by Sherri Hayes
I said her name before reaching out and trying to loosen her fingers. Somewhere in her mind she must have registered my presence because, although she didn’t look up, she did stop chanting the phrase she had been saying and changed it to the word yellow.
Before she’d said her safe word, I knew that she’d been at least at an eight given our experiences together so far. I was still happy that she had used it, though.
Once I’d released her hands from their death grip on her legs, I placed both of her hands in one of mine and used the other to cup her face. “Focus on my voice, Brianna. You’re safe, love.”
It took repeating these words three times before I finally began to feel her calm. She looked at me and that was when the tears started to fall. I didn’t hesitate picking her up into my arms and then sitting back down with her in the chair.
After settling her in my arms I looked up and found that although Richard was still the only one in the room, everyone else, including Lily and Logan, were standing in the doorway. I gave Logan a pointed look. He whispered something to Lily, and then motioned for everyone to move away except for Richard and Lily.
With everyone else out of view, Lily moved into the room and came to kneel in front of Brianna. Her hand came up to where Brianna’s hand rested in her lap. It didn’t take long for Brianna to recognize the gesture and for her to take Lily’s proffered hand.
We sat in our little bubble until Diane returned with a glass of water. I took it and thanked her before offering it to the fragile woman in my arms. Brianna surprised me as she had so many times by reaching out, taking the glass from me, and drinking.
Diane reluctantly left the room, leaving the four of us alone once again. I looked down at Brianna. “I need to speak with Richard. Are you okay here alone with Lily?”
“Yes,” she whispered. Slowly, I lifted both of us from the chair and placed her back into its comforting depths.
I waited until both Richard and I were out in the hall before leveling a look at my uncle. “What happened?” I snapped.
“I was honest with her. I told her I wasn’t sure her being with you was the best thing for her. She defended you and started spiraling into a panic attack, which is when I called for you.”
“You were just supposed to make sure she was okay. That was it. Why did you force her into having to defend me?” I hissed.
“Stephan, she is in very real danger of developing . . .”
“I don’t care what she’s in danger of developing. It’s not your concern. She is my responsibility.” Without letting him say anything else, I marched back into the study.
Lily was still kneeling on the floor, but now so was Brianna. As I walked into the room what I heard Lily say brought me up short. “You’re not a slave. Talk to Stephan. He’ll explain everything.”
Brianna
I watched as he left the room to go speak to his uncle. There was a part of me that wanted to call him back. To ask him to never leave my side, but I couldn’t.
Lily’s voice brought my attention to her. “Are you okay?” Instead of answering her, my arms flew around her neck, nearly toppling her over, and I started crying once again.
Her hands came up to rub comfortingly on my back. “It’ll be all right,” she said, trying to soothe me as she regained her balance.
She didn’t understand why I was crying. “You can . . . talk,” I choked out.
Arms squeezed me tighter before she pulled me back and wiped the tears from my cheeks. I sat facing her on the floor, watching as she looked at me with a strange expression on her face. “I need to apologize to you, Brianna.”
“Lily . . .”
“No.” She cut me off. “I did something very wrong, and I need to tell you that I’m sorry.”
“But . . .” And then a fear went through me. “You’re not . . . leaving. Are you?”
“No. I’m not leaving. I’ll be here as long as you want me to be.”
With her reassurance, I was finally able to release the breath I’d been holding. “I don’t want you to leave.” She smiled back at me, but it held a hint of sadness.
“Last weekend when we were in your bedroom you asked me a question, and I didn’t fully answer you or encourage you to talk to Stephan like I should have.” Swallowing, I tried to remain calm. I knew exactly which conversation she was talking about.
“I told you I was never Stephan’s slave and that you weren’t either. But I should have stayed and made sure that you understood, that you knew that you could talk to me and to Stephan about anything. I failed you, and I’m sorry.”
“But he bought me,” I whispered. My voice sounded weak even to my ears.
Her hands gripped mine tighter. “You are not a slave. Talk to Stephan. He’ll explain everything.”
I didn’t know what to say. Denial rang through my brain, and I wanted to scream. I was a slave. It was what I was. I’d accepted that.
But then the doubt I’d had since last weekend began to push its way in. What if Lily was right? What did that mean exactly? Why . . . ?
There was movement in the doorway, and my head came up. My eyes met the worried ones of my Master.
He entered the room with slow, steady steps and crouched down beside me. His left hand came up to brush the side of my cheek, while his right slid into the strands of my hair. A level of calm that was only present when he touched me had me leaning into him. He pulled me closer against his chest, and I wrapped my arms around his waist.
At that moment, I didn’t want to think about what Lily had told me. There were obviously things that I didn’t understand. She knew my Master much better than I, and I trusted her almost as much as I did him. I would do as she said and talk to him. Just not right now. Right now I needed to know that he was here and that I was safe. That no one was going to take me away from him.
All too soon we got up and joined the others waiting for us in the sitting room. Everyone looked at me huddled into Master’s side.
Master thanked Diane for dinner and told everyone that I wasn’t feeling well so we were going home. Diane came up to us and asked if she could give me a hug. I felt Master’s arms hold me tighter, but for some reason I didn’t feel panicked at his aunt’s suggestion, so I nodded.
Her arms surrounded me, even though I never released my hold on Master. The hug was brief and not nearly as forceful as the first one I’d experienced from her. I felt bad that everyone seemed to feel they had to handle me with kid gloves but grateful at the same time. She turned to Master and gave him a much tighter hug, whispering something in his ear that sounded like take care of her.
Once Diane walked back across the room to stand beside Richard, the awkwardness increased. No one seemed to know what to do, and Lily was standing by Logan’s side, back to not acting like herself.
Master said a final goodbye to everyone, and as we walked out the door, I heard Logan say they should be going, too. It seemed that I had ruined the dinner for everyone.
Stephan
I was teetering somewhere between rage and the overwhelming desire to hold on to the creature at my side and never let her go. The dinner was going so well. I thought giving Richard a chance to talk to her alone would be a good thing. I had been beyond stupid.
And then there was Lily. She had been quiet all throughout dinner. Punishment, I suspected. But then the first words I heard out of her mouth left me trying to remember how to breathe.
I thought that we were making headway. That she was starting to see herself as a person again. An individual. But that was obviously not the case. Brianna understood nothing, and it was entirely my fault.
As I pulled into my spot in the parking garage, I could see Logan behind me. I had a feeling they would be coming to make sure Brianna was all right. It wasn’t as if we could speak openly about the situation while at my aunt and uncle’s house.
All the way home I’d tried to provide what little comfort to Brianna that I could with my touch. We needed to talk. She needed to unders
tand once and for all what had happened and what I wanted from her. For her.
I didn’t wait for my friends before going up to my condo. Even if I only had a minute alone with Brianna before everything started, I wanted it.
We walked into the open layout of my home, and I wrapped her in my arms. Her hair brushed against my lips as I took in her scent. I knew what needed to happen now, and I could only hope that she didn’t run away from me screaming. That she would understand what I was trying to do, and that she would allow me to help her.
All too soon, Logan and Lily made their presence known. I released my hold on Brianna and let them in.
We all walked over to the living room. I went directly to my chair and had Brianna sit on my lap while Logan and Lily took seats on the couch.
My best friend was one of the most levelheaded people I knew and got to the point quickly. “I know that you and Brianna need to talk about some things, but I felt that Lily needed to explain herself first.”
He looked over at Lily, and she began talking.
“When we were in Brianna’s room last weekend, she asked me if I was ever your slave. I told her I wasn’t and that neither was she.” Lily’s eyes lowered before she continued. “When it was time to go, I should have asked for a few more minutes or something other than what I did, which was nothing.”
I had had no idea that Brianna had asked her if she was a slave last weekend. Looking at Logan’s face while Lily told her story let me know that this was why she had not been speaking today at dinner. Lily should have said something. To Brianna. To Logan. To me. Instead she had kept it to herself and allowed the woman in my arms to suffer even more confusion than was necessary. Brianna had opened up to Lily and had gotten silence in return.
Lily finished by apologizing again for her poor judgment and fell silent again. Apparently her punishment wasn’t over. I couldn’t say that I disagreed with Logan.
My best friend then stood and walked over to stand in front of us. Brianna looked up hesitantly, and he smiled at her before turning serious again. “My deepest apologies, Brianna.”
Then he looked at me. “Please call if you need anything.” I nodded and they left.
Brianna sat unmoving in my arms. I knew that she’d heard every word that Lily and Logan had spoken, and I knew she had to have many questions floating in her head that she was probably afraid to voice. Everything in me rebelled against letting her go, but I knew that I must.
I patted her arm and told her to stand. Then, taking her hand, I led her to the couch and had her sit down beside me. We hadn’t been here since the time I told her she didn’t have to end every sentence she said to me with Master.
She sat with her head down, holding tightly to my hand as if she thought I might let it go. I wouldn’t. I was too selfish for that. Some part of me had to be able to touch her while we talked.
My thumb moved lazily on her knuckles as I stated, “There’s something you want to ask me.”
She didn’t answer me, so I waited. If it took all night for her to talk to me, we would wait here.
And wait we did. After five minutes she began picking at the slacks she was wearing with her free hand. After ten she began moving her legs. Fifteen minutes passed, and she opened her mouth, but no sound escaped. This went on for several more minutes before small sounds began emerging.
But even after that it took another three minutes before a definable word came out. “You . . . bought me.”
It wasn’t a question, but I answered anyway, “Yes. I did.”
Her head fell lower, and her shoulders fell forward slightly. “I am your slave,” she whispered, clearly not talking to me but herself.
“Look at me.” She did as I said, albeit slowly. Her eyes were fearful. It was something I’d noticed gradually fading when she looked at me. I didn’t like seeing that it had returned.
“Would you like to know why I bought you?” Brianna’s eyes widened, and her breathing picked up. I both saw and felt the signs of her anxiety. She wanted to know, but she was scared of the answer.
“Maybe I should have told you that first night. I don’t know,” I said to her honestly, pleading with her to believe me. “You didn’t believe anything I said back then.” I shook my head as I remembered what she’d been like that first night. So fragile and completely broken. “I didn’t know how you’d react.”
She didn’t say anything so I continued. “A friend of mine came to me.” I began, trying to pick my words carefully. “He saw you at a party.”
Her hand loosened around mine. The fear was turning into panic. As much as I wanted to keep space between us, I just couldn’t be physically separated from her anymore. I couldn’t just watch her crumble before me.
I released her hand and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her flush against my body. My forehead rested against hers as I looked into her eyes, almost forcing her to concentrate on nothing but me. “Daren told me he didn’t think you were there because you wanted to be. He had asked Ian”—she shuddered when I said his name—“if you were for sale. He knew I had the means to buy you. That’s why he came to me.”
Brianna’s eyes were still fearful, but they were no longer unfocused. I soften my tone as I said the next words. “I didn’t buy you to own you. Not like you think I did.”
More minutes passed in silence. “Say something. Please,” I begged.
“Why?” she whispered.
“Why what?” I said back just as softly. We were so close that our noses were almost touching.
Her eyes changed to pleading, but I wanted her to say something. Anything. “Do not be afraid, Brianna. You can ask me anything.”
Brianna’s words were still weak as she spoke them. “If . . . if you didn’t want to . . . own me,” she choked, “then why did you . . .why would you buy me?”
I closed my eyes and took in the scent of her. My next words could change everything for her. And for me. “There are people out there who enjoy what Ian does. Alex, for example. But if you weren’t that type of person . . . well, I couldn’t just not do something. I had the means to help you. I couldn’t just walk away and leave you there if that wasn’t what you wanted.”
She blinked up at me. There was still so much confusion in her eyes, but I was glad to see the fear was retreating. “Then I saw you,” I said, bringing my hand up to caress her face. “I knew without a doubt that this was not the life you wanted. But you were so broken, so scared. I wanted in that moment to help you above all else.”
Brianna’s eyes were full of questions now. I knew I still had so much to explain. “I was selfish, though. When I brought you into my home I knew that I wanted to keep you.” She stiffened, and I strengthened my hold. “Not as my slave, Brianna.”
I released a deep breath and dropped my hand back down to her side. “I’m a Dominant, like Ian. But unlike Ian, I do not believe in forced slavery. I want a woman to submit to me because she wants to serve me. Not because she is forced to.”
I paused and looked into her eyes, trying to convey all the emotions, all the love that I had for her. “I want you to want to serve me, Brianna. I want you to let me take care of you. To show you that you don’t have to be afraid of me or anyone else.”
She didn’t say anything for too long. I could hear the minutes ticking away and with every one my fear grew. And with her next words I had to force myself not to react. She couldn’t see how much I feared her leaving.
“But I can’t leave?” She phrased it as a question.
“If leaving is what you desire, then I won’t stop you,” I said as calmly as I could manage. Then I added, “I don’t want you to leave.”
The confusion was back. “I can . . . leave?” she asked.
I closed my eyes trying to keep the pain out of my voice. “Yes. If you wish.”
Obviously I didn’t do a good enough job. Her hand came up to my face, and she hesitantly traced the worry lines on my brow. Fingers followed the line of my nose and traced my lips.
It took me a moment to change gears. I’d been so worried, so sure that she’d get up and leave that I hadn’t been prepared for anything else.
As quickly as I could, I answered, “Lily is Logan’s submissive. She did something wrong, so she was being punished.” I couldn’t help but smirk. “Lily likes to talk, so taking that away from her has quite an impact.”
Again, Brianna’s eyes were full of questions. I waited until she settled on one to ask. She didn’t disappoint. “I’m your submissive?”
I sighed. “Yes. In a way, you are. Although not in the traditional sense.”
She looked confused again, but for some reason this time it made me laugh. “When you were with Ian, Brianna, you had no say. He controlled everything you did. It was what you were used to, and I thought giving you a whole new set of rules, a completely different way of doing things all at once, would be too much of a shock to you.”
I looked at her, trying to will her to understand what I was saying. She could still choose to walk away from me. “So I decided to start slow. Keep structure in your life while trying to get you to open up to me so that I could help you.”
My hands came up to cup her face lightly. “It was working. You started to relax, to talk to me, to trust me.”
Her nose scrunched up as if she was deep in thought. “If I stay here, what will happen?”
I couldn’t stop the excitement that was pounding through me. She wasn’t bolting for the door. “That will depend on you,” I replied honestly. Her eyes were questioning again. “It will depend on what you want. If you want to be my submissive or not.”
“If I don’t?” she asked.
Fear gripped me again at the thought of losing her, but I pushed it into the far corner of my mind. I’d deal with it later.
“Then I will help you in any way that I can. I have access to resources all over the city. I’d still like to see you finish your schooling, but I’m sure that eventually you would want to have your own apartment and a job.”