“I do.” He closed his eyes, remembering that moment and how it had shaken him. “You took my breath away.”
“I didn’t think you’d remember,” she mumbled.
“You didn’t kill me. That’s hard to forget.”
“Oh, right. I did have a gun pointed at you; that would take anyone’s breath away.”
Gunner leaned forward. “That isn’t what I meant, Rocket Girl.” He stroked his finger down the side of her face. “It was the feeling I got when I looked into your eyes.”
“I couldn’t pull the trigger. That had never happened to me before.”
“Why do you think that was?”
“I don’t know. I’ve asked myself many times.”
“It was like we’d met before. Another time, maybe.”
Raketa laughed. “Like in another life?”
Gunner shrugged. “I can’t say I believe in shit like that, but, yeah. I can’t explain the way I felt. It happens every time I see you.”
“It’s the same for me,” she said, almost too quietly for him to hear.
When he leaned in closer and brushed her lips with his, she put one hand on the back of his neck while the other rested near his heart.
She pulled back. “I want to trust you. I don’t know how. I’ve never done it before.”
Gunner pulled back and looked into her eyes. “That is probably the most honest thing you’ve ever said to me.” He kissed her again, this time deeper, with more of the passion he was trying so hard to rein in.
He sat back and looked up at the stars. “I don’t want to do the wrong thing. Other than when I’ve been working an op and doing the wrong thing would mean either I or someone on my team would die, I don’t remember feeling this way. At least not as strongly. I kinda feel like I’m walking on eggshells.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I just want you to know that this is important to me. You’re important to me.” He shook his head. “I’m not accustomed to saying that.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever said it,” she admitted.
“Raketa, I…”
She kept her gaze on him while he struggled with what he wanted to say.
“Earlier…what I said…I don’t know how to apologize without making it worse. Not for us being together, but for making you think I regretted it.”
“Don’t you?”
He leaned forward again. “Not in the way you’re thinking right now. I regret that I didn’t take better care of you…” He laughed. “I’m sorry I wasn’t a better lover.”
Raketa smiled, but just slightly. “So certain it was terrible. That’s how I know you don’t remember.”
“I don’t know what your benchmark is, but I can assure you, I can do better.”
“My what? A mark?”
“It means something to measure against, like a comparison.”
“Ah. I don’t have a benchmark, Gunner. I didn’t before that night, and I still don’t.”
He scrubbed his face with his hand. Did she mean what he was thinking? Nah, that couldn’t be.
“Now I’m the one who doesn’t understand.”
“You’re the only man I’ve been with,” she told him.
Jesus—and he was drunk. He felt like the biggest asshole who’d ever lived, and he had no idea what to say. He rested his head against the back of the chair and looked at the stars for the second time. He couldn’t say he was sorry again. What would she think he was sorry for? “I’m back to not having any idea what to say.”
“There isn’t anything—”
When she stood and it appeared she was heading inside, Gunner grabbed her and pulled her into his lap. He gripped one side of her face while he held her tight to him with the other. He struggled with words and then gave up. Instead, he’d use his mouth in another way to tell her how he felt.
He kissed her, harder than he had before. He explored her mouth with his tongue, wanting to know every crevice, every hidden inch of her body. Tonight he would, because tonight he would do what he should’ve done the first time they were together.
He stood with her still in his arms and carried her into the house.
“I want you to trust me. Just this, Raketa. Trust this,” he said as he laid her body on the bed.
She nodded, the look in her eyes equally heated and anxious.
He hovered above her. “Tonight won’t just be sex, Rocket Girl. I’m going to learn as much as I can about your body, and you’re going to do the same with mine.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
“Let me,” he said when he saw her reaching for the waistband of her jeans. “And when I’m finished, you’ll take mine off.”
She rested against the pillows, her eyes focused on his hands and the way he undressed her. When her clothes were off and she lay naked in front of him, he ran his hands from her neck, slowly, down her body. He kept his touch gentle, soaking in the feel of her through the tips of his fingers.
“Your turn,” he said when he reached her toes.
He stood and helped her off the bed.
—:—
She grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pushed it up and over his head. He took one arm from the sleeve, but waited while she removed it from the other.
She pushed his shorts down his body and knelt in front of him as he stepped out of them.
“Come with me,” he said, pulling her back to her feet and into the bathroom. He flicked a switch and instead of the bright light she’d expected, the room was awash with a soft glow, almost like candlelight.
She knew from taking her bath earlier that the button he pushed would fill the tub. She stood by its side and waited.
Gunner walked over to the fireplace and lit it before coming back to stand in front of her.
“I hope you took a long nap today because I don’t think I’ll be able to let you sleep tonight.”
She smiled as he helped her climb into the warm water and watched as he joined her.
“I need you closer,” he said, pulling her to sit between his legs.
He drizzled body wash on the front of her and took his time massaging it into her aching breasts. Her body shook with a want she didn’t know how to ask for. She wished he would hurry, but to what she didn’t know. All she knew was the ache between her legs was one that only Gunner could soothe away.
As his fingers trailed closer, she whimpered.
“What was that, Rocket Girl?”
“I want,” she moaned. “But I don’t know what I want. Just don’t stop.”
“I don’t plan to.”
When his fingers reached her sex, Raketa almost came out of the tub from the jolt of pleasure. The more he toyed with her, the harder it was for her not to squirm away from his touch.
“Let me do this,” he said, thrusting two fingers inside of her while the pad of his thumb rested against the most sensitive part of her body. The intensity of what she felt made her want to crawl out of her skin.
“Come for me, Rocket Girl,” he whispered, curling his fingers inside of her as a sensation came over her that she could describe only as every inch of her body exploding from the inside out.
“Gunner, oh my God,” she heard herself moan as she dug her fingers into his powerful thighs and rode the wave of pleasure streaming through her body.
She rested against him, unable to hold herself up without his support, and closed her eyes. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she could feel his fingertips softly stroking her arms, and then her tummy.
When those fingers pinched each of her nipples simultaneously, she was immediately back to wanting to crawl out of her skin. How could something that felt so good be so unbearable?
He was relentless in his exploration of her body, running his hands over every inch, from her neck to her legs.
She felt his hand in her hair and leaned forward so he could release the tight bun she usua
lly kept it in.
“I love your hair,” he murmured as he released the locks long enough to float in the water. “I’ve only seen you with it down once, and ever since, I’ve fantasized about seeing you that way, but naked, and just for me.”
She wanted to ask when he’d seen her hair down, but she couldn’t speak through the pleasure of his massaging her scalp. How had she lived to be thirty without knowing the amazing ways her body could feel?
She whimpered again.
“What was that?” he murmured, kissing her neck just below her ear.
“It feels so good.”
“What does? This?” He ran his tongue down her neck to her shoulder. “Or this?” His fingers dug into her scalp.
“Everything. I never…”
“Tell me. Don’t keep anything inside. Tell me everything you’re thinking. Tell me how I make you feel, Raketa.”
“I didn’t know it would be like this.”
“I’m glad.”
She turned her head to try to see his face. “Why?”
“Because I’m the only one who’s made you feel this way.”
—:—
The feeling of possessiveness that washed over him took Gunner by surprise. He was back to being a caveman wanting to claim her as his own and never let anyone else ever touch her the way he was.
Her body responded to his touch like it was made to feel his fingers. With every whimper, every moan, every squirm he felt himself harden to the point where he ached the same way he guessed she did.
“I want to be inside you,” he whispered. “I don’t think I can wait.”
She moved away from him, but he pulled her back.
“Don’t go anywhere,” he said as he reached over the side of the tub and pressed the control for the shower. He hadn’t used the option before, but it was perfect. Instead of water raining down directly on them, the flow encircled them.
“Stay right where you are,” he said, moving her to the other side of the tub’s ledge. “I’ll be right back.”
“Where are you going?”
“To get a condom, sweetheart. Don’t move.” He rested his gaze on her nakedness. It was almost impossible to pull himself away from her, but he had to protect her like he said he would. As much as he wanted to feel her wrapped around him with nothing between them, he couldn’t risk getting her pregnant when she was trusting him to take care of her.
As he padded his way to the bedroom, a terrible thought crossed his mind. Had he used a condom when they were together before? He couldn’t remember, but it seemed unlikely.
Later, they’d talk about it. Now wasn’t the time to bring up the night she’d given him the gift of herself and he was too drunk to appreciate it.
He grabbed the unopened box from the drawer of his nightstand and silently thanked Razor for giving him a gift they both thought was a joke as a housewarming present.
When he walked back into the bathroom and saw her sitting right where he’d left her with the glow of the fire illuminating her through the stream of water, he stopped moving and soaked in every inch of her.
Instead of taking her there like he’d planned, Gunner walked over, turned off the water, and gathered her in his arms. The caveman was back. He wanted her in his bed tonight and every night after that.
He felt the chill on her skin and held her closer to him. “Let’s get you warm.”
“I feel like I’m already on fire.”
“Hang on, baby, soon it’ll feel like an inferno.”
She smiled as he sat down on the bed with her still in his arms. He opened the box and pulled out a foil packet.
“Next time I’ll let you do this, but right now, I feel like I’ll explode if you even touch me,” he said when she reached for it.
He shifted her off his lap, sheathed himself, and then rested his body between her legs.
“Eyes open,” he said when she closed them. “Keep your eyes on mine. I want you to see what you do to me when I’m inside you.”
She nodded and bit her bottom lip.
“There’s nothing to be afraid of. I promised to take care of you, and I will.”
It was all he could do to keep his eyes open like he’d told her to when he eased inside of her body. Now he understood why he’d remembered her tightness when there were so many other details he couldn’t recall.
He moved slowly, gently, waiting as her body adjusted to his size. He prayed he hadn’t hurt her the first time they were together, but refused to let the thought eclipse what was happening between them now.
Raketa wrapped her legs around him and dug her fingers into his thighs.
“I want more,” she groaned, thrusting her body against his, pushing him over the edge to a place where he couldn’t be gentle, couldn’t take it slow like he wanted to. He met her gaze as he pounded into her, waiting until the moment he knew she was about to take off before he let himself go with her.
10
Raketa opened her eyes. The sun was just beginning to rise; she could see its glow through the windows Gunner had no reason to cover.
His head rested on her chest, and she ran her fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp gently, not wanting to wake him.
As he’d warned, they didn’t sleep until maybe a half hour ago when they finally fell into each other’s arms and closed their eyes.
Gunner gave her more pleasure than she’d ever dreamed possible, and taught her how to give to him as well. He’d explored her body with his eyes, his hands, and his mouth, and then let her do the same to his.
She thought back to when she’d asked if he remembered the first time they saw each other. She was shocked that he did, but more when he told her it had moved him in the same way it had her.
He joked about them knowing each other in a past life, something she didn’t believe in either, but what other explanation could there be for the way she felt when she was with him?
She giggled when she felt his tongue on her tummy. “You’re awake.”
“Your body is naked under mine. How could I sleep?” He raised his head and scooted closer. “Kiss me,” he demanded, so she did.
Gunner rolled to his back and brought her with him. He reached over to the box of condoms, pulled one out, and handed it to her.
“Have your way with me, Rocket Girl.” He dropped his hands to his sides in surrender and winked at her.
She had no words to describe the way she was feeling this morning. Her life had been filled with far more misery than happiness, but she recognized the warmth in her chest. How many times had she laughed, smiled, even giggled in the last few hours? More than she had in the rest of her life combined.
She rolled the condom over his length and raised her body over him. He held her waist with his hands, easing her onto him more slowly than she would’ve.
“Are you sore?” he asked when he was seated deep inside her.
“Maybe a little,” she answered, starting to move.
“Take it slow,” he said, forcing her to with his guiding hands.
“What happened to letting me have my way with you?”
Gunner moved his hands from her waist and covered her breasts with them.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then be still.”
—:—
As much as he wanted to tell Raketa to open her eyes, he stopped himself. Instead, he watched her face as she let herself get lost in what she was feeling.
The ends of her long, blonde hair tickled his sides as she moved on top of him. He wrapped it in his hands, loving the silkiness of it.
He knew the minute she was about to explode, and let himself do the same when she tightened around him.
They were both sweaty when she leaned forward and rested her head on his chest.
“I’m hungry,” she murmured.
He put his hands around her waist. “You’re starving, actually.” He rolled her off of him, stood, and held his hand out to her. “Time for your first cooking lesson. What
do you like for breakfast?”
She sat up. “Not much, usually just some fruit.”
“Well, you can’t cook that. Wait, I guess you could, but why would you? Today we’ll have bacon and eggs, or would you prefer pancakes?”
“I’d prefer fruit,” she grumbled. “It’s quicker.”
An hour later, they sat down to the worst breakfast Raketa had probably ever eaten. The eggs were watery and the bacon was black, but as far as Gunner was concerned, it was perfect. She’d tried, and that was all he wanted. They even laughed about it, which made it a five-star meal for him.
He hadn’t realized how seldom he laughed. If he was with Razor he did; the guy was hysterical. He also knew exactly what to say to lighten Gunner’s mood.
This was different, though. Raketa didn’t try to make him laugh; he just did, and she did too.
He didn’t need her to tell him that it was as unusual for her as it was for him. He could tell by how she’d stop sometimes and get a look on her face that reminded him of the way he felt—it was good, but kinda sad that it was so different.
They had some damn serious talks ahead of them, and he wasn’t at all looking forward to taking her smile away. He had to know, though, if what she really wanted was to return to Baku, and if it was, why.
Most importantly, she had to tell him the truth because she wanted to, not because he forced her to do it. As long as they were on his island, she was safe, which meant he could wait as long as it took. Hell, he could wait forever if it came down to it. The longer they were here and could keep the rest of the nasty shit that came along with the work they did away, the better as far as Gunner was concerned.
Maybe he’d even consider retirement. All the newbies pissed him off anyway. Why not sit back, let them do the dirty work, while he raked in the money?
“The kitchen is clean,” Raketa said, joining him on the porch. She’d insisted he go relax while she handled the mess. “I know how to wash dishes,” she told him as she pushed him out the door.
He thought about calling Razor to tell him what he’d learned about Petrov, but when he went to get his phone, he felt like he was betraying Raketa’s trust and set it back down.
Gunner (K19 Security Solutions Book 2) Page 8