Eraser Amber

by Megan Keith

  “Mr. Hot Shot told me.”

  “Nate told you?” Mackenzie frowned in confusion. Nate hadn’t been back since she’d told him to leave early that morning. And she’d only been informed of her discharge from one of the nurses about an hour ago when they finally removed her IV drip. “When did you speak to him?”

  “When I got here.”

  “He’s here?”

  Now it was Alex’s turn to frown in confusion. “Of course. From what I can tell he hasn’t left the place since you were admitted. He looks terrible, Mack. You were right about him, he really does care about you.”

  Guilt floored her. He’s still here? After I pushed him away he didn’t leave?

  “You okay? You look pale all of a sudden.”

  “Maybe it’s the jello. Here, you can have it.” Mackenzie passed the container to Alex who greedily polished it off.

  She didn’t know what to think, but she felt an overwhelming sense of relief that Nate hadn’t left the hospital. Why did Andrea say he was gone?

  “So what are your plans? You obviously can’t work for a while.”

  “Huh?”

  “Work. With a cast on your leg how do you expect to carry drinks? Jonathan has already informed me to find a replacement to cover your shifts for the next six weeks.”

  Six weeks! What the hell am I going to do for six weeks with no pay?

  “I suppose your insurance or that wealthy new boyfriend will cover your bills.” Alex continued, reading the look of panic on her face perfectly. “But I know you, you’re gonna go insane with nothing to do.”

  “You’re right, Alex. What the hell am I going to do?” She couldn’t expect Nate to pay her bills, particularly considering she’d practically dumped his ass. She wasn’t about to tell Alex that though.

  Alex was laughing at her expression when the door opened and Nate cautiously walked in. Sure enough, he hadn’t changed his clothes, or fixed his hair, the scruff on his face even seemed to have gotten thicker since she’d seen him last. He really did look like he’d spent the past few days in hell. Mackenzie’s guilt skyrocketed at the sight of the man who couldn’t look her in the eye. He nodded at Alex.

  “Well, best I get going,” Alex said, standing to lean over Mackenzie. Nate had to look away when Alex pressed a kiss to Mackenzie’s forehead. He couldn’t stand watching his woman being touched by another man. No matter how platonic the kiss, Nate didn’t like to think about never being able to do the same. “I’ll speak to you soon. Call me, any time.”

  “Thanks Alex.”

  Mackenzie gave him a smile, a genuine one, and it made Nate’s shoulders slump a little more. Though he knew he didn’t deserve it, he wanted her to smile at him like that again, too.

  “Bye Alex,” he said as the man walked by him with a nod.

  He took a step closer to the bed and when Mackenzie opened her mouth to speak he held his hand up to stop her. He couldn’t bear the thought of her telling him to leave again, so he spoke first.

  “Mackenzie, I know I’m the last person you want to see right now but, please, I need you to hear me out.” She nodded her head slightly and he took another step toward her. “I’m sorry for everything. I need you to know that I didn’t mean to upset you. I’ll admit I looked into your financial records, and I had an investigator do a background check, but I never got anyone to follow you. I did these things before we’d ever spoken. I needed …” he swallowed hard. “I wanted to know what I was getting into. I know it was wrong and I apologize. I understand that you won’t forgive me and I accept that.”

  “Nate-”

  “I can’t in good conscience let you go back to your place on your own. You need more recovery time. I want you to stay with me at my apartment.”

  “Nate, I’m sorry-”

  “You can have the guest room,” he quickly added. “You have my word I won’t step over the line again. It’s my fault you’re in here and it’s the least I can do.”

  “Nate, I want you to know I don’t, not for a second, blame you for putting me in here. That is not your fault.” She couldn’t stand that he was blaming himself for what Greg did. It was tearing him apart, she could see that now. And though she wasn’t ready to forgive him for everything, there was no way he needed her forgiveness for that.

  “If it weren’t for me-”

  “No! I mean it Nate. You weren’t the one driving that car. So please, let that go right now.”

  “So it’s settled. You’ll come home with me,” Nate spoke in a business-like manner. His face was emotionless. He stubbornly ignored her comment and went back to cold and distant Sir mode. She’d always thought of him as powerful and confident but now she looked upon him with uncertainty. Where was the man she had feelings for?

  Though she wanted to argue, particularly when he acted this way, she felt she had little choice in the matter. She may be a strong, independent woman but even she knew she couldn’t do this on her own. With one leg in plaster, a sore arm, head … sore everything, she had to admit she needed help.

  “Okay, I’ll stay with you,” she heard herself say. Realistically, there was no one else. She would never expect her parents’ assistance, they were virtual strangers, Alex had a wife and a job to go to, and she couldn’t ask Andrea, it wouldn’t feel right, they were only new friends.

  Nate is only new too.

  But he’s different.

  “I’ll be back in a moment, I’ll just tell the nurse you’re getting ready to go.”

  Mackenzie watched Nate leave and breathed a sigh of relief. Flopping back against her pillow she tried to piece together her muddled thoughts. Even with everything that had happened, relying on Nate still felt right. Before she’d found that file on his desk she’d envisioned a future with that man. Is that still a possibility?

  “I’m glad you’re okay.” Mackenzie lifted her head to see Simon in the doorway. The brawny man gave her a small smile before he began filling his big arms with bouquets of her flowers.

  “Thanks Simon.”

  He gave her a nod before leaving the room, passing an incoming Nate on the way.

  “I, uh, hope you don’t mind. I stole your house key from your purse and gave it to Andrea. She packed you a few things in here.” Nate picked up a duffel bag from the corner of the room. “Some clothes and toiletries.”

  “Thanks.”

  He placed the bag on the end of the bed, then unplugged the iPod dock. He would only make eye contact with her for very brief moments and it was killing Mackenzie to see him so indifferent, and even awkward around her.

  “Papillon, huh?” She tilted her head toward the iPod dock with a smile, trying to engage him in some way.

  “Yeah, it seemed appropriate at the time.” He frowned, still not meeting her eye, and shook his head slightly before packing the dock away.

  “Nate, I’m sorry-”

  “I’ll leave you to get changed.” They spoke at the same time. “I’ll wait in the corridor.” He collected the arrangement of flowers closest to him and walked to the door.

  For some reason the soft click of the door as he left irritated her more than anything else that had just happened. She wanted to jump off the bed, open the door and slam it. She felt the need to do something, to let out her frustrations in some way. She’d been mistaken, the man that had just left was not the cocky Sir, or the sweet Nate she thought she was beginning to know, he was someone else entirely. He was broken. Andrea was right.

  Mackenzie pushed off the covers and shifted her body to the side of the bed. It wasn’t an easy task but she had been getting used to hobbling her way to the bathroom. She’d been given crutches but found them incredibly difficult to use; her arms ached too much. She stood on shaky legs, leaning toward her healthy one and unzipped the bag Nate had left for her. Inside, she found a pair of her yoga pants, a t-shirt and a hoodie. She reached behind her back to untie the hospital gown. She was grateful to already have underwear on, as she knew the task ahead was going to be difficult
enough without adding more items of clothing to the mix. She started with the t-shirt, pulling it over her head. Easy enough. Then she stumbled off balance when she untucked her hair. She picked up the pants and looked down to her leg, plastered from knee to heel with a wound bandaged above that on her thigh. Not so easy.

  She hobbled over to the chair and eased herself into it. Her whole body ached. Bending forward she got her good foot into one leg of the pants and then attempted the other. It got caught on the plaster. She tugged on the material but it didn’t want to make it over the first bend, and she couldn’t reach because her ribs hurt too much to lean down that far, and being unable to bend her knee, she was stuck. She tried in vain to pull up her pants and then groaned in frustration.

  “Are you alright?” she heard Nate call from the other side of the closed door.

  “No,” she whispered to herself, tears welling in her eyes.

  “Mackenzie?” Nate called to her again.

  I could buzz for a nurse, I suppose. She had to face facts, if she were to be going home with Nate he would have to help her with everything, even getting dressed.

  Feeling helpless, she began to cry. “I can’t even get myself dressed!”

  Nate was at her side in a flash. He found her sitting on the chair in a t-shirt and panties, her yoga pants twisted at her ankles and tears streaming down her face. It damn near broke his heart seeing her like that.

  He squatted in front of her, untangled her pants and pulled them up past her knees. He stood, wrapped his arms around her waist and helped her to her feet.

  “Lean against me,” he instructed before letting her hips go. Her arms held onto his shoulders as he bent down to pull her pants all the way up. “There.” By this stage her tears were accompanied by sobs. “It’s okay, Mackenzie,” he tried to soothe her, brushing the hair from her face. “Let’s get you back in the chair.”

  Once she was seated she wiped the tears from her face on a sniff. She silently watched Nate collect the hoodie from the bed and kept her eyes on him as he lifted it above her head. In a blink it was around her neck and she was slowly working her achy arms into the sleeves. He knelt at her feet with a pair of woolly socks.

  “Just the one then?” he asked and Mackenzie finally looked from his handsome face to her feet. One of which was half cast in plaster.

  “I guess so,” she replied with a small giggle. She wiped her wet cheeks.

  Nate lifted his head and gave her a smile. “Your laughter is my favorite sound,” he said softly. No matter what, that sound would always make him smile.

  Mackenzie sucked in a breath at the small glimpse of the Nate she had fallen for. His attentiveness and gentleness overwhelmed her a little. She liked being cared for by him. Maybe she could forget about the file … she didn’t want to waste what they had.

  Maybe we can work past this.

  “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Nate got to his feet. “I know we’re finished, Mackenzie. I assure you, taking you back to my apartment is not a ploy to get you back. I’m going to make sure you’re fully recovered and then we can both move on with our lives.”

  Or maybe not.

  A short while later, Mackenzie was wheeled out of the hospital straight to Nate’s waiting car. The drive back to his apartment was uncomfortably quiet. He couldn’t have sat further from her on the back seat. The air was thick with tension. The silence deafening. Mackenzie closed her eyes to the bright and sunny day. It didn’t seem right for it to be such a lovely day outside when there was such a strong storm brewing inside the car.

  It’s over. Mackenzie swallowed the lump in her throat. She had pushed him away for the last time, and though they were physically in the same vehicle, emotionally, he was no longer there. She could feel the distance between them and she couldn’t see a way out of it. He’d cut her off and it was her own fault.

  When Simon stopped the car in the parking garage of Nate’s building, Mackenzie opened her door and maneuvered her plastered leg out.

  “Wait,” Nate said, stopping her from leaving the vehicle. What does she think she’s going to do? Walk? She looked over her shoulder at him and his heart stopped at the hollow look in her eyes. She was exhausted and she loathed him – that’s what the look conveyed to him. Maybe he should have just hired her a nurse and sent her back to her own apartment. What was I thinking? She doesn’t want to be here. He sighed. “Wait and I’ll help you.”

  He walked around to her side of the car.

  “Put your arms around my neck,” he instructed, leaning into the vehicle. He tucked one arm behind her back and his other arm under her thighs and swept her up into his arms. “I’ve got you.”

  She blinked up at him with those gorgeous jade eyes the whole way to the elevator. He did everything to avoid them. He didn’t deserve to look into those eyes. He’d hurt her. He’d do the right thing, make sure she was back on her feet and then – oh who am I kidding? I’ll never move on from her. She is my beginning and my end.

  Mackenzie had to keep reminding herself not to let her fingers tangle in his hair no matter how hard they were itching to do so. Having her hands clasped behind his neck, his chest pressed against her side, his arms wrapped around her, it was so hard to remind herself that he was now off limits. She could feel his breath against her cheek and she desperately wanted to close the gap between them. She wanted to press her lips to his. Taste him. Claim him back.

  She blinked when the elevator dinged and the doors swept open. Nate opened the door to his apartment and turned to the left, taking her to a room she’d never been in before. It was decorated just as blandly as the rest of the apartment; charcoal carpet, white walls, black and white linen on the bed that Nate was now placing her on. She reluctantly let her arms drop from around his neck and he left. She thanked Simon after he had made two trips to place all her flowers around the room.

  Nate returned a short while later with his arms full of clothing and the bag that Andrea packed. Mackenzie silently looked out the window while he pottered about the room, unpacking her things and placing them in drawers.

  “I’ll get a television moved in for you, if you like.” Nate stood tall beside the bed, looking down on her. “Is there anything else you need? A drink or something to eat?”

  “No, thank you,” she replied. Though she desperately wanted a shower she didn’t feel comfortable enough to ask for one.

  “I’ll be back in half an hour.”

  “You’re leaving?” she asked in a sudden panic.

  “No, I’ll still be here in the apartment. I’ll just leave you to rest. You’re due to have more meds in thirty minutes. I’ll come back to give them to you.”

  “Oh.”

  He didn’t say another word before he left the room, shutting the door behind him.

  How am I meant to live here, like this, for six weeks? He can barely look at me.

  She curled onto her side and stared out the window to the neighboring buildings until they became a blur. She swiped at her eyes but she couldn’t stop the tears from falling. Loud sobs tore through her, she’d tried to contain them, she didn’t want Nate to hear, but it was impossible. It was sinking in, it really was over between them. She felt her world crumbling, her chest hurt and it was hard to breath.

  Nate showered at the other end of the apartment, then sat on the sofa, scotch in hand. His cell rang in the bedroom and when he didn’t get up to answer it the home phone started ringing. He picked it up and read the caller ID - it was his mother. He hit ignore and tossed it on the sofa. He felt numb. The only person he wanted to talk to was in the other room. But he didn’t know what to say to her. He couldn’t make things right. Without Mackenzie he didn’t see the point in doing anything. He lifted the glass to his lips again and noticed the time on his watch. Draining the remainder of the alcohol, he placed his glass on the table and went to the kitchen to get Mackenzie a glass of water and her medication.

  As he neared her bedroom door he could hear her muffled cries
and he quickened his pace.

  “Mackenzie? What is it?” he asked, racing to her side. “What’s wrong?”

  She shot up in bed, wiping her eyes but she wouldn’t look at him.

  “Where does it hurt?”

  “Nowhere. I’m fine,” was the only reply she could come up with. He’d scared the hell out of her, bursting into the room like that. She rubbed her hands across her face. “Time for my meds is it?”

  “Ah, yeah. Here.” He placed two pills in her hand. She threw both in her mouth and took the glass of water he offered, taking a large gulp. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  She nodded.

  “Do you need anything else?” he asked when she returned the empty glass to him.

  Yes, you, she wanted to reply. She wanted him to hold her and comfort her. She wanted to see his flashy smile and the warmth back in his eyes. When she didn’t answer he turned to leave. That’s it? That’s how it’s going to be.

  She shivered when the door closed behind him.

  Later that night, Nate came into her room to deliver her a meal she didn’t touch. And a TV she didn’t turn on. He did all the right things; making sure she was comfortable, checking she wasn’t in pain, re-dressing the wound on her thigh … it was horrible. He barely made eye contact and he wore a distant business-like persona like a coat of armor. Way worse than the arrogant ‘Sir’ she now missed. She wanted her Nate back but she’d be willing to settle for an abrupt Sir, anything would be better than the detached man that was in his place. She felt trapped. Even when his fingers touched her skin, and she felt that familiar zing and pull to him, his eyes remained distant. The rejection hurt.

  The next morning it was the same. Lunch time too. But by late afternoon she’d decided enough was enough. He’d just brought in her medication and was about to leave the room again, leave her feeling suffocated and stuck, when she decided she couldn’t let him walk away. She didn’t want to spend another day alone in that room either.

  “Nate?”