Aye, Robot (A Rex Nihilo Adventure) (Starship Grifters Book 2)

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Aye, Robot (A Rex Nihilo Adventure) (Starship Grifters Book 2) Page 13

by Robert Kroese


  “Donny comes?” asked Donny. Boggs looked at me expectantly.

  “Just hang out here for a little longer, guys,” I said. “This shouldn’t take long.”

  We followed Pepper into her office. I closed the door as Pepper took a seat behind her desk. Ort Felzich was now in the rear corner of the room, still banging his head against the wall and muttering “slacks.”

  “What in Space is this lossy algorithm stuff about?” Pepper asked.

  “If I’m not mistaken,” I replied, “Rex believes Ort Felzich’s consciousness was extracted. That he didn’t just go insane. He literally lost his mind.”

  “Exactly,” said Rex. “Someone sucked out his mind and put it in some kind of storage module.”

  “A SLACS receptacle,” I said. “But who would remove Felzich’s mind? And why?”

  “No idea,” Rex said. “But I think I know where. That is, I know how to find out where.”

  “How?” asked Pepper.

  “He’s walking there. Trying, anyway. We just have to follow him.”

  The room was silent for a moment. Then Pepper spoke. “That’s the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard. Even if you’re right, his consciousness could be anywhere in the galaxy. We can’t just have him walk across the galaxy and follow him to his brain.”

  “Why not?” Rex asked.

  “Because you can’t walk across space, you moron.”

  “Triangulation,” I said. “It could work. If he really is attempting to move toward a particular point, we just need to transport him to two other locations a significant distance apart. The direction he walks will change depending on his position relative to the consciousness storage device.”

  “Hold on,” said Pepper. “We don’t even know that’s where he’s trying to go. How would his body even know where his consciousness is?”

  I answered. “Psionic theory holds that there is an unbreakable bond between the physical brain and consciousness. It’s an instantaneous connection across spacetime. No one really understands it, but we know psionic waves are the only thing we know of that travels faster than the speed of light. Perhaps Felzich’s consciousness is signaling to his body.”

  “If his consciousness can contact his body with these psionic waves,” Pepper asked, “why doesn’t he just tell us what to do, rather than running into walls and saying ‘slacks’?”

  “The psionic connection would be very weak,” I said. “It’s quite possible it’s only capable of evoking very basic motor impulses. I doubt Felzich is intentionally making his mouth say ‘slacks.’ He’s just inadvertently triggering some vestige of memory, a rudimentary linguistic impulse. On some level, his brain knows the word ‘slacks’ is important, and it connects the word with the impulses it’s getting from Felzich.”

  Pepper still seemed doubtful. “If Felzich really is walking toward his mind, why has he changed direction since this morning?”

  “The change in attitude is consistent with Rex’s hypothesis,” I said. “Even if the location of the SLACS receptacle hasn’t changed, Sargasso Seven’s orbit would alter the relative position of this room. To get a fix on him, we’ll have to travel to three separate points that are motionless relative to the consciousness storage receptacle.”

  “And if we manage to find it?” Pepper asked.

  “If Rex is correct, Felzich’s consciousness is fully intact and theoretically able to communicate. If he has some information of value to the Sp’ossels, that’s where we’ll find it.”

  “Exactly!” Rex exclaimed. “So your deal with the Sp’ossels is still on. We just have to find Felzich’s mind.”

  “This is absurd,” Pepper said, shaking her head.

  “Maybe,” Rex replied, “but we’re dealing with Sp’ossels, who are absurd people. That old zealot probably doesn’t have a thought in his head worth a credit to any ordinary person. But Sp’ossels aren’t ordinary people. If they think Felzich knows something important, I don’t see why we can’t sell them Felzich’s mind.”

  Pepper sighed. “I suppose I don’t really have a choice now that you’ve lost my pheelsophine. But I’m going with you this time.”

  “Fine with me,” said Rex, “but I thought you didn’t dare leave Sargasso Seven.”

  “Seeing as I don’t trust you, I don’t have much choice. I’ll just have to leave Tim in charge.”

  “Great!” Rex declared. “Isn’t this wonderful, Sasha? We’re going on a treasure hunt! Squawky, help me find my eye patch.”

  “We’re all going to die,” said Squawky.

  Chapter Nineteen

  We spent the next day making hypergeometric jumps to various parts of the galaxy in an attempt to triangulate the position of Felzich’s consciousness. It ended up taking more than two jumps, as Felzich’s body was only able to orient itself in two dimensions. Felzich would reliably turn and began walking in a particular direction within a few seconds after jumping, but we had no way of knowing whether the SLACS module was above or below us without making additional jumps. There was also some margin of error in determining the exact direction Felzich was headed. If our measurement was off by a degree, that could amount to several light-years, depending on how far away the SLACS module was.

  While the rest of the crew played cards or slept, Rex hovered over me in the cockpit, micromanaging the navigational process. I did my best to redirect the conversation to matters I feared Rex had overlooked.

  “You understand, sir, that your plan depends on making a deal with the Sp’ossels—the very people who have manipulated both of us for years.”

  “Yes. And?”

  “It’s just that I would think you wouldn’t be so willing to reward people who have treated you so terribly.”

  “First of all,” Rex replied, “That stuff about the Sp’ossel manipulating us is hearsay. Not that I don’t trust you, Sasha, but I don’t actually remember any of it myself.”

  “That’s the point, sir! They erased your memories! Doesn’t that make you angry?”

  “Second, I plan to wring every credit out of those fanatical weirdos. They’ll pay for what they did all right, in the only currency that matters: Malarchian Standard Credits.”

  “But sir, clearly they wouldn’t make the trade if they weren’t getting their money’s worth. Has it occurred to you that the Sp’ossels are using your own programming against you? Scamming people out of money is exactly what they’ve programmed you to do. For all we know, they programmed us to hijack the Raina Huebner in the first place. If you really wanted to get back at them, you’d do the opposite of what they expect.”

  “Which is?”

  “Forget about Felzich’s mind. Don’t make a deal with the Sp’ossels.”

  “Because it’s too dangerous or because you want to wreak vengeance on the Sp’ossels?”

  “Both, sir.”

  “Holding a grudge is irrational, Sasha.”

  “Yes, sir. But doing business with the people who have used us in this manner seems… well, inhuman.”

  Rex shook his head. “I’m sorry, Sasha. This is who I am. I don’t know how much of it is Sp’ossel programming and frankly I don’t care. When I see a chance for a big score, I take it.”

  I decided to change tacks. “Sir, have you thought to consider what the Sp’ossels might be up to? Why they want Felzich so badly?”

  “I assume they’re up to some nefarious scheme,” Rex said.

  “Exactly, sir. You saw what that Sp’ossel satellite did to the people of Vericulon Four. And we know their end goal is to spread ‘happiness’ throughout the galaxy. What if they’re building something like that happiness satellite, but much larger? Something capable of spreading a mind control wave across the whole galaxy?”

  Rex shrugged. “What does that have to do with me?”

  “You saw what that satellite did for pheelsophine sales on Vericulon Four. How do you think you’re going to make money in a galaxy where everybody is completely content and nobody wants anything?”


  Rex opened his mouth to speak but then closed it again. “You make a valid point, Sasha,” he said after a moment. “But if everyone is happy, then I’ll be happy too, right? I won’t want to make money anymore.”

  “And that doesn’t terrify you?”

  “It’s incomprehensible,” Rex said. “So I’m not going to worry about it.”

  “It doesn’t bother you that everybody in the galaxy will just be lying on their desks, doing nothing all day?”

  “Not particularly. For most people, it’s an improvement. At least everybody will be happy for a change.”

  “Except me.”

  “Well, yes. You’ll have to carry all the sadness in the galaxy for the rest of us. So are we ready for the next jump or what?”

  Too depressed to continue arguing, I decided to focus on the task at hand. After seven jumps, we had pinpointed its location to within a few hundred kilometers. That was the good news.

  The bad news was that the module was apparently right in the middle of the The Cabrisi Asteroid Field, a debris-filled expanse of space nearly a light-year wide. Jumping into it was out of the question. When we’d jumped into Dead Man’s Nebula, we at least had a precise set of coordinates to work with. The SLACS module was probably on one of the asteroids, which meant that if we jumped to the coordinates we’d derived from Felzich’s ambulations, we’d likely as not find ourselves permanently embedded in rock. To get to Felzich’s consciousness, we were going to have to navigate the field manually, which posed its own problems.

  Rex gathered the crew to tell them the plan. The response was not positive.

  “It’s just an asteroid field,” I said, having resigned myself to Rex’s plan. “It’s dangerous, but we should be able to navigate it if we’re careful.”

  “It’s not just the asteroids themselves,” Pepper said. “There’s… something else lurking in that asteroid field.”

  “Something else?” Rex asked. “Like what? Insurance salesmen? Be specific.”

  Pepper bit her lip, as if embarrassed to say more. “Ghosts,” she said at last.

  Fear came over Boggs’s face. Donny looked nervously at Boggs.

  “You’ve got to be kidding me,” said Rex. “Ghosts?”

  “Scoff if you like,” said Pepper. “But I’ve heard stories from crewmen who barely escaped that asteroid field with their lives. They say they heard voices that tried to lure them into the asteroids.”

  “Superstitious pirate nonsense,” Rex said. But Boggs and Donny were clearly terrified.

  “Ghosts in the asteroid field,” Squawky said. “We’re all going to die.”

  “See?” Pepper said. “Even the bird knows.”

  “This is ridiculous,” Rex said. “There are no ghosts in the Cabrisi Asteroid Field. Stop frightening my crew with nonsense.”

  “There is one person who would know for sure,” said Pepper.

  “Yeah?” said Rex. “Who’s that?”

  “The Oracle of New Borculo Nova.”

  “Catchy name,” said Rex.

  “I’ve heard of her,” I said. “A research station was built on a planetoid orbiting a star that had recently gone nova. The scientists all went insane and turned on each other. The Oracle of New Borculo Nova was the last remaining survivor.”

  “New Borculo Nova is less than a light-year from the Cabrisi Asteroid Field,” Pepper said. “If anyone knows how to get through unscathed, it’s her.”

  “Yeah, asteroids are scary,” Rex said. “We should go visit a homicidal hermit living on a chunk of rock orbiting an exploding star instead.”

  “She’s just an old woman,” Pepper said. “There’s no danger in talking to her.”

  “It might be worth investigating, sir,” I said.

  “Fine,” Rex replied. “But then we’re not making any more stops. After the New Borculo Nova station, we’re going directly to the asteroid field.”

  It wasn’t hard to determine why the staff of the New Borculo Nova research station had gone crazy. The facility had been constructed under a large transparent dome, as was standard for such research facilities, to take advantage of the natural light. Unfortunately, the planetoid revolved once every eighty-eight seconds, making the days and nights each forty-four seconds long. That sort of schedule had to wreak havoc with one’s circadian rhythms.

  I landed the Flagrante Delicto-cum-Chronic Lumbago next to the dome. I had been trying to hail the facility, but there was no response. I ended up going outside to manually engage the docking corridor. The planetoid had a thin atmosphere, but it was mostly ammonia and methane, so not really the sort of stuff you want to breathe if you can help it.

  Our crew exited the ship, Rex leading the way. I followed close behind, with Pepper, Boggs and Donny trailing us. We made our way through the compound, which was eerily quiet. Rex called out a greeting several times, but no one answered. The New Borculo Nova, visible through the dome over our heads, rose behind us and set again in front of us by the time we made it to a door labeled CREW LIVING QUARTERS. We knocked, but there was no answer. Rex opened the door and we went inside. We found ourselves in what appeared to be a small living room, dimly lit by ambient lights. Stars were visible overhead.

  And then, suddenly, the sun rose again behind us, bathing the room in yellowish-white light. An elderly woman with frazzled white hair sat sleeping in an easy chair. She woke with a start and stood up.

  “Good morning!” she said. “I’m sorry I didn’t greet you at the door. I’m on a rather tight schedule and I don’t get a lot of visitors. What can I do for you?”

  “Are you the Oracle of New Borculo Nova?” Rex asked.

  “That’s what they call me,” the woman said. “You can just call me Denise. And yes, in case you’re wondering, I did go crazy and murder the rest of the crew. In my defense, none of them could stay on schedule worth a damn. Are you hungry? It’s almost lunchtime. I don’t usually eat until Tuesday.”

  “No, ma’am,” Rex said. “My name is Rex Nihilo. I’m the captain of the… uh…”

  “Chronic Lumbago,” I said.

  “Right, the Chronic Lumbago. We’re just here for some information. We need to travel through the Cabrisi Asteroid Field, and Pepper here is under the impression that the field is, well, haunted, so we—”

  “Dinner?” Denise asked. “I’ve got some frozen lasagna we can blast with gamma radiation. Takes about three seconds.”

  The sun was now setting on the horizon.

  “No, thanks,” said Rex. “We really just want to know if you have an information about—”

  “I’m sorry to cut this short,” Denise said, “but I find it’s critical to my mental health to maintain a regular schedule. Please make yourselves at home. I hope we can talk more tomorrow. Goodnight!”

  With that, she collapsed into the chair again, apparently sound asleep. The last of the daylight faded into darkness.

  “Amazing,” I said. “She’s managed to adapt to eighty-eight second days. I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but I suppose with enough time, the human body can—”

  A loud thud sounded behind me. Rex and I turned to find Boggs snoring on the floor.

  “Boggs would appear to be more adaptable than most,” Pepper said.

  “Donny sleeps?” Donny asked.

  “Donny doesn’t need to sleep,” Rex said. “Donny’s a robot.”

  “Why did we even bring those two along?” I asked.

  “Donny has a purpose?” Donny asked.

  “Don’t let me catch you not believing in yourself, Donny!” Rex snapped. He shot a glare at me. “Sasha, I realize you’re jealous of the top-notch pirate crew I’ve assembled, but this constant whining is unseemly. Get a hold of yourself.”

  “Get a hold of yourself,” Squawky echoed. “I’m a born pirate.”

  “Good morning!” Denise exclaimed, leaping out of her chair as the room was once again bathed in light. “I trust you all slept well.”

  I heard a loud yawn behind me. “Like a
log,” Boggs said.

  “Breakfast?” Denise asked.

  “No thanks,” said Rex. “Look, I’m going to get right to the point. We need to fly into the Cabrisi Asteroid Field. Pepper here thinks you’ve got information that could help us.”

  “I see,” Denise replied. “Perhaps we should discuss it over lunch. I don’t personally eat until Tuesday, but if you all—”

  “Do you know something about the asteroid field or not?” Rex asked.

  “The asteroid field? I know plenty about it. What do you want to know? Size, composition, origin…?”

  “We want to know about the ghosts,” Pepper said.

  “Oh, of course. It figures. Everybody wants to know about the ghosts.”

  “You’re saying there really are ghosts?” Rex asked.

  “Oh, yes,” said Denise. “Well, no. Actually, it’s rather a long story. Perhaps we can discuss it more tomorrow. Goodnight!”

  She sank into her chair as the sun set once again. Behind us, Boggs hit the floor.

  “This is pointless,” Rex said. “Let’s go. Anybody who doesn’t want to go into the asteroids can stay here and take their chances with the oracle of crazytown.”

  “Donny doesn’t like this place,” Donny said.

  “We haven’t even found out if she knows anything yet,” said Pepper. “Let me do the talking tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow?” I asked. “You mean—”

  “Good morning!” Denise exclaimed, leaping out of her chair as the sun sprung above the horizon. “Did you all sleep okay?”

  Behind us, Boggs yawned.

  “Fine,” said Pepper. “We need to travel through the Cabrisi Asteroid Field. Do you have any suggestions for dealing with any hazards we might find there?”

  “Sure,” said Denise. “Put wax in your ears.”

  “Put wax in our ears? Why?”

  Denise walked across the room and opened a cabinet. After a few seconds of rummaging around, she located something that looked like a small plastic briefcase. She walked back to Pepper, handed her the case, and then sat down in her chair again. “I can show you how to use them tomorrow,” she said. “Goodnight!” The sun set and Denise fell asleep again. Boggs thudded to the floor.

 

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