Stage Manager: That last bomb was what killed him, a single-serve Coke bottle that remained in his hand past the point of safety. It blew off his right arm to the elbow and hurled him flaming from the roof. He didn't survive the fall, which was just as well, since his burning corpse was shot by roughly half the people he'd saved. Stupid, but understandable, I guess.
He took longer to show up than I'd anticipated, the better part of a day, during which his identity and his actions had been discovered, along with the two hundred additional bottles of napalm standing row after row in his parents’ basement. Unfortunately, he hadn't seen fit to leave the formula, but those bombs were a big downpayment on buying those among the living sufficient time to move to the hill and begin the process of securing it. There've been a couple of tries at duplicating his secret mix, neither of which ended well.
(From the rear of the theater, the faint crump of explosions.)
Stage Manager: As for Billy Joe....
(Stage left, a stage light pops on, throwing a dim yellow glow over one of the tombstones and BILLY JOE ROYALE, who is a very young sixteen, his face struggling with its acne, a few longish hairs trying to play a goatee on his chin. He is dressed in an oversized blue New York Giants shirt, baggy jeans, and white sneakers. A backward baseball cap lifts the blond hair from his forehead, which emphasizes the surprise smoothing his features. He hooks his thumbs in the pockets of his jeans in what must be an effort at appearing calm, cool. He sees the Stage Manager and nods at him. The bill of the Stage Manager's hat tilts in reply.)
Billy Joe: So are you, like, him?
Stage Manager: Who is that?
Billy Joe: You know—God.
Stage Manager: I'm afraid not.
Billy Joe: Oh. Oh. You aren't—
Stage Manager: I'm more of a minor functionary.
Billy Joe: What, is that some kinda angel or something?
Stage Manager: No. I'm—I meet people when they show up here, help them find their bearings. Then I send them on their way.
Billy Joe: Like a tour guide, one of those hospitality guys.
Stage Manager: Close enough.
Billy Joe: Where am I headed?
(The Stage Manager points stage right.)
Stage Manager: You see that hall over there?
Billy Joe: That looks pretty dark. I thought it was supposed to be all bright and shit.
Stage Manager: No, that's just an effect produced by the cells in your eyes dying.
Billy Joe: Oh. Where does it go?
Stage Manager: Where everyone else has gone.
(Billy Joe notices the figures in the aisles. He nods at them.)
Billy Joe: What about them? Are they—
Stage Manager: Yes.
Billy Joe: Shouldn't they be moving down that hall, too?
Stage Manager: They should.
Billy Joe: So why aren't they?
Stage Manager: I'm not sure. It's got something to do with what's going on—where you came from.
Billy Joe: These guys were like, the living dead?
Stage Manager: That's right.
Billy Joe: Wild. Any of them try to eat you?
Stage Manager: A couple.
Billy Joe: What'd you do?
Stage Manager: I shot them in the head.
Billy Joe: Huh. That work, here?
Stage Manager: It seemed to do the trick.
Billy Joe: It's just, I thought, you know, being where we are and all—
Stage Manager: Some things aren't all that much different. You'd be surprised.
Billy Joe: I guess so. Do you know, like, what caused all this shit—I mean, what brought all those guys back from the dead? Because Rob—he's this friend of mine—he was—anyway, Rob was like, It's all a big government conspiracy, and I was like, That's ridiculous: if it's a government conspiracy, why did it start in like, fucking India? And Rob—
Stage Manager: I don't know. I don't know what started it; I don't know what it is.
Billy Joe: Really?
Stage Manager: Really.
Billy Joe: Shit.
Stage Manager: Sorry.
Billy Joe: Does anyone?
Stage Manager: What do you mean?
Billy Joe: Does anyone know what's going on?
Stage Manager: Not that I've heard.
Billy Joe: Oh.
Stage Manager: Look—maybe there's someplace you'd like to see, someplace you'd like to go....
Billy Joe: Nah, I'm good.
Stage Manager: Are you sure there's nowhere? Your house, school—
Billy Joe: No, no—I mean, thanks and all, but—it's cool.
Stage Manager: All right; if you're sure.
Billy Joe: So ... that's it?
Stage Manager: What else would you like?
Billy Joe: I don't know. Isn't there supposed to be some kinda book, you know, like a record of all the shit I've done?
Stage Manager: That's Santa Claus. Sorry—no, there's nothing like that. All the record you have of what you've done is what you can say about it.
Billy Joe: Huh. So what's it like?
Stage Manager: What's what like?
Billy Joe: Wherever that hall leads.
Stage Manager: Quiet.
Billy Joe: Oh.
(Billy Joe crosses the stage slowly, passing behind the Stage Manager, until he stands as far stage right as he can without leaving the stage.)
Billy Joe: That's it.
Stage Manager: It is.
Billy Joe: Well, no point in delaying the inevitable, right?
Stage Manager: I suppose not.
Billy Joe: Can you tell me one thing—before I go, can you answer one question?
Stage Manager: I can try.
Billy Joe: We're fucked, aren't we?
(The Stage Manager pauses, as if weighing his words.)
Stage Manager: There's always a chance—I realize how that sounds, but there's just enough truth left in it to make it worth saying. Things could turn around. Someone could discover a cure. Whatever's driving the zombies could die out—hell, it isn't even winter yet. A couple weeks of freezing temperatures could thin their numbers significantly. Or someone could be resistant to their bite, to the infection. With six-plus billion people on the planet, you figure there has to be one person it doesn't affect....
Billy Joe: Do you believe any of that shit?
Stage Manager: No.
Billy Joe: Yeah.
(He exits, stage right.)
Stage Manager: Understand, it's not that I don't want to believe any of it. I want to believe all of it. All of that shit, as my young friend would say. But doing so has traveled past the point of hard to the point of no return. No, this—this, I fear is how the day runs down for the human race. It's how Homo sapiens sapiens departs the scene, carried off a bite at a time in the teeth of the undead. If there weren't so much pain, so much suffering in the process, you could almost see the humor in it. This is the way the world ends, not with a bang, and not with a whimper, but with the bleak gusto of a low-budget horror movie.
(The Stage Manager reaches for his flashlight, which he shuts off and takes with him as he rises from his seat and walks to the back of the stage. He is visible against the bulk of the willow, and then the shadows have him. The theater lights come up, revealing the aisles still full of the dead. Men, women, old, young, most wearing their causes of their several demises, they encompass the audience, and do not move.)
For Fiona, and with thanks to John Joseph Adams.
[Back to Table of Contents]
Department: Index to Volumes 114 & 115, January-December 2008
Aikin, Jim:
Run! Run! Sep 153
Anderson, Darrel: Cover:
"Hypermail” Jan
Bacigalupi, Paolo:
Pump Six (nvlt) Sep 9
Bash, Kent: Covers for “Balancing Accounts” Feb
"The Political Prisoner” Aug
Bertolini, Max: Cover for “New Beginning” OcN
Private Eye OcN 158
Blumlein, Michael:
The Roberts (nvla) Jul 45
Bowes, Richard:
If Angels Fight (nvlt) Feb 131
Bradfield, Scott: Dazzle Joins the Screenwriter's Guild OcN 108
Cambias, James L.:
Balancing Accounts Feb 6
The Dinosaur Train Jul 142
Chappell, Fred:
Curiosities OcN 242
Cheney, Tom:
Cartoons.........................................Jul
Competition # 75 Apr 159
Competition # 76 OcN 239
Cowdrey, Albert E.:
The Overseer (nvla) Mar 43
Thrilling Wonder Stories May 101
Poison Victory (nvlt) Jul 121
Inside Story OcN 6
A Skeptical Spirit (nvlt) Dec 94
Cunningham, P. E.:
Monkey See... Jun 102
Dalrymple, Scott:
Enfant Terrible Jul 105
An Open Letter to Earth Aug 114
de Lint, Charles:
Books to Look For Jan-Dec
Di Fate, Vincent: Cover for “The Overseer” Mar
Di Filippo, Paul:
Plumage from Pegasus ...... Jan,Mar,May,Jul,OcN
Curiosities Jun 162
Doherty, Paul: see Murphy, Pat
Doyle, Debra & Macdonald, James D.:
Philologos; or, A Murder in Bistrita Feb 113
Eggleton, Bob: Cover:
"The Moment” Dec
Emshwiller, Carol:
Whoever OcN 174
Ench, Cory and Catska: Cover for “Arkfall” Sep
Evans, Mark: Cover for “Immortal Snake” May
Farris, Joseph:
Cartoons Sep
Finlay, Charles Coleman:
The Political Prisoner (nvla) Aug 44
Gilbow, S.L.:
Rebecca's Locket May 35
Gilman, Carolyn Ives:
Arkfall (nvla) Sep 62
Goldstein, Lisa:
Reader's Guide Jul 36
Goulart, Ron:
Memoirs of the Witch Queen .. Feb 63
Gunn, Eileen: See Swanwick, Michael
Hand, Elizabeth:
Books Feb,May,Sep
Hardy, David: Cover for “Litany” Jun
Harris, S.:
Cartoons Jan,Mar
Haw, Kevin N.:
Render Unto Caesar Apr 96
Hughes, Matthew:
Petri Parousia Feb 83
Fulbrim's Finding (nvlt) Jul 6
Irvine, Alex:
Mystery Hill (nvlt) Jan 116
Jablokov, Alexander:
The Boarder (nvlt) Mar 4
Jartos, George:
Cartoon Apr
Jeffers, Alex:
Firooz and His Brother May 90
Kasischke, Laura: Search Continues for Elderly Man Sep 57
Kessel, John:
Pride and Prometheus (nvlt) ... Jan 55
King, Stephen: The New York Times at Special Bargain Rates OcN 99
Kosmatka, Ted:
The Art of Alchemy (nvlt) Jun 4
Laidlaw, Marc:
Childrun (nvlt) Aug 7
Langan, John: How the Day Runs Down (nvlt) Dec 121
Langford, David:
Curiosities ......................... May,Aug 162
Law, Warner: The Alarming Letters From Scottsdale Dec 79
Lee, Rand B.:
Litany (nvlt) Jun 124
Bounty Aug 133
Picnic on Pentecost Sep 118
Long, Bill:
Cartoons ............ Mar,Apr, May,Jun,Jul,Aug
Macdonald, James D.: See Doyle, Debra
MacIntyre, F. Gwynplaine:
Curiosities ................... Jan,Apr,Jul 162
Maio, Kathi:
Films .................................. Jan,Mar,May,Jul
Manzieri, Maurizio: Cover for “Five Thrillers” Apr
Masear, Arthur:
Cartoons ............................. Jan-Jun,Sep-Dec
McMullen, Sean:
The Twilight Year (nvlt) Jan 4
Michaud, Al: The Salting and Canning of Benevolence D. (nvlt) Jun 50
Miller, Ann:
Retrospect (nvlt) Feb 40
Mirabelli, Eugene:
Falling Angel Dec 48
Mondolithic Studios: Cover for “The Roberts” Jul
Moriarty, Chris:
Books Aug
Mueller, Richard:
A Ten-Pound Sack of Rice Mar 148
But Wait! There's More! (nvlt) .. Aug 137
Murphy, Pat, and Paul Doherty:
Science Mar,OcN
Nestvold, Ruth:
Mars: A Traveler's Guide Jan 97
Pollack, Rachel:
Immortal Snake (nvlt) May 43
Popkes, Steven:
Bread and Circus Feb 93
Another Perfect Day Aug 123
Powell, James:
The Quest for Creeping Charlie .. Jan 104
Reed, Robert:
Five Thrillers (nvlt) Apr 48
Reunion May 6
Character Flu Jun 98
Salad for Two Sep 137
The Visionaries (nvlt) OcN 126
Leave (nvlt) Dec 56
Rickert, M.:
Traitor May 128
Evidence of Love in a Case of Abandonment: One Daughter's Personal Account OcN 192
Rini, J.P.:
Cartoons Jan,Jun,OcN
Roessner, Michaela:
It's a Wonderful Life Jan 40
Russo, Richard Paul:
The Second Descent Mar 126
Ryman, Geoff:
Days of Wonder (nvlt) OcN 54
Sallis, James:
Books ..................................... Jan,Apr,Jul,Dec
Shanahan, Danny:
Cartoons May
Shepard, Lucius:
Films .................. Feb,Apr,Jun,Aug,OcN,Dec
Springer, Nancy:
Rumple What? Mar 23
Stoddard, James:
The First Editions (nvlt) Apr 4
Sullivan, Tim: The Nocturnal Adventure of Dr. O and Mr. D (nvlt) Apr 100
Planetesimal Dawn (nvlt) OcN 201
Sussex, Lucy:
Curiosities Dec 162
Swanwick, Michael:
The Scarecrow's Boy OcN 231
Swanwick, Michael & Gunn, Eileen:
"Shed That Guilt! Double Your Productivity Overnight!” Sep 129
Thornburg, Mary Patterson:
Fergus Jun 38
Tremayne, Peter:
Curiosities Feb 162
Truesdale, Dave:
Curiosities Sep 162
Tucker, George:
Circle (nvlt) May 141
Utley, Steven: The 400-Million-Year Itch (nvlt) Apr 135
Sleepless Years OcN 41
Van Gelder, Gordon:
Editorials Aug,Sep,Dec
Webster, Bud:
Curiosities Mar 162
Wentworth, K. D.:
Exit Strategy Mar 100
West, Michelle:
Musing on Books ............. Mar,Jun,OcN
White, Sophie M.:
December 22, 2012 (poem) OcN 173
Wightman, Wayne:
A Foreign Country (nvlt) Dec 7
Wilhelm, Kate:
The Fountain of Neptune Apr 126
Winter, Laurel:
Going Back in Time OcN 155
[Back to Table of Contents]
Department: FANTASY & SCIENCE FICTION MARKET PLACE
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Spiffy, jammy, deluxy, bouncy—subscr
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FSF, December 2008 Page 18