The Women Who Raised Me

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The Women Who Raised Me Page 34

by Victoria Rowell


  I sent you scapulars blest by Fr. Crowley. I bought those. We all wear ours all the time as the Virgin Mary suggests. I hope you finish your book. I hope your play is doing well. Write and tell me all about it…

  Your loving Mother

  oooxxx

  I come away from writing about my life experience with infinite gratitude and renewed strength—grateful for everything that was realized and denied. Rising above crushing disappointments and holding on to hope and the ambition to succeed against all odds.

  Take caution before writing about your journey and be fortified in every way, mentally, physically, and spiritually so that you may best navigate a most emotional and arduous undertaking, requiring a true reconciliation with the past and a dependable support team.

  A single idea was fostered and each mother took the baton passing it on to the next. In addition to all of the women mentioned in my book, there are many others including my first grade teacher, Mrs. Race, my third grade teacher, Mrs. Chambers, and Mrs. Edith Sanders, who took me to the Table Talk Pie factory weekly to get fresh miniature pies. All of these women made an indelible impression upon me: my first big sister at St. Patrick’s, Miriam Toppin-Banks, and the dancer/actor brigade in New York City who slugged it out with me, Merle Holloman, Colleen O’Callaghan, Megan Murphy-Matheson, Jennifer Douglas, Susan Jaffe, Kimberly Von Brandenstein Stone, Lisa Headley, Joselyn Lorenz, LaChanze, Kiki Shepard, and Julie Satterfield-Auerbach. The whole team at Seventeen magazine that kept me employed in the seventies. Inez Liben, Mae Questel, Stacey Muller, Mrs. Gloria Smart, and Karen Broduer who gave me conversation, a cup of coffee, and a shoulder to rest on, thank you.

  To my Los Angeles sisters, Madisonn McBride, Brenda Epperson-Moore, Lisa Quercioli, and Nancy Martinez-Morrison—thank you for always, always having my back. Dr. Tracey Jayne Fein, M.D., who brought my first born into the world and my childhood friend, Dr. Laura Riley Henderson, M.D., who proved that the power of studying classical ballet goes way beyond a simple plié.

  This book would not have been possible if it were not for the remarkable patience and good humor of my children, Maya and Jasper, and their fathers, Tom and Wynton. I love you all. To my personal assistant, sister, and spiritual guide, Manuela Menz Hesslup, thank you for the hours of loving support you showed to my children and me and for all of the heartfelt prayers you showered upon us. Never was there a moment I couldn’t lean into your strength to finish this memoir.

  Not overnight, but soon, I returned to a life whole—not perfect, but victorious in having done the work—thanks to the gentle intercession of my sisters, work I previously had no idea how to approach. At forty-three, I was truly emancipated and began living my powerful life—free in the best sense of the word.

  Often, multiple creative undertakings as well as personal ones occupy the space and time of so many of the women I know. We have to pause and breathe and remember that we are powerful works in progress—and that we are enough just the way we are.

  In the deluge of memories through which I have been rummaging in my basement and other places to tell my story, one common observation best describes all of the women who raised me—none of them wasted time or energy. Each tackled the day before them as though it were their last. Every vestige of everything was utilized—even the marrow in a bone. Agatha always said, “It’s the most important part.”

  Whatever the circumstances of my life, I own them completely and have lived through them to tell you my story.

  To those suffering from addictions, mental and physical illnesses, all foster youth, foster adults, orphans, those who have been adopted and God’s older children—the elderly:

  In every child who is born under no matter what circumstances and of no matter what parents, the potentiality of the human race is born again, and in him, too, once more, and each of us, our terrific responsibility toward human life: toward the utmost idea of goodness…

  —James Agee

  I was born with no prenatal care and in quarantine because my mother, Dorothy, was so ill and filthy. How we all get here is an absolute miracle and what we do with that miracle as individuals in our brief lifetime is a universal privilege. I love my mother because in spite of her inner struggle she gave me the ultimate gift—life!

  “…Nature in casual bounty to women sends into the world as patient listeners.”

  —Douglas Jerrold

  Mother of Maine, 1895

  GRATITUDES

  For my friend, mentor, teacher and sister, Mim Eichler Rivas, I hold a special place of gratitude. I thank you on behalf of all of the women who raised me for taking me under your steady wing and by my hand, for putting the pen between my uncertain fingers and patiently encouraging me to fly and to trust my own writing, a gift of a lifetime. There is no better teacher or more generous soul. I thank you—we all thank you.

  I would like to thank my literary agent, Elizabeth Kaplan, for believing in me and taking the time to teach, listen, and deliver my truth into the best hands of my editor, Henry Ferris at HarperCollins/William Morrow.

  Dear Henry,

  Thank you for all of your patience and enthusiasm over The Women Who Raised Me. Thank you for teaching me as we went along, lifting me when I was exhausted. Thank you for designing such a beautiful cover (bet you didn’t know that blue was the color for National Foster Care Month). It has been a rare and remarkable experience for me and I am honored that you made it so special.

  Love,

  Vicki

  Thank you Salvation Army, Morgan Memorials. Bobby from Boston and every mom and pop antique shop across the nation for supporting the resale of used furniture clothing and books. If it were not for your commitment to community and literacy, I never could have afforded myself the luxury of a desk and chair in my youth and an extended education.

  I would like to pay special tribute to William J. Bell. When I arrived in Los Angeles in 1990, uncertain, with an infant daughter, one man made all the difference. I will forever remember Bill Bell for his loving kindness and generosity. Bill Bell and his wife, Lee Phillip-Bell, supported my work on and off Stage 41 and 43 at CBS Television City, sponsoring productions of The Rowell Foster Children’s Positive Plan on more than one occasion to ensure its success. I thank his sister Mary and will always remember the story he shared with me about his beloved mother, Gertrude “Trudy” Bell, and her commitment to adoption. Thank you Dick Van Dyke, Fred Silverman, Dean Hargrove, and Perry Simon, and Viacom for writing scripts that authentically reflected the challenges that foster children face and giving me my first theatrical writing assignment, allowing me to join the Writers Guild of America. Thank you Viacom and Paul Mason for hiring older emancipated foster youth as production assistants on the production of Diagnosis Murder, and lastly for giving me the opportunity to work with so many legendary actors, one of whom was the late Steve Allen. We talked and exchanged music information. Later, Mr. Allen sent me a complete set of his musical compositions. Another treasure.

  In closing I wish to extend special thanks to where it all began, in a barn in Maine. Thank you National Endowment for the Arts and The Ford Foundation for making this dream of mine possible with the support of Esther Brooks. The scholarship support went a long way! American Ballet Theatre School, American Ballet Theatre II, Ballet Hispanico, Arthur Mitchell, and School of American Ballet, thank you for the education of a lifetime! Julliard—thank you for introducing me to a man who became a friend, the incomparable Anthony Tudor. Thank you Americans for the Arts for keeping America on pointe, reminding a nation that Louis Armstrong was not the first man on the moon. Thank you the United States Conference of Mayors and your commitment to children and art, believing that Art Saves Lives. Thank you Lebanon Historical Society, Wilson’s Publishing in Sanford, Maine. Thank you Veronica Nichols for all of your assistance.

  Thank you Margie Cortez for helping me keep all the balls in the air, for being a no-matter-what friend, and a corporate thinker. You are one of the best people I have ever met in my l
ife.

  The Women Who Raised Me is a quilt and each woman gave me a piece of herself to sew together, to make me whole.

  RESOURCES

  THE ALLIANCE FOR CHILDREN’S RIGHTS—protecting the rights and future of abused and impoverished children throughout Los Angeles County. www.kids-alliance.org

  3333 Wilshire Boulevard, Suite 550

  Los Angeles, CA 90010-4111

  Phone: 213-368-6010

  Fax: 213-368-6016

  AMERICAN BALLET THEATRE—dedicated, passionate people who come together to make sure that commitment to the best in dance and movement is upheld and available to all who seek it out.

  www.abt.org

  Kevin McKenzie, artistic director

  Rachel S. Moore, executive director

  890 Broadway

  New York, NY 10003

  Phone: 212-477-3030

  Fax: 212-254-5938

  AMERICAN BALLET THEATRE SCHOLARSHIP FUND—John Banta

  AMERICANS FOR THE ARTS—dedicated to representing and serving local communities and creating opportunities for every American to participate in and appreciate all forms of the arts.

  www.artsusa.org

  Robert L. Lynch, president and CEO

  1000 Vermont Avenue, NW

  6th Floor

  Washington, D.C. 20005

  Phone: 202-371-2830

  Fax: 202-371-0424

  THE ANNIE E. CASEY FOUNDATION—to foster public policies, human service reforms, and community supports that more effectively meet the needs of today’s vulnerable children and families.

  www.aecf.org

  Douglas Nelson, president

  701 St. Paul Street

  Baltimore, MD 21202

  [email protected]

  Phone: 410-547-6600

  CASEY FAMILY SERVICES—the direct service agency of the Annie E. Casey Foundation.

  www.caseyfamilyservices.org

  Raymond L. Torres, executive director

  Lee Mullane, communications director

  127 Church Street

  New Haven, CT 06510

  [email protected]

  Phone: 203-401-6900

  ANTI SELF-DESTRUCTION INC.—to assist youth in making the transition from adolescence to adulthood.

  www.antiselfdestruction.org

  821 Centinela Avenue, Suite #8

  Inglewood, CA 90302

  [email protected]

  Phone/Fax: 310-672-6694

  CALIFORNIA YOUTH CONNECTION—promotes the participation of foster youth in policy development and legislative change to improve the foster care system.

  www.calyouthconn.org

  CYC Statewide Office

  604 Mission Street, 9th Floor

  San Francisco, CA 94105

  Toll free: 800-397-8236

  Phone: 415-442-5060

  Fax: 415-442-0720

  CYC Southern Regional Office

  The Pacific Center

  523 West 6th Street, # 365

  Los Angeles, CA 90014

  Phone: 213-489-0720

  Fax: 213-489-0620

  CYC Northern Regional Office

  1650 Oregon Street

  Redding, CA 96001

  Phone: 530-243-8450

  Fax: 530-243-8650

  CASEY FAMILY PROGRAMS—to provide and improve—and ultimately to prevent the need for—foster care

  www.casey.org

  William C. Bell, president and CEO

  1300 Dexter Avenue North, Floor 3

  Seattle, WA 98109-3542

  [email protected]

  Phone: 206-282-7300

  CHILD WELFARE LEAGUE OF AMERICA—an association of nearly 800 public and private nonprofit agencies that assist more than 3.5 million abused and neglected children and their families each year with a range of services.

  www.cwla.org

  Headquarters

  Shay Bilchik, president and CEO

  440 First Street, NW, Third Floor

  Washington, D.C. 20001-2085

  Phone: 202-638-2952

  Fax: 202-638-4004

  CHILDREN’S LAW CENTER OF LOS ANGELES—created over a decade ago to serve as appointed counsel for children who have been abused, neglected, or abandoned.

  www.clcla.org

  201 Centre Plaza Drive, Suite 10

  Monterey Park, CA 91754-2178

  Phone: 323-980-1700

  Fax: 323-980-1708

  CONGRESSIONAL COALITION ON ADOPTION INSTITUTE (CCAI)—dedicated to raising awareness about the tens of thousands of orphans and foster children in the United States and the millions of orphans around the world in need of permanent, safe, and loving homes through adoption; and to eliminating the barriers that hinder these children from realizing their basic right of a family.

  www.ccainstitute.org

  Deanna Carlson Stacy, executive director

  6723 Whittier Ave, Suite 406

  McLean, VA 22101

  [email protected]

  Phone: 703-288-9700

  Fax: 703-288-0999

  THE DAVID AND MARGARET HOME—a refuge for children in need.

  www.dmhome.org

  1350 Third Street

  La Verne, CA 91750

  [email protected]

  Phone: 909-596-5921

  Fax: 909-596-3954

  DCFS—LOS ANGELES COUNTY DEPARTMENT OF CHILDREN AND FAMILY SERVICES—with community partners, provides a comprehensive child protection system of prevention, preservation, and permanency to ensure that children grow up safe, physically and emotionally healthy, educated, and in permanent homes.

  http://dcfs.co.la.ca.us

  Patricia S. Ploehn, LCSW, executive director

  425 Shatto Place

  Los Angeles, CA 90020

  Headquarters’ receptionist: 213-351-5507

  Public info line: 213-351-5602

  EVAN B. DONALDSON ADOPTION INSTITUTE—to provide leadership that improves adoption laws, policies, and practices—through sound research, education, and advocacy—in order to better the lives of everyone touched by adoption.

  www.adoptioninstitute.org

  Adam Pertman, executive director

  56 Hartford Street

  Newton, MA 02461

  [email protected]

  Phone: 617-332-8944

  Fax: 775-796-6592

  FOSTER CARE ALUMNI OF AMERICA—the only national organization that provides opportunities for alumni of foster care to join together and to use their experiences and power to effect positive change.

  www.fostercarealumni.org

  Nathan Monell, executive director

  118 South Royal Street

  2nd Floor

  Alexandria, VA 22314

  [email protected]

  Phone: 703-299-6767

  FREDDIE MAC FOUNDATION—creating hope and opportunity for children and their families.

  www.freddiemacfoundation.org

  Maxine Baker, president and CEO

  Renette Oklewicz, manager Foster Care Programs

  8250 Jones Branch Drive

  Mailstop A40

  McLean, VA 22102

  [email protected]

  Phone: 703-918-8888

  Fax: 703-918-8895

  GINA ALEXANDER PHILANTHROPY PROJECT (GAPP)

  www.ginaalexander.com/philanthropy.htm

  Gina Alexander, executive director

  P.O. Box 1919

  Burbank, CA 91507-1919

  [email protected]

  Phone: 818-843-2562

  Fax: 818-843-7311

  HARLEM DOWLING-WEST SIDE CENTER—a multiservice agency providing out-of-home foster care, adoption, therapeutic placement, supportive housing for youth aging out of foster care, and other support services.

  www.harlemdowling.org

  Administrative Offices

  2090 Adam Clayton Powell Jr., Blvd.

  New York, NY 10027

  Phone: 212-749-3656

  Fax: 212-678-1094<
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  HARVARD SCHOOL OF PUBLIC HEALTH—CENTER FOR HEALTH COMMUNICATION—researching and analyzing the contributions of mass communication to behavior change and policy by preparing future health leaders to utilize communication strategies, and by strengthening communication between journalists and health professionals.

  www.hsph.harvard.edu/chc/

  Center for Health Communication

  Harvard School of Public Health

  677 Huntington Avenue

  Boston, MA 02115

  [email protected]

  Phone: 617-432-1038

  Fax: 617-731-8184

  WHO MENTORED YOU—thank them, and pass it on…mentor a child!

 

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