“If what?”
James set his cup down hard. “If you haven’t chosen him merely because he’s a great guy who is incapable of breaking your heart.”
With her heart pounding so hard she thought it might explode, Mattie looked through the book again. The fog that’d been so thick for more than a week began to lift. As hard as she’d tried to love someone else, her heart still belonged to Gideon.
But it was too late now.
“Knock, knock,” Sol called as he came in the front door.
And she knew what had to be done. “Excuse me.” Mattie went into the living room. “You’re back earlier than I expected.”
“I know. My watch stopped, and I wasn’t sure of the time, so I came on back. It wouldn’t do to make you angry on the one day we both know belongs under your rules.”
“My rules?” she whispered. Was that all that motivated him to be here for the family Christmas Eve meal and her birthday?
She wondered if he remembered their first date. Or the first cake she’d made him. He probably didn’t think such things mattered. And he’d be right. It didn’t make any difference, because she wasn’t in this relationship to be honored or loved. She just wanted companionship and convenience. Someone to spend a little time with when they finally looked up from the things they were passionate about—cake making and hunting. A man to tell others she was seeing while she kept her heart a safe distance from him. He didn’t even know how to search for it. And she didn’t blame him.
But Sol deserved to find someone who loved him the way she loved Gideon. Her Mamm was right—if she stayed for the wrong reasons, she’d hurt Sol, Gideon, and herself.
She picked up his coat off the couch and hung it on a peg. “Sol, could you sit with me for a few minutes?”
He removed his camouflage-colored toboggan. “Sure.” He sat on the couch. “This doesn’t sound good, so get to the point. Aim for the target and shoot.”
She tried to focus all her thoughts and emotions into one sentence that would make sense. “I’d rather have one day of giving love and being truly loved than a lifetime of convenient and comfortable.”
He raked his hands through his unwashed hair. “Gideon.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I knew when I came to the hospital and saw him holding your hand that it’d be easy for him to win you back.”
“And you cared enough to come to Pennsylvania to check on me.”
“That should count for something.”
“It does.”
“But not enough?” He searched her eyes, looking for answers.
“I’m sorry,” she repeated, feeling as if she needed to say it a thousand more times.
He sighed. “I’ve learned a lot from being with you. Even figured out how to talk to girls.” He gave a slight chuckle. “Maybe now I can go to singings on my own and carry on a real conversation.”
She touched his hand. “If you do, I’m sure you’ll find the right girl for you.”
“It won’t be Katie King.” He shuddered, and they both laughed. “If it doesn’t work out with Gideon, you know where to find me.”
“Ya.” She smiled. “In a tree stand with a bow, gun, or muzzleloader.” She pressed her apron with her hand. “Can you forgive me?”
He stood. “Maybe next week.” His lopsided smile let her know he’d be fine without her. He grabbed his coat and went toward the door.
“You could stay and eat with us.”
“I’m not hungry. Tell your family Merry Christmas for me.” He gazed into her eyes. “And be happy, Mattie.”
“Denki.” She closed the door behind him, praying he’d find the right woman. Within minutes peace for him removed her concern, and her thoughts turned to Gideon.
The cold night air didn’t stir, and the stars shone brightly in the clear sky as Gideon walked from his rig toward the Stoltzfuses’ barn. The lyrics from “Silent Night” reverberated around him. It was the one night of the year that they sang some of the songs in English.
The promise he’d made to Mattie Lane was only half the reason he came to the singings every Christmas Eve. The other half was his hope that she’d return to him.
But it was time to let go. She knew everything she needed to, and she’d chosen Sol. On the one hand, that was what he wanted for her. On the other, he longed to spend whatever time he had left on this planet by her side.
He’d considered not coming to this singing, but he needed a way of saying a final good-bye to the hopes and dreams of sharing a life with Mattie Lane.
He opened the small door inside the huge sliding door and walked into the barn. Much as they did in church, the females sat on benches on one side, males on the other. This time they were facing each other, and he took a seat on a bench toward the back.
Omar, who came to every singing as part of his responsibilities as bishop, brought him an Ausbund, an Amish book of songs written in German. He put one hand on Gideon’s shoulder and squeezed.
Everyone now knew about his battle with leukemia. After his secret was divulged to Mattie, he had no reason to keep living a lie. He confessed his sin to the congregation, and Omar, as the church’s authority figure, forgave him. Gideon had to show signs of repentance, and Omar’s edict said he must be the lead carpenter on a new mission home. Every two to three years, the Amish community collected money and worked together to build a place for a homeless non-Amish family. These mission homes were a way of helping the poor and building good relations with Englischers.
Gideon had intended to help build the house anyway, and Omar knew it. Making him the lead carpenter was an honor—one that would help put the name of Beiler Construction in the news. Omar knew that too.
Gideon closed his eyes, grateful to finally be forgiven for the lie he’d told. Never again would he be so foolish as to think he could control anyone or anything through false words. He’d speak truth always and pray for God’s strength over those who might struggle under the weight of the truth.
He joined in on the chorus.
“Silent night, holy night. All is calm …”
The girls stopped singing and stared at the back of the barn, whispering. Some of the guys stopped too, turning to see what had their attention. Gideon looked behind him.
Mattie Lane.
She smiled warmly, and he knew … she’d come back to him. He went toward her, and she opened her arms. He wrapped her in a tight embrace. Tears stung his eyes, and he couldn’t find his voice.
She backed away, caressing his face with her hands. “Mackenzie brought me in exchange for me promising that I’d tell you the full truth.”
“You can tell me anything.”
“I love you, Gideon Beiler.”
He pulled her close, not caring about the unspoken rules of proper behavior. Unable to find his voice, he pressed his lips against hers. He still had no idea how much time he had left—maybe a lifetime.
But whatever God gave them, it was enough.
3-LAYER STRAWBERRIES-AND-CREAM CAKE
2 cups sugar
1 small package strawberry gelatin
1 cup butter, softened
4 eggs
2¾ cups cake flour
2½ teaspoons baking powder
1 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
½ cup strawberries, puréed
Preheat oven to 350°. Grease and flour three 9-inch, round cake pans. In a large mixing bowl, beat sugar, gelatin, and butter until fluffy. Add eggs one at a time, beating after each. Mix the flour and baking powder together, and add to the sugar mixture in two parts, alternating with the milk and beating after each addition. Fold in vanilla and puréed strawberries. Divide equally into the three cake pans.
Bake for 25 minutes. Cool for 10 minutes in the pans, then remove from the pans and cool completely.
Filling:
1½ cups heavy whipping cream
2 tablespoons sugar
½ teaspoon vanilla
1½ cups fresh straw
berries, sliced
Beat the whipping cream, sugar, and vanilla until stiff. Cover the bottom and middle cake layer each with ⅓ of the whipped cream and ¾ cup sliced strawberries. Set aside remaining whipped cream.
Frosting:
½ cup butter, softened
8-ounce package cream cheese, softened
4 cups powdered sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla
1½ cup fresh strawberries, halved or quartered
Beat the butter, cream cheese, powdered sugar, and vanilla until creamy. Spread frosting around the sides of the cake. Make a pretty piping of frosting along the top edge of the cake. Gently spread remaining whipped cream on cake top. Decorate top with strawberries.
ORANGE COCONUT CAKE
1½ sticks unsalted butter, at room temperature
1¼ cups sugar
4 eggs, at room temperature; separate yolks and whites
2 cups cake flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
¼ teaspoon salt
½ cup buttermilk or coconut milk
1 teaspoon coconut extract
1 teaspoon grated lemon zest
Preheat oven to 350°. Grease and flour two 9-inch, round cake pans, or place parchment paper circles coated with flour in the bottom of the pans.
Beat butter until light and fluffy. Gradually add sugar, beating constantly until thoroughly mixed. Add yolks, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Sift flour with baking powder and salt. Add the dry ingredients to the butter mixture in two parts, alternating with buttermilk or coconut milk. Beat in the coconut extract and lemon zest.
In a separate mixing bowl, beat egg whites until medium-firm peaks form. Fold one third of the egg whites into the batter, then fold in the remaining whites.
Divide batter between the pans, and bake on the middle rack of the oven about 30 minutes. Cool in pans on a wire rack for 10 minutes. Remove from pans and finish cooling completely. Decorate with buttercream frosting.
Orange Buttercream Frosting
1 pound unsalted butter, at room temperature
16-ounce bag powdered sugar
4 teaspoons grated orange zest
orange food coloring
Whip butter and sugar together until perfectly smooth. Add grated zest one teaspoon at a time and blend well. Add orange food coloring one drop at a time until the desired shade is achieved.
RECIPES PROVIDED BY SHERRY GORE
Sherry Gore is the author of An Amish Bride’s Kitchen, the editor of Cooking and Such magazine and The Pinecraft Pauper, and a contributing writer for the national edition of The Budget. She is a member of a Beachy Amish Mennonite church and makes her home in Sarasota with her family.
Sherry enjoys corresponding with reader friends everywhere. She can be contacted at www.SherryGoreBooks.com or via e-mail at [email protected].
Acknowledgments
To Jeffry J. Bizon, MD, OB/GYN—Much like your patients, I rely on your expertise and on your tender, caring spirit. Whether you have been in the middle of a busy workday or enjoying downtime with your wonderful family or finishing another umpteen-mile run, you have always made time to answer my numerous questions, even before my first book was contracted. My gratitude to you and Kathy is deep.
To Rachel Esh, my energetic and good-humored Old Order Amish friend—I’m so grateful that you’re open to my many questions, that you’re willing to make time to return my calls, and that you own a dry goods store with a community phone! You keep showing up in my books because you are a fascinating and unique person. I hope you never change! Thank you for inviting me into your life.
To everyone at WaterBrook Multnomah, from marketing to sales to production to editorial—You are incredible!
To my expert in the Pennsylvania Dutch language, who wishes to remain anonymous—May an unexpected someone cross your path who gives as selflessly to you as you have to me.
About the Author
CINDY WOODSMALL is a New York Times best-selling author whose connection with the Amish community has been featured on ABC Nightline, in the Wall Street Journal, and in other media. She is the author of the Sisters of the Quilt series, The Sound of Sleigh Bells, and a nonfiction work, Plain Wisdom: An Invitation into An Amish Home and the Hearts of Two Women, which was written with her closest Old Order Amish friend. Cindy lives in Georgia with her family. Visit her Web site at CindyWoodsmall.com.
A rich and intricate tapestry
of friends, love, faith,
and family
Two people from vastly different worlds. Can New Yorker Cara Moore and Amish man Ephraim Mast get past long-hidden secrets and find assurance in the midst of desperation?
Lena and Grey have been lifelong friends, but their relationship begins to crumble amidst unsettling deceptions, propelling both of them to finally face their own secrets. Can they find a way past their losses and discover the strength to build a new bridge?
Fleeing a terrible mistake, Sylvia Fisher dedicates herself to saving the failing Blank farm. When prodigal son Aaron returns, he is surprised by this unusual farmhand who opposes all his plans.
Read an excerpt from these books and more on WaterBrookMultnomah.com!
Two friends from different worlds—
one Old Order Amish, one Englischer
—share the truths that bring them together.
Best-selling author Cindy Woodsmall and Old Order Amish woman Miriam Flaud’s book, Plain Wisdom, celebrates the common ground found in womanhood and the challenges of being wives and mothers. Cindy and Miriam reveal how God has brought both of them through difficult and enjoyable times as they each face life with grace and strength.
Read an excerpt from this book and more on
WaterBrookMultnomah.com!
A beautiful carving and a well-intentioned aunt just might thaw two frozen, lonely hearts and give them a second chance at love—just in time for Christmas.
Read an excerpt from this book and more on
WaterBrookMultnomah.com!
Can Hannah find refuge,
redemption, and a fresh beginning
after her world is shattered?
When Hannah Lapp, a simple 17-year-old Amish girl, finds her life shattered by one brutal act, she must face the rejection of family and friends and the questioning of her faith. Will she find her way back to the soul she fears may be lost forever?
Also available in a 3-in-1 volume:
Read an excerpt from these books and more on
WaterBrookMultnomah.com!
The Christmas Singing Page 13