But sorting bed linen did not occupy her mind nearly enough. Virgil’s scars were certainly real. The whipping he had received must have been vicious indeed to have raised such long-lasting welts on his back. How many years ago? How many times? He was such a confident man, such a powerfully attractive one, she was taken aback by his self-consciousness. Like the brand, she supposed his scars were symbolic of a past he wished to forget.
Kate added another pillowcase to the pile of darning. She had thought she had forgotten her past. No, not forgotten, but come to terms with it. She thumped her fist down on a pile of table linen. She had worked so hard to deny Anthony the power of having hurt her, but it was still there, after all. She was scarred. The words, said in an excess of defensiveness, were true. Scarred and scared. And since she was being soul-searingly honest with only the linen for company, she was also perversely wishing she had not called a halt this morning. Virgil had proved Anthony wrong there. She was certainly not incapable of pleasure. Virgil made her body thrum. Her body’s thrumming terrified her almost as much as it excited her. If she could somehow reconcile the one over the other…
The doorbell clanged in the hall, breaking into this tangle of thoughts. Kate leaned over the banister and saw that some of her new sister-in-law’s staff had arrived. Alicia herself would be at Castonbury a couple of days after the dance at Buxton, and Virgil said he would go before then. She didn’t want him to go, though she knew he must. He would go to Robert Owen’s model village and then he would return home to America and she was very unlikely to meet him again. As she descended the stairs, Kate decided that that was probably the most melancholy fact of all.
Chapter Six
Kate returned to the house hoping for some time alone before dinner, but her plans were scuppered by a summons from her aunt. Word on Cousin Ross had finally reached Castonbury. It was therefore with her mind still in a state of turmoil that she tapped on Aunt Wilhelmina’s bedchamber door.
‘He is married! He has actually married that—that maidservant.’ The disgust in Mrs Landes-Fraser’s voice could not have been exaggerated had her cousin married one of Polly’s former associates, Kate thought ruefully.
‘I hoped he might,’ she said. ‘He and Lisette seemed to be deeply attached.’
Aunt Wilhelmina had been lying prone on her bed clutching her sal volatile, but at this she sat up. ‘Surely, Katherine, you do not condone this match?’
‘It is not for me to condone or condemn. Ross is of age and, luckily for him, of independent means. If Lisette makes him happy, then I am happy for him. Do they intend to make their home in India?’
‘Yes, I thank goodness.’ Mrs Landes-Fraser gave a shudder. ‘At least we will be spared the shame of having him set up home with a servant in England.’
‘She is not a servant, Aunt. I am not quite sure why she was forced to play the part of Araminta’s maid, but she was clearly gently bred. And whatever were her origins, she is now Ross’s wife. If she is good enough for Ross, she should be good enough for all of us.’
‘I believe I have had cause in the past to remark upon your unorthodox tendencies. I had not quite appreciated that they encapsulated your own kin.’ Mrs Landes-Fraser rose from her bed to loom over her niece, who was seated by the window perusing her cousin’s letter. ‘I do trust, Katherine, that you have not been similarly unorthodox in your dealings with that American?’
Her aunt’s gaze was sharp and Kate had never been adept at lying. ‘I have barely seen Mr Jackson,’ she said, keeping her eyes on Ross’s strong, slanting script. ‘He has spent the better part of his stay in Giles’s company, as you well know.’
‘I know he was not with Giles today.’
Kate said nothing. She knew her brother well enough to guess that he would not willingly have disclosed Virgil’s whereabouts to their aunt. Giles never willingly disclosed anything to anyone. It was one of his strong points, and one of his most infuriating ones.
Mrs Landes-Fraser sighed, and sat down beside her. ‘You understand, Katherine, that while your acquaintance with this man is tolerated at Castonbury because Giles is here to lend you countenance and because your misguided attempts to educate the villagers make you too well-liked for malice, but were the world at large to discover you had been spending time alone with such a man it would be impossible to protect you.’
Kate bridled. ‘Protect me from what, precisely? Thanks in no small part to you and my father, I have very little reputation left to protect.’
Her aunt’s lips tightened. ‘Had you listened to my advice, your reputation would be spotless.’
It was too much. She had not planned to give vent to her feelings, but she could not, after such a pointed remark, rein them in. ‘Had I listened to your advice,’ Kate said grimly, ‘I would have married a man who blackmailed me into doing his will.’
‘Oh, for heaven’s sake, don’t exaggerate.’ Mrs Landes-Fraser threw herself to her feet and began to pace the room. ‘You make it sound as if poor Anthony was some sort of criminal. You were to be his wife, Katherine. He had every right to expect your—your co-operation when it came to doing your matrimonial duty. If you had not been so unaccountably eager to do that same duty in the first place…’
‘I may never have discovered that the man I was planning to marry was a bully,’ Kate interrupted bitterly.
‘It does not occur to you that it was your own actions which caused him to treat you with such a lack of respect? After all, by your own admission, you gave him freely what you should have kept for the wedding night.’
‘It was not so freely given in the end, Aunt. I told you that.’
‘And I told you that you must bear the consequences of your ill judgement.’
Kate clenched her fists beneath the folds of her gown. Not since the day she had announced she was putting an end to her betrothal had she felt such unbridled anger. ‘Indeed,’ she said through gritted teeth, ‘you ensured I would suffer, you and my father.’
Her aunt froze. ‘What do you mean by that?’
‘Oh, for heaven’s sake, you know perfectly well what I mean!’ Kate jumped up from the window seat, glaring at her aunt across the room. ‘You could have stood by me. You could have denied the lies Anthony was spreading. You could have tried, just for once, to see things from my side of the fence.’
‘Katherine! What has got into you? Why are you bringing this up now, after all this time? We discussed this five years ago.’
‘But we did not resolve it! He all but forced me, Aunt. I know you have chosen to think that I jilted him because I did not enjoy what he did to me, but it wasn’t that. I did have expectations that were not fulfilled, I did think that our—relations—should have been more…but it wasn’t that. He blackmailed me. Coerced me. Call it what you will, he bent my will to his in order to have me do something I no longer wished to. If he could act in such a way before we were wed, what more would he do to me with the bonds of marriage to back him up?’
‘Lord Anthony Featherstone is a gentleman,’ Mrs Landes-Fraser said haughtily.
It was a shame, Kate thought, that Anthony had never treated her as a lady, but she held her tongue. Her aunt would never understand. She could not possibly be as cruel as she seemed, though she was certainly utterly misguided. ‘I doubt we will ever agree upon the subject,’ she said wearily.
But, as ever, Aunt Wilhelmina must have the last word. ‘What about the others? There have been several less eligible but, under the circumstances, wholly acceptable offers for your hand, yet you have not even made a pretence of considering them, Katherine. You are surely not going to tell me that you thought each and every one of them a bully! Why, you were hardly acquainted with some of them.’
‘I had no wish to be further acquainted with any of them.’ Kate had thought her anger abated, but it flared up abruptly again. ‘It hurt, can’t you see that? You hurt me. Anthony hurt me. Even my father hurt me. It was all so unfair. How do you think I felt, all those whisperings, those turne
d shoulders, while Anthony was welcomed with open arms? Why was it acceptable for him to have taken me to bed, but not acceptable for me to have allowed it? I did not deserve the half of it, but that does not mean I think myself innocent. I behaved stupidly. I knew, deep down, I knew that I did not want to marry Anthony, but I allowed myself to be persuaded, and when I was still uncertain I thought to persuade myself. You say I deserved to be treated without respect—well, you will be pleased to know, Aunt, that I agree with you. Not because I anticipated my wedding vows, but because I did not trust my own judgement.’
Kate broke off, her chest heaving. Her cheeks were overheated. She could feel the burn of tears at the back of her eyes, and was determined not to let them fall. All this rage, she had not realised she had bottled it up so much. ‘I do not know how we came upon this subject,’ she said shortly, ‘but I think we should let it go before either of us says something we may regret.’
Mrs Landes-Fraser dropped onto the edge of the bed. ‘We came upon this subject, as you put it, because I wished to warn you about your acquaintance with that American.’
Aunt Wilhelmina sounded shaken. Was her complexion paler than usual? After all these years, had she actually listened? Kate tried to believe it, but the hurt went too deep for her to be generous enough to do so. More likely she was simply outraged at her niece’s insubordination. ‘Mr Jackson is leaving soon,’ she said wearily. ‘Before our new relative arrives, as you well know.’
‘That is as well. You will oblige me by keeping out of his company until then. It is ridiculous, of course, for you are a duke’s daughter, when all is said and done, and he is a—a…’ Mrs Landes-Fraser caught Kate’s eye, and obviously thought the better of however she was about to describe Virgil.
‘If it is so ridiculous, I wonder why you put yourself to the bother of warning me.’
Kate’s aunt smiled thinly. ‘We are never likely to see eye to eye. Certainly my sense of duty and yours rarely coincide, but my promise to my sister was not made lightly. I told her I would do my best by her children, and I would not be doing my best if I did not caution you. However, I see it is unnecessary. You have made your sentiments regarding the opposite sex quite clear. You and I are cut from the same cloth in many ways, Katherine. I myself found the physical side of my marriage most…unpleasant. Perhaps if you had been able to disguise your disgust as I did, Lord Anthony would have treated you better.’
This astounding insight would have silenced Kate, were it not for the underlying implication. Upon one thing alone she and her aunt could agree: they would never see eye to eye.
‘You may leave me now, the bell has long gone to dress for dinner.’ Aunt Wilhelmina got to her feet. ‘I am glad we cleared the air. I trust we understand each other a little better.’
Kate studied her aunt’s countenance, but she could see no trace of irony there. ‘What of Ross’s letter?’ she asked, at a complete loss. ‘Has my father seen it? What does he have to say?’
‘Obviously he will have nothing more to do with his nephew. Were it not for the imminent arrival of this putative grandchild, I suspect His Grace would say a lot more, but as it is, your father is somewhat distracted.’
‘You will be pleased to know that I am confident the Dower House will be ready in plenty of time for our new relative,’ Kate said with satisfaction.
‘Save for the gardens, of course. I am afraid Wright cannot be spared at present, the orangery is taking up all his attention,’ Mrs Landes-Fraser retorted.
‘Oh, I got someone else to take care of that.’ Kate headed for the door.
‘How so? Wright would not have sanctioned an outsider coming to tend his garden.’
‘He didn’t. And it wasn’t.’ Kate smiled sweetly at her aunt. ‘Mr Jackson saw to it.’
* * *
As a result of Ross’s letter, Giles dined with his father, and Aunt Wilhelmina’s presence was required in the duke’s suite, too, after dinner. Though she was obviously loath to leave her nieces alone with ‘the American’, Mrs Landes-Fraser could not bring herself to refuse His Grace. In point of fact, it was His Grace’s valet, Smithins, who communicated the request, but though the words were framed as an invitation, no one in the drawing room could be in any doubt that Mrs Landes-Fraser had been summoned.
Though she tried, before quitting the room, to persuade her nieces that a quarter before nine was more than past their retiring time, neither paid her any attention. The door had barely closed on Aunt Wilhelmina’s trailing fringes when Phaedra leapt to her feet.
‘Thank goodness she’s gone. Now I can go down to the stables to check on Isolde. My bay mare,’ she explained to Virgil. ‘She was quite out of temper this morning, and though Tom Anderson says it is nothing to worry about, I just want to make sure.’
‘Phaedra, it is dark outside.’ But her sister had already whisked herself away. Kate shook her head. ‘I swear, if she thought she could get away with it, Phaedra would sleep in the stables.’
Virgil ignored this remark, getting up from the gilded sofa to look out of the window. ‘I take it you and your aunt view your cousin’s marriage rather differently,’ he said. ‘Is that why you quarrelled?’
Kate stiffened. ‘What makes you say that?’
‘The atmosphere at dinner was positively frigid.’
‘We did have a disagreement, but it was nothing to do with Ross.’
‘It was about me, then.’
‘Not directly.’ Kate tried to smile, but her mouth refused to co-operate. The contretemps with Aunt Wilhelmina had left her drained, and she had not even begun to work out how she felt about this morning.
As if he read her mind, Virgil left his post at the window to sit beside her on the sofa. ‘Kate, this morning— I am not accustomed to explaining myself. It’s been so long since I— But if I’ve upset you…’
‘You haven’t. No, I mean you did. I was angry with you, but it wasn’t really your fault.’ Kate rubbed her eyes wearily. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘It obviously does, but I guess I’m not the only one who doesn’t like to explain himself,’ Virgil said, taking her hand.
‘I guess,’ Kate said with a faint smile. ‘You’ll be leaving soon,’ she added after a moment’s silence. Did this make it more or less easy to discuss how she felt? Her hand was lost in his. His clasp was warm, reassuring. ‘Do you know, I think this is the first time we’ve ever been alone together in this house.’
‘I reckon if you open the door you’ll find Lumsden about two steps away. Your aunt will have asked him to make sure I don’t ravish you in her absence.’
‘You will be pleased to know that my aunt no longer fears any such thing.’ Kate smiled abstractedly, smoothing the sash of her gown with her free hand. ‘That’s how it started, our quarrel before dinner, if you really want to know. She did set out to warn me against being seen too much in your company, but by the end of our conversation she had decided that it was quite unnecessary, for not only are we worlds apart, you and I, there is the fact of my being frigid to be taken into account.’
‘Frigid!’ Virgil looked at her searchingly. ‘Is this your English idea of a joke?’
‘No, I was perfectly serious and so, it seems, was my aunt.’
‘So it’s a pretty safe bet that we weren’t spotted this morning,’ Virgil said.
‘Is that your idea of a joke? Was that what was worrying you? Was that why you stopped?’
‘It was you who stopped.’
Kate had been studying their clasped hands, but now she met his look squarely. ‘If I had not, you would have. How long has it been, Virgil?’
He released her hand and moved a little further away from her on the sofa. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘Ah, but it obviously does,’ Kate said, quoting his own words back at him. She began to smooth her sash again, frowning down at her feet as she did so. The urge to confide was strong, for she desperately wanted to make sense of her jumbled feelings. It did not come naturally to her, t
rusting anyone with her innermost thoughts, but of everyone she knew, Virgil was the least likely to judge her, the most likely to understand her. She wanted to be understood. She wanted to understand herself. She wanted him to understand.
Kate abandoned her sash and resettled herself on the sofa, shuffling round to face Virgil. ‘I was frightened this morning, that was why I stopped. Not of you, but of myself. There were things I thought buried and forgotten which our— When we kissed, it brought it all to the surface, somehow. I had no idea what I meant when I told you I was scarred, it just came out. Then later—and talking to my aunt—I was so angry. You were the cause indirectly, I suppose, but it was not your fault.’
She had his attention now. His expression had lost that remote look which he used to intimidate. His eyes were fixed on her. She could almost feel him listening, so intently was he concentrating.
‘What frightened you, Kate?’
‘It sounds silly now, but I was frightened of what I was feeling. I’m not—I haven’t ever felt like that before, you see, and I thought…with Anthony— Oh, heavens, I am making such a mull of this. I’m sorry, but I can’t even make sense of it myself, let alone explain it. Forget I spoke. It is too— Let us just forget it.’
She made to get up, but Virgil was too quick for her, pulling her back down onto the sofa. ‘Do you want to make sense of it?’ he asked gently. She nodded. ‘Then tell me,’ he said, ‘from the beginning.’
Kate stared across the room. She could see their reflections in the window. They were sitting far too close. Tall as she was, she looked so slight compared to Virgil. He was such a very definite shape. Such a very distinctively masculine one. She turned back to him resolutely. ‘I’ve already told you the beginning. I told you I was ruined. I told you I was a social pariah. What I didn’t tell you was the full story.’
It was impossible to speak with him so close, so she crossed the room to stare out into the night as he had done earlier. It was easier, not seeing his face. ‘The truth is, that we—that Anthony and I—we were lovers.’
The Lady Who Broke the Rules Page 11