“You know, I always enjoyed spending time with you.” Liam traced a drop of moisture on the side of the cup. “Sometimes I felt like I could talk to you more than I could to Julia.”
It felt disloyal to agree with him, but I nodded anyway. “I know what you mean. Jules said the same thing about Giff, actually. She misses him.”
“Yeah. Too bad she isn’t his type. They always got along better than Julia and me. If it weren’t for Giff, we probably wouldn’t have stayed together as long as we did.”
This wasn’t news to me. I’d seen the tension between my roommate and her boyfriend for months before the break-up had become official, but neither of them seemed to recognize it. If I’d said anything to Jules, she would have accused me of trying to psychoanalyze everything.
“Why did you? Stay together, I mean.” I took another drink.
Liam lifted one shoulder. “I don’t know. Why not? Julia is a nice person. She’s pretty, she’s smart ...my parents liked her. My dad kept saying she would make a good politician’s wife.”
“Julia? A political wife? That’s crazy.” I laughed and tilted my cup to catch the last drops. “I mean, seriously? You weren’t thinking that far ahead, were you?”
Liam stared at me, an odd look on his face. “You should laugh more often. It makes your eyes sparkle.”
I didn’t know what to do with that. Liam paying me a compliment felt somehow wrong. “Don’t change the subject. Were you seriously considering marrying Jules?”
He looked away from me. “I’m going to graduate next year. My future is pretty well mapped out, at least as far as my parents are concerned. And a girlfriend, who becomes a wife who can make me look good, is definitely on the list of things I need. According to the senator, anyway.”
I reached for one of the bottles and poured myself a refill, holding it to Liam in question. He hesitated a minute and then took it from me, adding to what was still in his cup.
“I’m sorry, is this 1954? And is your last name Kennedy? Who thinks that way anymore?” The booze warmed me and loosened my tongue.
“Yeah, I know. But it’s my dad’s dream. His father only got to county politics, but Dad made it to Congress. And maybe he’ll go further. But he’s counting on me to take it all the way to the big time.”
“Do you want to do it?” I finished my second glass and curled on my side again, looking up at Liam.
He met my eyes, and something flashed there. Defiance or pain, I couldn’t tell which. He didn’t answer me at first. Instead he tossed back the last of his cooler and took another refill.
“Here, why don’t you kill it?” Without waiting for me to answer, he poured the rest into my cup. I rarely had more than two drinks, even if we were just staying in the room, but I couldn’t think of a good reason not to right now.
“Nice dodge and re-direct, but you didn’t answer me. Do you even want to go into politics?”
“I don’t know.” He spoke low, his eyes on the floor. “I thought I did. I mean, I’m good at it. My parents have been training me as long as I can remember. I never thought about doing anything else.”
“So what changed?” I maneuvered the cup to my lips and managed to sip without shifting.
“Nothing. Or maybe everything. Maybe me.”
This Liam Bailey was not the same smooth, confident guy I’d known for the last year. He seemed troubled, almost sad. Or maybe that was just the three cups of wine talking.
“Well, guess what? The good news for you is that you’re only a junior in college. You have time. You’re a history and poli sci major, and that can translate into something other than running for office. Or you could change your major, though it’s a little late in the game for that. Or you could—”
“Or I could do this.” Before I could move or react, Liam slid off the chair onto his knees and leaned over me, covering my lips with his.
At first, I was stunned into complete paralysis. Liam Bailey was kissing me. Me, Ava DiMartino, the dumpy little Italian girl. The one who didn’t do dates, who had a plan and goals and no time for boys.
And then he moved his hand to the side of my face, and his tongue traced the seam of my mouth. A moan caught in my throat, and I opened my lips, kissing him back for a wild minute of insanity. Liam slid his free arm under my back. The wall of his chest teased against the tips of my breasts, and he lifted his head to trail kisses across my face and murmur into my ear.
“My God, Ava, you feel amazing. And you smell like ...” Nose buried in my neck, he inhaled deeply. “Lilacs. Like my grandmother’s garden in spring.” His hand covered my breast.
Something within me snapped, jerking me back to reality, cutting through the wine-haze. I pushed against his shoulders.
“Liam, stop. Move. We can’t do this. What’s wrong with you?”
He leaned up, frowning down into my face. “Why? What?”
“Holy—you need to get up. God, what was I thinking?” I kicked at his leg. “Get the hell off me.” I squirmed, trying to get away from the heat of his body. “Clearly I wasn’t thinking at all. It’s the alcohol. Wine is bad. Wine coolers, I mean. So, so bad.”
“I hope you were thinking that you liked me kissing you.” He lowered his face toward me again, and without thinking about it, I hauled off and smacked him.
“What the hell—” He jumped to his feet, holding his jaw. “What did you do that for?”
I scooted up to sit near my pillows. “Be happy that was all I did. I’m Italian. You’re lucky I didn’t rip your balls off.”
Liam climbed onto the foot of the bed, avoiding me with care, and leaned against the wall. His face was flushed, especially where I’d hit him, and his light brown hair, usually in such artful disarray, was looking decidedly rumpled. He dropped his head back, and it thumped against the wall.
“I don’t get why it’s so bad.” He spoke with his eyes closed.
I eyed his long, lean body, trying to ignore the evidence of desire that stretched the zipper of his jeans. Swallowing hard, I focused on his feet. Black Converse. Totally unsexy. Except they weren’t. Okay, so no focusing on any of his body parts. What in the hell was wrong with me?
“How can you not get it?” I gritted my teeth and curled my legs up, wrapping my arms around them until I was huddled in a ball. I let my hair drop around my face, giving the illusion of protection. “Whatever else might have been screwed up with you, I always thought you had a logical brain. Point A: Julia is my best friend and my roommate. Point B: She was your girlfriend for nearly a year—”
“Ten months.” Liam didn’t move as he mumbled.
I pushed my hair back and peeked out at him. “See, that is such a guy thing. Ten months is nearly a year. What I’m saying is, it’s not like you just went out once or twice. You were together. Like, together, together. So it is not cool at all for you to kiss me. It violates every rule in the girl code.”
“Maybe I’m out of practice, but it sure felt like you were kissing me back.” He opened his eyes and turned his head to look at me, the smolder in his gaze making it hard for me to sit still. Even though most of me was flooded with guilt, another part was telling me to leap down the bed and climb into his lap. The image made me groan.
“Stop looking at me like that. Okay, yes, I was kissing you back. But I was wrong. I’m a terrible person. I’m probably going to hell now. At the very least, I’m looking at extra time in purgatory. My mother is going to have to light so many candles for me.”
A slow smile spread across Liam’s face as he dropped to his hands and knees and began crawling toward me. He reminded me of a mountain lion, and the look in his eyes was definitely predatory.
“Well, if you’re already damned, you might as well have some fun, right?” He grabbed one of my feet and yanked down, pulling me flat again. I kicked at him, missing his shoulder as he dodged. He planted one hand on either side of my hips and dropped to kiss my neck, running his lips down to my collarbone.
“Liam.” I pushed at his head. “Stop.�
�� My words were weak, probably because him stopping was really not what I wanted. It was what I should want. But he complied anyway, rising up again so he could look at me.
“I know what you’re saying. Yeah, it’s kind of weird, I guess. But not really. I always liked you. What I said before was true. I thought we got along pretty well, and God, Ava, if Julia is moving on, why shouldn’t we?”
“Oh, so if you walked in on Giff and Julia in bed together, you’d be okay with that?”
He smirked. “I’d be shocked. Ava, I hate to break it to you, but Giff is gay.”
I swatted his arm. “It’s the principle of it, and you know what I mean. And not only that, but I’m not looking to get tangled up with you or with anyone. I don’t have time for this.”
“Can you tell me honestly you don’t feel this spark?” He moved to lie alongside me and skimmed a hand down my side, from my hip to the side of my breast. “You weren’t pushing me away a few minutes ago.”
I heaved out a breath. “Just because I feel something doesn’t mean I have to act on it. I don’t have any interest in being your fuck buddy tonight, Liam. Spark or no spark.”
“I’m not looking for that either. Didn’t you hear what I said? I like you, Ava. I always have. Kissing you might not have been what I planned to do tonight, but this isn’t the first time I’ve thought of doing it.”
I squirmed as he ran a finger up my bare arm. “Oh, really? So you’re saying you thought about this when you were going out with my best friend? Because that doesn’t make you look any better.”
He fell back on the bed, hard. I could still feel his warmth all along one side of me.
“Remember I said that my reasons for breaking up with Julia were complicated?”
“Yeah ...” I frowned as the meaning of his words dawned on me. “You’re saying I was the reason you did it? Oh, come on, Liam. What kind of idiot do you think I am?”
“I don’t think you’re an idiot at all, and what the hell does that mean?”
I held up one hand and began counting on my fingers. “One, you’re trying to say that you broke up with Julia because you had feelings for me? If you expect me to believe that, you really must think I’m stupid. Or desperate. I’m neither. Two, if I were to believe that, you feel it should be enough to make me want to fall into your arms here and now? If that’s the case, you must think I’m not only dumb but really shallow, too.”
“I didn’t. And I don’t. The complications are lot more—uh, complicated than just me liking you. But it played into it. You can believe me or not, but by last fall, I started to realize that the only time I really enjoyed hanging out with Julia was when you were there, too. So I knew it was time to end things, before I did something really stupid like get drunk and try to make out with you while I was still dating your friend.”
I snorted. “Like that would have ever happened.”
Liam shook his head. “Yeah, I know, but I wanted to. And that was enough. So no, it wasn’t the only reason, but it was a factor. I didn’t come here tonight to tell you that, or to do ... this ...” He turned over again so he was looking down at me, and he touched the side of my face with the tip of his finger. “But I’m not sorry it happened, and I’m not sorry it’s out there. And I don’t think we did anything wrong.”
I held still, hardly breathing. I was afraid if I moved, I might not be able to control my hands. Or my lips. Good God, when did this happen? When did I stop hating Liam Bailey? Or maybe I still did, but maybe hating him didn’t necessarily preclude wanting to rub my body all over his ...
I rolled away from him. “That’s the difference between us, isn’t it? I know what we did was wrong, because it’s not something I’d be comfortable telling Jules. Plus, I think you’re just saying what you did to make yourself feel better. I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing, but I’m not going to be part of it. Just go away.”
Liam sighed, and for a minute, he didn’t move. Then he threw one leg over me, and for one dizzying breath, I thought he was going to kiss me again. But instead, he perched on the edge of the bed and dropped his head into his hands.
“I can’t blame you for not trusting me, Ava. I know I haven’t given you any reason to believe me. But I’m going to. I’m going to do whatever it takes to make you see that I’m not that guy. I want a chance with you.”
I kept my eyes trained on the wall across the room. “Don’t bother, because I’m not interested. I don’t have time for games, and I’m not looking for a booty call.”
He stood. “I’m not, either. No offense, but if that’s what I wanted, there’s plenty of willing girls.” He pointed at the door. “I could just call Rachel the freshman, right? But I don’t. I didn’t mean to act on this yet, but I’m not sorry you know.”
Liam snagged his coat from the chair, picked up his empty plastic cup and chucked it into the trash.
“Thanks for the wine. And the sanctuary. I’ll talk to you soon.”
He opened the door and disappeared into the now-quiet hallway. I heard the click of the lock as the door shut.
I should have been mad. Pissed and outraged and full of righteous indignation. But instead, a tiny seed of something unexpected and unfamiliar took root within me. I hugged my pillow to my chest for a few minutes, staring up at the ceiling.
When I reached to the end of the bed for my psych text, it no longer held the same appeal as it had a few hours before. I closed the book, slid it onto my desk and climbed under the covers. It was the first time I’d gone to bed without finishing my reading in a very long time.
That lasted about five minutes before I jumped up, turned the light back on and grabbed my book.
***
POUNDING ECHOED THROUGH the room and reverberated within my head. I groaned, wrapping my pillow over my ears and wishing for someone to make it the noise go away.
“Jules, it’s someone at the door. Make them stop.”
Julia swore under her breath as she dragged herself across the room to open the door. Through a blue haze of sleep, I heard her having a conversation. Was that Giff? Or was this some kind of weird dream?
I scented coffee and donuts, moaned and grumbled under my breath. “For the love of everything holy, shut the hell up.”
I tried to climb back into oblivion. Julia had come home the night before just before I finally finished my homework. She was practically floating, and I hid my own guilt over Liam and our illicit make-out session by letting her ramble on about the movie, dimples and first kisses. She talked for a long time, and we hadn’t gone to sleep until after two.
The door closed finally, leaving behind blessed silence. I lifted my head. “Quick, lock it before anyone else comes in. Good God, have people never heard of Saturdays? The morning when you don’t wake up your friends?”
Julia didn’t answer, but I heard her fumbling in the box of donuts and got a whiff of chocolate as she passed my bed on the way back to her own.
I snuggled back beneath the comforter and let sleep wash over me again until I heard the bathroom door open. A wave of steam hit me. I kept my face deep in the pillow.
“Was Giff really here this morning, or did I have a very detailed nightmare?”
Julia leaned over to dry her hair with the towel. “He was here. Good news is he brought coffee and donuts. Bad news is he set me up with someone else in the on-going plan to make Liam jealous.”
A stab of something I didn’t quite recognize shot through me. Dread or disappointment? I wasn’t ready to examine it yet. I rolled over and pushed to sit up, punching my pillows behind me.
“Was there something about wrestling? I thought that had to be a dream.”
She made a face as she reached for the comb. “It wasn’t, sadly. I’m going to a meet this morning.”
I leaned over my desk, where the foam coffee cup Giff had left was still waiting for me. “Oh, Jules.” My brothers had wrestled, and I’d sat through more than my share of monotonous meets. I didn’t envy my roommate ha
ving to go on this so-called date. Taking a sip of the coffee, I made a face. “Hey, this is cold. Can you zap it for me?”
Julia paused to glance at me in mid-tug as she pulled on her jeans. “Yeah, just a second.” She buttoned her pants and reached for my cup. I watched her pour the coffee into my “Italian Princess” mug, stick it into the microwave and hit a button. Guilt made me offer the ultimate sacrifice.
“Do you want me to come with you?” I tried to look as though I meant it.
Julia laughed. “No, I’m not that mean. But I was thinking after Giff left. I’m putting my foot down. This is it. I’m done. Liam isn’t jealous about me hanging out with guys. You said last night he only wanted to warn me about what people are saying, right? Because he feels guilty?”
The memory of Liam’s face as he lowered his lips to mine brought a rush of both warmth and pain. The microwave beeped, and I jumped out of bed. I couldn’t meet Julia’s eyes as I tested the coffee again.
“Ava?” Her voice was tentative as she stretched a red Henley over her head. “Are you okay?”
“Of course.” I stretched my lips into what I hoped looked like a smile. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
She frowned. “I don’t know, you got a funny look on your face. Did Liam say something else last night? When I got home, your eyes almost looked like you’d been crying. You can tell me if Liam was a jerk. I really don’t care. I mean, unless he was a jerk to you.”
A jerk? I paused, considering. “No, I told you everything.” Well, not everything. “He was trying to find out why you’re slutting it up, but he says it’s just because he doesn’t want you getting hurt. I asked him why it mattered to him, when he hadn’t done a very good job of not hurting you himself. He said he felt like it would be his fault if you were doing it just to get back at him.”
Julia’s face pinked. “I’d have to say his ego was a little inflated if he wasn’t actually on to us. So he’s not interested in me because I’m unattainable again, he’s worried that my broken heart is making me a little too obtainable. To other guys, at least. Lovely.”
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