by Wesley Banks
“Well tonight, of course.”
Casey laughed. “This is your idea of a date?”
“No, but you can’t deny it’s the quintessential college town date.”
“How do you figure?”
“Well, we went to a nightclub…”
“Technically, we were inside together for less than a minute,” Casey interrupted.
“I walked you home.”
“You mean, I drove you home.”
“You invited me inside.”
Casey didn’t bother correcting him, she just rolled her eyes this time.
“And then you kissed me goodnight.”
Casey started to speak, but Ben leaned in and kissed her. The right side of his lips where the frozen pack had been, were cold, while the left side was soft and warm. He held his lips against hers for a moment, and the dichotomy of the two temperatures felt invigorating.
Then he pulled away slowly. “Sorry, I mean, then I kissed you. If we’re back to being all technical about things.”
It had been so long since she’d been kissed, that it felt like a first kiss all over again. She just sat there for a moment, looking back at him, and thinking about the kiss. And at the same time trying not to think about the kiss.
The sound of her phone interrupted them. For a moment she thought about ignoring it. She wanted him to kiss her again the exact same way.
The second ring snapped her back to that same bad habit. She got up and rifled through her purse that was sitting on his desk.
She looked down at the lit up screen and the answered. “Bianca, is everything alright? Okay, I’ll be over in a few minutes.” She hung up the phone.
Ben stood up. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes, I just have to go.”
“Do you want me to go with you? Or is there something I can do?”
“No, no, it’s nothing like that. I just forgot about something,” she lied.
Ben moved towards the door as Casey dropped her phone back in her purse and pulled out her keys.
Ben smiled, grimacing a little again. “If it’s not an emergency, then I can’t let you leave without at least giving me your number.”
She looked up at him and it was the first time she realized how tall he was compared to her. He wasn’t tall and lanky, though, like Parker. His frame was still lean, but more like a baseball player, or a surfer.
She walked back over to his desk, grabbed a pen and one of the yellow sticky tabs. She wrote down her number and then folded the paper in half. He stepped out of the way as she handed it to him.
“I had fun tonight,” he said as she walked out.
“Me too.”
* * *
A few steps from her car and Casey’s phone rang again. “Bianca, I’m on my way. What? Are you sure? Okay.”
False alarm. It wasn’t Emma who threw up, it was one of the other girls at the sleepover.
Casey stood in front of her car, looking down at her phone, and then back up to the window of Ben’s dorm room. The light was on, but the curtains were closed, so she couldn’t see anything else. She thought about walking back up to his room. She thought about that kiss again. But her phone rang again.
She looked back down. It was Nikki.
“Hey, are you okay?” Casey said.
“I’m fine. Trevor showed up at Gator City, so I just left before he could start anything else.”
“That’s probably a good idea,” Casey said. “Wait, how did you leave? I thought you rode with Jen?”
“I did, but she’s staying over at her boyfriend’s tonight, so she said I could take the car. I’m actually only a few minutes from your house, do you mind if I crash with you tonight?”
“I’m not home…” Casey said.
“Wait, where are you?” Nikki answered her own question. “Oh my gosh, are you still with Benson Wilder?”
“Why are you saying his full name like that? And no, I just left.”
“Uh, because he’s Benson Wilder.”
“How do you even know his full name?”
“He was on ESPN for breaking some old running record last month. And then they did a feature of him in the Alligator.”
“He kissed me,” Casey blurted out, feeling a smile slowly form as she opened the door to her car.
“Okay, I’m turning around to pick up Pokey Stix and pizza from Gumby’s and you’re going to tell me all the details when I get there.”
Even though it was only a little past eleven, Casey was tired, but a wave of energy shot through her body as she thought about Ben, and she had to admit she was a little excited to tell Nikki all the details about their first kiss.
15
Kiss and Tell
April 3, 2015
Nikki put the pizza and cheese bread on the coffee table in front of the couch and sat down.
A few seconds later Casey walked out of her bedroom in white sweatpants and a gray “Trust me I’m a doctor” tee shirt that Nikki bought her when she arrived in Gainesville last year. She pulled the rubber band off her wrist and pulled her hair back into a ponytail as she sat down.
Casey looked over at Nikki who was staring at her. “What?”
“Do you know you haven’t stopped smiling since you got home?”
Casey hadn’t really thought about it. She’d been too busy still thinking about Ben.
“Wash your face…smiling. Change your clothes…smiling. Sitting on the couch…smiling.”
Casey moved her hands up to her lips. Her mouth was open and her lips were slightly curled. She was smiling…
“So what was it like?” Nikki said.
“The kiss?”
Nikki tilted her head to the side. “Yes the kiss!”
“It was…” Casey started. “It was…like that feeling you get when you’re cold, and then you step out into the sun and a tingling warmth spreads across your entire body.”
Nikki looked down at her arms. “You seriously just gave me the chills.”
“There’s something else,” Casey said.
Nikki’s eyes lit up.
“Tonight wasn’t the first time I met Benson Wilder.”
16
Joke
April 4, 2015
“Is this some type of fucking joke to you guys?” Coach Melvick paced the locker room. Ben, Parker, and Brad had been standing against their lockers for the last few minutes, waiting for Coach to blow a gasket.
“We’re five points behind going into the 5000, with a depth of scoring of eight. Do you imbeciles have any idea what that even means?”
A depth of scoring of eight meant the top eight runners of each heat could score points for their team. Ben had thought about being a smartass and answering, but luckily Coach didn’t give him time.
“I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you. At least one of you need to place in the top three while also managing to prevent Georgia from reaching the top eight.
Coach waved his hand in Ben’s direction, then towards Parker and Brad. “I’ve got one idiot with a black eye, another with a bruised leg, and a third that nearly gets lost every day on his way to practice.”
Ben rubbed the dark blue bruising just below his eye, while Parker continued rubbing out his leg.
“So, I’m going to keep this simple,” Coach said. “Get out of my locker room and win the damn race.”
Brad was the first through the door, followed by Parker. Coach grabbed Ben by the shoulder as he walked by. For a moment he just stared Ben straight in the eyes. “Remember what started all of this.”
Ben simply nodded, knowing Coach was talking about a lot more than what happened at the bar last night.
17
Letting Go
April 6, 2015
“Dude, you’ve got to let it go,” Parker said as him and Ben stepped off the sidewalk and onto Stadium Road. They passed The Hub on their left, along with about 200 students standing in line at Chick-fil-a.
Two cute girls walked by. “Con
grats on the win, Ben,” they said in unison.
“Thanks,” Parker said. “My race went well too. Geez, it’s like I’m not even alive. I know you got first and all, but did no one see me cut that guy from Georgia off for eighth? I mean that was the freaking clincher!”
“If it makes you feel any better, I think you had a nice race.”
“I don’t get it though, you have girls falling all over the place for you and you’re caught up with some girl you hardly know. I thought you were like giving up girls or something, and now you’re obsessed over this one.”
“Wait, what? When did I say I was giving up girls?”
“I don’t know, man. You’re given this second chance at life basically, a full ride to one of the most prominent college athletic departments in the country, where you miraculously turn into this star athlete, and it’s taken me nearly a year to even get you out of the damn dorm room.”
“So, when exactly did I say this again?”
“Well, I guess, you didn’t. But with everything that happened…”
“One, I told you not to ever go there. And two, I don’t know what the deal is with this girl.” Ben paused. “I just…I don’t know.”
They walked on the pebble sidewalk between the Liberal Arts and Computer Science building that opened up to a small courtyard. A group of students had duct taped a makeshift dance floor to the ground and were break dancing. Some students stopped and watched, or even joined in, but Ben and Parker kept walking.
“Okay, well if you like her this much, then fill in some blanks for me. You met her at Fight Night, you take her back to your place, and you don’t even get a number?”
“Not exactly,” Ben said.
“Well, what exactly?” Parker said.
The huge iron bell in Century Tower interrupted them and they took a right on Newell Drive and then a left towards Little Hall. They passed a couple guys from the football team and Ben gave the obligatory head nod, then answered Parker’s question. “She gave me her number.”
Parker stopped. “Wait a minute, if this girl gave you her number, then why the heck don’t you just call her.”
“Thanks, genius, that was insightful.”
“No problem,” Parker smirked. “But seriously.”
“I called her Saturday before the race.”
“And?”
“And she didn’t answer or call back.”
“Okay, so call her again.”
“I called her Sunday, and the same thing.”
Parker was about to speak, but Ben interrupted him. “And I called her again yesterday and left a message. No call back, nothing.”
“Okay, well, call her again. I mean, you pretty much have two options. Keep calling until she answers, or give up.”
Ben conveniently left out the fact that he had texted her this morning with no response.
Parker slapped Ben on the shoulder. “How ‘bout this, there’s no meet this weekend, we can go out Thursday or Friday and find you another girl. We’ll call it Mission Benpossible.”
Ben laughed and looked over at Parker. “I appreciate it, but I think I’ll pass.”
“Alright, well, catch me after class. I’ll be at Broward Dining.”
Ben hiked his backpack up on his shoulder. “Alright.”
“And don’t spend all class thinking about that girl.”
Ben started walking east towards class. The problem was now beyond just thinking about it. It was knowing how good it felt just to be near her.
18
Emergency
April 6, 2015
“You sure you don’t mind picking up Emma from school?” Casey said. It was her day off, but the hospital just called, and the queasiness from avoiding the first rings made her too sick to not answer. “It should only be a few hours, so I should be back by dinner.”
“Casey. Why do you do this every time?” Nikki said.
Casey shrugged as she pulled her hair up into a ponytail. “I don’t know. I just, don’t like imposing, I guess.”
“It’s not imposing. I would tell you if it was. Honestly, if you had another room, I’d be begging you to let me move in.”
“Okay,” Casey said. “If I’m not back by 6 p.m., then there is lasagna left over for you and Emma.” She grabbed her phone, and swiped her finger across the home screen. A missed call still showed because she still hadn’t cleared the missed call from Ben yesterday. But now she also had an unread text. Casey stared at the screen for a second, reading his name: Benson Wilder. Before she could put her phone back in her purse, Nikki snatched it away from her.
Nikki read the text aloud. “Still waiting for that second date. Casey. Anise. Taylor,” Nikki said in a motherly tone. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Ben has called you…” Nikki scrolled through the calls, “…three times! And texted you. And you haven’t called him back?”
“I don’t know,” Casey said. “I mean, what’s the point?”
“What’s the point? Did you not get a good look at him? His eyes, his arms, his hair. And don’t even get me started on his legs in those running shorts.”
“I just need to focus on other things right now,” Casey said.
“Please tell me you’re not holding back because of Emma.”
“I’m not,” Casey lied.
Nikki put her hand on her hip and raised her eyebrows.
“I promise,” Casey lied again.
“I swear you must be the only girl I know who doesn’t want to have a fling with a college athlete.”
Casey grabbed her phone and headed for the door. She turned around towards Nikki, still standing by the kitchen table. “I don’t want a fling,” she said.
“Then what do you want?”
“I don’t know,” she said as she stepped out the door. But she did know, even after just one night with him. She wanted more.
19
Not Ready
April 6, 2015
It was a few minutes after five o’clock when Casey walked past a nurse’s desk painted to look like a child snorkeling with Manatees. She had just spoken with the attending physician, who confirmed she could head out for the night. When she stepped outside the frigid hospital she could feel the heat of the sun like it were hanging just above the trees, but there was nothing but scattered shadows at the bottom of the steps where Candy was sitting.
“Girl, you got problems,” Candy said, picking up their conversation where they had left off about an hour ago. Candy was pretty much the only person besides Nikki that Casey felt comfortable talking to. She was about twenty years older than Casey, which made for a great friendship because she had such a drastically different perspective on life.
Casey leaned against the railing a step below her. “You sound just like Nikki.”
“I don’t know Miss Nikki, but she sounds like an intelligent lady.”
“She is…I think,” Casey said, laughing.
“And yet you still look confused.”
“I just don’t know what to do,” Casey said.
The door opened behind her and one of fourth-year residents walked outside, eyes glued to the phone in his hands.
“I’m starting to think this whole doctor school thing didn’t really teach you all that much,” Candy said.
“So, I should call him back? What if he knows I’ve been ignoring his calls? What do I even say?”
“You hand Miss Candy the phone and I’ll take care of all that,” Candy said, with a smile.
I wish I had her confidence, Casey thought. “What if I’m not ready? I haven’t even gone on a real date since I left California.”
“Were you ready for him to kiss you?”
“Well, no.”
“But you liked it?”
Casey blushed lightly, “Yes.”
Candy pursed her bright pink lips. “Okay, okay, I get it. But there’s something else.”
Candy was pointing at Casey and bouncing her hand up and down like she was ringing up someone on a cash register. “Oh,
no. I know that look. This is where you explain some crazy white girl stuff you into. Like you own a baby alligator or something.”
Casey hadn’t laughed this hard in a long time. Wait no, that’s not true. This is about how hard she laughed last week at lunch when she caught Candy teaching a room full of residents how to twerk. And it wasn’t just the female residents.
Casey ran her fingers over the rough surface of the railing where several paint chips were peeling off. She thought about Emma and her expression changed to a more serious one. Casey took a deep breath. “I have a daughter.”
All of her classmates at UC Berkeley had known about Emma. They were surprisingly supportive, especially after the surgery. But when Casey got to Shands last summer, everything just felt different. She didn’t have the comfort of her tight-knit group of med students. So, other than Nikki, her attending, and the chief resident, Candy was the first person she’d told.
“Wait, you a baby momma?” Candy looked Casey up and down. “With that body?” She took a sip of her peach tea. “I need to start that Weight Watchers again. Mhmm.”
Casey laughed again. She was so glad she had met Candy in the past couple months. It was so easy talking to her.
“What’s her name?” Candy asked.
“Emma Mae,” Casey said. “She just turned five.”
“Now that is a precious name.”
Casey pulled the small black neck wallet from under her scrubs. The pocket was large enough for a little bit of cash, a credit card, her hospital ID, and a picture of Emma. “This is her,” she said, handing the picture to Candy.
In the picture Emma was leaning against their new house in Gainesville. Her long brown hair had a slightly auburn tint and was half pulled back with lightly twisted bangs. Her lips were pouty and the color of fresh cranberries.
Candy held the picture arm’s length away from her so she could see Casey next to Emma. “She’s got her momma’s look. But those eyes…” Candy’s voice trailed off. Casey knew exactly what she was seeing because she had seen it so many times herself since the surgery. Unlike her Cerulean blue eyes, Emma’s were a rare mixture of stark blue and subtle green aquamarine, like the color of the ocean along the coast.