“What else?”
Ashburn shrugged. “I don’t know. Perhaps you were trying to cover your tracks.”
“Yes, that sounds like a fantastic idea,” I sneered. “We were trying to cover our tracks by calling and directing you toward the shack we found. A shack we didn’t build and only found because we decided to search the woods after Joshua’s arrival. We are clearly diabolical.”
Ashburn scowled. “I didn’t say that. I didn’t mean that either. It’s just … we’re not used to your sort in these parts.”
“And what sort is that?”
“Wanderers.”
His answer took me by surprise. You have to suffer from a bit of wanderlust to join the circus. We never make our home in one place for more than a few weeks, our longest stop being in Florida for the Christmas season. “And that makes people nervous?”
“That confuses people,” Ashburn clarified. “Around here the American dream is big families, nice houses and normal lives.”
“Who decides what’s normal?”
“I … touché.” Ashburn shook his head. “Believe it or not, I have no interest in offending you. I think I’ve done just that, though.”
I shrugged, noncommittal. “I’m used to looks and whispers wherever I go,” I explained. “Not everyone shares the same expectations for a ‘normal’ life.”
“And what do you want? Are you still searching for it? Is that why you’re with the circus?”
“I have everything I want,” I replied. “I have friends and family. I have people I love dearly. I’d be lying if I said that a nomadic life appealed to everyone. It appeals to me. I love new adventures and landscape. I love different locations, grand horizons. I like changing scenery and familiar faces. I guess I’m weird like that.”
“But what about a family? What about children? What about a husband?”
“If those things are meant to be, they’re meant to be.”
As if on cue, Kade materialized out of the darkness. His gaze was keen as it rested on Ashburn, but he made no move to interrupt us.
“I believe in destiny,” I added. “What is meant to be will come to pass. You can’t fight the inevitable.”
“Then why search the woods?” Ashburn challenged. “Why try to help Joshua Gilmore, if that’s what you were really doing?”
“That’s exactly what we were doing,” I replied. “As for the rest of your question, not everything is set in stone. Think of the future as a path with a number of forks in the road. Something is certainly inevitable if you choose a path, but you always have a choice. You can force someone’s future down a different path.”
Ashburn rubbed his chin and squinted one eye. I considered rummaging through his brain to see if I could figure out what he was thinking, but it was unnecessary.
“You’re an odd woman,” Ashburn said finally. “For the record, I don’t believe you took Joshua Gilmore. We have no other suspects, though. We have no evidence. We have nowhere else to look.”
“So you’ll continue to focus on us,” I mused. “That will be a mistake.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because when we’re gone … which happens in a few days … you’ll still have a predator out there and we won’t be around to absorb your suspicion,” I replied. “I promise you that we’re not the ones hunting children in your territory.”
“I want to believe that, but I can’t rule you out,” Ashburn said. “Still … I find you intriguing. You’re different. I can’t put my finger on it, but you’re definitely different.”
I offered him a rueful smile. “Whether you meant it as one or not, I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“I meant it as one,” Ashburn said, glancing around at the thinning crowd. “You’re done for the night, so how about I walk you back to your trailer? I’m pretty much done here, and I’d hate for a woman to be alone so late in the evening.”
I reminded myself that he didn’t mean to be offensive by suggesting a woman was less capable than a man. “Oh, well … .”
“That won’t be necessary.” Kade finally made his presence known, catching Ashburn off guard. “I’ll walk her to her trailer.”
“Oh, well, I’m sorry.” Ashburn tipped his head in deference to Kade. “I didn’t realize you and Ms. Parker were an item. I assumed she was single.”
“Well, she’s not.”
I widened my eyes at Kade’s announcement, but opted to briefly focus on Ashburn before giving Kade my full attention. “Just for the record, Detective Ashburn, a woman doesn’t need a man to be safe. I’ve been taking care of myself for a really long time.”
“You shouldn’t have to,” Ashburn shot back. “I assumed you were single and that’s why you’re with the circus, because otherwise you would have a home and family. I was wrong. I apologize.”
“So only a single woman would find joy in the circus? That’s mildly insulting.”
“It was merely an observation.” Ashburn shuffled from one foot to the other. “I should probably be on my way. We might be around to question you further tomorrow.”
“I’m looking forward to it.” I kept my smile in place until I was sure he was gone and then focused on Kade. “Since when am I not single?”
Kade ran his tongue over his teeth as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I … probably shouldn’t have said that.”
I couldn’t stop the disappointment from rolling through me. “You only reacted because you were worried about Ashburn getting too close. I should’ve realized that.”
“I … .” Kade looked uncertain, but I ignored the expression and turned toward trailer row.
“I’m really tired. I’m going to back to my trailer,” I offered. “I don’t think your services will be necessary tonight. I know you have things to do, so I’ll lock my door and … well … I guess I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Poet, wait.”
I ignored Kade and increased my pace, hurrying toward my trailer and the sanctuary I knew waited there. I tuned out the voices and conversation as the guests made their way toward the parking lot. I kept my smile in place, but only as a defense mechanism.
I needed quiet.
I needed sleep.
I needed solace.
Kade could provide none of that for me. I was on my own. That much was certain.
19
Nineteen
“Poet!”
I was almost at the trailer before I realized Kade was giving chase. I did my best to ignore him as I reached for my door handle, my fingers shaking as I shoved open the door and stepped inside. I was almost safe – at least as much as I could be given the fact that everyone lived on top of one another and the fairgrounds were crawling with people – when Kade shoved his arm through the door and stopped me from locking him out.
“What are you doing?” I asked, fury pooling in my chest.
“Don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you,” Kade barked, slamming the door shut. “It’s rude.”
“Oh, well, I’m so sorry for being rude,” I muttered. “That’s rich coming from the guy who just cut off my romantic prospects for the night by telling my interested suitor that I had a boyfriend.”
Kade’s eyebrows practically flew off his forehead. “Did you want to come back here with that guy?”
“That’s hardly the point,” I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest. “I do, however, believe it was my decision. You took that from me.”
“It sucks to have decisions taken from you, doesn’t it?”
“This is not the same thing!”
“Oh, it’s totally the same thing,” Kade spat. “I … .” He didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence because Luke picked that moment to open the door and step inside.
“What’s going on?” Luke asked, shrinking back when Kade scalded him with a look. “Everyone is buzzing that you guys are in here killing each other.”
“Get out,” Kade seethed, clenching his hands at his sides. “You’re not a part of
this. This is between us. We don’t need to add a voice to the crazy.”
“If you’re going to hurt her I’m a part of this,” Luke shot back.
“Do you really think I would hurt her?” Kade was offended. I didn’t blame him.
“You’ve done a pretty good job of it over the past week and a half,” Luke pointed out.
“That’s entirely different, and you know it!” Kade was coasting toward a very fine line, his world-famous control slipping.
“Poet is my best friend,” Luke challenged. “If you’re going to hurt her … .”
“I’m going to hurt you,” Kade bellowed, grabbing Luke’s arm and shoving him toward the door. “Get out!”
“You’re not the boss of me.” Luke grappled with Kade as the security head tried to wrestle him outside. “You can’t tell me what to do.”
“Go, Luke.” My heart hurt, but I was resigned to having things out with Kade. Coming to a resolution would firmly end things. The end was finally here. “I can take care of myself.”
“I’m your protector,” Luke argued.
“I can protect myself. Go.”
Luke didn’t look happy with the suggestion and extended a warning finger before disappearing. “I’ll hunt you down and kill you if she sheds one tear.”
“Get out!” Kade’s face was red with exertion when he shifted to face me, his chest heaving. “Do you really think I’d hurt you?”
“Not physically.”
“Emotionally?”
“Not on purpose.” That was the truth. “When your heart gets involved accidental pain is inevitable.”
Kade rubbed his cheek as he stared at me. “Is your heart involved?”
“Sometimes I think it has been since the moment I saw you. I think that’s why I violently disliked you on sight.”
Kade took me by surprise when he broke out in riotous guffaws. “You are just … .”
“Too much?”
“I have no idea,” Kade replied, “but I’m about to find out.” Instead of announcing it was completely over and walking out of my life, Kade did the unthinkable and planted a scorching kiss on my mouth.
I was so surprised that I kept my lips firm for a few moments and then sank into the kiss, pressing my body against his and sighing as he wrapped his arms around me. My head was muddled thanks to wandering hands … and tongues … and when I finally pulled back to catch my breath I found Kade’s eyes wild with desire.
“What are you doing?” My voice was barely a whisper.
“What I’ve wanted to do since I first met you,” Kade replied, pushing me toward the bedroom. “You likened this to a sea monster, right? Well, prepare to release the kraken, because we’re not coming up for air until the sun does.”
It was an interesting proposition. “Are you sure?”
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life. Move!”
“WELL, that was well worth the wait.”
I ran my hand over Kade’s bare chest several hours later, shifting my eyes toward the window and finding nothing but darkness staring back. The circus shut down hours ago, time marching by outside as it stood still inside. I didn’t even know how late it was until I saw the view through the window. Everything was quiet, except for the pounding of our hearts as we rested against one another.
“It was definitely worth the wait,” Kade murmured, his eyes shut as he trailed his hand up and down my back. “Go to sleep.”
That’s what I wanted to do and yet … . “What are you thinking?”
Kade chuckled, although his eyes remained closed. “I’m thinking that I want you to put your head right here and go to sleep.” He patted a spot on his shoulder and tugged me closer.
I wasn’t sure that was possible, but I didn’t want to do anything that would upset him. “I … .”
“Ugh. Are you going to make this a thing?”
“It is a thing,” I snapped. “We just … .”
“I know what we did. That’s why I need sleep. I plan on doing it again in the morning.”
That was news to me. “You do?”
“Yes.”
“And then what?”
Kade sighed as he tangled his fingers in my hair and pressed down my head. “And then we’ll talk about what comes next.”
“Is something going to come next?”
“Oh, geez, you’re so much freaking work, woman.” Kade brushed his lips against my forehead. “We’ll talk in the morning. I promise. I need some sleep. You do, too. Just … close your eyes.”
I did as he asked, although I wasn’t certain slumber was possible. “Will you be here when I wake up?”
“Yes.”
“Because you feel you have to be or because you want to be?”
“So much work,” Kade murmured, his voice thick with sleep. “I’m right where I want to be. Shut down your mind. I’ll answer all of your questions tomorrow … right after we do that again.”
Surprisingly enough, that sounded almost perfect, even though I couldn’t tamp down the niggling worry in the back of my brain. “Okay, but I’ll have to stock up on protein drinks if this becomes a thing.”
“We’ll order a case tomorrow. Goodnight.”
“I … goodnight.”
He kissed my forehead again. “Sweet dreams, Poet. Now close your eyes.”
He sounded so tired, so sincere, so relaxed … so I did just that and let unconsciousness – and some very vigorous dreams – claim me.
KADE WOKE before me and his eyes were on my face when I pried mine open. I took a moment to wipe the accumulated sleep from the corners – and check his chest for drool – before focusing on his face.
It was downright criminal that he looked so good this early. The stubble only enhanced his chiseled features, which seemed unfair because I knew my hair was probably standing out in a million different directions.
“Good morning.”
“It is a good morning, isn’t it?” I was going for levity, but my voice sounded squeaky, which instantly diminished my cool quotient.
Kade stroked the back of my head and sighed. “I guess now is the time for us to have our serious talk, huh?”
“I … that depends. Are you going to crush me? If so, I’d rather put off the talk.”
Kade snickered and pinched the bridge of his nose. “So much work.”
I struggled to a sitting position, being careful to keep the sheet wrapped around my torso so he didn’t get any distracting ideas. “If you want to leave, I understand. You were acting on impulse last night and … .” I wasn’t sure how to finish.
“I did act on impulse last night,” Kade confirmed, causing my heart to roll. “I’m not sorry I did, though. In fact, I wish I would’ve done it sooner. I can’t help but wonder if that would’ve saved us some trouble from the beginning … you know … if I’d just followed my instincts.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
Kade played with the ends of my long hair as he rested his broad shoulders on the pillows and licked his lips. “I want to be with you. I’ve tried fighting it. I’ve tried telling myself that it’s the wrong decision, even though my heart clearly thinks it’s the right one.
“I don’t want to fight it any longer,” he continued. “I don’t want to run from my feelings. I want to embrace them. I want to see where this goes.”
He said the words I’d been waiting to hear, yet I couldn’t help but be leery. “But?”
“But I need you to be very clear about a few things,” Kade replied, his dark eyes serious as they locked with mine. “I can’t put up with another bout of lying. I’m not talking about some silly game you play with Luke. I understand you guys have a rhythm, and if there are a few things that you keep to yourself that revolve around him I understand that.
“I cannot put up with big lies, though,” he continued. “I want to be able to trust you. I don’t think you can have a relationship without trust. To do that, I need your word that you’re done with the lies.”
“I didn’t want to lie to you in the first place,” I offered. “That wasn’t my intention. It happened, and then it was as if I kept burying myself under the weight of the deception, and before I knew it I was drowning.”
“That’s why truth is important.”
“I know that. I never wanted to betray you.” I choked on the words as tears filled my eyes.
“Please don’t do that.” Kade cupped the back of my head and forced my eyes to him. “I don’t want to dwell on this. I don’t want constant apologies. I don’t want you looking over your shoulder because you’re worried I’ll change my mind.”
“How did you know I would think that?”
“Because, believe it or not, I feel as if I know you,” he answered. “I like you. It goes beyond simple attraction, which was there from the start, and extends to your attitude and heart. You can’t build a relationship on pure attraction. If I thought that was all we had I would’ve hopped in your bed that first night and never looked back.
“I seemingly knew better … and yet I’m not sure how I managed that.” Kade appeared to be searching for the right words to explain his feelings. “I came to the circus because I needed a job and the idea of being rootless appealed to me.”
“And now?”
“I’ve learned that you can have movable roots,” Kade replied. “We’re constantly on the road, but I’m already anchored to you. Before you ask, I want to be anchored to you. I like moving around but having something stationary to hold on to.”
My chest filled with warmth, which made me feel mildly silly. “And that’s what I am?”
“You’re a lot of different things. I’m not sure I can verbalize all of them,” Kade answered. “I’m looking forward to finding out how many different things you are, because something tells me I’ve barely grazed the surface.”
“I’m looking forward to grazing your surface, too. I … wait … that kind of came out dirtier than I expected.”
Kade snorted. “I don’t mind the dirty talk. Can you accept my terms?”
I nodded, solemn. “I have to ask you something first. Then you can ask me whatever you want. Do you agree?”
Freaky Hearts Page 17