by Megan Keith
“Yes?” He spun back to face her. He hated the broken look on her face. Her eyes were puffy from crying and he knew it was because of him. He hated that he was to blame.
“I could really do with a shower. Do you mind?”
He heard the trepidation in her voice and he hated that too. “Of course I don’t mind, Mackenzie.”
“I mean, I can’t do it on my own. I need your help.”
Nate swallowed uncomfortably. He’d expected it, yet the thought of bathing her had his heart racing. You can do this, you owe her. You knew this would happen when you brought her here.
Mackenzie slowly moved to the edge of the bed and removed the hoodie she’d been wearing since she’d left the hospital the day before. Nate left the room and she scrunched her brow in confusion. Where’d he go? She didn’t know what to think but was relieved when he came back.
“The hospital gave me these bags to cover the plaster so it doesn’t get wet.” He placed them beside her on the bed, then went to sort through Mackenzie’s drawers for some fresh clothes.
He found a pair of tracksuit pants, t-shirt, sweater and then came the underwear. He’d already seen what was there when he’d unpacked Mackenzie’s things earlier. But now he was faced with picking lingerie he gulped uncomfortably. Is Andrea trying to kill me? Fuck! Doesn’t Mackenzie own anything un-sexy? He picked a pair of lacy panties over the numerous thongs. At least they’ll cover some of her ass.
“How do you want to do this?” he asked, bringing the items to her.
“The usual way,” Mackenzie deadpanned.
“I don’t think the way I would normally have a shower with you would work under these circumstances,” Nate responded without thinking. Stop. Be a gentleman.
Mackenzie couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corners of her mouth.
“I need you to stand.” Nate helped her up, this time allowing himself to make eye contact. Mackenzie wound her arms around his neck and he let her hold on for longer than he should. He wanted her against him, he didn’t stop her from leaning closer either. Eventually, he sighed into her hair, before reluctantly saying, “I need you to let go. Hold my shoulders if you have to balance.”
Mackenzie let her hands slide to his shoulders as he bent down between her legs, pulling her pants down with him. She felt his breath on her bare thighs. She stared at the top of his head, wanting to run her fingers through his dark hair, wanting him to place his lips against her skin, his tongue on her. Then his fingers were curling into the top of her panties and she shivered. Oh god, I can’t do this.
Nate didn’t miss the goose bumps on her skin, or the way she sucked in her breath, but he did his best to behave. He inhaled a lung full of air himself when he saw the various bruises over her body. You caused that. The shame overwhelmed him.
Once her panties were at her knees he instructed her to, “sit back down,” then made quick work of getting the material over her plastered leg. He removed her one sock and Mackenzie pulled her t-shirt over her head and undid her bra. He tried so hard not to look at her now naked body, concentrating on putting the plastic bag over her plaster instead, but it was impossible. He attached the plastic above the wound on her thigh with the tape the hospital had provided, then stood and bent his body toward her.
“Hold onto me, Mackenzie,” he said in a deep voice. She could tell her nakedness was affecting him, she could see the desperate way he tried not to look. It gave her the feeling of hope. Perhaps there is still a chance …
He carried her to the bathroom and turned on the shower. Mackenzie leaned her body into his side while they waited for the water to heat. Nate’s arm rested protectively against her back, his hand on her hip. The warmth radiating from him had Mackenzie’s body humming.
“Try to keep your leg out of the water as much as possible,” he instructed when she slowly stepped in, “I’m not sure how well that tape will hold.” He closed the glass door behind her. “Call out when you’re finished,” he said, before going back to the bedroom, leaving Mackenzie dumbfounded that he’d just walked away like that.
Nate perched on the edge of the bed with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. How the fuck am I supposed to do this? He couldn’t keep her locked in the apartment for the next six weeks, pretending he wasn’t in love with her. Keeping things ‘friendly’ when all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and kiss the fucking life out of her before laying her down in bed. He tugged on his hair with a frustrated groan.
Mackenzie had the shampoo in her hands but she had trouble keeping her balance and holding her aching arms above her head at the same time. She was weak from lack of food and exercise, which caused her to sway slightly. She knew if it weren’t for her pushing him away back at the hospital, Nate would be in that shower with her right now. Naked and wet. He would wash her hair for her without question. She really needed it clean and he couldn’t avoid her forever …
“Nate?” she called out hesitantly.
“Yeah?” he replied, coming to lean against the door frame.
“Could you please wash my hair?”
“Sure.”
A smile played on her lips when Mackenzie watched him quickly remove his sweater. That smile slipped when he didn’t remove any more clothing and opened the door still in his tee and track pants.
“Turn around,” he said, leaning into the shower to grab the shampoo. Mackenzie shifted awkwardly and squeezed her eyes shut with frustration. She wanted him in there with her, not this.
She soon allowed the sensations of his hands in her hair to take over. He massaged her scalp until she was thoroughly turned on and then, “rinse,” was all he said. Mackenzie sighed, shifting her head back under the spray while Nate ran his fingers through her hair until the shampoo was gone.
He repeated the process with the conditioner. He tried not to look at her body too closely. Though when her back was turned he couldn’t pass up the chance to ogle her ass when she wasn’t looking. Fuck! It was killing him to look and not touch.
“All done,” he said. “You ready to get out?”
“I guess so-I mean yes.”
Nate reached around her to turn off the taps and then slid his arm across her back to walk her out of the shower.
“Here, hold onto the vanity.”
Mackenzie watched Nate in the mirror while he rubbed the towel all over her body. He removed the wet plastic from her leg and binned it. When she was dry he wrapped her in a towel and stood behind her to dry her hair. He would only catch her eye briefly and then look away again. It was driving her crazy.
“Why didn’t you leave?” she asked, when she couldn’t take the silence and awkwardness anymore.
“What?” he asked, brow scrunched. He continued to work the towel over her hair, ignoring her jade eyes staring at him in the reflection of the mirror.
“After I told you to leave the hospital, why didn’t you go? Why did Andrea tell me you had?”
“She told you that? I guess she probably thought I did leave.” He paused and took a deep breath. “I tried to leave, Mackenzie. I wanted to respect your wishes but I only made it as far as the lobby. I sat in the cafeteria for a while and then I hung out in the corridor by your room.”
“Why?”
“I couldn’t leave you,” he said softly.
“Why? Because you felt obligated or because you cared?”
“I care. Of course, I care. Don’t doubt that, Mackenzie.”
“Do you care enough to look me in the eye when you say that?” she asked, halfway to thoroughly pissed off.
Nate stopped what he was doing and caught Mackenzie’s steely glare in the mirror. He froze at the irate look on her face.
“I care about you, Mackenzie,” he said, before walking away. His expression was cold and unfeeling and it made Mackenzie angrier.
She spotted a robe that was hanging by the door. “Whose robe is that?” she called out to him in the other room.
“Mine. I placed it in there
for you.” He came back with his arm full of her clothes. “Let’s get you dressed.”
“No thanks. I’ll just wear that.” She pointed to the robe. The last thing she wanted was him helping her get dressed. How can he say he cares and then treat me this way? She was so frustrated.
“Okay,” he replied with a shrug, grabbing it from the hook.
“Just leave it. I can manage. You can go,” she said dismissively as she snatched it from him.
“Don’t you want me to carry you back to bed?”
“No. I’ll be fine.”
“If you’re sure. I’m going to make some dinner. What do you feel like?”
“I’m not hungry. I think I’ll just go to sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Mackenzie knew it couldn’t be any later than six o’clock but she didn’t want to be in his presence any longer.
“If that’s what you want.”
Nate turned on his heel and left the bathroom. She heard the bedroom door close softly behind him. Mackenzie again had the impulse to run after him and slam the door. If only I could. She let the towel drop from her body to the floor. She had no intention of trying to put it in the laundry basket. She shoved her clothes from the vanity to join the towel on the floor. Knowing that Nate would not like the mess, she lifted her plastered leg and kicked the clothes, spreading them around a little. She felt childish yet a little satisfied.
She wrapped the robe around her body and then hobbled her way slowly to the bed, clinging to walls and furniture for support wherever she could. When she finally made it to the bed she snuggled under the covers. She brought the collar of the robe to her nose and inhaled Nate’s scent.
She had no idea how to fix the situation between them. Did he care enough to give her another chance? Or just enough to make sure she was okay before ‘we can both move on with our lives’?
One thing was certain, having Nate look after her wasn’t going to be easy.
Mackenzie was woken by a soft tapping at her door. She opened her eyes to the bright morning sun shining through the large windows. She’d stayed awake for hours last night but hadn’t bothered to climb out of bed to close the curtains. Squinting against the sunny intrusion she regretted that decision. The tapping continued.
“Yes?” she called sleepily.
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah.” She shifted up on the bed, propping the pillows behind her back.
Nate pushed the door open, balancing the food tray on one hand. He’d cooked bacon and eggs on toast and made Mackenzie a coffee. There was orange juice, her meds and a small glass vase with a gloriosa flower in it. He knew she must be starving.
“I hope you’re hungry.” He placed the tray across her lap. “How are you feeling?”
“Good.” She lied.
“Did you sleep well?”
“Yes.” She lied again.
Nate hadn’t. He’d passed out on the sofa after drinking way too much scotch on an empty stomach. When Mackenzie had decided on no dinner he couldn’t be bothered making anything for himself and instead settled on a meal of liquid.
“You missed your last dose,” Nate said, passing Mackenzie the pills from the tray. “Though if you aren’t in too much pain the doctor did say you could stop taking them. When you’re ready.”
“Thanks.” Mackenzie swallowed the pills with some orange juice.
“I’m heading into the office for a few hours. I haven’t been in since before … since before the accident.” He cleared his throat. “I’ll be back in time for lunch.”
Mackenzie nodded, unable to answer around her mouthful of delicious crispy bacon. She was famished.
“Can I get you anything before I go?” Nate asked, edging toward the door.
She shook her head before swallowing. “Nate?” He turned back to face her and she was again struck at the sight of how dishevelled he was. He still hadn’t shaved, his dark beard now quite thick, only making the hollowness in his eyes stand out. “Thank you.”
He gave her a nod before leaving. When he made it back to the living room the phone began to ring. He collected it from where he’d left it on the sofa the night before. He couldn’t keep ignoring her calls so this time he answered.
“Hi Mom.”
“Nate, darling, how is she?”
“She’s doing better.”
“And you?”
Nate remained silent, trying to decide if now was the right time for this discussion, or if he even wanted to talk about it at all.
“Nate?”
“I’m doing all that I can to make sure she’s comfortable so she can recover and move on with her life.” Even he could hear how detached and formal his voice was, he should have known his mother wouldn’t fall for it.
“And how’s that working for you?” Carol asked, her voice laced with sarcasm. “What about what you want?”
“It doesn’t matter what I want.” Nate grunted with frustration.
“Of course it does! You need to apologize and make amends. Tell her how you feel. Let her in.”
“I did! She kicked me out! I gave her all of me and she kicked me to the curb. She doesn’t want my explanation.”
“Well that’s a defeatist attitude if ever I heard one.”
“Mom, with all due respect, you’re not here. You haven’t seen the way she looks at me. I’ve screwed up too many times.”
“Do I need to catch a flight over there to knock some sense into you?”
“Mom-”
“No Nate, you listen to me. If you love her, you fight for her. End of-”
“I’ve got to go,” Nate said, cutting her off.
“Nate? I know I’ve never met Mackenzie, but I know that she brought something out in you, I could hear it in your voice. She made you happy. She brought you to life. You don’t want to let that slip through your fingers. Promise me you’ll try.”
“Yes, Mom, I’ll try.”
Mackenzie had to get out of that room. She was going stir-crazy. Deciding a change of scenery was in order, she found herself lying on the sofa in the living area, watching television, when she heard the front door open and close.
Nate placed the takeout containers on the kitchen counter and went to rouse Mackenzie from her room, but stopped short when he spotted her on the sofa.
She pulled herself into a sitting position and gasped at the sight of him. No longer sporting the beard he had that morning, he was cleanly shaven and back in a suit. She wasn’t sure what she expected but that wasn’t it. He looked … normal and Mackenzie hadn’t even bothered to get dressed.
“Hi.”
“Hi yourself,” she replied, running her hands over her hair in an attempt to make herself presentable.
“I hope Thai food is okay.”
“Sure.”
Mackenzie remained where she was and watched Nate remove his jacket and dish up the food. He passed her a bowl on his way to the armchair and the distinct scent of cigarettes lingered. She’d missed that smell.
“How are you feeling? Do you need some more pain killers?”
“No. I’m good. Other than this annoying cast I actually feel okay.” It was the truth this time. She was still a bit stiff and sore but it wasn’t too bad, a dramatic improvement on the previous day.
“That’s great.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
They quietly ate, both facing the TV. It was obvious neither of them were really paying it any attention though.
“You had enough?” Nate eventually broke the silence.
Mackenzie nodded. “Yes, thank you.”
“Drink?” Nate asked, standing and taking away Mackenzie’s empty bowl.
“A water would be great, thanks.”
He returned a moment later with another bowl of food for himself and a glass of water for her. She watched him sink into his chair, push his tie aside and dig into the food like he hadn’t eaten in days. Maybe he hadn’t. He continued to stare at the TV and ignore her presence. So she did her best to focus on the day-tim
e movie, too.
When he finished eating, he washed the dishes, packed the leftovers into the fridge and went to the balcony for a cigarette. He sat in the sunshine and tried his best to ignore the pull he felt toward the woman on the other side of the window.
Mackenzie remained on the sofa and contemplated the predicament she’d found herself in. She was living in the home of a man who no longer wanted her. It was the simple truth. Sure, he was being civil and taking care of her, but he was so detached that it was beginning to become unbearable. He wasn’t willing to fight for them and it made her heart hurt.
Was he keeping her here out of obligation … guilt? Whatever it was, it seemed that he was moving on. He was back to his expensive suits, back to his business professional persona. He had a steely glaze permanently etched to his face and it reminded her of the man that had kicked her out of this apartment that very first night. She wanted her Nate, but it appeared he wasn’t here anymore. Was he even real? She was starting to wonder. All she knew was she couldn’t bear the thought of spending her days lying around the apartment while he worked and moved on with his life. It was time for her to go.
Nate took another drag of his cigarette. He’d taken the time to shave and put on his suit, to look the part when he headed into work, but he’d spent the entire time hidden in his office staring at the walls. He had plenty to catch up on with the days he’d missed but he couldn’t care less. He didn’t care about anything without Mackenzie.
He knew his mom was right; he needed to fight for her, he just didn’t know how to go about it. Should he give her more time to recuperate, or broach the subject now and demand she listen? He was in limbo. It could be a mistake to push her too soon, but he wanted to make Mackenzie see how sorry he was.
He stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray, put on a brave face and entered the apartment. Giving her what he hoped was more a smile than a grimace, he walked toward Mackenzie. She was still wearing his white robe and probably nothing underneath. It was bunched up high on her thighs and showed way too much skin. He couldn’t help but focus on her uninjured leg, his eyes trailing the length of it, stopping at the top of her thigh.