Rusty Knob

by Erica Chilson

  This isn’t me. I don’t know who it is. But I’m no longer Wynn Gillette.

  Kade reaches his Durango before Not Wynn Gillette catches up with him.

  My eyesight sharpens to the point I can see the curl escaping Kaden’s bun– something deep inside of me knows I’m going to finally learn whether or not his hair is as soft as it looks.

  My hearing becomes crisper. Kaden’s breath hitches, almost as if he scents my madness riding the air. Delving deeper, I know I’m going to force a more potent sound from him in a moment.

  My feet move without thought. My eyes register what I’m doing. My heart beats and my lungs breathe. Is it involuntary if you’ve fantasized about it for months?

  I watch in awe as my hands shove against Kaden’s back– his worn flannel shirt is so soft I groan. I hear myself say, “We have four minutes,” in a deep voice that doesn’t belong to me. “Move the pizza, or wear it,” I threaten.

  The shocked yet scared sound is more potent and sweeter than I imagined. “What the–” is all Kaden manages to utter before I forcefully shove him inside his SUV. My palms push him against the far side of the backseat, until his shoulders hit the opposing door. I kick at his long legs, making room for myself, and then I fold into the car.

  “Stronger?” this man who isn’t me taunts as I slam the door shut, locking us inside together. I grab the pizza box out of Kaden’s hands, and then toss it into the front passenger seat. “Right now, I’ll give you older and taller, but that’s it.”

  “Wynn?” Kade’s palms push on my chest, but his fingertips curl into the fabric of my t-shirt. “What has come over you?”

  “I’m positive I’m gay,” flows out of my mouth, but the words don’t belong to me. “I got hard for Tyler today, and I flirted with him. I want shit I don’t understand.”

  With hazel eyes huge in the waning light from the streetlamp, Kade just stares at me until my words register. “Getting wood over two guys isn’t exactly an accurate hypothesis.”

  “I don’t care,” I hear myself say as I lean into Kaden. A quiver rolls through his body, exciting me more. He tries to press farther away from me, but the locked door is in the way. “I’m not labeling myself. I’m warning you that my body won’t shut off and I need something.” My voice breaks with hunger. “I’m going to do something stupid I will never regret.”

  Kaden’s “Wha–” is cut off when my lips crash into his. Starve-gutted, I groan on impact. Kaden uses all of his force to push me away, but I lock my knees and elbows, refusing to budge. My sneakers shove against the door with all of my might. I push back with equal force, determined to get what I need.

  Kade snarls, his fingernails snag my t-shirt, his back arches, pushing his chest into mine, and his boots connect with my shins as he flails about. I feel none of it because all thought is centered on the pounding hunger in my dick. For all the fight Kaden puts up, his mouth opens wide beneath mine and his tongue flicks out to welcome me home.

  I pull away, spitting the words like verbal punishments. “You’re not taking advantage of me, Mentor KM, Mr. Marx, or Kaden. This is Wynn and the Kade I used to know.”

  “I’m not him anymore,” Kade rasps breathlessly beneath me.

  “Yeah, ya are. So fuck being the nice guy. I’m a Gillette, and it’s about time I remembered that. So I’m not asking. I’m taking what I want, because I’m a cute, little asshole teenager, and I’m doing what teenagers do– whatever the hell we want.” My teeth sink into Kade’s lip so hard I taste the coppery hint of his blood. “And I want you. So treat me like a mindless teenager, and I’ll act like one to spite you.”

  I drop all of my weight on Kade, and the force expels the air in his lungs in a gust against my lips. He’s so shocked, he no longer fights me. He lies still beneath me, his muscles pliant.

  “I’m not in control of myself right now,” I warn as my fingertips snare the rubber band securing his hair. “Oh, God,” I groan, dick jerking from sensory overload as his silky curls caress my fingers. “I don’t know what else my body is going to do without my consent, but I wanted my first kiss to be with you.”

  Kade doesn’t say anything, but his eyes are locked on mine. He arches his back again, but this time it’s not to push me away. He wants our bodies connecting as much as I do. I press back, but I use my groin instead. Swiveling my hips, rocking back and forth, I grind my cock against the hard bulge in the front of Kaden’s jeans.

  Out of nowhere, I realize gay is not a label. It’s innately who I am. I finally understand Kaden’s diatribe on how tolerance and acceptance are an insult, as if who I am is inherently wrong and it must be tolerated and accepted. As if I need permission to be who I am. It’s not right or wrong. It’s just my version of normal, and I fucking own that shit.

  “You didn’t ask for this. You didn’t say yes. So if anyone asks, I took advantage of you.” I lean in to take Kaden’s mouth again, and it’s already open and waiting for me, with his tongue meeting mine halfway.

  “I didn’t say no,” Kade manages to get out, even though my lips are smashing into his with my unskilled, clumsy kiss. A bit of spit slides down my chin as I slobber all over the bottom half of his face, not giving a fuck that I have no idea what I’m doing because he isn’t complaining.

  “I didn’t ask,” I remind Kade. “That’s all anyone will give a shit about.” I shove his flannel off his shoulders, and then return to slide my hands beneath his t-shirt. Feverish soft skin greets my fingertips, and I instantly become addicted to his touch. A hard nipple abrades my palm, and I almost pop my cork. Wiry hair tickles my inner wrists. I give it an experimental tug, causing Kade to grunt and jerk his hips into mine. I bite back a groan as my cock threatens to erupt inside my track pants.

  “Well, if I keep coming back for seconds and thirds, and never protest…” Kaden chuckles into my mouth, the sound sweet to my ears and the vibrations driving me batshit crazy. “Wynn, you know no one will buy that.”

  “This is the only time– we won’t get caught,” I promise. I yank my t-shirt up, needing to feel our skin pressed together. Lowering myself, bare flesh on bare flesh, we groan into each other’s mouths. Kaden is warm and hard, large enough to support my weight. Every nerve in my body is firing pleasure, soaking up a sensation that is so very new to me.

  “It won’t be the one time, and you know it.” Kade’s hands move from fisting the back of my hair, over the curve of my back, and latch onto my ass. He jerks his hips up, grinding into me deeper, while his hands press me down.

  “More. Need more,” I hiss, experiencing real pain. I just want… everything and anything. “I’ve got to get off with you. Tonight. In this car. Or I’m going to go postal.”

  “Christ, I am a pervert. I’m going to Hell, and I don’t give a fuck,” Kade snarls as he yanks me backward by my hair. My eyes roll back in my head from the way he controls me. “This is such a bad idea,” he continues on as his hand slips in between us. “We will get caught, and I’m ashamed to say it will be worth it.”

  Eyes popping out of my skull, “Jesus, fuck!” I practically shout when Kade’s hand slips inside my pants and boxers, and wraps around my cock. A tight ball forms in my lower back and a harsh spasm rolls up my spine. I stare down at a smug Kade with eyes gone wide with awe. The corners of his kiss-swollen lips tilt up in satisfaction, and I lose myself. “That escalated quickly,” I breathlessly rasp.

  “Now I’m your first everything,” Kade bites out, sounding fiercely pissed off, displaying a mind-bending mercurial mood switch. “I won’t do penetration, so consider yourself no longer a virgin.”

  I draw back at the violence in his tone. “If you don’t–”

  “Get. My. Pants. Open. And. My. Cock. Out.” Kade snarls the words, squeezing my dick in his fist with brutal force. I wince, but a part of me enjoys the abuse. “I’m gonna die if you don’t touch me. I’ve waited long enough.”

  Laughing for some unexpected reason, my hands are back to belonging to someone else. If I
thought about it, I’d be fumbling. Instead, my fingertips are popping the button and pulling the zipper down to Kaden’s jeans like I own them and wear them every day. The feel of his fist pumping my dick and the sight of his blue boxers has me on the edge of explosion.

  “It’s not a present to be opened,” Kade protests, arching into my hand. “You don’t have to savor it. We’re on a time crunch in a goddamned parking lot with dozens of witnesses.”

  “Good, I’ll lose my virginity just like most teenagers– hurried in the backseat of a car, you grumpy prick,” I sputter through my laughter. I hesitate just to torture him.

  “I’ve been this way around you and your perfect ass since I was sixteen. I’ve felt like a pervert ever since. So get used to it.” Kade’s hand slips from my dick, and I begin to protest. But then my balls are cupped, and my body goes limp. “Dick. Out. Now. Or else I squeeze,” is an effective threat.

  With an assist, Kade lifts his hips as I yank down his jeans and boxers. I swallow thickly, never having seen a hard cock besides my own– I never did visit YouPorn like Bren asked. Long, thick, and smooth, Kade’s not quite as big as me, but he’s perfectly curved and ruddy with arousal.

  I don’t know what it feels like to be high, but I’m guessing it’s not as good as how I’m feeling in the back of Kade’s Durango with our dicks out and proud.

  I’m flying!

  “I’m gay,” falls from my lips with absolute certainty– finally! “I’m so fucking gay for your dick, I’ma ‘bout to bust a nut just looking at you.”

  “You’re Gade, is what you are. Gay for Kade.” He releases a taunting laugh, like he’s amusing himself and it hurts somehow. “Now stop staring at it, you little shit. You’re not that innocent to think sex is a staring contest with a dick.”

  “No penetration? Because I’m willing,” I volunteer gleefully, eyes still glued to the sight spread out before me. Kade’s dick throbs, and a bead of pre-cum glistens on the tip. “I’m totally down for that. It’s all I think about. Your dick. My ass. Getting off.” More pre-cum oozes onto his belly, dampening the dark curls covering his abs.

  “I’m old-fashioned,” Kade whispers, and I watch in awe as a blush creeps over his chest, up his neck, and across his cheeks. My heart beats double-time at the gorgeous sight. “I’m saving that for a committed relationship, and I can’t have that with the boy who’s gonna get my ass fired. At least the hillbillies voted for sixteen as the age of consent, so I don’t have to worry about going to jail. I’m embracing my inner pervert, but not that much.”

  “I’ll release the teenage asshole again to protect you.” I turn coy and flirty, and I didn’t think I had it in me. “Just don’t bitch that I don’t know what I’m doing as I overpower you.”

  As I move forward for a kiss, Kade’s fingertips twist into the back of my hair and tug me forward. We cheat a bit, because he’s controlling everything from beneath me. But that’s a good thing, since I don’t have an idea of what I’m supposed to do.

  A shudder waves through me at the taste of his tongue filling my mouth. I suck it, smooth, hot, and wet. I fall into our messy kiss, barely registering how my pants are getting tugged down over my knees, and then slipped off completely. I perk up a bit when palms slide up my thighs to cup my bare ass. Then fingertips clench, blunt nails biting into my flesh, pressing me forward.

  I open my mouth to moan when our bodies connect, but no sound comes out when I try to shout his name. Hard and hot, Kade’s cock slides against the length of mine, and I lose it.

  “Breathe, Wynn. Just breathe,” Kade rasps roughly against my mouth as he rocks beneath me. Sliding down the seat, he plants his boots on the window behind me. He grips the backs of my thighs, urging me to straddle him.

  The temperature in the car heats up to the hottest of muggy summer nights, fogging all the windows. Sweat beads on our skin, aiding in our bodies writhing against one another. Using his fingernails biting into my ass with every clench and flex, Kade teaches me how to counterthrust against him. Beneath me, he slides his cock from my belly, along my length, nudging at my balls, and tickling between my cheeks.

  Spasming, eyes rolling back into my skull, my dick starts spurting all over our stomachs just from the sensation of Kade’s cock gliding along mine. “I’m so lame.” My cry of shame turns to a grunt of intense pleasure. Muscles jerking forcefully, I feel ashamed but I can’t stop my body’s reactions.

  Kade’s moaning my name in my ear, and it’s the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard, so I suck on his neck while I writhe around like an inept idiot. Then I don’t feel as bad, because two seconds after I’m finished coming, Kade is joining me.

  Arms locking around me so tightly I’m forced to grunt to get a deep breath, Kade comes undone beneath me. Shouting my name in my ear, his orgasm is more powerful than mine because he owns it, not giving a shit that he didn’t last more than a minute.

  Panting wildly, I savor how safe and warm and comforted I feel with Kade’s arms wrapped around me, how sweet the sound of his breathing is in my ear. The only thing that would make this sweeter was if I was beneath him, with him deep inside me. I squeeze him back, never wanting to let go.

  My body loses the fight to keep my muscles taut. I slump down, all my weight settling on Kade, and I feel totally relaxed for the first time in my entire life. I have nothing to worry about when I’m in his arms.

  A pained groan fills my ears, then arms are squeezing me tighter and tighter. “We gotta behave,” Kade warns me as if it’s killing him. “This could escalate a helluva lot quicker the next time, and neither one of us are ready for that. If we don’t get caught this time, it will be a miracle.”

  “I understand,” I whisper against the side of his neck, and I mean it. “I don’t know what came over me, but I don’t regret it.”

  “Neither do I.” Kade shifts beneath me, but he doesn’t let up his grip. His nose runs along the side of my face, tickling at my skin. “I want grownup acting Wynn Gillette as my friend and lover. As much fun as teenager Wynn is, he scares me half to death. So only let him out when it’s safe.”

  “I promise.” I shift until I’m resting on my knees with my head bowed against the ceiling. “I won’t attack you like this again. It was just something I had to do.”

  “You can attack me as much as you want.” Kade waits a heartbeat. “After you graduate.”

  “I’m normally a responsible person, so I apologize for being an asshole.” I go to pull my t-shirt down and notice the huge mess smeared all over my stomach and matted in my pubic hair. I arch my eyebrow, unable to wipe the smug look off my face. “I’ll last longer next time. I swear.”

  “No complaints on my behalf.” Kade’s hand disappears underneath the seat and reappears with a roll of shop towels. He tears one off and hands it to me, and then takes one for himself. He cleans off his belly, and then tosses the towel on the floor.

  By the time I’m cleaned up, Kade already has his pants pulled up and fastened. I’m doing the same as he’s removing his flannel.

  “For you,” Kade says with a mischievous smirk. “Because I could tell how much you liked it by the hole you were burning into my back the entire way across the parking lot.”

  “You, ass!” I punch Kade in the chest, and then snatch up my prize. “You knew I was coming after you!”

  He flashes me a cocky grin. “I assumed we’d get into a fight, actually.”

  “I–”

  “Your five minutes was up twenty minutes ago!” Bren shouts from outside the Durango. “Enough cuddling. Our pizza is getting cold, and there’s a fucking crowd out here wondering who the hell is screwing in the parking lot.”

  “Oh, shit!” I cry, real tears pricking my eyes.

  “Don’t.” Kade puts a fingertip to my lips. “I never said no because you didn’t ask, remember?” He begs me to go along with my teenage fairytale that we both knew was bullshit the moment I said it.

  “Just crawl out, and he can drive away,” Bren sounds reas
onable. “It’s just the basketball team out here. Only our boys know who you are, and they ain’t saying jack. So get out here, Wynn, and look like a stud while he makes a clean getaway!”

  “Go!” Kade shoves me backward, but leans forward to give me a quick peck to the lips. Scared shitless yet exhilarated, I slide from the backseat as Kade crawls into the front.

  Bren leans in just as I’m getting out. “Nice Wolverines. I thought for sure you were gonna knock the window out with ‘em.” I try to yank Bren out of the Durango so Kade can drive away, but he leans in farther. “You’re noisy when you come– whole parking lot heard Wynn’s name outta your mouth. I guess it’s a good thing Wynn lost his voice.”

  It takes both Jack and me to yank Bren from the car as he continuously razzes Kaden. “You guys are one-pump-chumps. But that’s okay, ‘cuz you both got off. Bet Sunday dinner will be more pleasant, eh? Except for Dad, that is.”

  “C’mon!” I try and fail to yank Bren from the car. A big palm appears, the same one that was wrapped around my cock and clutching my ass, and it shoves against Bren’s forehead.

  “Eww!” Bren squeals, darting backward. He runs in a wide circle, scrubbing at his forehead. “Get it off! Get it off me!!! Whose was it? Eww!”

  Kade’s evil laughter rings in my ears as the Durango pulls away, and then I turn to face the music.

  Every basketball player in Kentwood Area School District is in Calhan’s Pizza Barn’s parking lot. A few are hooting and making rude gestures, but they are harmless and amused. A dozen kids take a step back, sneering at me like I’m going to spread a disease. Besides my boys, five others look at me with fear in their eyes– fear for me, because I was just outed on the same night I realized I was gay.

  I shrug on Kade’s flannel shirt like it’s armor. I start walking down the street toward home, knowing those who have my back are protecting it.

  We Need a Cure

  “Why is Tyler carrying a stack of pizza boxes?” I reach over, taking a few off the top. It’s only a three block walk home, but it’s uncomfortable to have a dozen pairs of eyes burning into my back as my mind wars between shame and pride.