“I don't think mine was either,” I said.
“But aren't women generally more flexible?”
I narrowed my eyes. He was doing it again…trying to get a reaction. It was working, too, but I couldn’t let him know that.
Ivy cleared her throat. “You gonna get us something to drink or what?”
“I'll make you two something special.”
Ivy cocked her head, motioning for him to go on.
“Sex on the Beach for you,” he said, winking at Ivy.
She groaned. “That's so, so cheesy. Even for you.”
He looked at me. “And a Goodnight Kiss for you.”
I blushed, clenching my hands beneath the bar, but Ivy scoffed loudly. “Nice. She gets goodnight kisses while I get screwed on the beach. I see how it is.”
But he was already walking away, snatching up the bottles he needed to make our drinks.
Larsen’s was dead tonight. The guys who’d been talking to Jude rose, calling their goodbyes as they left money on the bar.
I turned to Ivy. “Hey, what was that show? The one with the parallel universe?”
“The Inside-Out.” Her phone chirped. “Oh, hold on a second.”
“Sure.” A breeze blew in off the harbor, lifting my hair from my neck. Jude looked up at me, a slow smile tugging at his lips as he worked.
I smiled back, stomach all aflutter. Ugh, I was reverting to high school behavior, here.
“Sorry, that was Ariel,” Ivy said after a moment. “She’s freaking out about something.”
“Ah. Is she...around?” I asked, not wanting another run-in with the evil twin. I wasn’t stupid—I got why she didn’t like me, but she had no reason to distrust me. We were both with other people.
“No, she's home. Long day at work.”
“She’s a paralegal, right?”
“Yeah.”
I nodded, checking my own messages. Theo had texted, asking about yoga and if I minded grabbing a six-pack my way home.
“So, what's up with her and Jude?” I blurted, feeling my face heat up again. Thank God for suntans, because, really.
Ivy sighed loudly, glancing at Jude, who was now dropping cherries into our drinks. “They've been on and off for years. I don't know.” She shrugged. “I tell her to leave him alone, but she's so hooked.”
“Years?” I echoed. “Wow.”
She glanced down the bar and then back at me. “No. It's not even like that. I wish she'd just...find someone who treated her well.”
My stomach turned. “Does he...mistreat her?”
“Not exactly; he just won't commit. At all. And that's fine, but then she needs to move on. They obviously want different things.” She tapped her phone. “But, you know. Her life, not mine.”
Sounded kind of like Theo, although he’d always known better than to string girls along. Jude returned with our drinks, umbrellas and all.
“Very pretty. Thanks, Jude.”
“Pretty drinks for pretty girls,” he said, waggling his eyebrows.
“Gross.” Ivy laughed, balling up a napkin and tossing it at him. “This looks good, though. Thanks."
Sliding coasters beneath our glasses, he left to serve the large group that had just walked in.
I took a sip of my drink and then a picture, figuring I'd post it on social media for my stateside friends. They already fawned over all the party and beach photos.
“How is it?” asked Ivy.
“Delicious.”
“Mine too.” She plucked the cherry from her glass, eating it. “She kind of hates you, you know.”
I ran a finger around the rim of my glass. “Who, your sister?”
“Yeah.”
Taking another sip, I leaned back so I could look at Ivy. “Well, she shouldn't.”
“Not that simple.” She shook her head. “She sees how he looks at you...how you look at him.”
Not even my tan could hide the alarming redness I felt blooming across my face.
“Look, I get it. He's got a pretty face and he’s ridiculously charismatic,” she said, practically whispering now. “But trust me, he's a better friend than anything else.”
Unable to look at her, I scowled at the little umbrella, rolling it between my fingertips. “Not to mention I live with someone, Ivy. I'm not...looking. For anything.”
“You don't have to be ‘looking’ for it to find you, though.”
I took a huge sip of my Goodnight Kiss, glad I wasn't driving. Suddenly, I just wanted to be tipsy. I didn't want to deal with the implications of what Ivy was saying, didn't want to hear someone else voice the things I'd tried so hard to push away. It made it too real, like it existed outside of my mind.
“Just saying,” Ivy said.
“Well, don't.”
We quieted then, the mood effectively dampened. Jude strolled over, eyeing our drinks. “I'd offer seconds, but it's a school night, kids.”
“We’re good.” Ivy leaned over the bar to kiss his cheek. “We should get going anyway.”
“Drive safely.” He lifted his chin at me. “I didn't make it too strong, did I? Sometimes I don't know my own strength.”
Joking and teasing, as always. Anything to lend levity to the tension that existed between us.
“It was perfect.” I slid off my bar stool, unsure as to how I should say goodbye. Kissing Jude’s cheek felt forward, but I went for it, meeting him halfway.
He touched my arm as I pulled away. “You going to Jack’s Bay tomorrow?”
Swallowing, I nodded. “You?”
“For sure. Some of the eggs hatched last night.”
My heart leapt at the thought of it, and I smiled, unable to tamp it down. “I heard. We saw a couple at Sandy Point, too.”
He smirked. “I heard.”
Ivy cleared her throat. “Bye, Jude.”
I tried not to look at him when as we turned the corner…but I did, catching the tail-end of a smile.
~
The sky was a wispy purple-blue, an orange glow lining the horizon. Jude rested his chin on his knees, a small smile on his face. He was barefoot, as usual. “Never gets old,” he whispered.
Stars speckled the sky. “Nope.”
He put a brown paper bag down on the towel. “Got you something today.”
My heart quickened with nerves…the good kind that came with mutual attraction. But bad nerves, too. How would Theo feel if he knew I spent most nights at the beach not just with Nora, but Jude Larsen, as well? I peered inside the bag, sniffing at the brown, sugary balls.
“Tamarind balls,” he said, before I could ask. “I’ve been getting them from the same lady in Market Square since I was a kid.”
I took a small bite, and then another, instantly addicted to the sour-sweet explosion. “Oh, that's yummy,” I said, resisting the urge to just jam the whole thing in to my mouth.
“We used to get them after school. Watch for seeds.”
I offered him one. “You and Eli?” It was easy to envision those two, running through Christiansted like scamps.
He accepted the tamarind ball. “Sometimes. Eli’s older, but we do have a lot of the same friends. We all rode the same bus.” He chuckled, watching me wince from the sour. “You like ‘em?”
“I love them,” I said, spitting my seeds into a napkin.
There was awkwardness here, but anticipation, too. A flutter in my belly, trembling fingers I tried to hide. Was I destined to always be attracted to unavailable men?
“I should probably start patrolling Isaac’s,” he said, brushing the sand from his jeans as he stood.
“Okay, see ya.” I waved the bag. “Thanks for these. I’m eating all of them, just so you know.”
“That was the idea.”
~
Nora yawned, covering her mouth with both hands. It was late, nearly 1:00 a.m., and several baby green turtles had already made their journey to the restless sea. The wind had bite tonight, and for the first time I was cold in St. Croix.
J
ude was back from his latest patrol with Eli. “You two look like you’re about to fall asleep.”
“I’m close,” Nora said, standing to stretch. “I’m gonna go walk with Eli, I think.”
Her silhouette faded in the dark. I looked at Jude. “Quiet night.”
“It is.” The moon illuminated the whites of his eyes.
Suppressing a shiver, I drew my knees up. Something caught my attention in the water: color, movement. I’d seen bioluminescence before, but not like this. “Look at that.” Climbing to my feet, I walked to the shore, gazing intently at the vivid, blue glow floating in and out with the tide.
“It does this a lot over here,” said Jude, following me.
“I guess I don’t always notice—I’m so focused on the turtles.” I bent down, dragging my hand through the water. “I have seen it before, though.”
“You should check out the see-through kayak tour at Salt River. You see a lot of bioluminescence when you do it at night.”
“That sounds right up my alley.” I straightened up, wiping my hands on my cutoffs. “I’ve been wanting to go back, so this gives me an excuse. Have you done it?”
“Once, a couple of years ago.”
Folding my arms, I closed my eyes and faced into the fresh, salty wind. Cold water lapped at my toes, and my hair blew in ribbons across my face. If happiness could be bottled, it would be this moment.
“Are you cold?” he whispered, closer than before.
“I’m okay,” I said, but he was already resting his hoodie onto my shoulders. The soft, worn material wrapped me in his scent, still warm with his body heat. Much too cozy to give up. “Thanks. I’ll give it back when we go.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
I slid my arms through the sleeves and pulled the zipper up.
Chapter Nine
“Soursop,” Nora said, pointing at the prickly green fruit hanging from the branches of a tree in our yard. “Super sweet, and it makes delicious juice.”
Sydney was trying to beat one down with a stick she'd found. I walked over and plucked it down for her, glancing back over my shoulder at Nora. “They’re ripe, right?”
Nodding, she pointed at another tree, several feet farther. “That’s a mango tree. But it’s too young, so we didn’t get any fruit from it this year.”
“I’ve eaten enough mangoes this summer to last a lifetime,” I said, letting Sydney pull me along. “Actually, that’s a lie. There’s never enough mangoes.”
Only a couple days left until the end of October. You'd never know this by the weather, which was only marginally cooler, but the days ended earlier, stars speckling the evening sky by six.
Theo came out, toweling his hair. We'd gone hiking in the east end earlier, forging our own paths through the bush and dirt. “I'm heading over to Bodhi's, to play poker with the guys.”
I gave Sydney back her stick. “Okay. You hungry?”
“I'll pick something up on the way,” he said, voice fading as he went back inside.
Nora squinted thoughtfully at me. “You wanna hang tonight? I’m making lasagna.”
“Sure, let me just…” I nodded toward the apartment.
“Yeah, go ahead,” she said, heading to her side of the duplex. “Come by whenever.”
Theo was in our bedroom, pulling on a pair of shoes. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” I sat beside him. “You?”
“Yup. Looking forward to cleaning those boys out.”
I ran my fingers through his damp, dark hair. He smelled masculine and fresh, woodsy. “I’m going to chill with Nora.”
He smiled. “Like every night.”
“Yeah, yeah. We’re staying in, though.”
Brushing a kiss across my cheek, he stood. “I won’t be too late.”
“You can stay out as late as you want, Theo.” I scratched the mosquito bite on my leg. “You know I’d never nag you.”
“I know you wouldn’t.” He frowned, starting to speak and then pausing. “Hey, is that Nora’s?”
I followed his gaze to Jude’s hoodie, spilling out of the backpack I used for beach nights. Part of me knew he knew it wasn’t Nora’s. Guilt prickled at me. “Jude’s. He let me borrow it when I was cold the other night. Usually I bring one, but I forgot, so…”
“Huh.” His luminous eyes shone darkly in the dim light. “Nice.”
“Yeah.”
Bending, he kissed me again—on my mouth. “Have fun with Nora.”
“Have fun playing poker.”
Winking, he disappeared into the bathroom. I left, grabbing my phone on the way. Nora was in the bathroom, running a bath for the kids.
“I’m back. Okay, so Ivy taught me how to make Lava Flows...they're like piña coladas, only—”
Two spots of color rose to her cheeks. “I, uh, can't drink.”
“Oh.” I froze, a grin spreading across my face. “Is there a reason why?”
She smiled, lit up like the paper lanterns lining her back porch.
“Oh, my God, Nora!” I ran to the porch and hugged her, careful not to manhandle her belly. “Are you serious? How far along?”
“We went to the doctor yesterday. She says I'm about seven weeks.”
“Wow.” I gasped, eyeing her flat, but soft, stomach. “Already.”
“Already. So, we can make Lava Flows...but they've gotta be virgin.”
My voice dropped to a whisper. “Do the girls know?”
“Not yet. We'll probably tell them this weekend.” She glanced at Sadie, twirling circles beneath the flamboyant tree. “Make it special.”
I nodded, suddenly overcome with joy for their little family. I wonder if Eli had told Theo? I doubted it. They got along well, but they weren't tight like me and Nora.
We spent the rest of the night goofing around, making up silly baby names based on local neighborhoods, like Morning Star Taylor.
I couldn't wait to tell Theo, but I fell asleep before he got home.
~
On Sunday, we slept later than usual, seduced by the coziness of a morning rainstorm.
Theo made coffee. I washed blueberries and made pancakes from a mix, complaining about my belly. I’d been drinking more and walking less, and it was starting to catch up with me.
“You're fine,” said Theo, elbowing me.
“Fine? That's reassuring.” I towel-whipping him with a dish rag. “You just don't want to tell me I'm getting doughy around the middle.”
“No, I don’t want to give in while you fish for compliments. You get like this every time you get your period.”
This was where we were at, like a married couple who knew each other’s quirks and habits way too well. “What, bloated or whiny?”
He barked out a loud, rowdy belly laugh. “Both.”
“Aha! I do look fat!”
Giving an exaggerated sigh, he turned back to the coffee maker. “You're lucky I love you.”
He'd said that before, but this time, it got my attention. “Do you?”
Silence. I slid the last pancake from the stove to a plate. Theo reached around, shutting the burner off, and then scooted us away from the stove. Moving my hair aside, he kissed my neck, the way he knew I liked.
Except I wasn’t sure I liked it, not this time. I wasn’t sure how something so familiar could feel so wrong, but it did. We hadn’t been together lately, not the way we’d been before. Deep down, I knew I’d been avoiding it; avoiding him. I turned slowly, wrapping my arms around him. We stood quietly a while, listening to the muted pitter-patter of rain.
When I let go, Theo let his arms slide away, too. “This isn’t as simple as it used to be, is it?” he asked.
Well, shit. I watched him warily, dreading the outcome of this conversation.
“Things are changing,” he said.
I nodded slowly. “I think, maybe, they are.”
“Do you…” He hesitated, running both hands through his hair. “Do you still want this? Because I know you did. I know you…fe
lt something.”
Cheeks warming, I folded my arms. I couldn’t deny what he was saying, but I didn’t want to admit I was starting to feel other things, for other people, too.
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