by Vera Quinn
Beginning
To
Breathe
Again
By
Vera Quinn
Copyright © 2017 by Vera Quinn
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof
may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever
without the express written permission of the author
except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any persons, living or dead, are purely coincidental.
Printed in the United States of America
First eBook Printing, 2017
Cover by: Tracie Douglas-Rabas
Edited and Formatted by: Avril Stepowski
Cover Photographer:
Shauna Kruse/ Kruse Images and Photography
www.facebook.com/kipmodelsandboudoir
Cover Model:
BT Urruela
https://m.facebook.com/BTUrruela
Table of Contents
Cast of Characters
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
HOW TO FIND EVERYTHING VERA QUINN
Cast of Characters
Feral Steel MC
President
Devil/Kylar Steel
Vice President
Hacksaw
Treasurer
Tito
Tech
Oz
Sergeant at Arms (SAA)
Bowie
Enforcer
Crockett
Secretary
Tex
Road Captain
Cowboy
Patched Members
Rome/Kane
Thrasher
Slick
Creole
Prospects
Rix
Tig
Cricket
Ol’ Ladies
Callie
Gertie
Devil & Callie’s children
Kellan
Killian
Club Girls
Honey girl
Terrance
Female Main Character
Tera Sue Blount
Sheila Blount
Tara’s Sister
Lena blount
Tara’s Mother
Josiah (Joey) Blount
Tara’s brother
Diner Crew
Bud
Owner
Betty
Bud’s wife
Lindsay
Bud’s daughter
Mildred
Waitress
Peggy
Waitress
Young man in the Hospital:
Brodeaux/Bo George
THC Hempcan Inc.
Titus Douglas
Leonard Durfee
Brothers Bonded by Business
Steven Hill
Liam Davis
Doug Azner
Benjamin (Ben) Greggs
Dedication…
I want to dedicate this book to all the people who help get my work to the readers and then share the word so other readers will read my work. I want everyone that helps get my books from the thought in my head to the paperback and e-books that my readers receive to know that I truly appreciate all the hard work you do. My PA, my betas, my editor/formatter, the pimpers, the blogs, and all my readers who share once they have my books. Without every one of you my work would still be unknown. I also need to add the readers that take the time to leave a review, because every review helps. Thank you and this one is for you.
Acknowledgments
Thank you…
I always thank my husband, Charles, first. He is the glue that holds me together. Thank you, babe, for loving me just the way I am.
I need to thank my PA, Nicole Lloyd, this lady has the patience of a saint with me. Thank you for always being available and going that extra mile for me. You are the best at what you do and I am not only lucky for you being my PA but being able to call you a friend.
I want to thank Joanne Dearman and Tracey Brown for always reading my work and giving me your honest opinion. Your feedback and opinions are priceless.
Avril Shafer Stepowski you have been my editor and formatter from the beginning and I could never thank you enough. You make my words look good. Thank you.
Tracie Douglas-Rabas the things you do with my covers is a work of art. Love everything you come up with. You are professional, on time, every time, and the easiest cover designer I have ever worked with. You have an eye for color and what works. Thank you.
Shauna Kruse, thank you, for the beautiful photo for my cover. I love your work, your professionalism, and the way you make it easy to purchase the photo that brings my story to the cover.
BT Urruela, thank you, for the fantastic cover photo.
All the Vera’s Teasers, thank you, for your continued support and for giving me a safe place to share and ask questions.
Thank you to everyone that reads my books and takes a chance on my work.
Thank you to everyone that reads my books and takes the time to review. It does help.
Thank you to all the blogs and bloggers that share my work.
Thank you to all the authors that I have come into my life in the last year.
Prologue
I was born with Feral Steel blood in my veins.
I was taken away from the family that should have been mine.
I have ghosts that haunt me from a war that gave me the brotherhood I craved.
I am trying to piece my life back together and gain a new brotherhood, with a new family.
I am surviving one breath at a time.
I am Beginning to Breathe, Again.
Chapter 1
Kane
I wake in a cold sweat and fighting to breathe. I know it is another dream but it doesn’t make it any less horrific, sometimes more so. I’m not the kind of man that fears much but the dreams I have, shake me to my core. I have tried to control them but I have no control. The faces of my fallen brothers crying out for help. The stark reality I lived through and the harsh realities that they died in. It’s hard to separate the realities. The entanglement of what really happened or the vision in my dreams. The ghost that haunts me in my nightmares. I know I should have died that day along with the rest of my brothers in that god forsaken desert.
They say I am the lucky one. How is that luck? The man I trusted the most in this world died that day. Two of our most trusted friends died that day. Four of us in one Humvee, one road side bomb, and the explosion that changed all our lives. I am the only one to survive, barely. The doctors put me back together. All three of the men who died had families wholoved and will miss them. I only had a brother who couldn’t take care of himself and his thoughts were to take from others. Stacks had a chip on his shoulder that would not go away. If I had died that day, there would have been no one to mourn
my death. Instead, the three men who died will be remembered and their memories cherished by their families.
I fight to control my breathing and slow down my heart rate. At least this time I did not wake up screaming or fighting the shadows in my dreams. Are the shadows real? Everyone says no. Are they real to me? More than reality, sometimes. I look at the alarm clock next to my bed, 4 AM. Three hours of sleep. More than some nights. My clothes and sheets are drenched in sweat. I need more sleep but I know it won’t come. I throw the covers back and sit up on the side of my bed. My feet feel good on the cold floor.
I wipe my hand down my face and reach for the bottle of water on my bedside table. I open the drawer and take one of the bottles of pills there and twist the lid off and take one out. I know I can take one and get another two or three hours of sleep. I know I should, but the voice in my head says this is no way to live. I put the pill back in the bottle and put the lid back on and replace them in the drawer. A pill to sleep, a pill to deal with the depression that comes after the dreams, and a pill to deal with the anxiety of flashbacks. The thought of just ending this hell that I call my life flashes in my head.
I slap my head with the palm of my hand. No! I can’t go there. I promised I would not go there. It would be a disservice to my brothers in arms that died on the side of the road that day. I get off the bed and walk over to my dresser and grab a fresh pair of boxers and a t-shirt. I make my way into my bathroom and turn the hot water on in my shower and then cool it off with just a little cold water. I strip my soaked boxers and t-shirt and throw them on the floor. I put my clean ones on the cabinet and get in the shower. I let the hot water wash away the sticky sweat from my body. I grab the soap and try and scrub the memories away. It doesn’t work. Nothing works.
I let the water calm me and I think about the life I have made for myself in the last year. Meeting my half-brother, Devil, was the best thing that has happened to me since I was discharged from the military. Meeting him and his family saved me. Devil had every reason to hate me but he brought me into the Feral Steel MC and the brotherhood has saved my sorry ass life. Not only the club life but getting to know Devil and his woman, Callie, and their children. It has helped center me.
I prospected for Feral Steel MC for nine months. A short amount of time but I worked my ass off in that time to prove myself. I took every job without complaint. It was not difficult for me to adjust to mentally because it is what was drilled into me when I was in the military. Follow any orders given. Adapt to the job and atmosphere and do the best job of my ability. The physical part was an adjustment. I love my bike but riding it every day with my hip and leg has been a feat in itself. I met that challenge head on and most days now it isn’t any different from the old me. The me from before the accident. That’s the damn thing, it wasn’t an accident. There are days that the pain is almost unbearable. Those days are further and further apart now. I’ll never be the same but I am getting there.
If dealing with life adjustments isn’t enough, I see the sideways glances from some of the brothers. I was voted in unanimously but I feel like I am still proving myself to some of the older members every day. I sometimes think the vote was more about going along with their President, Devil, my half-brother, than really accepting me. Sometimes, I feel like they are just watching and waiting for me to fail or worse, to betray them like Stone had. I would never do that. I pledged my word to the Feral Steel MC and that means everything to me. It’s not the brothers that work beside me every day, but the ones that were loyal to Steel, Devil’s and my dad. A man I never knew, not that I could remember anyway.
The water going cold brings me back out of my head. Retreating to the thoughts in my head is a coping mechanism for me and it needs to stop. I need to stay in the present and start to live again. This pity party shit is getting old. It’s not me and I won’t let it be me. I finish rinsing all the soap off and grab my towel. I hear my bathroom door open and Honey Girl sticks her head in the door. I put my towel around my waist and pull the door the rest of the way open and Honey Girl almost falls into me. I steady her with my other hand.
“What are you doing in my room? I have told you to stay away from me.” Some women just won’t take no for an answer. Club girls serve their purpose and I am not one for judging people on how they live their lives but I am not into sharing women with anyone. I don’t want that type of life anymore. I steer clear of club girls. If I want a female, I will find one on my own. I am no saint by any stretch of the word but I also do not want a woman all my club brothers have had.
“I saw the light under your door and thought I would ask if you wanted some company. I could dry your back.” She reaches her hand out and runs her fingers down my chest. I grab it and pull it away.
“No. I don’t want any company and that will be the answer the next time you approach me. I have tried being nice and you are not getting the damn message so here it is, bluntly. I am not going to fuck you, I am not going to let you blow me or get me off in any way. Do you understand the words coming out of my mouth this time? Do not come in my room ever again. I do not want to disrespect you or be hurtful towards you but you won’t quit.” I try to keep my voice low and without a threating tone but it is hard.
“I just wanted to make sure you hadn’t changed your mind. I was just leaving Hacksaw’s room and the light under the door caught my eye.” Honey Girl is trying to look sexy with pouty lips but they just look ridiculous.
“You just left Hacksaw’s room from fucking him and you thought to tell me this would make me want you?” I know I am being an ass but just the thought pisses me off. “I can tell you it doesn’t. If I want a woman it won’t be one that just fucked someone else.” Honey Girl’s eyes look like she is surprised by what I said but then she smiles.
“If you want me to yourself, I will be with just you. I would make a good ol’ lady.” She tries to get closer to me but I move away from her.
“No. Get out and the next time you come into my room uninvited there will be consequences.” I’ve lost my patience. Honey Girl turns and goes out the door. I slam the door and lock it. I have no idea how I could have forgotten. After the first time some club girl tried to sneak into my bed, I have been keeping it locked. It goes to show I am too tired to keep things straight. I know I need to take my sleep meds for a few days to catch up. I’ll tell Devil, so if he needs me, he knows to knock on my door.
I dress and take care of the rest of my morning routine and leave my room being sure to lock the door. I walk through the community room and it is still trashed from the night before. It’s not like we had a big party or anything but there are empty beer bottles sitting around and shot glasses. Looks like somebody left some pizza boxes sitting around as well. The prospects and club girls have a mess to clean up. I walk on through into the kitchen and I smell the coffee before I even get there. Coffee is a must if I am going to make it through the day. I see Devil sitting at the table and it looks like Callie is starting breakfast.
“Grab a cup and pull up a chair,” Callie says smiling at me. She’s putting bacon in the frying pan. I can smell the biscuits already cooking. Callie doesn’t cook every weekend but when she does there is nothing left when everyone has had their fill.
“Sounds good to me. Smells good in here.” I tell Callie. I don’t understand how Callie can trust me to be around her and her children. My brother, Stacks, attacked Callie more than once, she has no reason to trust me, but she does. Callie is a good woman. Devil is one lucky son of a bitch to have found a woman like Callie. She has a heart as big Texas but when she needs to be she is tough as nails and loyal to the bone.
“What are you doing up so early again?” Devil is always worrying about me getting enough sleep. I finally had to tell him about my sleepless nights and dreams. I only thought it right. I couldn’t patch into the club until he knew. All the brothers had to know so I told them before the vote. I was still voted in but I think they think of me as their weakest link. Everyone knows a cha
in is only as strong as its weakest link. I have been determined to show them I am not the weak one.
“The dreams again. The next couple of nights I am going to take my meds. As soon as I am finished for the day then I will turn in to get my eight hours of sleep.” I hate this part. Although, Devil is always understanding.
“We have already told you, whatever you need. You’re always the first one to volunteer for jobs and if you need some time to sleep it is just what you need. No big deal. We all work around what everyone needs. It’s not like it is a big deal.” I knew this was how Devil would react.
“Your nephews are asking when Uncle Kane is coming back over to play fort. They miss you.” Callie always tries to get me involved with Kellan and Killian. They are good boys and I enjoy spending time with them.
“I’ll get by this week if we don’t have any runs. I think I enjoyed playing with them as much as they liked it.” It is the truth.
“Now when it rains and we can’t take them outside they are always wanting me to put up forts in the living room with their blankets. That is easier said than done with this baby growing.” Callie runs her hand over her pregnant belly. Devil and Callie are wasting no time in expanding their family. They say they want a house full and I believe them. Callie has a funny look on her face. “Devil, why doesn’t Kane have a road name yet? He’s been here long enough.” Devil laughs at that.
“He’s too damn quiet to get a road name. He doesn’t show his ass like the rest of us. It’ll happen. I know it is going to be good one.” Devil laughs as he says it.