“Look, Gray, we’re really sorry. We left the bar and went straight to the compound, like we always do. Pure habit. I really don’t think the guys even paid attention to where we were going,” Jaz tries to apologize, trying to convince me...more likely herself, that they didn’t just make the dumbest move in all of history.
“Did you drive them out there, or did they follow?” I ask. Neither one of them answer me, which means they let those bozos drive themselves. “So they know where it’s at because they drove out there. Following you like two horny dogs.”
They nod their heads.
I’m at a loss for words. Well, I’m not, but the words that are shaking loose in my brain aren’t very nice ones. And I’m trying extra hard to keep them contained in my mouth rather than in Andi and Jaz’s faces. The waitress sets our plates in front of us and leaves us to eat in silence. Andi and Jaz don’t bother trying to make excuses. They know they’ve done wrong and there’s nothing that they can say that will get them—us—out of this bind. Their actions have potentially set us up to be caught. With Drew and Cole knowing where the compound is, they will eventually lead law enforcement right to us. It’s only a matter of time. Shitballs, Cole is law enforcement. He’s part of S.W.A.T, which I’m sure will be front and center if all hell breaks loose. Damn, we’re fucked.
There’s only one thing that can calm my nerves at this point, and that’s my need to make things perfect. And since I can’t make recent events perfect, I start with what I can. Eating my food in groups, making sure they aren’t touching anything else on the plate, I start with my scrambled eggs, then the bacon, and follow up with my hash browns...that I ask to be burnt, but never get them remotely crispy. I then reach for a grape jelly from the wire holder—only grape, never another flavor—and pull back the seal. Taking my knife, I drag the tip of the blade down the center of the small cup then across, making four perfectly symmetric squares. I gently scoop out one of the tiny squares of jelly and spread it on my toast, then proceed to do the same with the other squares of jelly on the other three slices of bread.
I finish eating my toast, chase it down with a swig of iced tea, and finish with dabbing my mouth with my napkin. When the check comes, I pull out exact change, plus a tip, from my wallet and leave the money sitting on top of the check for the waitress to pick up when she walks by. Sitting back in the booth, I wait quietly for Andi and Jaz to be done. They glance at each other, then at me, before returning to their food. It’s an awkward breakfast, but there’s no other way around it. I could sit here and continue to rearrange the salt and pepper shakers and the condiments in order to keep my hands busy, but that’s not going to calm me down enough to be able to conjure up a new plan. I need to get home. I need to clean and organize things.
“What if we lay low for a while? Maybe it will blow over,” Jaz finally speaks. Andi nods in agreement, but I shake my head no, which results in them scowling at me.
“I thought about that, but if we stop abruptly like that, Jett might put the puzzle pieces together. As far as I know, I’m the only outsider that knows. Which means he’ll figure out that I’m the one—we’re the ones—behind this because the disappearances will have stopped. That looks bad, doesn’t it? He’s not stupid, that one. I’ll be the only one who knows and, when no one goes missing, he’ll know it’s me.” I’m talking in circles, repeating myself, trying to make sense of it all in my own head.
Andi scoffs, “Why on earth would he think that it’s you? You’re this mousy, corky school teacher. Who in God’s name would you be able to hurt...let alone kill?”
True.
I drop my voice again, leaning over the table once more. “But it’s not just about being physically able to kill someone. It’s the thought process behind it. You have to be smart. You have to have more than half a brain. And when no one else fits the bill, all eyes will be on me. Because, in fact, we know what I’m capable of.”
“What? Do you think you’re God’s gift to mankind?” Andi laughs. “You’re not the only smarty pants around. There’s going to be a lot of different factors that send them looking in one direction. Our goal needs to be to steer them in the opposite one. Stop obsessing and overthinking, Gray.”
Point taken.
“I get that, Andi. And I’m not saying that they’re going to figure out tomorrow, or a week from now, or hell, even a year from now. But if we don’t buckle down and start using our heads...and stop making piddly mistakes...it will be a helluva lot sooner. Drew and Cole are no longer allowed out at the compound. Let’s back off our hang outs and spread out some. I’ll start looking at guys who are going to places we haven’t been before.”
Andi guffaws. “Absolutely not. Now who’s the one not thinking clearly? If we stop going to the bars we frequent—where we’re regulars—and start showing up at random dives, isn’t that a clear sign that we’re out of place? C’mon now, Gray. Status quo. Agreed, no Drew and Cole at the compound, but we need to keep the status quo.”
Fuck me. She’s right. I hate when she’s right.
“Did they see anything?” I ask. “Did Cole and Drew notice anything off at the compound?”
Son of a...there’s that dreaded look again. The glance they give to each other that screams, “Shit, we’re in trouble.”
My brows pull together, already accusing, of what I don’t know. “What now?”
“Hey, don’t look at me,” Jaz snaps at Andi. “I’m crazy, but I’m not flinging my utensils around like a madwoman.”
I stare solely at Andi, waiting and waiting, until she says, “Hmm...well...I may have gotten carried away. I was going for the whole swipe the desk clean with an arm so we can fuck on the top of it thing. It just so happens that it was my tray and what got swiped were knives and some tools.” She pauses before adding, “What?” She asks like it’s a common occurrence to wave knives and tools around in random people’s face. When I glare at her harder, she sighs, falling back into the booth. “Yes, the spoon was involved.” She grunts loudly.
My head falls. Should I reiterate that what we do requires using brains rather than our asses? Nope. I’m choosing to take the higher road right now. I will not tell her she’s stupid. Hell, I won’t even tell her she fucked up. Instead, I calmly say, “Let’s not have any more of those moments. What you do in your own house is your deal, but from now on, the compound is strictly for the purpose of carrying out our business. Got it?”
Again, they both nod.
There’s a long pause, then out of the blue, Jaz smirks. “So, um, if we’re not going to whack someone right away, can we scare the bejesus out of Martin?”
I glare up at Jaz like she’s lost her ever-loving mind. There is no way in hell I’m going to entertain her outlandish request, especially after the conversation that we just had. Instead, I ignore her completely and grab my belongings, scooting out of the booth and walking away without a single word.
* * *
Maybe ditching Andi and Jaz at the restaurant wasn’t one of my better moves, but I needed to get away before I said something I would regret. Of course, I have nowhere else to go besides home, so I head in that direction and pray that my brother isn’t vegged out in front of the television. He was in bed by the time I got home last night, and I don’t mean asleep on the couch, but actually in the provided bedroom...which was a Godsend. And I was able to slip out to breakfast this morning without him noticing, but I have to face the music some time. Not that I really think that he’ll say anything. I mean, he really has no place to say anything. He’s living with me, for Chrissakes, and he’s eating my food and dirtying up my house. Yeah, so, if he tries to say anything about me being out until the wee hours of the morning, I’ll just tell him to fuck off. Yep, that’s what I’m gonna do. It might look as if I’m doing the walk of shame, but I’m not. Jett and I didn’t do anything of the sorts. So yeah, fuck off.
But Blue’s not home when I get inside. The house by no means is clean, but it’s picked up and there’s no sign of B
lue anywhere. He’s left no note, no fuck you marker on the wall, not even a shred of evidence that he’s been living here. Odd. I would like to say that I’m relieved, but I’m not...not even the slightest. I’ve been praying for him to move on, to find his own place, but now that it seems as if he’s disappeared, I’m feeling a bit apprehensive. Goddamn, I can almost bet he went trucking on foot to find one of those low-life dealers that he knows.
Now, I have two choices. I can leave well enough alone and not bother with my missing brother. Chalk it up to he finally got his sorry ass a job. Good riddance. Or, I can start a man hunt of my own. I really shouldn’t care a rat’s behind about what the hell Blue is up to. I don’t care. I don’t.
Then why do I have a nagging ache in my gut?
Dammit all to hell. I curse you, conscience! Had this happened a few weeks ago, I would have let it go. And I wouldn’t be even the tiniest bit sorry for ignoring a missing person...even if it was my brother.
Ugh!
It’s been too long since Blue and I have had a decent relationship, but I wasn’t born yesterday. I may not know his personal drug habit like I knew our mother’s, but I happen to know where a lot of the addicts like to hang out. There’s a row of abandoned houses in the hood of KC—Missouri, not Kansas—where all the homeless druggies live and share needles. How Blue would have managed to get down there, being that I’m at least an hour away, is beyond me. But then again, a junkie will do absolutely everything to get their high. And I remember the last time I saw him, some years ago, he was curled up in a ball of sweat, puke coming out of the corner of his mouth as he laid on the floor of one of those dilapidated houses. That was the night I tried to save to him. The night he began to OD on whatever mix of drugs he shot up with. And although I may have found him in time to save his life, I did not save him from the drugs. That was also the night I dumped him off in front of a hospital and left, not turning around, in fear that if I glanced back, I would cave and bring him home, ensuring the forthcoming of his death and my sanity. I couldn’t go through one more overdose. I couldn’t watch him, for one more minute, poison himself with the drug that made my mother Satan’s bitch. God, I hope my intuition is wrong and he’s just out looking for work, because I don’t think I can handle finding him like that again.
Eh, fudgsicles. I need backup. Stoner row is not a street a girl like me wants to go to alone. Not that I can’t take care of myself. We all know that I can. However, my appearance raises some eyebrows amongst the crackheads. If I don’t watch my back, I could be flat on it before I can say, “Crack whore.” Now, you’d think I’d call Jett. It would make sense, now wouldn’t it? I don’t call him, though. Nope, no law enforcement. I suppose it’s because I’m a child of the system. I’ve watched them come in and out of my drug shack of a home with a hooker of a mother, and never once did they help me. It’s not as if they didn’t know what was happening to me. I even reported the bitch, and her pimp and boyfriends. They still didn’t help me. Not even to remove me to place me into foster care. Each time those fuckers were called to the house, I’d plead with my eyes. Cry and whisper, “Please don’t leave me here.” But not a single one of them did a damn thing to free me from the hell I was living in. Instead, the moment those doors closed, I’d be beaten to a pulp and chained to a copper pipe that ran along the wall in the basement, and not fed until the next day. Yep. Good times.
With my purse and keys still in my hand, I turn right back around and head out to my car, dialing Jaz’s number as I pull away from my driveway.
She picks up by the third ring with a giggling, “Hey, brat.”
“Hey. I need you and Andi to meet me down at stoner row. Can you be at the corner of Southwest and 12th in forty-five minutes?”
“Why the hell do you want to go there?” she snaps in my ear.
“I think Blue went down there to get high. Can you please just meet me? I need backup. You know...just in case.”
“Of course, we’re on our way. But why don’t you call—”
I cut Jaz off with a sharp, “No!” and hang up, not wanting to give her the chance to say his name out loud. Yeah, I realize that would be the best thing to do, but that’s not gonna happen. So, get the fuck over it.
Like a fighter before the fight, I flip the radio on to classical piano. The runs of notes and the cheerful chords of “Concerto No. 21 in C Major” relaxes my tense muscles, putting my mind at ease...at least for the time being. As Mozart continues to soothe me, I think less and less of the possibility of what Blue is getting into and more of Jett, settled and nestled between my legs.
Oh boy, that man. He’s going to be the death of me, I just know it.
Chapter 24
Jaz
I stuff my phone in my shirt, under my bra strap, and nudge Andi with my elbow. “That was Gray. She needs our help...now.”
“Anything we can help with?” Cole asks from across the booth.
Fuck. There are a lot of things I need help with, like getting Cole’s fingers wedged inside of me. I could use some assistance with saddling up his cock, too. Of course what I need his help with does not include finding Blue in the mix of some crack houses. Here’s where I need to be mum’s the word and get Andi and I out of here without the slightest bit of SOS. Which could be a challenge since the real distress is between my legs. I know Andi is just as annoyed as I am, and she doesn’t even know why yet. By the way her and Drew are leaned over the table gawking over each other, she’s as head over heels for him as I am for Cole. You know, it’s not every day guys like Drew and Cole walk on by. And I mean literally, walk on by. We’re like magnets, drawn together even when we’re apart. A few minutes after Gray ran off, the boys came strolling in to First Watch. We’ve been here ever since. Watching them eat and shootin’ the shit. Fuck it all to hell. I wasn’t planning on leaving here without Cole wrapped around my body like a damn fleece blanket.
Cole gave me a teeny taste of what he’s like in the sack, and now that’s all I can think about. And quite honestly, the last thing I want to do is drive down to Southwest and dig around some drug houses in search of Blue. Since when did Gray care about what that boy’s up to anyway? Okay, he’s not a boy, but he sure as shit acts like one. I’ve known Gray longer than Andi has, which means I know Blue, too. We each had a less than conventional upbringing. Gray and Blue were raised around drugs and prostitution, where as I was raised in a stern, Hitler-type camp with parents who thought us kids were the hired help. There was no lovey-dovey bullshit in my household. We woke up at the crack of dawn and did our chores, went to school, and did more chores when we came home. Homework came after all the housework and farm work was done, and we were to keep our mouths shut unless spoken to. If we got out of hand, we’d get the belt—or a fist, it didn’t matter—we’d just get it.
Anyone who knows me knows that I’ll give you the shirt off my back. I’ll help everyone else before myself. I don’t care what the situation is, whether it be kicking someone’s ass or bringing you breakfast. I’ll do it because that’s what friends do. But if you cross me or someone I love, you’re dead to me. And Blue...well, he isn’t completely dead to me...yet, but he’s damn close. I was there the last and final time he OD’d before Gray said no more. I’ll never forget the look on Gray’s face as she tried to save him from dying, or when she left him in front of the hospital. I knew at that moment he’d sucked whatever life she had left out of her soul. That’s when she sought out her own justice. Up until that point, she tried to be the solid foundation for Blue. Never once did she touch drugs. She did everything in her power to steer him down the right path, but it was no use. I know she blames herself. Not fully, but she still takes some for not being able to keep him clean. And now he’s back...fucking up her life once again. If we find him, I’m going to beat the shit out of him myself.
I ignore Andi’s scowl and push her out of the booth. “We gotta go. Like now,” I mumble under my breath.
Through gritted teeth she asks, “What the f
uck is so important that we need to leave right this very second?”
I glare at her with my don’t-mess-with-me-I’ll-fuck-you-up eyes, which makes her scoot out of the booth with a loud huff. The boys follow us outside, but before I get into the car, Cole stops me. His hand wraps around my arm and pulls me into him. I bring my palm up to rest on his chest as he nuzzles beneath my ear with his nose. He leaves a soft kiss at the dimple between my ear and jawbone before whispering, “We can help, you know.”
I pull back and cup his face, leaning in to place a kiss on his lips. “I know, but this you can’t help with, Cole. I’ll call you later. Okay?”
He hesitates as if he’s going to argue with me, but he nods once then lets me get into the car. Before he closes the door, he bends over to peck my cheek. “Is Gray in trouble?”
Damn him and his questions. I’ve already said too much. Gray would have a coronary if she knew I was even talking to Cole. I try to dismiss any concerns that he’s having with a simple, “Not Gray. I’ll call you.” He shuts the door, and as I buckle my seat belt, I yell out to Andi who’s still saying goodbye to Drew. “Get your ass in here, Andi. Let’s go!”
Andi takes her time giving Drew an obscene open-mouth kiss with plenty of tongue. Thank God there are no kids around, that’s all I gotta say. When she finally gets in the car, I drive like a bat outta hell, waving at Cole and Drew as I leave the parking lot.
“What’s this all about? Shit, I was hoping to go home with Drew. Damn, he looked good today, didn’t he?”
I mutter an mmhmm before adding, “Blue’s missing. Gray thinks he’s visiting some old friends.” I don’t need to elaborate, Andi already knows what I mean. She may not know Blue like I do, but she knows of his history. “Let’s not tell Gray that we were with Drew and Cole. She’ll flip the fuck out. Son of bitch, if she knew that I let on to Cole that there was a problem, she’d stuff me like a mummy and toss me out like a hundred pound bag of fertilizer.”
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