Man squeezes my hand stands kisses my forehead where he always kisses me then he grabs my head, holding my head between his hands he says, I will never give up mama. Say what you want, but I know you. I know you aren’t happy, I know that he has said or don something that has scared you and is making you stay but im asking you to leave him. Whatever he has said he will do you don’t have to worry no one and I do mean no one will let him close enough to do it. Im going to leave for now but only because Grams will kick our asses if we are late for supper again, but trust and believe me when I say that I will be back. I love you mama, ill see you soon.
With one more kiss to my forehead he is up and gone before I can say anyting. I roll to my side and let the tears go. The door to my room opens again. Its probalay one of the nurses so I keep my back to the door. I feel the bed lean like someone put a knee on it then arms come around me. Im about to panic when im hit with Liam’s smell. I would know his scent anywhere. He pulls my body against his my back to his front and puts his face in my hair. I let the sobs out that I have been holding in for so long out. Gently Liam rolls me to face him and puts my face in his neck. I hold on to him with everything I have. When im with liam I feel safe even when somewhere in my mind I know that it’s the most dangerous place I could be. For both of us. Liam holds me just as tight. No letting go. For a min I think that this could be my life. That Liam could take me away from all of this and keep me safe, that I could have my kids with me without living in fear. But I know that will never happen. Tyler would kill us both as well as my kids but he would make me watch him kill them and I would have to watch him rape our daughter. That’s not a risk im willing to take.
I try to pull away from Liam, but his arms tighten around me just enough to let me know he isn’t letting me go.
What are you doing Liam? He has to know this is a bad Idea.i have to get out of his arms. Part of me doesn’t want to. I have always felt safe with Liam. I know he wont hurt me. His voice rumbles in his chest, where I am resting my head.
He was right you know. I have always loved you. I have always wanted you to be mine. What Tyler said that day is all true.
When Liam starts to say this I stop moving. Im listening to words that I have dreamed of him saying to me for years. He doesn’t give me a chance to speak, but he pulls me back a little with his arms still around me so that he can look into my eyes. I fear that ill break and tell Liam everything. Would it be so bad for him to know the truth? For him to know why I cant leave Tyler. Maybe then he will leave it alone. So I decide that I will tell Liam. I let him finish before I break his heart.
I knew the first time I laid eyes on you that I wanted you to be mine. 7th grade. Do you remember? You were carrying a volcano that you made for class and one of those snobby girls bumped into you and you dropped it. You had no idea who I was when I walked up to help you. I smiled at you thinking this would be my good deed for the day, but when you looked up at me with those big ass blue eyes, I knew I had lost my heart that day, and I didn’t want it back. I wanted you to keep it. I couldn’t stay away from you after that. I am so sorry that I allowed Ty into your life. You should be treated like a queen not a door mat.
He places his hand on my face then continues to break me.
I want you to be mine Rain. We can be happy you know that. Ill always love you and take care of you. Me, you and the kids we can all leave town. Get a big place together and just be fucking happy Rain.
I touch his face, trace his cheek bone, his eye brows, forehead, down the slope of his nose and end at his lips. His lips are full and perfect. I run my finger across his lips then place my lips to his. The kiss is sweet not full of passion the way I want to be. But there is a chance after this I may never see Liam again.
Liam is 6”3 he has a slim build but has muscle everywhere you look. The mans body is something to be talked about. His hair is cut like Mans Short are the sides long on top. The difference between them is Liam doesn’t style his he lets he just fall. He has the softest hair I have ever had my hands in. but when he looks at me with those grey eyes all I can do is melt. But I have to tell him why there will never be anything between us, why he has to leave and never come back. Why he has to help me with Storm and the boys. I swallow look up at him and break both our hearts.
Liam, I have loved you to. You have no idea how many times I wish I could go back in time and change things. Make it to where im yours, and that my kids are yours. But that cant happen. What can happen is you can protect my kids. You can help me do it. I don’t stay with Ty because I want to or bcause I love him. I stay with him because I have to Lee.
He raises his eye brows at me and opens his mouth like he is going to say something. I touch my mouth to his again to shut him down.
The last time I was leaving Ty, was the night the kids moved in with my mom. I know you know the story so im not going to tell you things you already know. Ill tell you the part that you don’t know. That night when Man was telling me to come with him and I was about to step close to him and take his hand, Tyler pulled me close and told me if I left he would kill the kids even Gen but before he kills her he will rape her. Said I would be there to watch it all..
Looking into Liams eyes I say, I cant let that happen. You need to get the boys and my brother to back off. You and Storm need to make sure that my kids are taken care of.
Damnit Rain stop talking like you are dying. Come with me now. right fucking now. just get up put clothes on we will go get the kids and leave ill take care of you and them. I would never in this life or the next let that dickface near the five of you. God Rain I love you I can keep you safe. Whay are you fighting me so hard on this?
He grabs my face in both hands and just keeps breaking my heart.
Rain baby you know I would never let him do those things to yal right? Look at me baby and tell me that you believe me. .
My tears are coming so fast that it is getting hard to see him. But I I tuff it through because he has to go away and help mom and Storm with the kids. Im not talking like im dying. Im dead. I may be breathing, but that could end at anytime as long as im with Tyler. And to be totally honest, im not thinking it’s a bad thing. Im ready. Ithis is not something that I tell Liam. He would just freak out.
I love you to Liam. I know its to late, and if I would have said something a long time ago we could have been together. But I cant leave with you. I have to keep them safe. You are the only man in my life that makes me feel safe and I want that for the kids. They need a strong man in their life. That’s you and Storm. You deserve better then me Liam. Im broken and damaged. Im used up and beat down. I need you Storm and the boys to let me go. Please let me go.
Liam gets up like he is going to leave. He is also in basketball shorts and a wife beater, him and the boys must have been together.
Liam, please understand.
He turns around so fast. And is almost yelling.
Goddamn it Rain. Let us help you. We can make you untouchable. We could all be fucking happy together.
He has tears running down his cheeks and with all my heart I wanna tell him ok. But my mind knows better then to believe. If I were to agree and then something happen to one of my kids Liam and Storm will never be able to deal and they will blame their self, when all I had to do was stay put, and everyone in my family stays safe.
Rain im not giving up. You go back to Tyler if that’s what you wanna do, but just know that I will never stop. I will keep coming after Tyler and I wont stop until his ass is locked up or dead. I don’t want to see you in much pain. Im sick of seeing the after affects of Tyler fucking Childs. I will not stop until you are away from him. Do you understand me Rainy Marie Carmichael. I will not stop until you are safe. Weather you end up mine or not, I will get you away from him.
I don’t know what to say. I just let the tears fall and reach for him. He walks to me taking my hand and kisses me on my head. Ill be back, think about what I said. He says as he starts walking toward the door then he is gone and al
l I know to do is cry. I cry for the love we could have had, I cry for the pain I feel, I cry because I know that where im going I will not be safe and that I let the only man that has ever made me feel safe walk out of my room knowing that when I get out ill be going to a man that beats me and rapes me. A man that doesn’t even love me. A man that I know will one day cause my death. And im fine with that. Ill learn to live with it. I know that they cant save me. We could go into hidinh and Tyler would still still find me. I have no doubt that he will keep his word and hurt my kids. That isn’t something that I can live with. So ill do what I have to do to protect my kids. If that means I get my face kicked in everyday until he kills me, so be it, but he will not get his hands on my kids
Chapter ?
For the rest of that day I just looked out the window, hoping no one else would come by, but I have no luck. Storm came by. He has it in his head that I see the light and that when they release me from the hospital ill be going home with him so he can keep me “safe”. I wish they would understand that I am trying to keep them safe. I know that Tyler will not fight a man. Not with his fists, he never has. He has always been the one to only fight women, but im not dumb enough to believe that he wouldn’t use a gun or a knife. Storm is strong and everything but you cant fight a damn bullet. Why cant he see this. I know that im his sister and his job is to look out for me but when I clearly say I don’t want your help, shouldn’t that tell him to wlk away? I love that he cares so much, but all I wanna do is keep him safe. He isn’t bullet proof like he wants to think. He can die he can be hurt. Its something that I cant let happen. Storm, Liam and the kids mean more to me then my own life and I will protect them until my last breath.
After Storm left I felt so drained. I have to say the same things over and over all the time. The nurse and doctor came into my room and let me know that I was recovering well and that in a few days if everything was still looking the same I would be able to go home. I know they told Storm. That’s why he was all, me tarzan you Jane, with me while telling me I was leaving with him when I get out.
When everyone had come and gone I got the ipod someone and brought to me. I have no idea who brought it. All the men in my life know that I love music. No matter what is going on I want music, if it wasn’t for Tyler there wouldn’t even be a t.v in my house. I hit shuffle on a random list and music floods my ears and my soul. Asking Alexandria’s I wont give in, is the first song to play. I loved this song the very first time I heard it. Its so deep and has so much meaning that when I hear it even thou it’s a hardcore song I wanna cry so I push the skip button, I mean a person can only cry so much right. Don’t go by bring me the horizon is next. I love this song to. I can just tell you now that I will love every song but oliver sykes voice does something to my insides. I listen to the whole song and wait for the next. Dust in the wind by Kansas. This song makes you think about life. When drown by bring me the horizon comes, when he says who will fix me now baby when im down save me from myself, don’t let me drown, arms are wrapped around me from behind. I must yell or something cuz when I look back Liam is standing there with his arms raised, letting me know that he doesn’t mean any harm. I take off the headphones and get ready to light into him but he beats me and talks first.
Rain baby girl, im sorry I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean to scare you. I was coming by to se if you had everything you needed. I wanted to make sure you were ok.
I have always loved Liams eyes. Even in school before I started dating Tyler when it was just me and Liam and we were close. Before Liam brought Tyler with him that night to pick me up from a sitting job I had, it was always just his eyes. I could lose myself in his eyes forever. I wonder why I was so stupid and did just date Liam. Liams grey eyes grab me sometimes and make me want to let him make everything ok. I want with all my heart to et that happen, but I cant be sure that everyone I love will be ok and that includes Liams.
Liam, im fine. Im in a hospital. It is their job to take care of me, you don’t have to keep coming up here and checking on me. Shit Liam you have a life to live. Go live it. I don’t need you here. I hate saying those things to him. On the inside all I want is him here with me. I notice he has a gym bag I cut my eyes at the bag.
What the hell do you have a bag for? I know it isn’t for me. Seeing as how Storm and the boys bought me all new clothes a few days ago. What are you doing Liam? He sets the bag on the chair beside my bed then plants his ass on the bed beside me. One of his feet are on the floor and the other is hanging in the air from where he is sitting sideways. He puts his hands on his thighs and says the words I knew he was going to say. Everynight since I have been here either Storm or one of my boys have been here all night playing body guard. Its really not needed. Tyler isn’t going to come back.
Rain, im staying here tonight, weather you like it or not your ass is stuck with me until 9 a.m when I have to be to work. So we can fight about it now, wherr you lose and waste our time. Or you can suck it up butter cup because no matter what you say, im here. Now what is your choice?
I don’t say anything I just look at him like he has lost his freaking mind, which he has. After a few seconds he nods his head stands and says, glad you see things my way. I always knew you were smart. Im going to change, now don’t you go anywhere k babe. The ass hole winks at me and makes a fucking kissy face on his way to the bathroom. I swear if I didn’t love him I would hate him.
After 10 mins he comes out of the bathroom and walks to my bed. I just lay there. He grabs my thin blanket and lifts it up. I pull it back down and almost yell. What the hell are you doing Liam. I mean really. When Storm and the boys stayed they slept over there, I say at I point to the chair that got stuck last night when Mans big ass tryied to make it lay back. I can see Liam now. he will look just as insane as all the rest of the men in my life.
He gives me a smile that always sends shivers down my spine. Sorry babe, they slept in the chair because they are your blood. Now me, im family but im not blood. Whats the deal? We used to sleep together all the time in middle and high school. What? Do you think ima try and jump your bones while you are still beat and broken? Come on give me some credit. Shit I thought you knew me better then that.
I cant take the hurt look in his eyes. I know that he would never do anything like that. Lee I know you wouldn’t do anything like that to me. I trust you more then almost anyone in my life. It just surprised me. I know that we slept together in middle and high school, but we aren’t teenagers anymore, this isn’t high school. You just caught me off guard. I don’t think you should stay here thou. Ill be fine. Go home where you can sleep in that huge king size bed with your thousand thread count sheets. You don’t need to stay here.
He shocks me when he starts laughing. I don’t remember anything I said being funny. If looks could kill, Liam would be in a lot of pain. But I soften because Liam laughing is a beautiful thing to watch. The way he face lights up and his eyes shine. His perfect lips so full and kissable, turned up in a smile while leaning over on the bed. Still I don’t see what is funny and that helps me remember that im supposed to be looking upset. Returning my eyes to him with my glare in place I wait for him to finish and let me in on the joke. The asshole.
What the hell is so funny Liam? Would like to share with the class you jackass. I swear if I didn’t love you I would try my best to kill you. When those words leave my mouth his stop s laughing and moves closer to me. He places both of his hands on each side of my face. The way he is looking at me makes me wanna squrm. Its full of heat, passion and something I cant place but im sure im about to find out what it is. Bring my face closer to his his next words bring tears to my eyes.
You love me Rainy?
I cant speak so I just nod my head.
The kiss I get, lord help me, I feel it all the way to my toes. My body breaks out in chills my toes curl my hands land on his naked waist trying to pull him closer. Its not a kiss that makes you think of sex. The kiss was deeper then that. His heart was speaking to mine
. Telling me without words what I mean to him. I wasn’t sure if what Tyler said that day was true. I thought I was the only one that felt like we had lost our chance. I mean I know we have but if next time Tyler kills me I want Liam to know how I feel about him and I wanna die knowing how he feels.
I pull back from the kiss with all intent of telling this man how I feel, how I have felt for years but he beats me to it.
You are the most beautiful woman I have eve laid eyes on, he says to me while my face is still in his hands. I start to speak but this thumb comes to rest on my lips keeping me quit.
I have wanted you since you moved on my street all those years ago. You were dressed like a guy, trying to hide the fact that you were a girl so you could play football with all us boys. You had your hair tucked up in a ball cap, baggy jeans and a Black Sabbath t shirt with your black cons. I could tell you were a girl half way down the block. That didn’t stop you thou. I remember the face you made to when I called you on it.
I smile a little cuz I remember that to. He came running up to me when the game was over, I was still smiling. Happy with the fact that I fooled a bunch of boys and got to play ball. I thought none of them knew I was a chick. So when Liam came running up to me he said “hey girl wait up” I stopped in my tracks and turned to him, my smile now gone from my face and said, how did you know. I will never forget his what he said next. It brings a smile to my fae everytime I remember.
I knew you were a girl because you were the only one on the field with tits bigger than Reggies, he says to me then started walking beside me like it was no big deal. Reggie was their “water boy”. He said he came to the field to get his mom to shut up. Reggie never actually played, just sat their talked shit while everyone else played. When I looked over at Liam I saw the smile that could still bring me to my knees.i said, if you knew I was a girl, why did you let me play?
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