“I don’t know,” I said gently, covering my hand with his. “You tell me. Is it too late for you to get to know your dad? Is that something you might want to do?”
“He’s not my dad! He’s nothing to me! I hate him!”
I curled my arms around him protectively, letting him sob on my shoulder as I cursed my ex for being such a selfish son of a bitch. He wasn’t the only one who hated Rob in that moment. I did too. Chris was a great kid, and because his so-called father led with his dick, Chris had to pay the price. That wasn’t fair.
“You have a right to your feelings, hon. I would never try to tell you how to feel.” We sank back in the cushions, my arm still around him as he leaned into me. “But sometimes people change. He claims he has, that he’s learned from his mistakes.”
“Do you believe him?”
“I’m not sure,” I said honestly. I wouldn’t sugarcoat things for him. Rob had proven himself untrustworthy before, and until I saw evidence to the contrary, I would assume nothing had changed. “But I don’t want you to have any regrets. If there’s any part of you that still wants a relationship with… Rob, maybe we should talk about it, explore the possibility.”
“Spencer doesn’t think I should see him, does he? That’s what you guys were arguing about, wasn’t it?”
Kids his age took to people so quickly, and the fact that he’d already idolized Spencer before meeting him gave my new boyfriend, if that was what he was, a decided advantage when it came to earning my son’s affections.
“It’s not up to Spence to decide for you, baby. This decision has got to be yours.”
“What if I don’t know what to do?” he asked, looking up at me.
I kissed his forehead as my stomach clenched. I knew what I wanted to do, protect him from anyone who could possibly hurt him, but this was one of those times when I couldn’t. “Then you take all the time you need to decide. And talk to me about it whenever you need to. We can figure this thing out together, sweetheart.”
Chapter Eight
Spencer
My brother was trying to get me excited about an upcoming international tournament our U14 team was participating in, but my head wasn’t in it. I couldn’t stop thinking about my argument with Hallie last night.
“What’s up with you today?” my kid brother asked, kicking me under the desk. “You haven’t heard a word I said.”
“You remember me telling you about a girl named Hallie back in the day?” I asked, flipping my phone over in my hand.
“Yeah, sure, that chick you met at the concert, right?”
I didn’t care enough about most women to talk to my brothers about them, so when they heard about someone who was special to me, they remembered. “Her son is enrolled in our academy,” I said, staring at my empty desk.
My desk had shit on it but no family photos. Nothing meaningful aside from a few images representing highlights in my career. I wanted a picture of my wife and kids, someone to go home to.
“Oh yeah?” He folded one leg over the other. “She’s got a kid, huh? Does that mean there’s a husband too?”
I reached for the espresso Jake had brought me from the restaurant, peeling back the lid. “Divorced,” I said, baring my teeth. “Dirtbag walked out on her when she was pregnant.”
“Asshole,” Jake muttered.
“Yeah, and now he’s back. Thinking he should get another chance to play daddy.”
“I can tell you’re pissed about this,” Jake said, draining his coffee cup before tossing it in the trash. “You’re not back with her, are you?”
“Why do you say it like that?” I asked, setting my cup down so I could crack my knuckles. I had so much pent up frustration today I wanted to hit something. Or someone. Like Hallie’s ex.
“Because she fucked you up last time, man. Don’t let her mess with your head again.”
“You don’t know her,” I said, immediately feeling defensive on Hallie’s behalf. “She’s not like that. She’s honest. And trustworthy.”
I tossed and turned all night thinking about the things I’d said to her. It didn’t sit well, knowing I’d made it seem like I didn’t trust her to make the right decision where her ex was concerned. I knew she was too smart to be taken in by him again, and I should have given her more credit instead of putting her on the defensive.
“If you say so,” he said, rolling his eyes.
Jake had a problem trusting women. Probably because he’d found his ex-girlfriend in bed with one of his teammates. Shit like that messed a guy up, sometimes for life.
“I got into it with her last night,” I admitted, needing to voice my concerns aloud. “We were out for dinner, with her son, and she ran into her ex. They haven’t seen each other in years, but she went outside with him and—”
“Why’d she go outside with him?” Jake asked, quirking an eyebrow. “That sounds suspicious, doesn’t it? Like maybe she had something to hide.”
My brother was probably the worst person to confide in about my irrational fears, but I trusted him, so it was talk to him or keep my trap shut, and that hadn’t been working so far. “She didn’t want him to come up to the table and start talking to her son.” At least that was my assumption, not that I’d asked her.
“So you said you got into it,” Jake said, lacing his hands behind his head. “What happened?”
“I went off on her about letting him back into her life.” I felt like shit every time I thought about the things I’d said to her, things I’d never be able to take back. “She said she’d never go back to him. I should have believed her. I shouldn’t have pressed her about it.”
“So why did you?”
“Because I’m an insecure fuck, okay?” I laced my fingers, stretching my arms in front of me as I tried to work out some of the tension. “I lost this girl once before, and I don’t want to lose her again.”
“How serious is this? How long have you been seeing her?”
“Not long, but I want to go on seeing her. I don’t want this to end now just because…”
“You couldn’t keep your big fucking mouth shut?” Jake laughed when I scowled at him. “Just calling it like I see it. You forget I know you.”
“You don’t know shit.” But he did know me. And he knew sometimes I could be my own worst enemy.
“So talk to her. Apologize if you think you stepped out of line.” He held a finger up. “As long as you’re sure she’s not screwing around with this guy too.”
“She’s not.” I knew Hallie. No way would she do that to me. “I trust her.”
“Man, you don’t even know her anymore, right? You said yourself you haven’t been seeing her long.”
I couldn’t explain it, but sometimes I met someone and felt I’d known them forever. It had happened with Hallie, when we’d first met, and it had happened with a couple of my old teammates, and we were still best friends to this day. I trusted my instincts when it came to people, and I’d never regretted it.
“I just know, okay?”
“What are you saying? You think this girl could be the one?”
I didn’t even hesitate before I said, “Yeah, I do.”
“And you’d be okay with raising some other guy’s kid?”
“I don’t look at Chris as some other guy’s kid.” I shot my brother a warning glare, daring him to challenge me. “He hasn’t been in Chris’s life at all. He doesn’t have a right to call himself a dad.”
“You and Chris have gotten close, haven’t you?”
I could tell my brother didn’t approve. He thought I was getting too attached, too soon, but I didn’t care what anyone thought. I was all in. With Chris… and his mom. “Yeah, we have. I like him a lot and he…” I shrugged. “He’s kind of a fan of mine, I guess you could say.”
“Is that so?” Jake sat back, crossing his arms. “What’re we talking about? Hero worship?”
“Something like that,” I muttered, thinking I didn’t want Chris to worship me. I wanted him to see
me as a real man, not some fucking hero. I made mistakes like everyone else, and I didn’t want to crush him because he put me up on some pedestal I didn’t deserve to be on.
“You think that’s wise?”
“No, I don’t,” I snapped. “But what the hell would you have me do about it? I didn’t ask for the kid’s admiration. He’s passionate about the sport I played at a high level for years. We’re from the same hometown. I’m the only one from these parts that played on an international stage. I don’t think it’s so unusual for him to wanna be like me.”
“You don’t think Hallie had something to do with it?” he asked. “Her son’s hero worship?”
I hated the suspicion I heard lacing his words. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He shrugged. “Just saying maybe you’ve been her target for a long time.”
“Her target?” I repeated, daring him to open his big fucking mouth and say what he was thinking so I could take my frustrations out on him.
“Think about it, bro. You’re rich, single. She’s got history with you.” He spread his hands, tilting his chair back. “She’s a struggling single mom. Her ex isn’t in the picture. She wants a father for her kid. Who better than a guy who could give them everything? A guy she once had wrapped around her finger.”
“Go fuck yourself.” I knew Hallie wasn’t the opportunist he was portraying her to be, and it pissed me off anyone could think that of her. I knew how hard she worked to provide a good life for her son, and I wouldn’t sit back and let anyone belittle her achievements. “She’s got her own art gallery. She’s busted her ass. She doesn’t need me or anyone else to take care of her.”
“There’s just getting by.” He sneered… he actually fucking sneered, and if he wasn’t careful, I was going to lunge across the desk and knock his teeth down his throat. “And then there’s the kind of lifestyle hundreds of millions of dollars could provide.”
“Look around you, asshole. Do I live like a rich fuck? Do I have a mansion or a yacht or any of that shit? No! I go to work every day like everyone else. And Hallie knows life with me would be normal. We wouldn’t be jet-setting around the world like some goddamn A-list celebrities. She wouldn’t want that, and neither do I.”
“I’m not saying that, but think about it from her perspective. No more mortgage payments or car payments. Wouldn’t have to worry about how she was going to send the kid to college or pay for his extracurricular activities. Life with you would be one sweet ride, my brother.”
I leaned forward, lacing my fingers on the desktop as I glared at him. “When you love someone, you would do anything for them, dumbass. So if I could do anything to make their lives better, I would. No questions asked. Kind of like that new truck I bought you when yours broke down. You do shit for people you love because you can.”
He diverted his gaze, obviously embarrassed to be reminded he’d also benefited from my big contracts over the years.
“She came to this academy for a reason. She knew you’d be here. It’s no secret you’re single. If you think that was a coincidence, you’re deluding yourself.”
“I’ve spent all of my adult life on guard. Dating women who wanted something from me. During my playing days, they wanted to be seen with me, or they wanted tickets to a game. They wanted to bag an athlete or live the life that came with it. Hallie is the only one,” I said, raising a finger, “the only fucking one who ever just wanted me. She didn’t give a shit about the other stuff.”
I stood, pointing at him. “And if you think I’m going to sit here and let you try and poison my mind against her, you’re crazy.”
“I’m just trying to look out for you, man. I don’t want to see anyone take advantage of you.”
I could understand that. I’d tried to protect Hallie for the same reason last night, because I didn’t want to see her ex try and take advantage of her. And I’d made her feel as angry and defensive as my brother was making me feel now.
“Where are you going?” Jake asked when I grabbed my keys and cell phone. “I thought we were going to hammer out the hotel and travel for the tournament.”
“I’ll be back in a bit. Right now I’ve got to make things right with my girl.” Before it’s too late.
***
Hallie
I was stunned when my ex-husband walked into my gallery wearing a firefighter’s uniform. WTF? When we were together, he had been selling cars at his uncle’s dealership. His uncle had been grooming him to take over when he retired since he didn’t have any kids of his own to pass the business on to.
“What are you doing here?” I demanded as he approached my desk. “How did you even know where to find me?”
“Google,” he said, shrugging. “Besides, you post stuff online about your gallery all the time.”
But it had never occurred to me he could be reading it. “I’ll ask again,” I said, trying to remain calm. “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to see if you’d thought about what I asked when we talked last night.”
I’d thought of little else. “What’s with this?” I asked, gesturing to his uniform. “You’re a firefighter now? What happened to your uncle’s dealership?”
He leaned on the glass counter, getting too close for my comfort. I thought about Spencer’s warning. Was it possible Rob was using our son to get to me? I wouldn’t have put anything past him.
“I’d had enough,” he said, raking a hand through his dark hair. “After my… um, after some things happened, I decided I needed to start making better choices, trying to be a better man.”
He’d never been the heroic type. Once we’d seen a couple in a heated argument in the parking lot of our local shopping mall, and the man had gotten up in the woman’s face, threatening to hit her. When I implored Rob to stop him, he said he wasn’t getting involved, so I had to throw myself in harm’s way to stop the maniac from hurting his wife.
“How’s that working out for you?” I didn’t want to be a bitter shrew, but this man brought out the worst in me. I couldn’t look at him without being slammed with bad memories.
“I’m trying, Hallie.” He looked me in the eye, pleading for understanding. “I’m really trying. I’ve been doing this job for five years, and I really love it. It makes me feel good about myself, knowing that I’m making a difference, helping people.”
“Good for you.” Sure, there was a bite of sarcasm to my words. For the past five years, he’d devoted himself to helping strangers but didn’t seem to give a shit about his own flesh and blood. Real admirable.
“I don’t expect you to believe I’ve changed,” he said, hanging his head. “But believe me, you can’t be through what I have and not see life differently.”
Where was a customer when you needed one? It was too quiet, giving me no excuse to bail on him and this conversation. “Tell me, Rob,” I said, tapping my foot against the tile floor. “What have you been through? What’s made these years so hard on you? The fact that your wife or girlfriend or whatever the hell she was left you?”
“I had cancer.”
We shared a brief, emotional look before I whispered, “Cancer? Really?”
“Testicular. I can’t have any more kids.”
“Wow.” I thought to apologize, but why should I? He hadn’t wanted the child he had. Why should he be blessed with more? Okay, now I sounded like a bitch, and I didn’t want him to have that kind of power over me. “Are you in remission now?”
He nodded. “It had spread, but they were able to catch it in time, thankfully. A year of surgeries and treatment, but I’d do it all again if I had to. Makes me appreciate life a hell of a lot more, I’ll tell you that.”
“I bet.” Nothing could affect change quite like a brush with death, I assumed.
“That’s why she left me,” he said, swallowing as his gaze drifted to the colorful art decorating the small gallery’s stark, white walls. “She couldn’t deal with it, the disease, the treatment, the fact I’d never be able to have
kids even if I survived. It was all too much for her.”
I could have made a snarky comment about karma, but that wasn’t the person I wanted to be. I thought of my son and the fact that I always preached to him about kindness, forgiveness, and compassion. I had to practice that now even though I didn’t want to. I still wanted to throw Rob out on his lying, cheating ass, but that wouldn’t help me move on. Forgiveness would. For my sake and Chris’s, not for his. We deserved to move on.
“That’s when I realized you never would have left me.”
His gaze was so heavy with sorry and regret that I wanted to smack him. He had no right to those feelings, not after what he’d done to us!
“You would have stuck by me because that’s the kind of woman you are. Loyal—”
“What the hell do you know about loyalty?” I demanded, trying to quash the rage sweeping through me. “You are the most disloyal excuse for a man I’ve ever met! You not only failed to honor your commitment to me, but you failed to honor the commitment you made to your own child when you got me pregnant! Remember that, Rob? You were the one who suggested having a baby. Not me. I wanted to wait another year, until we had more money saved—”
“I knew our marriage was in trouble,” he mumbled. “I thought getting pregnant would help.”
“It did help, didn’t it? It helped you decide you didn’t want to be with me anymore!”
“If it’s any consolation, I knew in no time I’d made a huge mistake leaving you for her. But it was too late. I knew you’d never take me back, and since I hadn’t been paying child support…” He shook his head, the shame etched in every line on his face. “I’ve been putting a little money away every month since I started this job. I thought maybe Chris could use it for college.”
I’ll admit to being surprised by that admission. When he’d walked out, I told him we needed nothing from him, though my parents and friends criticized me for not accepting his financial assistance. It was his child too, they’d reasoned, and he owed us both.
Rock On (The Exes #7) Page 8