by Sherri Hayes
I noticed our waiter across the room at another table and got a sudden burst of inspiration. Angling my face so that I was not looking directly at her but could still see her reaction, I said, “When the waiter comes back to the table you will tell him what you want for dinner.”
There was nothing for a long second before I both felt and heard her reaction. Last week I would have jumped in and tried to comfort her right away, but tonight I wanted to see if she could get a hold of herself. She had the number system I’d given her and the safe words. Now I needed to see what, if anything, she would do with them.
I watched her panic continue to rise as our waiter walked to our table. He stood before us and smiled. “Are you ready to order?”
Neither of us responded for a long moment. I was almost ready to speak up since Roger was already eyeing Brianna with slight concern when I suddenly felt her grip on my hand tighten almost painfully and a small voice beside me say, “Chicken parmesan. Please.”
“Excellent choice, ma’am. And for you sir?” he asked.
“I’ll have the special this evening.”
“Very well, sir,” he replied, picking up our menus. “Your appetizer will be out shortly.”
I barely waited for his back to turn before pulling Brianna into my arms, kissing her solidly, and burying my nose in her hair. It took her a moment to respond to my sudden action, but when she did it was like something deflated inside her. All at once all the tension she’d been holding left her, and I heard her sob.
Placing a kiss on her temple, I pulled back to look into her glistening eyes. I knew right then that without a doubt, Lily had been right. I loved Brianna Reeves.
Brianna
I did it. I really did it.
Master was staring at me with a huge smile on his face, but I could barely see him through the tears pooling in my eyes. His right hand came up and brushed lightly across my cheek. I hadn’t realized the tears had started falling until that moment.
His touch was so gentle, and I knew without him saying it that he was proud of me. For some reason he wanted me not to be afraid. And I wanted that, too. For him. Master was so wonderful to me that I wanted to give him something back, and it was the only thing I had to give.
The waiter came to our table and lay down a plate. I knew he was there, and my body stiffened slightly even though I tried to will it not to. It helped that Master didn’t release me or move at all. He acted like nothing existed outside of us.
Slowly Master removed his hand from my face. It was almost like he didn’t want to but was forcing himself. He turned back to the table, releasing his hold on me altogether, and I immediately wanted it back.
No. I was never his slave. And neither are you.
I watched as Master moved the small pieces of bread, cheese, and basil from the large plate the waiter brought onto the small ones in front of us. His movements were so fluid, so graceful.
What had Lily meant?
He took a small bite of his food and chewed. When he realized I wasn’t following his example he glanced over at me and ordered, “Eat.”
With a deep breath to steady myself, I reached for the bread and took a bite. It was delicious. The bread must have been made fresh today, and the mozzarella was fresh, too. A leaf of basil created a nice contrast to the other two flavors. It was perfect.
I was so lost in my food and also keeping a covert watch on Master’s movements that I didn’t see our waiter approaching with our dinners. His voice caused me to jump, and Master’s hand fell onto my arm. Nothing could calm me like Master touch, but my heart was still pounding in my chest until the waiter went away.
We ate our meal in silence. It was just as good as the appetizer had been. Master let me taste a piece of his. I’d never had duck before.
After dinner we went to the grocery store just as he’d said. There were more people here tonight than when I’d come with Lily, and I moved closer to Master. He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer. I felt his breath against my hair.
“You’re doing fine, Brianna. Just remember your numbers.”
Numbers. Yes. Remember the numbers.
He took a small step away from me and placed his hand in mine. Master didn’t move; he just stood there waiting. I realized he was waiting for me. With a deep breath, I took a step forward.
Master walked beside me as I pushed the cart through the store. Occasionally he’d pick up something and put it inside but mostly he just watched me.
At one point, Master walked several feet away to select something he wanted from the shelf. He’d done the same thing a couple of times before, but in that same moment a man holding a basket walked into the aisle about ten feet ahead of us. I felt my body tense and my breathing pick up. He looked directly at me.
I’d never seen this man before, but for some reason the way he was staring at me sent chills up my spine.
Remember your numbers.
Numbers, numbers.
The man walked toward me at a steady pace, and my eyes flashed to Master. His back was to me. I don’t think he’d seen the man. What did I do?
Numbers.
Five.
He came closer.
Six.
The man was only a few feet away. His eyes were now filled with an expression I didn’t understand.
Seven.
I felt pain in my chest as the man slid between Master and me. His chest brushed against me as he turned to the side to get through the narrowed space. I could feel his breath against my neck he was so close!
Eight. Eight!
“Yellow,” I choked. Oh please, please.
I felt someone pulling at my fingers that were now holding onto the cart in a death grip. No. Please no. No.
“Brianna.”
The fingers that had been pulling at my hands were gone now.
Soft hands touched my face. “Brianna, open your eyes,” said a firm voice.
When I forced my eyes open, it was Master’s face that I found. I knew I shouldn’t have, but I needed to be close to him. I released the cart and fell against him. The worst he could do was push me away here in the store. I didn’t care what he did to me later.
But he didn’t push me away. Instead he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and held me tighter. All the panic I’d felt faded away. I was safe. Master would protect me.
I had no idea how long we stayed like that. Someone asked Master if I was okay, and he answered that I was fine. We were causing a scene. I was causing a scene. But he didn’t seem to care.
Tilting my head up just a little so that he and he alone could hear me, I whispered, “Thank-you, Master.”
He kissed my hair and squeezed me tighter. “Are you all right?” I nodded.
Now that I’d calmed down I realized how silly my reaction had been. Master was right there only a few feet away. I was his. He wouldn’t have let anything happen to me.
Then he surprised me by asking, “Do you wish to go home or do you want to continue?”
I glanced over at our groceries, but his hand pulled my chin back so that I was looking at him. “Brianna, I don’t care about the food. It can rot here in the middle of the store for all I care. Do you want to finish shopping or do you wish to go home?”
The thought of leaving all this food to rot, as he’d said, didn’t feel right, but I knew he meant every word. Master would leave, just as he said he would, if that was what I wanted. He was leaving the option up to me.
“I’d like to finish, please.” He nodded and released me.
We finished our shopping, but he never left my side again. His hand touched some part of me at all times.
Stephan
I continued to think about what happened at the store the entire way home. In a way I was glad. At least I’d been there, and she had used her safe word. The downside was that she had panicked and had to use that safe word.
She walked behind me as we entered my condo, both of our arms full of groceries. Taking them to the k
itchen, I set the bags down and left her to put them away.
In my room, I removed the jacket and tie from work I was still wearing since I’d not taken the time to change before we left. Unbuttoning the top two buttons of my shirt, I looked at myself in the mirror.
I could hear her moving around in the other room. The pull I felt toward her continued to get stronger as did the conviction I’d felt tonight at dinner. Somehow in all this mess I had fallen in love with the woman now gracing my kitchen.
Running a hand through my hair, I took a deep breath. I had no idea what I was going to do, no idea how to deal with these emotions I felt.
Why did the first time I fell in love have to be with a woman who may never be capable of loving me back?
For one moment I let myself imagine what it would be like to have her feel for me what I did for her. To be able to show her how I felt. Just thinking about it made my heart race like never before.
The memory of her spread out naked on her bed flashed in my mind, and I had to force it away. As much as I wanted her, I couldn’t have her. I had to face the very real possibility that she would never want me like I wanted her. Never be able to look at me as anything more than the person who bought her.
My head fell into my hands and I groaned. Just the idea caused me pain. I would let her go, though. I loved her enough to let her go.
After spending several minutes pushing my fear of losing her deep inside, I made my way back into the main room to find her sitting on the couch. Glancing in the kitchen, I could see that everything was put away and in its place, not that I’d expected any different. Brianna took her responsibilities very seriously.
She didn’t look up when I came in, but I could tell she was aware of me. Good.
Brianna kept her eyes lowered as I made my way over to my chair. I sat down, placed my hands on the armrests, and told her to sit on my lap.
Her progress amazed me. She was gaining confidence every day. Brianna was the strongest woman I had ever met.
She sat on my legs with hands folded loosely. Her posture was alert but relaxed.
With my left hand I brushed her hair back away from her face. “You did very well this evening at the restaurant. I was impressed.”
She nodded. “Thank-you, Master.”
I saw a small smile play at her lips. She was obviously impressed with herself as well.
My hand moved up and down her arm slowly. I needed to touch her in some way, to show her how I felt, even if I couldn’t tell her with words. “You started to panic at first. What changed?”
She didn’t answer me right away, but I could tell by the look on her face that she was thinking so I waited. We sat for at least ten minutes before she finally said, “I don’t know. I was . . . scared,” she said and then paused for several seconds. I was sure she was gauging my reaction to her confession.
When I didn’t respond in any way, she continued. I saw a light blush color her cheeks as she said, “Then I . . .” She swallowed. “I told myself you wouldn’t let anything happen to me.”
My heart jumped at her confession. I knew my touch calmed her. I’d seen it firsthand many times before. But for her to admit such a thing, to connect it, and have it help her . . .
I pulled her closer to me and tucked her head beneath my chin. She leaned into me, and I thought I felt her release a small sigh. “I would never let anything happen to you,” I confirmed.
We sat for a long time without a sound between us except our breathing. I knew we needed to talk about what had happened at the grocery store, and it was getting late.
Without moving either of us from our current position, I said, “You used your safe word tonight.” I felt her stiffen. “Thank-you,” I responded. She needed to know above all else that I wanted her to use her safe words. I didn’t want her to be afraid of them.
Brianna relaxed once more in my arms, and again I let a few moments lapse before continuing. “Will you tell me what caused you to reach an eight? Why did you panic?”
She took a deep breath, and I could feel her preparing herself. I rubbed my hand up and down her arm, trying to comfort her. “That man . . .”
I waited for her to continue, but after several minutes she did not. “What about the man?”
“I don’t know,” she confessed and I believed her.
“I know this will be hard, Brianna, but I want you to close your eyes and think back. What was it about the man that scared you?”
A small motion brought my attention to her hands. They were balled into fists. I hated that this was so difficult for her, but it was necessary if she was ever to attempt a normal life.
“His eyes,” she whispered.
“What about his eyes?”
I felt her shake her head against my shoulder and then heard a sob. “I don’t know.”
Pulling her tighter against me, I placed a soft kiss to her head and held her while she calmed down.
I looked at my watch and knew we needed to be going to bed soon. With my left hand I took her right one and brought it up to her neck. “This,” I said, brushing both of our fingers along her collar, “is a symbol to show that I am always with you. I would never let someone take you away from me, Brianna.”
I gave her a moment to process that information. “Do you believe me?”
“Yes,” she said without hesitation. I nodded and just took a moment to enjoy the feeling of her in my arms.
Long before I wanted to, I repositioned her on my lap so that I could see her face. “I want to talk about this some more, but I would like for you to try and figure out what exactly it was about this man’s eyes that bothered you. I don’t want you to always be afraid.”
“I will try for you, Master.”
Bringing my hands up to surround her face, I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers. The feel of her soft mouth against mine was absolutely amazing. She leaned into me, and even though I knew I shouldn’t, I took the invitation.
My tongue slipped through my lips and pressed against hers. She opened to me, and I wasted no time diving in and tasting her once again.
Brianna moved her tongue with mine as she had before, but this was so much different than the first time. On her bed it had been aggressive, heated. Here it was softer, and for my part, filled with love rather than lust.
The problem with that, however, was that my body had difficulty telling the difference. Before I wanted to, I had to pull back. She had had a rough day and the last thing she needed was for me to lose control and push our physical boundaries. I shouldn’t even be kissing her like I was, but I couldn’t find it within myself to be sorry.
Her eyes opened and met mine.
I love you, Brianna!
But instead of saying the words shouting at me in my head, I walked her to her room and said goodnight.
Stephan
Tuesday morning I said goodbye to Brianna with a little more reluctance than usual. For some reason it was harder to separate myself from her than it had been before, not that before it had been easy. She accepted my soft kiss just before I walked out the door and had a smile on her face when I left her.
The day was uneventful, thankfully. Sure, I’d had to deal with a few everyday problems, but nothing that added too much stress upon my already complicated life.
At five o’clock, I said goodnight to Jamie and drove home.
My excitement grew as I rode the elevator to my condo. And just like always, she was there on the floor, waiting for me.
Crossing the short distance between the door and where she knelt seemed too far. But it was like a breath of fresh air when my hand made its way into her hair, and I felt her lean into me. “Good evening, Brianna.”
“Good evening, Master.” Her voice held more confidence each day.
Three weeks. I couldn’t believe it had been three weeks.
Raising her chin, I peered into her eyes. They were open, looking directly into mine. So much different than that first night, that first week.
She held my gaze for several minutes before I pulled back and helped her to stand. “Prepare the table. I’ll be there in a minute.” With that I walked away, leaving her standing near the door.
Dinner was uneventful. Although I wanted to ask her questions, I knew it was best to wait until after. Talking seemed to be easier for her when we were touching.
After going through our days, our conversation revisited her experience the previous night. We talked about why the man’s eyes had bothered her, and it seemed she viewed them as aggressive. Her word, not mine.
“I want to try something. Stand up for me.” She nodded and stood, waiting.
I guided her to an open area of the room and took several steps back from her.
Brianna started to lower her head, but I stopped her. “No. I want you to look at me. Look directly into my eyes.”
She complied and waited. I didn’t make her wait long. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and let a part of my nature that I’d been keeping tightly under wraps come to the surface. When I opened my eyes, I saw her reaction immediately.
Her entire body stiffened, and her eyes widened in fear and apprehension. I watched as her breath picked up as my eyes roamed her body, the hunger in them painfully obvious. This was a side of me Brianna had only gotten a glimpse of once before and in a very small dose.
With measured steps I stalked toward her, each step predatory. She was trying very hard not to react to her obvious fear. I saw her legs twitch like she was preparing to run.
Closing the last feet between us, I kept my eyes firmly fixed on hers. “Was this the way his eyes looked, Brianna?”
I saw her swallow, but she didn’t answer.
“Answer me!”
“Yes!” she cried as the first tears erupted down her cheeks.
I pulled her into my arms. She held herself stiff, every muscle ready to react.
“Shh. Calm down, love. It’s just me. You are safe,” I said kissing her just above her ear.
It took several minutes before I felt the tension begin to leave her body. And when it did, the tears came in endless waves. I held her to my body for a long time before picking her up and carrying her into her bedroom.