•••
"Chelsea! Are you okay?" Clint rushes to one side of the room and then sprints back with a towel. "Did you really just do that?"
I sit down on a workout bench, holding the towel on my lip, trying to stop the bleeding. My first attempt at hitting the punching bag with grace like Clint did turned out to be an epic failure. He stands in front of me, waiting for me to respond. His stare full of concern does only one thing to me, it makes me laugh.
I start slow, a few chuckles, until finally I burst into complete hysterics, unable to control myself. The harder I laugh, the more my sides ache. "I punched myself. In the face." I say between laughs. "I actually punched myself in the face. And I'm bleeding."
Clint joins me in my laughter, and I don't care. What happened is honestly funny. Although I'm probably going to end up with a fat lip, and my parents will think I'm crazy, if they believe me, when I explain. Better I hurt myself, though, I guess, than anyone else.
"Are you okay, Chelsea?"
"Yeah. I'm fine." I touch the towel to my mouth again and dab it a few times. Once the bleeding calms, I suck in the lower lip. "Let's try this again."
"Wait. You want to keep going?" He seems surprised.
"Why not?" Any time I've seen a boxing match on TV, they've all ended up bloody messes. What's one fat lip?
"Besides the fact that you're bleeding from your mouth?"
I don't offer a reply, only stare at him while trying to maintain a straight face. I came to punch the shit out of Daniel, and dammit, I plan on doing it. Without direction from Clint, I get up and begin punching the bag, this time both pissed at Daniel and also at myself for allowing such an idiotic thing as hitting my own face happen. I find my footing, and Clint cheers me on in the background.
"You're doing great, Chelsea. I think you're getting the hang of this."
"You're damn right I am." I punch the bag. Upper cut. Jab. Cross. Jab. Jab. Upper cut. I slam my fists into that bag until I can't move my arms anymore. Once finished, I wipe my sweaty forehead with my arm. "Wow. That felt amazing."
"You did amazing!" Clint says. "I teach a class here, and you caught on faster than most my students. Some aren't even doing as well as you by their last session."
This praise creates a warmth inside me I haven't recognized in awhile. After such a defeat at the lawyer's office, I need this. I can barely catch my breath, but I'm proud of myself. I feel like I just received my final grades in high school and aced every class.
I turn around to thank him, and Jay is standing behind him, watching me, and I can tell from his face he's not sure what to think.
"Um, Jay," I say, walking right past Clint. "Hi."
He pinches his lips together, not greeting me back. Silence dances between us as he presses a few buttons on the treadmill and starts a brisk walk.
"I came here to blow off some steam." Is he upset to see me? Or that I'm with Clint? He's definitely hot, but he's not Jay. "I just came from my lawyer's office."
"Good for you," he replies coldly.
His response knocks down the pride growing inside me moments before. "Look, I'm sorry I lied about my ex. I know now I should have been honest with you from the beginning." He's not making eye contact and keeps trekking away on the treadmill. "I care about you, Jay. Things are messed up, but we can make this work." He looks past me toward Clint. "I wish I could do something to make this better."
He stops the treadmill and slams his hand on the electronic board. "Dammit, Chelsea. Now isn't a great time. I'm dealing with my own stuff. My partner is screwing me over."
"Oh." I say as I take a step back. He always seemed distant about his practice and his partner. I should have talked to him more about it. He showed so much interest in my life, I never asked him enough about his. "I'm sorry, Jay. Is there anything I can do?"
He swings his towel onto his shoulder. "Yeah. You can leave me alone."
chapter twenty-three
Things in my life are messed up. Really messed up. My dad doesn't want to talk to me because of the custody battle, my mom walks on eggshells around me if Dad's nearby because she doesn't want him not speaking to her, either. To top things off, it's painfully obvious I lost Jay before things even heated up, and this is all entirely my fault.
Since things plain old suck, the only way I can think to make things better is to allow a meeting between Daniel and James, with me present. If he's going to be around, I want to observe how they interact and get a sense of James' comfort level with him.
A little over a week after the consultation with the lawyer, I tell my parents I'm taking James to the playground. I'm not lying; we truly are going, which is also his favorite place in the world. The only small thing I omit is Daniel will be present. I pack up a bag for us, including a small lunch, and say goodbye to my mom before I go. My dad left early to visit some of his buildings, no doubt in an effort to avoid me. I text Daniel we'll meet and see how things go. I don't plan on being at the park for too short a time, but not the entire day, either. I only want to evaluate the two together to measure my comfort level and if he and James get along well. My goal is to come to some sort of agreement without having things get ugly.
We arrive, and Daniel is already waiting on a bench across from the swings. He doesn't see us approaching because he's on his phone. I didn't practice anything to tell James about his dad. Should I even introduce him as his dad? Will he even understand what I mean when I refer to Daniel that way?
He stands as soon as we reach the bench. "Hi, um, hello, good morning." He's dressed up somewhat today. This is the Daniel I'm used to seeing. His brown hair is full and styled, gently feathered on the side, and his beard is non-existent except for the small sideburn that sneaks in. Never a jeans or shorts kind of guy, even in the warm weather today he wears dress slacks, and a cyan polo shirt, which brings out his eyes.
"Don't be nervous," I tell him. I'm holding James tightly in my arms. "James, this is mommy's friend, Daniel."
"I'm your -"
"Not yet." I can't believe he tries to jump in so quickly with the terminology. "Let him familiarize himself with you first."
He nods and I'm relieved he not only understands, but agrees. I set James down on the ground. "Wanna swing? Daniel can push you." He stares at me for approval. "It's okay, buddy, Daniel can work a swing. You'll be fine."
I tell him to go ahead, and he rushes over to the swings and hops up and down waiting for someone to pick him up and put him on. When Daniel doesn't go over right away, I begin to but then he stops me. "I can handle this," he says.
At first, I want to push him out of the way and remind him James is my son, but then I remember James is his son, too. I'm not the only parent. Daniel forgot about him in the past, but now he's making an effort. That should count for something.
Daniel is careful in his approach to James, who is still jumping and shouting "Swing, Mommy! Swing!"
Daniel comes up to him. "Is it okay if I pick you up and put you on the swing?"
James stops bouncing and stares at him and then looks over at me. I nod, so he returns the nod to his dad.
His dad. My heart shreds into pieces as Daniel picks up James and sets him in the toddler swing. I waited years for this moment, but now I'm hurting as I witness a potential relationship between them develop. I don't want to share James. He belongs to me and it's unfair to let Daniel swoop in and claim fatherhood if he hasn't been around the past few years. Hope crashes into me, and I'm cautiously happy as James plays with his father, someone he has been denied for so long. I'm not at fault for him never seeing his father. Daniel brought that upon himself, but now, well, now I can control it.
Daniel pulls the swing back, but not too far, and lets go. James smiles and laughs as the breeze blows back in his hair. Daniel's face flinches, and I'm pretty sure it's in admiration. Watching him in awe of his son, I think he realizes what he's lost. All these years he missed out on a million laughs and smiles and giggles. He also avoided the tears, sl
eepless nights, and worry. But, he's here now.
He swings James back and forth until I can tell his arms are getting tired. "James, honey, why don't you go on the slides?"
"Da-yul swing me! Da-yul swing me!"
Daniel smiles back at me, his face full of pride and as though he's telling me he told me so, but I don't care. James is happy, and that's what I want more than anything. "James, I love to play on the slides. Should we slide down together?"
"Yeah!" He throws his arms in the air, making Daniel laugh.
I concentrate on him with my son, our son, and memories of us together invade my mind. We never left the bedroom, but even the times we didn't have sex were fun. We used to play card games, eat pizza, and talk the night away. Until he needed to return home to Lauren. Now, though, they aren't together anymore. Daniel is single. Completely single. I'm also single. Jay gave me a big F off and sent me on my way.
"Do you like Daniel, James?" I ask as they race over to the slides.
"Da-yul fun!" He yells at the top of his lungs. He pumps his little legs as fast as he can.
I laugh. "That's great you like him so much!"
Daniel looks at me and smiles, too. Then he gives me a thumbs up. Both of them are enjoying their time together and getting along. I mean, how hard is it to get along with a two-year-old anyway, but still. I join them by the slides.
"Is it okay if I play too?" I ask Daniel. I want his permission as this is technically his time with James. I don't want to barge in and overtake the situation, but, at the same time, I'm starting to feel left out of all the fun.
"Of course," Daniel invites me in.
For the next hour, we race each other down the slides and take turns helping James cross the monkey bars. James pretends to be a pirate on the bridge. When it's time for lunch, I invite Daniel to join us.
"I can give you half my sandwich," I suggest because I only brought enough for me and James.
"That sounds wonderful."
For a half hour, we eat our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and chips, while Daniel quizzes James on his favorite things. I translate some of it, but most he actually picks up. When we finish eating, James crawls onto my lap and lays his head on my shoulder. "He usually naps around this time, and I'm sure he's worn out from all that playing."
"I think he had a good time, don't you?"
The answer is yes, but I'm afraid admitting it will put some sort of finality in the fact Daniel is here now, taking a presence in James's world. "I think so. Did you?"
"Yes. Thank you so much for setting this up. I'm sorry I filed custody papers, but this is important to me."
I glance at James, asleep in my arms. "Why, Daniel? Tell me why you stayed with Lauren while with me, and why you left when I got pregnant. I need answers. I wonder every single day of my life what I did wrong."
"You didn't do anything wrong, Chelsea. I was a different person back then."
"And you're different now?"
"Yes. After Lauren and I got married, and the twins were born, I changed my ways. I love those little guys so much and I want to be a good role model. I have a daughter now. I'm so sorry I ever treated you the way I did. You didn't deserve it. Neither did Lauren. I came clean to her, and that's why she left."
Wow. "So she knows about James?"
"Yes, and she left. She can't get over the fact I lied and have another child."
"Does she know who I am?"
"Yes, she does. Don't worry, though. She's not going to come after you or anything."
I didn't even think about that. "Why didn't we stay together? Why Lauren and not me?"
He picks at the grass as he shrugs. "I was dumb. I loved that we had sex and I didn't worry about the relationship type things. I saved those for Lauren. She nagged on me all the time. I didn't want that with two people."
"Yeah, but you didn't need to be with us at the same time. Why her instead of me?"
"I wish I had an answer for you. Lauren and I were together a long time. Our relationship was familiar. I didn't want to start over. But now, if we try things again, we can be a real couple. We can go out as a family, the three of us, and be together how we should have all those years."
"I'm not sure that's a good idea, Daniel."
"But if we're together, Chelsea, not only can we be a family, but I can drop the lawsuit and be with you and James all the time. Like I said, one big happy family."
The things he's saying make sense to me. I mean, we'll be a family unit, and my dad can stop worrying about all the legal stuff. I miss Jay, but he's not coming back, and Daniel is the father of my child. I should give him a fair shot, right?
"I don't know."
"Let me prove to you how incredible we can be together, Chelsea."
He stares at me with those eyes, and they're pleading. I think of James lying in my arms and breathe in his baby hair. I owe him a real family. "Let's do it."
chapter twenty-four
I tell Daniel I'll talk with my parents before he comes over to visit James. Even though the relationship is my decision, I want them to be aware. It's the respectful thing to do. He asked to move in, but that's too extreme for me. I'm willing to try things for a bit, but not take such a huge step forward. I don't want any of his stuff in this house until he's divorced.
I wait until after work the next day to approach the situation. When I arrive home, James is napping. It's a late nap for him, but my mom had a busy day with him. I hope this doesn't mean he won't sleep tonight.
"Dad, um, can I speak with you and Mom for a minute?"
He's sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper and eating peanuts. "I guess," he says to me with an awkward stare. It's been a couple days since we exchanged more than just a few "Excuse me's" or "Pass the potatoes." The last thing he wants to do is talk to me, and once he hears what I have to say, he'll be even more upset than he already is. I'm optimistic I can get him to see the positive side of everything. Or, at least, what I consider to be the good part.
"Mom!" I call to the other room. "Can you please come in here for a second?" She joins us at the table, and I put everything out there for them. "Yesterday I took James to meet his father."
"You didn't." My mom's voice is soft and filled with concern. My dad doesn't respond, but his cheeks redden and I can tell he's pissed.
"I'm sorry, but the more and more I thought about it, the more I realized that denying James is his father isn't fair, even if I don't like how things turned out with him."
"You shouldn't fraternize with the enemy. He will only use this against you when it comes time to decide James' visitation and how much he can see him." My dad grabs a handful of peanuts and shoves them in his mouth.
"That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you guys about. Daniel and I talked a lot during lunch while James napped, and he's no longer pursuing formal custody arrangements."
"That's the best news ever!" my mom exclaims, jumping up from her chair. "Aren't you excited honey?" She claps her hands together and covers her mouth, but I can still spot the curve of a smile.
My dad motions for her to sit back down. "There's a catch."
"A catch?" She questions him. "I'm sure they discussed this like adults and made a decision on what's best for their child."
He shakes his head at her and glares at me. He knows me too well.
"The thing is, well, the thing is that we talked about it and we think we're going to give our relationship a serious chance and try to be a family."
"Are you kidding me?" My dad shouts. I remind him James is sleeping and not to wake him. "This guy is currently married. Married! Why in the hell would you even entertain the idea of a relationship with this jackass who left you while you were pregnant with his son?"
"I understand you're upset, Dad, but I think James deserves a chance at a real family."
"His real family is here with us."
"But he doesn't have a father."
"I'm close enough to one and Daniel is hardly a father."
The bowl of peanuts startles me as my dad shoves them away, causing them to spin in circles.
"He's changed and he's a wonderful dad to his other children." I can't say for sure this is true. I'm only guessing, or rather, hoping.
"You mean the kids he has with his current wife, and the ones he cared to be involved with their life from their birth? Are you talking about those kids?"
"Please, calm down, Dad."
"I will not calm down in my own home while you destroy your son's life."
I blink away tears at the words spewing from my dad's mouth. I realize I'm to blame for most of what's happened, but throwing it in my face doesn't solve anything.
"Sweetheart, she's not destroying his life. We've never met Daniel, and if we give him an opportunity, he can prove himself and be the father James truly needs in his life. You're an amazing grandfather to him, but it's not the same as having a father."
"You guys will get plenty chances to get to know him. He'll come visit often and probably stay for dinner sometimes."
"What?" my dad screams as his lip quivers. He slams his hand on the table and stands up. "That son of a bitch will not step foot in this house!"
"Dad, if we're going to give this an honest try, he's going to come here. A lot. If you don't agree with it, then maybe me and James shouldn't live here."
Every vein in my body is pulsating rapidly, and I'm sure at any moment my heart is going to beat out of my chest. I've never yelled at my father like this before. In all my years, even as a teen, I can't recall a time I mouthed off to him. However, I need this and James needs this as well. I pity anyone who stands between me and my son's happiness.
My dad's eyes are cold, and I can tell he's trying his best to relax. He shoves the chair under the table and warns me before bolting out of the room. "Fine. But if he crosses me one time, I'll beat the living shit out of him."
Harsh, but I understand why he says this and his reaction. I can't imagine anyone causing James harm, and he knows how much Daniel scarred me. Now, the potential exists to hurt both of us. My dad leaves the room as he exchanges troubled glances with my mom. "We'll see how things go. If things work out, eventually we'll get a place together."
Jay Walking (Pastime Pursuits #2) Page 12