by Megan Keith
“You look like shit.” He lifted his head in her direction. “Have you eaten?” He nodded toward the half eaten sandwich on the bedside table. She sighed. “You said you and Mackenzie were arguing when it happened?”
“Yes.”
“But that’s not why she’s in here, Nathaniel. You weren’t driving the car. Right?”
“She wouldn’t have been on the street in the first place, if it weren’t for me. We both would have been paying attention if we weren’t fighting. Maybe I could have seen Greg before …”
“No. That’s not the way I see it. You’re not to blame here. Whatever you were fighting about, I’m sure it’ll be okay.”
Nate wasn’t convinced. Deciding for a change of subject, he asked, “Have you known Mackenzie long?”
“Not really. I mean, I’ve been her neighbor for two years, but to be honest, I’ve only just started to get to know her. She’s always been a closed off person, you know?” She added thoughtfully, “Until you. She’s changed since she met you.”
“She has?”
Andrea nodded but didn’t say anything else.
“I’ve changed too,” Nate said.
There was something about Andrea that made him want to open up. Or maybe it was just the fact that he needed to ease is own guilt in some way, get things off his chest.
“I have trouble trusting people,” he admitted, while keeping his eyes trained on Mackenzie. “When I first saw Mackenzie I was instantly attracted to her. I wanted to find out everything I could about her. I needed to know who she was before I, well, before I gave her the time of day. I know that sounds conceited.” He took a deep breath. “Anyway, I had her investigated. I looked into her financial records and hired a detective to do a background check. I needed to find out all I could beforehand. I needed to know I could trust her, that when I asked her about herself she would be truthful. You know?”
“Because you’re loaded, you had to protect yourself?” Andrea nodded with a small smile.
“Mackenzie found the file in my office and that’s why we were arguing.”
“I’m sure if you explained …”
“She was so angry, so hurt, I’m not sure she’ll understand. I betrayed her. And now I’ve got her thrown in here.”
“That part’s not your fault.”
“Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?” he asked hesitantly.
“She’s stubborn Nathaniel, but she loves you.”
“Did she tell you that?” Nate asked in shock. He hoped it was true.
Andrea shook her head. “She didn’t have to.”
“I love her, too,” Nate admitted. He’d now said it so many times aloud, except to the person he wanted to hear it the most. Nate squeezed Mackenzie’s hand again. Please stay with me.
Andrea gave him a compassionate smile. “I’ve gotta ask though. Do you only have one song on this iPod or what?”
Nate chuckled.
“This is the third time this song has played since I’ve been here.” Andrea laughed.
“It’s for her,” he said, playing with a strand of Mackenzie’s hair.
“That was the police,” Tom said, re-entering the room. “Greg’s been charged. They’re holding him indefinitely. Apparently this isn’t the first time he’s tried shit like this, he has priors for assault. They said he was coming to see me, to make amends, but when he saw you on the path he lost it. He admitted to the police that he did it on purpose. He’s pleading guilty and with his record it looks like he won’t be bothering us again. And you’re damn lucky he’s not pressing charges against you, Nate.” Nate lifted his head to catch his brother’s satisfied smirk, “You broke his fucking nose.”
Nate nodded in understanding. That man deserved to pay for what he’d done, but Nate wouldn’t allow himself to feel the relief the news should have brought. Not when Mackenzie remained unconscious. Not until he could see those mesmerizing eyes of hers looking at him again.
Mackenzie could hear voices surrounding her. She couldn’t make out what any of them were saying but she recognized the timbre of Nate’s voice. She could feel her hand enclosed in his. She moved her fingers and felt his shadow looming over her. Opening her eyes, she tried to focus.
“Mackenzie.”
“Nate,” she struggled to say through a dry mouth.
“It’s me. I’m here,” he cooed, gently smoothing her hair against her head as she blinked up at him.
“Nate,” she tried to say again.
“Shh, it’s okay. You don’t need to talk. Get the nurse,” he said to someone over his shoulder in the darkened room, before turning back to her and leaning in to place a gentle kiss on her forehead. “You were in an accident but you’re okay, papillon.” His hand continued to pet her head. “You’re okay,” he repeated until she lost consciousness.
“That’s a good sign, right Tom? She asked for me when she woke. My name was the first word from her lips. That means she’ll forgive me.”
“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?” Tom asked.
Nate didn’t answer him. Of course he was trying to convince himself. It was all he had left to hope for. He’d put her in here, but he needed her forgiveness. Since the first time she had woken last night he held out hope that he would get it. She’d been awake twice more during the night. He’d offered her sips of water and held her hand as she drifted back to sleep. He’d said comforting words to soothe her but other than saying his name a few times, she hadn’t spoken.
“If she cares for you, once you explain, she’ll forgive you,” Tom said. “I’m going back to the office. Make sure you eat this, okay?”
Tom placed a paper bag on the table in the corner of the room before he left. He’d only stopped in for a few minutes to check on things and make sure Nate got something to eat. Not that Nate had any kind of an appetite.
He stared at the monitor that showed Mackenzie’s heart was beating. It was strong, a constant rhythm that helped regulate his own heartbeat. He squeezed her hand and closed his eyes. The sickening sound of metal against metal reverberated in his head. Flashes of the mangled car twisted against the bench seat caused his stomach to roll. That seat may well have saved her life. She’s going to be okay. She has to be!
Mackenzie chose that moment to move her fingers in his hand. Blinking rapidly she opened her eyes and focused on him.
“Nate,” she croaked.
His heart raced with anticipation, with hope. He helped her to sit, passing her the cup of water to drink, holding it while she sucked on the straw. He saw her wince.
“Where does it hurt?” he asked.
“My head,” she whispered and Nate turned off the softly playing music. Placing the cup back on the bedside table he clasped her hand between both of his own.
“Do you want me to get the nurse?”
“No.” She shook her head a little, before pressing a palm to her forehead. “What happened?”
“You got hit by a car, Mackenzie.” Nate swallowed uncomfortably. “Greg’s car.”
She felt her eyes widen and Nate held her hand tighter.
“He won’t come near us again. I promise. I’m so sorry, Mackenzie. It’s all my fault. I should have protected you. I should have-”
Mackenzie waved her free hand at him to stop him from talking. His words were rushed and loud and she couldn’t bear to listen to him. Her head hurt and she needed quiet. She closed her eyes and took a few calming breaths. I was hit by a car? Greg’s car? She couldn’t remember any of it. And she really didn’t care at that point. She just wanted to rest. So she pushed her body back down the bed and did just that.
Early the next morning, Mackenzie woke to a softly snoring Nate seated in the chair beside her bed. She’d never seen him look so scruffy. His hair was a mess and his face was covered in dark stubble. She slid her hand from under his and shifted up the bed. She felt more alert than she had in days. Have I been in here for days?
Suffering from a dry throat, she reached for the cup of
water on the bedside table and took a sip. She tried to remember what had happened. She recalled Nate telling her she’d been hit by a car, but she couldn’t remember it happening.
“Hey.” Nate smiled sleepily at her, his eyes blinking open. He shifted in his seat so he could take hold of her hand again. “How are you feeling?”
“Good. My head has stopped pounding, so that’s something. How long have I been in here?” she asked huskily.
“Almost two full days.”
“Really?”
He rubbed his thumb over her hand, asking cautiously, “Do you remember what happened?”
She recalled going to Nate’s office. Meeting his brother. Laughing. She smiled when she remembered Nate’s hot kisses on her skin. Being pushed against his desk. His thigh between her legs. His sexy smile when he told her to wait. Kicking him on the street. Wait. What?
“We were arguing?”
“Yes.” The look of guilt on Nate’s face brought everything back in an instant.
The file. She pulled her hand from his. “Why?”
She didn’t need to elaborate, he knew exactly what she was asking. If the change in her facial expression hadn’t warned him, the fact she was leaning away from him would have. Nate perched himself on the edge of the bed beside her, needing to get closer.
“Nate?” she prompted.
“I needed to know everything about you,” he said, taking hold of her hand again.
“So? You ask!” She pulled it away.
“I’m sorry,” he pleaded, letting his hand drop to his lap.
“You had no right.”
“I’m used to having to protect myself,” he tried to explain but she cut him off.
“Do you do background checks on all women you fuck?”
Nate flinched. “Do you have to be so crude?”
“What? I thought you liked my dirty mouth.” Her voice was laced with sarcasm.
“Mackenzie-”
“I’ve seen you leave the bar with so many women, Nate. I know you couldn’t have possibly done checks on all of them. I’m guessing you wouldn’t even know half of their names.”
“You’re different, Mackenzie. Always have been. I’ve never wanted to include someone in my life like I have you.”
She sighed. “I don’t know what to believe. You ask for my trust but you don’t trust me at all.”
“I do trust you! I told you I was about to throw that file out. I wanted to tell you. I was going to tell you.”
“Yeah, you say that now …”
“No! I had the file on my desk because I was going to tell you then.”
Mackenzie could feel the moisture in her eyes threatening to spill over. “When I found that file …” She shook her head. “Nate, you’re the only person I’ve ever allowed to get this close to me. For the first time in my life I was truly happy. Finding that … it made me question everything between us.”
“No, I didn’t mean for that to happen. Mackenzie, please don’t let this-”
“I think you should go.” Mackenzie was tired and confused. She caught his worried eyes and she wanted to trust him, but she couldn’t. What if everything was a lie? Hurt and angry, the words just tumbled from her mouth. Words she probably should have thought about before voicing. Words she instantly knew she would regret.
“I don’t want you here.”
“Mackenzie, please-”
“No, Nate! I can’t do this.” Her head flopped back against the pillow in defeat. She shut her eyes tightly, wishing she could be in the arms of the fun-loving man she thought she knew, and not anywhere near the stranger in front of her. “I’m sick of your games, your deception and your goddamn secrets! Please … just leave. Life was much simpler before you came into my life.”
She didn’t open her eyes again, but she heard him discreetly leave the room. The quiet click of the door brought the tears and they didn’t stop until, utterly exhausted, she slept.
When Mackenzie reopened her eyes it took her a moment to recognize the woman seated by her side.
“Andrea?”
“Hey,” Andrea whispered, leaning closer with a smile. “You’re awake.”
“Hey. What are you doing here? How did you…”
“Nathaniel’s brother called me. I’ve been in a few times actually.” Andrea took hold of Mackenzie’s hand giving it a gentle squeeze before letting go. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
Mackenzie smiled, looking around the hospital room. It was the first time she’d really taken it all in. There were flowers everywhere. Mainly gloriosas. Nate.
“Is he still …?” She slowly sat up on the bed.
“No.” Andrea shook her head. “He left.”
“Oh.” Tears welled in Mackenzie’s eyes and Andrea again squeezed her hand in sympathy. “I’m okay,” she assured her friend. “It’s for the best.”
“Don’t give me that shit, Mack! You know that’s not true.” Andrea’s sudden anger made Mackenzie sober instantly. “You love him and he loves you. Why are you pushing him away?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Mackenzie argued, repositioning the pillows behind her back. “There are things you don’t know.”
“Things I don’t know, huh? Like the reason you fought, the file you found, or Greg being the one to put you in here? He told me everything, Mack. He’s a mess. He feels to blame for the accident. And you didn’t help matters by telling him to leave. You can’t end things like that.” Andrea paused, looking at Mackenzie’s shocked face, before explaining, “I heard the whole thing.”
“What do you mean?”
“I was outside in the hallway. You didn’t see what that did to him, Mack. I’ve never seen a man look so broken.” Her tone softened, “I understand that you’re angry, I do, but you belong together, I’ve seen the way he lights you up. He couldn’t be sorrier for what’s happened. You need each other.”
“I just … I’m not sure I can forgive him, Andrea. He’s not who I thought he was. Every time I feel like I’ve broken through one of his barriers I’m met with another.”
“Sounds like someone else I know.”
Mackenzie sighed with frustration at Andrea’s raised eyebrow.
“Mack, have you ever thought that maybe you’re just trying to find fault?”
“Pardon?”
“You push people away and hide behind your own walls.”
Mackenzie shook her head. She didn’t want Andrea to be right on this. I have the right to be angry. “He kept a file on me. I mean, who does that? Who has someone checked out like that?”
“A sexy man with billions of dollars to protect, that’s who. He kept a file on you sweetie, past tense. He had you checked out before he got to know you and trust you. Now you need to trust him. And you need to trust what’s in your heart.” Andrea leaned down to collect her bag from the floor, hitched it over her shoulder and stood from her chair. “I’m glad you’re okay. I’m really sorry, Mack, but I’ve got to get to work. I have a job booked.” She leaned over and gave Mackenzie a peck on the cheek. “Rest up. Do you feel like going back to sleep? Or would you like me to put on the TV or music before I go?”
“Music would be great.” Mackenzie reached her hand out and caught Andrea’s. “Thanks Andrea, for you know, coming here … and kicking me while I’m down.” She smirked.
“Woah! I can’t believe you made a funny!” Andrea smiled. “There’s hope for you yet.” She swung around to the iPod dock and pressed play. Andrea placed the remote in Mackenzie’s hand before heading for the door.
A familiar tune filled the room but Mackenzie had trouble placing it. “What song is that?” she asked, unable to read the screen on the iPod from her position.
“It’s called Papillon. You don’t know it?” Andrea’s brow crinkled.
Papillon. Figures.
“Nathaniel played it on repeat while you were unconscious. He said it was for you. I thought it was your favorite song or something.” Andrea opened the door and tu
rned back to Mackenzie one last time. “Please think about what I’ve said. He stayed by your side the entire time, you know,” she said, closing the door behind her.
Then I kicked him out.
Mackenzie rested her head against the pillow, closed her eyes and listened to the music. It was vaguely familiar, the voice of the man singing had an unusual deepness to it. “My papillon,” she recalled Nate whispering in her ear when he made sweet love to her. It was love, what they had, he loved her, and though he’d never said it she knew it were true. The song ended and she hit repeat, paying closer attention to the lyrics. A feint smile played on her lips. It was a message to her, not to give up on him, he needed her. I need him too.
“You belong together,” Andrea’s words echoed in her mind and a silent tear trickled down her cheek.
“You gonna finish that?” Alex asked. It was lunch time and he’d been visiting with Mackenzie for the past twenty minutes. She knew Alex had his eye on her jello before he’d even spoke.
“Yes, I am,” she replied, poking her tongue out at him, before heaping another spoonful into her mouth.
“Jello is probably the only good thing about being in hospital I bet.”
“Mmm, it’s so good,” she mumbled, smiling around her spoon.
“Tease.”
They both laughed. Mackenzie loved having Alex around. Since he’d entered the room he’d done nothing but make her smile, allowing her to at least try to forget about the events of that morning. Though she did have to assure Alex that it wasn’t Nate’s fault she was in hospital. And it wasn’t, she didn’t blame Nate for that at all.
She felt kind of numb. She didn’t want to consider the possibility of losing the only man she had ever contemplated keeping. The man she had been falling for. But I have every right to be mad at him … don’t I?
“So I hear you’re going home today.” Alex interrupted her thoughts.
“Where’d you hear that?” Mackenzie asked, before shoving another spoonful of jello into her mouth.