I'd been back to visit Lance almost every night since he’d returned from Darkmore and we'd been spending time in the palace library where there were countless books on every subject imaginable. We'd begun to search through the tomes for anything that we might be able to use to break the Guardian bond. I didn't want to be negative about it, but I was having trouble maintaining any hope that we would find anything. Especially as Gabriel hadn't been able to see us making a discovery and we'd spent years looking into this subject in the past when trying to disconnect ourselves.
But Lance had thrown himself into it wholeheartedly, seeming glad of the opportunity to do something productive for our cause while he was stuck waiting on the full moon to reveal more of his father's secrets to him. And I was glad to have given him a task if nothing else because he seriously needed a distraction from everything that was going on in his life. The two of us were a pair of sorry sons of bitches right about now and I knew all too well the pain of being hung up on a Vega who wasn't yours.
I'd stayed with him for most of the night yesterday, researching all we could and then I’d flown back to campus instead of using stardust, preferring to stretch my wings for several hours than get back to my empty bed too soon. I didn't sleep much these days anyway. All I ever did was fall into dreams of the girl I should have been able to call mine and get caught up on the failures I'd made on her behalf.
The door opened and closed but I didn't look up. The other Heirs would all appear here at some point tonight. Darcy and Geraldine too. And maybe...
I lifted my head and found her there, hesitating by the door like she hadn't expected to discover me here alone and now didn't know what to do about it.
I didn't say anything. I couldn't. There were too many fucking words caught in my throat and too many images of the things Max had shown me of what she'd suffered through. My father hadn't wanted me to have her. So he'd done all of that just to make certain I never could. It was my fault. All of it.
The fear he’d given her for me was reflected in her eyes as she looked at me and the knowledge of that made me want to scream. I half expected her to just bolt, but Roxanya Vega wasn’t built like that and she raised her chin instead, ready to face her demon. I just wished that wasn’t how she viewed me.
"I...should apologise to you," she said in a quiet voice that was nothing like the girl I'd fallen for and spoke of all the hurt and trauma she'd endured because of me and my family.
"Why?" I asked, frowning at her as thunder rumbled overhead. The damn stars wouldn't even let us have this. She was ten meters away from me and my fucking heart was shredded to pieces over her, but we weren't even going to be offered the chance of a fucking conversation.
"For believing that you..." she trailed off, glancing at the window as lightning flashed outside.
While she watched the rain pouring down from the heavens, I watched her. I drank in the way her ripped black jeans hugged her figure and the bare skin of her waist which I ached to curl my hands around. Her skin was paler than it had been, her frame thinner, but Roxanya Vega had been cast by the stars to make me hunger for her no matter what shape her body was in. The cropped black sweater she wore had the words wild at heart written across it in swirling pink script and I was pretty certain that summed her up perfectly. Her chocolate brown hair tumbled down her spine and I was filled with the desire to push my fingers into the silken strands as I stole a kiss from those captivating lips of hers. The lips that had cursed me, caressed me, kissed me and taunted me. The ones that had always spoken her mind no matter whether she knew they'd get her into trouble or not.
She was wild at heart, but right now, her fire had been dampened until I barely recognised her anymore and I was left shattered in the face of what I'd done to her. Because this might have been on my father, but I knew it was on me too.
When she'd first come back here, I'd agreed to do everything I could to get rid of her. To protect our throne and our kingdom from this pair of stupid, un-Fae, practically mortal girls who I'd foolishly believed could never be strong enough to rule. But one look at her standing there after all she'd fucking survived since returning to Solaria proved how full of shit I was.
"I was a fucking idiot," I said to her, pushing myself to my feet and watching her cautiously as she turned to look at me again. She didn't flinch this time and I could have kissed Max for helping her to see what had been done to her memories of me, but I could still see some fear in her gaze as she looked at me and that cut into my heart in the worst way. Because I knew in part that she had good reason to fear me. I'd given it to her with every fucked up thing I'd done to her when she came to this academy. "The second you walked into The Orb on your first day after you were Awakened, I knew you weren't what I'd been expecting. My heart fucking leapt when I looked at you. My palms grew slick, my mouth got dry."
"Me and Darcy you mean?" she asked curiously, clearly thinking back on it too.
"No. Just you. I didn't even see her at first. I swear, I didn't even think you were who you are. For a few, endless seconds I just saw you and I wanted you. And when I did see Darcy and I realised who you were I was just so fucking angry. Because I knew I couldn't have you."
She scoffed lightly, glancing back at the rain as the storm howled outside and I knew we were seriously pushing our luck with the stars now, but I couldn't bear to walk away from her. Because that sound, that dismissive scoff and the way her posture had tightened the smallest amount was her. Not the fucked up version my father had tried to twist her into. That was my girl, calling me on my bullshit the moment I tried to give her it and I couldn't help but smile just a little as I saw that glimpse of herself.
"What?" I asked.
"That's just so typical of you," she said, looking at me again as thunder boomed overhead. "You assumed the only reason you couldn't have me was because I had Vega blood. You do realise you couldn't have just taken me if I was some normal Fae though, right? You're supposed to ask people if they want to be yours, not just expect them to fall at your feet."
"Is that so?" I asked, my voice teasing as I pretended to consider it like that was brand new information to me.
Roxy almost smiled then shrugged and turned to open the door. "I should go before the stars send a lightning bolt to destroy this entire place," she said, but she glanced back at me like she was holding back on saying something else and I stepped closer.
Just as I was trying to come up with some excuse to stop her leaving, an excited howl came from the stairs and Roxy stepped back as Seth bounded in in his Wolf form, a blur of movement following him a second later as Caleb leapt after him.
The two of them crashed into the coffee table so hard that it broke beneath their weight and I moved in front of Roxy defensively as Seth shifted back into his Fae form and the two of them started wrestling.
Seth was kicking and punching while snarling aggressively as Cal managed to get on top of him, taking a punch to the face before catching Seth's fist in his grip and sinking his fangs into his wrist before he could pull back.
Seth growled but it turned into a groan as Caleb reared over him, holding his wrist to his mouth with one hand, drinking his blood while pressing his other hand down on Seth's chest to keep him in place.
"Are you seriously still doing that hunting shit after how wrong it went with Roxy the last time?" I demanded, taking a step towards them, but Roxy caught my arm and I fell still as I glanced around at her in surprise.
Caleb looked up at me while he drank, his eyes filled with bloodlust as he snarled over his meal and Seth groaned again, shaking his head.
"This is on me," he muttered. "I keep making him do it. Don't be an asshole to him."
I arched a brow, not buying that shit for a moment, but Roxy's fingers were moving over the Libra mark on my arm and my attention was seriously wavering.
Caleb finally finished his fucking meal and took his fangs from Seth's wrist before standing up and offering me a guilty look as he licked the blood from his lips
.
"It's not like before," he muttered, casting a guilty look at Roxy which made me bristle. "Seth is strong enough to take me on. And I don't wanna hunt weaker Fae than me anymore. It's more dangerous doing that than going up against someone on my level."
"You could just drink from willing victims like you always used to," I suggested.
Seth replied before Caleb could, pulling on some sweats and rearranging his junk inside them as he turned to narrow his eyes at me. "Yeah, and I could tie a chain around your neck and you could just fly in small circles around campus instead of flying off for miles and miles. Stop being a kill joy, Darius. You’re trying to supress his Order instincts and it’s bullshit."
"Fine," I grunted, my attention more on the girl who was touching my arm now anyway, though the intensity of the storm was picking up and I knew I'd have to pull away soon. "Just make sure you're not being dumb about it."
"Maybe you could let me hunt you some time and find out what all the fuss is about for yourself?" Caleb teased which drew a growl from Seth.
"As if his lizard blood could taste as good as mine," Seth scoffed, shooting me a glare which quite clearly told me to back the fuck off as if I'd been the one suggesting it.
"There's no fucking chance of you getting me to run about like prey for you, Cal, so feel free to stick to the dog food diet," I taunted, raising a brow at Seth as he smirked like he'd just won something.
Caleb flopped down on the couch, grabbing a beer and lifting it to his lips and Seth lunged into the spot beside him and nuzzled into him. He hadn't healed the bite on his wrist for some reason, but I had too much going on in my own life to be wondering about whatever the fuck they were up to.
Roxy traced the Libra brand on my arm one more time and I gave her my full attention again as she drew my attention to the Guardian bond.
"Do you ache for Orion all the time?" Roxy murmured, taking her hand from my arm and touching her own where the Aries mark was branded to her skin.
I sighed heavily, shaking my head as I forced myself to step back and put a bit more space between us before the storm outside blew the damn treehouse to the ground.
"It's worse for the Guardian than the Ward in that regard," I said. "I do ache to be close to Lance, but it doesn't seem to eat at me the way it does to him most of the time. It was pretty bad while he was in Darkmore, but mainly because it went on for so long and he was so far away. Day to day it doesn’t niggle at me as much as it seems to for him. I can distract myself from the urge more easily and I don't feel his pain like he does mine. It also gets worse for the Guardian the further you are from your Ward, so with Father away in Kerendia this week hunting down those Sphinxes, it's probably getting to you more than usual. The whole point of the bond is to ensure the Guardian stays close to the Fae they're supposed to be protecting in case they’re needed. In years past, when this magic was created, the idea was for you to stay together always so that the Guardian would be prepared to defend their Ward at all times. But the Ward is supposed to be the more powerful Fae, the more important one." I cringed at the word, but it was how the magic had been created, not how I felt about Lance. "That means the Ward – my father - has more freedom so that he can make his own decisions on the things he does while the Guardian is supposed to just follow after them, dedicating their life to protecting them and nothing else."
Roxy frowned, chewing on her thumb as she thought about that and I waited while she turned the information over. "I know that I hate him," she said quietly, keeping her words for me as Seth and Caleb started discussing the Pitball match they wanted to watch this evening. "And I know that he did this to me without my consent. I know he tortured me and hurt you and has done countless horrible things, but..."
"You still want to see him all the time?" I guessed, sighing heavily. I knew this curse too well to even be surprised by the knowledge that she still pined for him even though it set my blood alight with the need to destroy him for it.
"I just wish that I could have five minutes to hate him in peace," she muttered.
"I'm not sure there is a way for you to cut off the way you feel drawn to him," I said heavily, knowing it wasn't what she wanted to hear. "The only time Lance has ever been able to resist the pull of it was when he went to hunt you and your sister down in the mortal realm."
"Really?" she asked in surprise and I straightened as that thought swept through my mind.
When Lance had agreed to be the one to go and retrieve the Vegas from the mortal realm, the two of us had been concerned about how he was supposed to stay away from me for that long. But the space between realms just seemed to mute the connection for me. And he'd been relieved of the burden of aching to return to me in the way he normally would have been with so much distance between us. When he returned, he’d said that the need to come back to me had been so much less potent while he was there that he’d actually been able to forget about it half the time.
"Roxy," I said, taking a step towards her but pausing before I could get too close and frighten her. "When we first met, I did everything wrong. I shouldn't have been the pawn my father wanted me to be. I was a coward and a fucking idiot and what I really should have done was follow my damn heart and just asked you to spend time with me. So I want us to try that. Like we should have done at the start."
"Try what?" she asked with a small frown.
"Let me take you out. I know somewhere we can go where the bond won't bother you and there are so many people that the stars won't be able to even suggest that we're alone." I offered her my hand and I didn't miss the flicker of fear that crossed her features as she eyed it.
"Where are we going?" she asked and my heart thumped hopefully because that sure as fuck wasn't a no.
"You're gonna have to trust me," I said, offering her the hint of a smirk as I dared the girl I knew to come out and play with me.
"Fat chance of that, asshole," she muttered and my smile widened tenfold. It really shouldn't have gotten me so turned on to have a girl insulting me, but I'd take Roxy Vega calling me every name under the sun over having a million compliments from anyone else.
"Come on - you said I'd have to ask if I wanted you to be mine. So I'm asking. Let me take you out."
"The stars won't let us," she said hesitantly, glancing out at the storm which had barely quieted even with Seth and Caleb here. "And even if they would, we can't be seen together."
"Just trust me, Princess," I teased, hoping it wasn't painfully obvious how much I needed her to say yes. But it had been a long, hard, miserable fucking summer without her and I needed this. I had to prove to myself that she was still her and I needed to put a fucking smile on her face to try and make up for all of the shit she'd been through when I should have been there to protect her from it.
She bit her lip as she considered it then hesitantly placed her hand in mine.
I fought the urge to yank her closer, that small point of contact between us making heat charge through my veins even though I knew it couldn't last.
"We're going out," I called to Seth and Cal as I drew her towards the floor length window by the back wall. "Don't wait up."
"But how are you going to-" Seth began but Caleb slapped a hand over his mouth.
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," he teased and I rolled my eyes at him because I was pretty certain he had no goddamn lines so that left very little out of bounds.
I pushed the window open and the storm howled as it drove rain inside, but I used my water magic to push it back as I released Roxy's hand and tugged my shirt off.
"I'll race you to the boundary," I challenged, watching her eyes light up at that suggestion and she tugged her sweater off to reveal a racerback bra beneath and I fought off the urge to groan at the sight of her body.
She half shifted so that her wings were revealed, not igniting the flames and instead leaving the golden feathers on show. Without another word, she stepped over the edge of the balcony and let herself drop before her wings snapped out and she t
ook off through the trees.
I grabbed a bag from the chest where we kept the clothes and quickly finished stripping as I stuffed my clothes into it before gripping the strap between my teeth and leaping out into the rain after her.
I shifted with a surge of power, my wings snapping out as my body multiplied in size and I took off and headed for the clouds, unable to dart between the trees the way she was but determined to beat her to the boundary all the same.
I raced across the treetops, circling as I moved to land in the clearing I always used when I came out this way and quickly pulling my clothes back on the moment I was back on solid ground.
The rain was fast dissipating now that we weren't together anymore, and I didn't even bother to use my water magic to keep it off of me as I started jogging up the hill.
Roxy was leaning against a tree just outside the academy fence, but she didn't even seem to notice me as I approached, leaving my empty bag in the shadow beneath an oak tree and slipping through the small gap to join her.
She was moving her fingers in a slow pattern and as I got closer, I saw the shadows spilling between them a moment before she noticed me, jerking a little as she banished them again.
"Roxy..." I began cautiously as she lifted her gaze to meet mine guiltily.
"I'm not lost to them anymore," she said, chewing on her bottom lip. "But they call to me all the time. I don't even mean to summon them but then I'll find my hands full of them. And I..." she trailed off, shrugging and I sighed as I stepped closer to her.
"You like the way they feel?"
She didn't say anything, but as her green eyes met mine, I lifted my hand between us and let the shadows slip along my skin for a moment, feeling that slice of pleasure as it raised goosebumps on my flesh before banishing them once more.
Zodiac Academy: Fated Throne Page 36