Jasper was phoning me, but I didn’t want to speak to him either. He was still speaking to Dad, like the lie about Mum was a brilliant opportunity to suck up to him and make me look bad. I didn’t care what Jasper thought. At least I knew exactly where Mum was now. Living on a stupid luxury cruise ship watching Uncle Alfie’s stolen magic show instead of being our mum. Dad said she’d left him, not us. But that wasn’t true. He’d just said it to make us feel better. But I still felt bad so it didn’t even work.
The empty feeling in my heart hadn’t gone away, like I thought it would if I found her. It had been there since this morning and right now, my heart felt so empty the wind could howl through it. Luna had held my hand for ages before I stormed out. She said she was sorry, and kissed me on the head. I didn’t say anything back because I wasn’t speaking to her either. It was hard though, because I wanted to. Dad had made her promise not tell us about Mum and Alfie. It was more evidence of him being a tyrant dictator. That was a proven fact.
I heard stones falling beneath me. I peered over and saw the top of Jasper’s bobble hat.
“Hey,” he shouted into the wind. “Dad’s been out looking for you!”
“I’m surprised he didn’t just forget about me!” I shouted. “And put my phone number in the back pocket of his rucksack! That’s what he normally does.”
Jasper made it to the top of the steps, sat down and looked out to sea. “He’s sorry, Jemima. He did it to protect us.”
“Protect us from what? Having a mum?”
“He didn’t want to hurt us.”
The wind was making my tears run sideways. I tried to speak, but my chest was shuddering, like my body was breaking from the inside out. If I died, it would totally be Dad’s fault.
“It doesn’t change anything, Jem. Mum’s known where we are this whole time. We’ve not had birthday cards, or a phone call. Nothing.”
“Maybe cruise ships don’t have a postal service,” I said.
Jasper moved closer and leaned his body against mine. “Maybe.”
It was only a word, but it meant everything. Like for once, Jasper just let me be wrong. I watched him text Dad:
Found her at Cowrie Point. On our way back.
“I’m not going home,” I said.
“You have to, Jemima.” Jasper stood up and held his hand out to me. “Otherwise you’ll get hypothermia for real.”
“I’m going to phone Mum. Ask her if I can stay on the cruise ship with her.” But even as I said it, I knew I wouldn’t. She already had too many missed calls from me today and the last time I’d tried it went straight to voicemail. I looked up at Jasper and his eyes said the same thing my heart was telling me. If Mum had wanted us on that cruise ship she would have taken us with her in the first place.
“You’ve got to come home, Jem,” Jasper said. “It’s Brainiacs tomorrow! And I’ve bet Max Armstrong in my class ten pounds that you’ll win.”
I sniffed and rubbed my face, wiping off the salty trails where my tears had run. I took a deep breath of cold air and said, “I guess I can’t stay up here for ever,” as the wind howled through the gaps in the rocks.
“Not unless you like pirate ghosts.” Jasper smiled. “And not when I’ve got my pocket money riding on you.”
I took a last look out to sea. Dad used to say we were lucky to live here because you can see right to the edge of the world. When I was younger, it used to feel like I was looking into infinity. I took another deep breath and followed Jasper down the steps.
Jasper gave me a half-hug in the porch before we went in. It was only with one arm. But a half-hug from Jasper counted as progress in my family.
Dad leaped up from the kitchen table as soon as we walked in. His dusty footprints were still on the carpet from earlier. “Jemima! I’ve been worried sick!” He looked like he was telling the truth, but with his track record I couldn’t be sure. “You must be freezing! Jasper, make her a hot chocolate, yeah?”
I sniffed and nodded. It wasn’t exactly speaking to him, but it wasn’t exactly not.
Luna came over and hugged me. “I knew Jasper would find you!” she said. “He has The Gift!”
“He has binoculars,” I said.
Luna squashed my face with her hands and kissed my forehead. “That’s more like it.”
Dad sat on the sofa and apologized for the millionth time. “I didn’t know where your mum had gone at first,” he said. “I knew she’d gone with Alfie, but I didn’t know where they were. I emailed for a while with photos and stuff, but I never got a reply. Then, about five years ago, she sent that brochure saying they were leaving for good. I didn’t want you to have to deal with it. I planned on telling you if she ever got back in touch or when you were old enough to understand. Only, that came sooner than I realized. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, Dad,” Jasper said. “It doesn’t matter.”
It did matter to me, but Dad was wiping tears from his eyes and right then that mattered more. Seeing your dad upset feels like there’s something wrong with the universe, like it’s turned inside out. And you’ll say anything to make it right again. Plus, he’d apologized a million plus one times now and that was enough for one day.
“It’s okay, Dad,” I said. “I get why you did it. I’m not mad at you.” Because, if you’re not mad at the person who left you, what’s the point in being mad at the person who didn’t?
“Thanks, you two,” Dad said. The skin around his eyes looked blotchy and he rubbed his beard as he let out a few long breaths. “Now, I’ve got something to show you. It’s not quite finished! But it feels like a good time for you to take a look.”
Outside, Dad flung open the garage doors and said, “Ta dah!”
The first thing I noticed was a TV on the wall. Then a sofa, a table made out of wooden crates, bookshelves made from old ladders and seats made out of giant tyres. There was an old arcade game in the corner and bean bags, some paintings waiting to be hung up, and fairy lights hung across the ceiling like stars.
“I got a load of stuff from the junkyard outside town!” Dad said. “It’s amazing what people throw away. Those seats are old tractor tyres! I think I can get this arcade machine working once I’ve got the right parts.”
“Dad, this is…fantastique!” Jasper said. “I can do my filming in here!”
Dad laughed. “I was hoping you might say that. And, I thought we might hold a little party in here. When it’s finished.”
“A party?” Jasper and I said at exactly the same time.
“Yes! I’ll have you know I did quite a lot of partying before you two came along! I thought we could have a special TV screening, say on Boxing Day? I don’t know if there’s anything on that evening you’d like to watch?”
“Jemima completely humiliating herself on TV!” Jasper said.
I grabbed a cushion from the nearest tractor-tyre chair and threw it at his head. I didn’t miss because it’s quite a big target.
“Not that that will happen,” Jasper said. “Right, Dad? Not with…” They both flexed their arm muscles and said, “Team Small!”
I closed my eyes. As tight as they would go. I wasn’t cringing at how completely embarrassing they were. I wasn’t wishing for anything either. I just wanted to make sure my brain fully remembered this moment. Because I felt like I was in one of those families you get on TV. A family that believes you can do stuff even if you’re not really sure yourself. I wanted this moment to be branded on my brain. Fused to my DNA. For ever.
Later on that afternoon, Luna took me to Good Vibes, her friend Jupiter’s crystal shop on the seafront. I examined an orangey-red crystal from a cabinet by the door. It looked like solid fire.
“That one’s for tranquillity and healing,” Jupiter said. “It’s called jasper.”
I immediately put it down. It was so typical of Jasper to be named after a crystal.
“Is there one to help me win a quiz show?” I asked. “I need to be extremely brainy tomorrow.”
Jupiter’s eyes lit up. “Sure thing, sister! You need the tiger’s eye.”
He brought a tray of crystals over and placed each one gently on a silk cloth. I held a bluey-pink stone up to the light and smiled. It shone like a supernova.
“That’s it,” Jupiter said. “Your crystal’s found you. That’s fluorite. It’ll help your concentration and self-confidence.” Jupiter fixed the crystal onto a long chain and put it over my head. “She’s got some strong energy, hey?”
Luna smiled. “Yeah. She gets that from me.”
I held the crystal tight in my hand as we left the shop and walked along the promenade, trying to absorb its energy. We were climbing the concrete steps by the beach when I saw them. A man and a woman on their way down. Both giving me second glances. But I didn’t look away. Or try to shrink into the shadows. I fixed my eyes on them and smiled my best smile as they walked past.
I knew that almost three thousand people from fifty different schools took the same Brainiacs qualifying test as me that day in the hall. And to get through to the Selection Day, I had to score in the top ten per cent. And to be chosen out of all the other competitors at the Selection Day, I had to beat almost all of them. Because there are only fifteen podiums on the famous Brainiacs stage and one of them already had my name on it. And when you know that, maybe you don’t want to be invisible.
The TV studio had revolving glass doors leading to a reception where one wall was entirely covered by TV screens, each playing a different channel. The receptionist printed out a badge and attached it to a yellow lanyard that said:
Nana said I looked like a celebrity. I knew she was lying. Celebrities don’t have to wear ID badges. We went up in the lift to the second floor and a man called Alex, who I recognized from the Selection Day, greeted us.
“Hello, everyone! Welcome to Brainiacs HQ!” His thin moustache twirled up at each end and wiggled when he spoke. “I’ll take you to our family green room where you can relax, meet the other contestants and get ready for the show!”
We followed him down a wide corridor as he explained filming would start in a couple of hours.
The green room had sofas, tables and chairs, a huge stack of board games in the corner, old-fashioned chalkboards on the walls and a massive TV screen playing Brainiacs clips with subtitles. Everything was yellow, not green. I guess green wouldn’t match their branding. Some contestants were writing out equations on a chalkboard at the back; another was writing out pi; someone else was listing dates that must have been the Russian royal dynasty; someone else was reciting the periodic table to their mum. I recognized Zane from the Selection Day. He waved then went back to playing himself at chess.
“Welcome to Planet Geek!” Jasper whispered.
Dad laughed then gave him a gentle jab in the ribs.
“You’re going to do great!” Luna said as she pushed Nana to the nearest table. “You’ve got your crystal, right?”
I nodded and pulled it out from inside my shirt.
“Phew!”
“Right!” Dad said, surveying the room. “Want to recite the entire works of Shakespeare or go over Einstein’s theorem or something?”
I picked up a board game called Brainbox from the shelf in the corner. “How about a game of this?”
Dad laughed. “I’m so relieved you said that!”
After our second game of Brainbox, a lady called Maggie came in and called, “Families! It’s time to say your final words of encouragement! I’m taking you through to join the audience.”
Dad hugged me and wished me luck; Luna kissed my head; Nana said she was proud of me and slipped a packet of soft mints into my pocket. Jasper said something annoying in French. Then I watched them leave.
I was given a huge pair of noise-cancelling headphones and a pack of one hundred cards to memorize. Each one had a random picture and number on it, like Santa 34 and steam train 7 and teapot 15. A timer on the screen counted down thirty minutes. I put on my headphones and tried to ignore the boy next to me memorizing the cards whilst skipping. I was amazed Gina hadn’t taught me that technique during brain-training.
When the thirty minutes was up, I followed the other contestants up the steps and into the studio. A thousand spotlights beamed so brightly I had to squint. Huge cheers erupted from the audience as we walked in, but I couldn’t make out any faces. There were TV cameras everywhere, even attached to the ceiling, pointing at me like snipers. And suddenly, I felt heavier than ever, as though my bones were made of plutonium. But that wasn’t the major problem.
It was my head. It felt as though my brain had floated out of my skull and off into the universe. And your brain suddenly figuring out astral projection is just about the worst thing that can happen to you on a TV quiz show. I tried to picture the cards I’d been memorizing, the periodic table, the dates of the monarchs of England, calculate some sums in my head. But nothing. Just a big, blank space where the answers were supposed to be.
“Jemima!” Maggie called. “You’re over there, number thirteen. Hope it’s not unlucky for you.”
I walked to the podium that said 13 on the back and JEMIMA, CLIFTON ACADEMY on the front. I touched the brain pin badge on my blazer and felt sick. My hands were shaking and the room kept spinning and the only thought echoing around my head was how stupid I was going to look in front of millions of people. And, more specifically, one person, probably sitting on the deck of a 188-metre cruise ship.
“Good luck, Jemima!” the girl next to me said. Her podium said ANANYA, GREYS HIGH SCHOOL. “I’m terrified! My brain has gone to mush!” She held out her hands. They were shaking worse than mine.
I tried to think of something to say, anything, but the only thing I could think about was the vast emptiness of my head. And the spotlights probably doing permanent damage to my retinas. I was suffering from the worst case of brain freeze ever documented. I was going to let everyone down. And it was going to be broadcast on TV.
“I like your crystal!” Ananya said.
“Thanks. Here” – I took it off and handed it to her – “hold it if you like. It’s supposed to help with concentration and self-confidence. Although, I think it might be broken.”
“Wow!” Ananya said as she watched it sparkle in the studio lights. She cupped her hands around it. “I think it’s working!”
Zane gave me a thumbs up just as the presenter, Dexter Riley, jogged up the steps to the stage. The audience cheered again.
“Hello, Brainiacs!” His black hair was styled in a huge quiff, like a wave on the front of his head.
I felt so dizzy, I could barely concentrate on what he was saying.
“Congratulations on getting this far! Filming will start in a moment. Stay calm. Speak clearly. And try to have fun! Buzz as quickly as you can because look at these faces!” He pointed down the line at us and smiled to reveal perfectly white teeth. “You’ve got some fierce competition! The quick-fire round is up first and the topic is nature! Good luck!”
A woman with a make-up trolley dabbed his face with a tissue as he started talking to Yolanda and some other people wearing headsets.
Ananya handed me back the crystal and I put it around my neck, feeling stupid for even half-believing a chunk of polished calcium fluoride (CaF2) in the shape of an octahedron (a solid composed of eight equilateral triangles, four of which meet at each vertex) might help my brain’s ability to function.
Then, very slowly, as slow as the world’s slowest mammal (the three-toed sloth, top speed of 0.24 kilometres per hour), it felt like something was happening in my head. As though the smallest butterfly in the world (the western pygmy blue, wingspan of fifteen millimetres) was waking up.
Wait a minute, I thought, as a menagerie of animal facts began creeping into my mind. My brain is coming back.
“Welcome to Brainiaaaaaaaaacs!” Dexter Riley said as he spun a perfect 360 degrees on his heels to face the camera again. He must have practised that loads at home. “These fifteen bright young boffins are about to pit their
wits against each other for the chance to win the world-famous Brainiacs trophy! Let’s give them a cheer!”
The audience was a sea of faces, but I spotted the silhouette of Nana’s huge bun against the glare of the spotlights, then my eyes scanned to Luna, Dad and Jasper. I could see Miki holding up a banner, and the outline of Mrs Savage’s head behind him. The number thirteen glowed yellow on the back of my podium. Thirteen is a prime number, forwards and back. It’s called an emirp. And it definitely didn’t feel unlucky.
“Fasten your seat belts! It’s our quick-fire round on…nature! Fingers on buzzers, Brainiacs! May your brains be with you!”
I put my hand on the buzzer and wished as hard as I could.
Please do not let me look stupid on TV.
I didn’t care about winning. I just didn’t want anyone to feel ashamed of me.
Dexter Riley lifted the question cards. “What is a cassowary?”
And that’s the thing about wishes. Sometimes they never come true and sometimes they come true in approximately 1.25 seconds.
“A cassowary is a large flightless bird native to New Guinea and they have been known to attack and kill humans.”
I heard a burst of laughter from the audience. It was probably Jasper.
“That’s a bit more than we needed, Jemima!” Dexter said. “But, a flightless bird is CORRECT!” The zero on my podium changed to five and, without meaning it to, a smile spread across my face.
When the klaxon sounded for the end of the nature round, my podium said thirty-five. I blew out a long breath and looked at the scores on the others’ podiums. Mine was the third highest. I wasn’t getting eliminated.
“It’s the infamously tough Brainiacs MEMORY ROUND!” Dexter bellowed at the camera. “We’ll be losing another three contestants at the end of this round, Brainiacs, so keep those cards in your head!”
Jemima Small Versus the Universe Page 22