eyes opened wide and then turned to slits of distrust. “Big deal, you can do some magic tricks.”
“Tricks? I am no charlatan. You insult me.”
“I don’t mean to insult you, Darakin. I’ll tell you what. Since you think the cat can understand me and you can understand him, you leave the room then I’ll tell him a secret and we’ll see if he can tell you.”
“Mrowley? Is that okay with you?”
Sure, dude.
“Okay. I’ll go into the hallway.” Darakin left the room.
Nora looked at the cat. He blinked back at her. “Hmm. Okay, well for starters, I can’t believe I’m talking to a cat. No, wait. He’d expect me to say that. How about … I think he’s handsome. Oh God, no! Don’t tell him that. I don’t want him to know I like him.
“Okay, tell Darakin that my birthday is May twelfth. It isn’t, you know, but tell him that just in case he somehow knows the real date. Geez. I don’t know why this is so difficult. Just tell him the birthday thing.” She walked to the door and opened it, beckoning Darakin in.
He walked to the cat. “Well?”
She said she likes you.
“Really?”
The cat laughed. No, I just wanted to see your reaction. She babbled a lot and then said her birthday is May twelfth, even though it really isn’t, but that’s what she wanted me to tell you.
Darakin turned back to Nora.
She demanded, “Well, what did he say?”
“First he teased me that you said you liked me.”
Nora glared at the cat.
“But he told me he was only kidding. Then he said you babbled.” He smiled as Nora’s eyes opened wide. “He said that you said to tell me that your birthday is May twelfth, even though it really isn’t.”
“Oh my goodness! I did. You really can … I mean, you actually talk to him and he understands us? No. No way.” She shakes her head. “Oh, I know how you did it.” She went to the cat and started vigorously running her fingers through his fur, checking every inch of him for a clue.
What the … Whoa! Rub the fur with the grain … WITH THE GRAIN.
“Where is it? Where’s the bug?” Nora stops rubbing for a minute.
“Bug? The cat has bugs? Do you mean fleas?”
I do NOT have fleas.
“He says he doesn’t have fleas. And he seems kind of insulted.”
“Not fleas. A bug. You know – a transmitter. There has to be one on him.” She resumed her search of the cat’s fur.
Hey! Watch out for my … Duuuuuude! I feel so violated. He began licking his fur.
She stood up. “I’ve never heard a cat yowl so much. What’s he complaining about now?”
“He claims you were violating him.”
Don’t forget that she rubbed my fur the wrong way. I’m gonna have to bathe for a week to fix this. To prove his point, the cat returned to his frantic fur licking.
“Now what’s wrong?” Nora asked.
“You rubbed his fur the wrong way.”
“I rubbed … oh for Pete’s sake. He really said I violated him?”
“Yes, and if you really don’t believe I can understand him, why would you ask me what he was saying?”
“I … I don’t know. I have to sit. This is … this is unbelievable. So, tell me why can’t you do most of your magic here?”
“Well, in my realm, the elements have been imprisoned and may only be summoned by a mage like me. Without us, no boats would sail, no fires would burn, no rain would fall –”
“Yeah, yeah. I get it. No lightning would flash, blah, blah, blah.”
Dude, she’s totally freaked out. You have to do something.
“Nora –”
She cut him off. “I thought that people who did rain dances and stuff like that were shamans.”
“Yes. Long ago, shamans did work with the elements. They worshipped them and led the people in rituals to glorify them so the elements would keep the crops growing and such. But something happened and the elements went crazy. They started
killing the people of Kwagl with floods, violent storms, wildfires and earthquakes. If the mages hadn’t managed to imprison them, the Elemental War would have caused my people’s extinction.”