by J. D. Mason
“She’s someone I used to know,” he said simply.
All of a sudden, he didn’t like the look in her eyes.
“A long time ago, Abby.”
“Were you seeing her while you were married, Jordan?”
Trepidation. Apprehension. Abby was filled with both. Honesty was all that he had in this moment. Jordan Gatewood, the great negotiator, manipulator, was backed into a corner. He could lie or he could tell the truth. If he wanted this relationship to last, to even grow with Abby, then he’d have to take a chance on truth.
“Yes,” he admitted.
Abby’s eyes immediately filled with tears and doubts about him.
“Is that why Claire killed herself?”
He looked away from her for the first time since he’d shown up at her door. “Claire killed herself because she loved me far more than she should’ve.”
“And Lonnie was part of that reason?”
“She was.”
Abby sighed and leaned away from him slightly, leaving too much space between the two of them. All sorts of retorts ran through his mind. I was a different man back then, Abby. I was a cad and a fool. I was selfish. All those statements were true, and they all sounded canned and clichéd. Jordan had no idea how to explain to her that he had changed from who he’d been back then. Words seemed insignificant. He needed time with her, time to show her who he was now, especially with her in his life.
“Sometimes I am so careful and so cautious about men that I end up being single most of the time. My best friend, Skye, tells me that I’m overprotective of myself. But it’s only because being in love is everything to me,” she tearfully explained. “I don’t recover so well from a broken heart.” Abby looked embarrassed. “I’m not as strong as I go out of my way to make people think I am. Unfortunately, I don’t bounce back all that well.”
Was she saying what he thought she was saying?
“You love me?” Jordan dared to ask.
Her hesitation said it all. Jordan went against his better judgment and pulled her into his arms, onto his lap, and held her so tight that he had to make a conscious effort not to squeeze the breath out of her.
Abby cupped his face in her hands and kissed him. “I don’t ever cry this much. I think I’m PMSing.” She laughed.
“I’m not here to hurt you, baby,” he murmured between her kisses. “I love you, too, Abby, and I swear, I will be as careful with you as you are with you.”
“No secrets,” she said, staring into his eyes. “Not ever.”
“None.”
“I so want us to work, Jordan,” Abby murmured sincerely. “I’ve never felt like this before and I don’t know what I’d do if—”
He kissed her before she could finish.
Abby wrapped both arms around his neck and held him tightly as he slipped one arm between her legs and his, scooted to the edge of the sofa, stood up, and carried her into the bedroom.
* * *
Jordan was up and dressed by four the next morning, standing on the steps to Abby’s house. She stood a step above him, leaning into him.
“I will call you,” he promised, pressing his forehead to hers.
“Are you sure that you don’t want to try to take a later flight?”
“I have a meeting at the Pentagon as soon as I land.”
She smiled. “That sounds like something out of the movies.”
He kissed her, slowly and passionately. Abby tasted so damn good. She was warm and soft, and just like that, he was under her spell again.
Jordan swayed slightly. “I really need to go.”
She smiled. “Call me as soon as you get to the airport,” she said, concerned. “Let me know you made it all right.”
“I will.”
She laughed. “No, you won’t, because you’re a big boy and don’t need to be reporting in to nobody when you travel.”
“I’ll call anyway.”
He kissed her one last time and then turned to leave, glancing over his shoulder to get a glimpse of her smile.
* * *
At that time of the morning, there was hardly any traffic on the road. Robin had done her damnedest to derail his relationship with Abby, but she’d failed. What the hell did she know about Lonnie, though? What did she think she knew? Any sympathy he’d once felt for Robin was gone. Any guilt he’d felt for possibly leading her on was a moot point. She was navigating dangerously close to forbidden territory in his life. He hadn’t played dirty in a long time, but if she insisted on pushing this agenda of hers, Jordan would have no choice but to push back. God help her if he actually did.
Have to Sacrifice
THE LOOK ON SKYE’S face said it all. The two of them had met at Pristine’s for tea, and after listening to Abby catching her up on the recent events of her life, Skye was beyond pissed.
She sat across the table from Abby with her arms folded, nostrils flaring, and squinty eyes that seemed to deepen in their shade of blue. “You have truly pushed the boundaries of our friendship to new lows, Abby Rhodes.”
Of course Abby felt bad. The two of them had always shared their deepest secrets with the other since they were in grade school. “I’m sorry, Skye. It was a secret that started out being more for his sake than mine, and then it turned into this unbelievable thing that didn’t seem real, not even to me.”
“What did you think I was gonna do?” she challenged. “Blab it to the whole town that you were dating an oil barron?”
“No.” Abby sighed. “But you’d have told David and he’d have blabbed it. It would’ve been a chain reaction, by no fault of your own, Skye. And the thing is, I never expected any of this. I mean, he’s amazing but it’s all happened so fast. All this time, I’ve been trying to come to terms with it myself. I didn’t know how to tell you what was happening since I wasn’t even sure.”
Skye’s long, drawn-out, overly dramatic silence was as impactful as a scream.
“Okay,” Abby finally huffed, still looking angry, but trying to resign herself to the fact that the damage to their friendship had been done.
“Would it help if maybe I bought a few round of drinks the next time me and you go out?”
Skye rolled her eyes at Abby.
“Maybe throw in dinner, too.” Abby smiled.
Skye cut her eyes at her and sort of smiled, too.
“And I’ll get you a real nice Christmas present this year just to say I’m sorry for not being a better friend and telling you all my business.”
“It’s what we do,” Skye responded as pitifully as she could muster.
“It is. And I promise to remember that going forward.”
“So, obviously, you have a reason for revealing this bit of news to me now,” Skye expertly concluded.
“I’m in love,” she finally confessed after a dramatic pause of her own.
Skye’s eyes widened. “You haven’t been in love since college, Abby, and even then, I don’t really think that’s exactly what it was.”
“It was love the best I knew it to be at the time. And besides, I’ve been with other men since college, Skye.”
Skye turned introspective. “Do you even know what love is? I mean, I think we’ve had this conversation before, but I don’t think you’ve ever been able to give me a clear-cut answer to what you believe love is.”
“I’m thirty-seven, Skye. I think I should know by now.”
“You should, Abby, but you and I both know how developmentally slow you are emotionally.”
Abby was offended, and it must’ve shown on her face.
“I’m not saying this to hurt you, sweetie,” she said apologetically. “But come on, Abby. I mean, while the rest of us were getting goo-goo eyed over boys, practicing kissing on the backs of our hands, and trying to master the delicate but menial process for putting on our stockings and balancing in our first pair of high heels, you were following your daddy around with a saw and a power drill, building tree houses.”
“I was ten, Skye.”
“What’s that got to do with anything?” she asked irritably.
“It’s just an example of how, yes, at thirty-seven, most women know what love is, but with you, I wonder.”
“Can I just finish telling you what’s going on, Skye?” Abby snapped irritably. “Please. Can I finish?”
Skye leaned back and waited. Abby wasn’t here to argue the definition of love, the scope of love, or whether or not she was really in love with the man. She felt what she felt, and that’s all there was to it. And to her, what she felt for Jordan was love.
“A woman showed up at my door,” she reluctantly began, “claiming to be in a relationship with Jordan.”
Skye’s whole defensive demeanor softened. “He’s cheating on you?”
“He had been seeing her before me, and according to him, he broke it off when he felt that there might be something between me and him.”
Skye took several moments to process what Abby had just told her. “You don’t believe him?”
“I do.”
“But?”
“But there were things that she said that have stuck with me. Things that bother me.”
“Like what?”
“Jordan is a widower. His wife committed suicide because she found out that he was having an affair.”
“Whoa!” Skye softly exclaimed. “Did you ask him about it?”
Abby nodded. “I did, and he pretty much admitted that it was true. But he also said that things were different in his life back then. He was different.”
“You’re wondering if he really was?”
“I’m wondering what I’ve gotten myself into, Skye,” she said, exasperated. “You know me. I don’t do drama. I run from it like it’s a wild animal chasing me down to try to eat me.”
“But do you trust him, Abby? Do you think he really cares for you the way you care for him?”
Abby thought about it. All this time, well, before Robin Sinclair had brought her tight, stuck-up ass to Abby’s house, everything unfolding between her and Jordan had felt authentic and organic, genuine. The conversation with Robin had tainted it somehow, and all of a sudden, Abby had doubts and questions that had never crossed her mind before.
“You know me,” Abby said, smiling. “I am not insecure by any means. I have always known my worth, Skye, maybe to a fault and to my detriment, which is why my vibrator has been my one and only for so long.”
“Vibrators, Abby,” Skye said laughing, emphasizing the s. “Plural.”
Abby laughed, too. “If I were going to put a man like that with a woman, it wouldn’t be with me. I’m not saying that because I don’t think I’m cute enough or smart enough. But I’m not big-city like him or her. Jordan looks and smells cosmopolitan, even when he’s been riding horses and herding cattle all day. She looked like she spent her Sunday afternoons at Neiman Marcus traipsing around with a personal stylist and sipping expensive champagne.”
“What’s your point?”
“My point is, what are his intentions with me?”
“So, you think he’s playing some kind of game?”
“I don’t think that. I just wonder if he’s not caught in something that isn’t more of a fantasy than real life.”
“But you’re not worried that he’s going to cheat on you like he did his wife? You’re not worried that he might be running some game on you just for the hell of it?”
Why would she purposefully plant seeds of negative thoughts like that in Abby’s head? She already had plenty.
“I’m worried that I’m in over my head,” she finally admitted. “That I have no business in this relationship and that I really can’t deal with the kind of drama that comes with the territory of being with someone like him.”
Skye smirked. “You’re scared?”
“I am,” Abby said softly.
“Scared that it might not work out, or that it might and then what?”
Abby nodded.
“Scared that you think you might know who he really is, but then again, what if what you think you know turns out to be wrong, and what if he ends up being nothing like you thought?”
“Exactly!”
Skye suddenly burst out laughing. “Then I guess you really are in love, Abby, because that’s exactly how it feels, girl.”
Abby stared at Skye as if she were speaking Latin.
“Of course you’re scared and overwhelmed. You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into, and it’s terrifying and exciting, and you’re miserable and elated, and you’re a whole bunch of other shit that makes your head feel like it’s going to explode.”
“You say that like it’s a good thing.”
“It sucks, Abby. But it’s like a bear trap, and once it’s got you, that’s it. There’s nothing left but to wait and see. There’s no telling how it’s going to end or if. Chances are, there’ll be some pain and disappointment involved on some level. If you’re lucky, you’ll get to laugh more than you cry. You’ll love him more times than you hate him. Hopefully, there’ll be times when you miss him when he’s gone, and there’ll be fewer times when you’ll roll your eyes because he came home early from work and your ass really doesn’t want to be bothered.
“Love is a verb,” she said with conviction. “It requires work and action and more work. You wake up every day and make the conscious effort to do love. Not be in it. It’s clinging to the pretty parts, like when he calls you baby, kisses you for no reason, makes love to you like you’re all he wants in the world. It’s forgiveness, patience, and acceptance and pushing beyond the crappy parts. The things he does to make you mad, that irritate you, and make you wonder what you ever saw in him in the first place.”
Abby frowned.
“Why do you love him?”
Abby had never really asked herself that question before. Was it because he was handsome? Wealthy? Or did she love him despite those things?
After some careful consideration, she finally came up with her answer. “Because he makes me feel like it’s okay to be the girl.”
Skye smiled.
“I can be soft around him. And I don’t have to prove how tough I am, and how strong I am. It’s okay to let him open doors for me, and call me sugar without me getting defensive and accusing him of being sexist. And he trusted me with a football pass. He trusted me with it when nobody else would.”
Skye laughed again and raised her teacup in a toast. “Welcome to being a grown woman, Abby. Finally.”
To Give Away
“HELLO, MS. SINCLAIR,” JORDAN’S ASSISTANT, Phyl, said, standing up to leave as the hostess ushered Robin to Jordan’s favorite table in the back of the restaurant, overlooking the lake.
Robin smiled politely as she sat down and waited for Jennifer to leave.
“I’ll get started on that report as soon as I get back to the office,” she said to Jordan. “Do you need me to reschedule the meeting with Mr. Braeden from Hawk’s Refinery this afternoon?”
“No,” he said curtly. “I’ll see you back at the office.”
Jennifer damn near curtsied before leaving.
The Statesmen was one of the premier steak houses in Texas. He’d called, asking to talk to her, but Robin was no fool. She’d pissed off one of the most powerful men in the state. She’d agreed to meet with him, but only in public. Robin might never know for sure if Jordan was actually the one who’d murdered Lonnie Adebayo, but she wasn’t about to take any chances.
“Thank you for coming,” he said without bothering to look up from the steak he was cutting into. “You’ll forgive me for not waiting. I have another meeting soon.”
A server immediately appeared at the table. “Can I start you off with something to drink?” she politely offered.
“Martini,” Robin said. “Dirty.”
Jordan waited to begin his conversation until the server returned with her drink. Robin turned down food. The s
ight of him turned her stomach too much to eat. He, on the other hand, had no problems wolfing down that steak as if it were the last piece of red meat on the planet.
“For me, this was never personal, Robin,” Jordan said, wiping his mouth with his napkin, dropping it on top of his half-eaten steak, and finally pushing the plate away from him. He leaned back casually in his chair. “Never.”
It was a simple statement, but the depth of the true meaning behind it was clear. This, their relationship, was never personal to him and she’d never meant a damn thing to the man.
“I’m beyond getting my feelings hurt by you, Jordan, so stop with the subtleties.”
“Then let me speak plainly. I let my position be known to you from the very beginning of this relationship, and yet you chose to make your own assumptions about where you wanted it to lead.”
“What happened to ‘I never intended to hurt you, Robin’? Where’s that sensitive guy who was truly sorry for ever leading me to believe that he wanted something more than just to fuck?”
“You’re the one who wanted to do away with subtleties,” he said coolly. “You are no longer a part of my personal life, Robin, and therefore, what I do in private and who I choose to do it with are none of your business.”
“But I’ve chosen to make it my business, Jordan.”
“You’ve chosen to leave your dignity on my doorstep? Is that what I’m hearing? A woman like you who has men scratching at her door, begging for a few moments of her time, would rather grovel the feet of a man who has moved on? Seriously?”
“Groveling?” She swallowed. “Is that what you think I’m doing? As if I would ever even consider taking you back after what you’ve done to me?”
“You’re humiliating yourself, Robin. And even now, I still believe that you deserve better than to turn into what you are becoming.”
“Oh, I am so much better than you, especially after seeing how willing you are to go slumming in the backwoods of Texas for some dumb country ho.”
He sighed, as if unbothered by her insult of his little girlfriend, but it had to have resonated, especially if the woman meant anything to him at all.