Which just left the two of them. If she’d found the earlier silence difficult, then this was a whole new ballgame.
“Jen?” she heard from behind her, but she didn’t turn. Her eyes were running back over some of the headlines. He was constantly being linked with various gorgeous women. Or rich women. Or gorgeous and rich women. So no wife, or ex-wife, just lots and lots of high-society girlfriends. But it wasn’t really the women that were killing her, it was that feeling of the rug having been pulled out from under her feet.
She felt his hands gently settle on her upper arms, but she resisted his turning her.
“Jen. Look at me.” She stepped out of his grasp, but did as he asked. He looked miserable. Good. That’s how she felt. “I was going to tell you,” he began.
“Sure.” She didn’t believe him. Plain and simple.
“Really. I was planning to tell you today. I thought about it all week. But then there was your mother-in-law, and then there was the kissing.” Ah yes, the kissing. That all seemed very far away now.
He held out his hand for the papers and she handed over a couple without a word.
“Latest headline there says you just bought a craft brewery in Australia, Jakob.” It was all making her feel very sick. She’d thought they were debating on FaceTime. Turned out he’d been lying.
He scanned the sheets, his expression hardening as he sifted through them.
“Don’t judge me by what you see there.”
“I’m not. I’m judging you by what I know, here.” His eyes flicked up and he looked hopeful, but Jen didn’t share his optimism. She didn’t know the guy in the photos, but they told her how little she knew about the guy in front of her. In fact, she knew even less about him than she’d thought. He read it in her face, but he didn’t give up.
“See this picture?” He pointed to the baseball hat shot. “It says I’m sneaking into a building for a liaison. In fact, I’m attending my niece’s Science fair. That one with the royal family? The christening? He’s my best friend from school, he’s just born to a particular family. He’s still just a good bloke. No airs, no graces. Those pictures can’t show that. Likewise, I’m still just an ordinary guy Jen, I was just born to a particular family.” But he hadn’t told her about it, had he? He wasn’t who she’d thought he was. She’d been there before and her alarm bells were ringing.
“And the Australia deal?” She’d assumed he was buying another corporate, he’d never put her right.
He rolled his eyes at her. “Get over it, Jen. It’s business.” Wow. He wasn’t denying it. “They were having difficulties and we saw an opportunity. They approached us.” That took the edge off her disapproval, but then his eyebrow raised and he added, “But we’d already identified them for a takeover anyway.” He wasn’t ashamed at all. “My job is to make the company money. I make and keep jobs. That’s what I was doing. My job.” Well, it was a bad job, by her reckoning. He wasn’t apologising for it either, which irked her. His demeanour shifted to something less bold. “But my job isn’t me. You know me.”
He was standing now with his hands out from his sides, palms up. That supposedly honest gesture. It had her well and truly fooled then. It had her riled now.
“You gave me a false bloody name!”
“I didn’t,” he said, shaking his head, then hesitated. “Not really. I’m a Krone on my mother’s side. Stefan Krone was my Morfar. But I drop the Krone most of the time.” How was that not sneaky?
“What bloody happened to ‘This is me’?!” she snapped.
“This IS me!” he snapped back. “You met me, without any back-story or gossip. You know me as me. Nothing more, nothing less. None of the crap they print about me in the papers; the speculation, the conjecture or the lies. Can you imagine how refreshing, and appealing, that is? How amazing to meet someone who didn’t pre-judge me, or hang around for the fame, or money, or hold back their thoughts on my family?” No, she hadn’t held back there, at all. Apparently, she hadn’t just insulted his work, but also his family. Bloody hell.
“I live on a boat, Jen. Know why? Because in the back of my head I need to feel I can escape all of it. I could slip the ropes and float away from it.” That sounded like a sorry way to live one’s life – though admittedly the boat was gorgeous. Jen understood what he was saying about his not picking his family, but knowing about it just upset her further. These were more things she didn’t know about him. More things he hadn’t trusted her with. More things that said this man, who she’d just admitted to having feelings for, whose existence had moved her to throw away another life, was simply a figment of her imagination. Just like Danny.
He took a deep breath, gearing up for another attempt at diffusing things.
“I know you’re angry with me for keeping this secret, Jen, but you kept secrets too. You said nothing about being engaged. Why was that?” His eyes were flicking between hers, urging her to think, but he answered for her. “Because the time wasn’t right, or you didn’t know how to start. You know how that is. It’s the same.”
“It is NOT the same!” she roared. Was it? No, no she was sure it was radically different. Not that it mattered as she was on one now. She’d been blindsided by this and she was fighting that feeling of being at a disadvantage she normally strove to avoid. “I didn’t hide who I was. I simply didn’t mention something that was happening to me at the time. But I told you who I was, Jakob, about my family, about where I work and how I feel about it. I told you about my passion. You? You omitted all of that, or cloaked it in vagueness.”
As she spoke, more and more reasons for her being a fool piled on her. She’d spent a morning in his museum and not spotted the resemblance in the family photos on the boards. He hadn’t at any point in her espousing about the brilliance of the place said “oh yeah, that’s mine, by the way.” There had been plenty of chances. Tipsy or not, she would have remembered him doing that. In hindsight she should have noticed him deflecting the questions about himself. There was the barge from the factory and he’d sent her the tanks. Obviously, regular workers didn’t get to take home the cast-off equipment. Duh. She should have spotted it all, but she’d just been swept up and blinkered by the bloody romance. Just like with Danny, she hadn’t seen the details behind the facade. So stupid. What a prize prat. It made her want to cry. He must have thought her so gullible. It gave her another sickening thought; “You must have been having such a laugh at me, with my little brewing ideas.”
“What? No–” He looked alarmed at the turn in her thinking. His hands raised to in front of him in an “I’m innocent, I’m hiding nothing” gesture, but she knew now it wasn’t true and not to trust his gestures.
“Don’t give me that,” she spat, all the anger coming up in her now, the disappointment, the embarrassment and the shock boosting it on, “did it give you a kick to donate the tanks to me?” She looked at them and felt bad about dragging them into this venomous shout; she bloody loved those tanks already. “Was I some comedy charity case? Pathetic little me, having a go at what your family has already conquered years ago and made mega-bucks from.”
“Stop, it,” he said firmly, but keeping his distance, because there was every chance she might swing for him.
She’d never felt this before, this bilious rage that had her unable to move. Casting it out and in his direction was the only thing her body could do, and yet she didn’t feel in control of it. She didn’t feel in control of any of this. His eyes were intent on her face, trying to read her. Yeah, good luck with that Jakob, she thought. Right now she was a cocktail of emotions. The Molotov kind.
“I will not stop,” she raged on, trying hard not to sound like a tantruming five-year-old, but feeling every bit of one. “I showed you my brewery … and other private places,” she could not bring herself to say it, but he knew what she was talking about, “I made myself vulnerable to you, and obviously my trust was totally misplaced. I’m not particularly high-maintenance, Jakob, but I do have a basic bar of trustwort
hiness.”
“I was never laughing at you, Jen, not once,” he said, the frustration making a vein in his temple throb. “I have been excited about your beer venture from the first second you told me about it. I have never been anything but encouraging–”
“To my face,” she interjected, worried his voice would start persuading her, “probably not behind my back.”
“Never. I’ve not discussed you or your beer with anyone. I only ever wanted to see this work. I was looking forward to seeing you grow this.” Was. He knew where this conversation was going. That made things easier. “And as for your other private places?” Jen felt her head start to get even hotter. “If you think I went there as part of some game, then you are right – you don’t know me at all – but that wouldn’t be because of me, that would be because you are an awful judge of character.”
“I am not!” She had lovely friends. She really did. Though she had misjudged Danny, but that was years ago. And she might have almost married into the wrong family, but she’d dodged that bullet. And she’d got him wrong, hadn’t she? Ugh, maybe he was right..?
Apparently he wasn’t convinced by her denial either. He simply shrugged. Well, she wasn’t going to stand here stating her case for reading people, especially not to people who portrayed themselves as something they weren’t. Time to bring this to a close.
“I don’t trust you, Jakob. I can’t trust you. I’d always be wondering what else there is to know, what surprise might come and whether you’re telling me everything.”
He ducked his head, shaking it. She could actively see him giving up, and something vaguely around her heart area began to ache.
“I think you’re scared, Jen,” he said, abruptly righting himself, eyes blazing. “I think the way you feel about me, about us, frightens you, because you aren’t in control of it. You can’t app it or make a list or an Excel sheet for it and it terrifies you. So it’s easier to trash it than let it flourish and make yourself more vulnerable.”
“That’s rubbish,” she whispered, unable to shake the feeling that he’d just flayed her.
“That’s the truth, Jen. When I look at you, when I think about you or talk to you, I feel helpless – and it’s the most exhilarating, scary, wonderful thing. I suspected you couldn’t be single when we met on the boat, Jen – I could have asked you then – but really, I didn’t want to hear it, I was already signed up to follow my feelings. I don’t care about the engagement, I believe your intentions weren’t dishonest.” He ran his hand through his messy hair and shook his head in dismay before carrying on. “Look, we’ve both withheld information, we both now know. We’re quits. Can’t we draw a line under it all and take each other for what we are?”
Jen stance was rigid. “I don’t think so.”
“Then you’re a chicken.” The words shot out of him and his eyes burned cold at her in a challenge.
Really? He was calling her names now? She wasn’t having that. And she wasn’t scared, she just knew when she needed to defend herself.
Incensed Jen’s brow drew in and she hoped her eyes looked as steely as his. If he was slinging ridiculous psychological “insights” at her then she had some home truths to come his way.
“Here’s the thing though Jakob, I don’t know what you are. And what’s more, I don’t think you do either. You play the role of being Corporate Shark yet I can see – I’ve always seen – it isn’t where your heart lies. You push me to follow my dreams, but what about yours? Don’t stand there saying ‘this is me’ when we both now know that’s a lie. All your encouragement about my brewery is really you living vicariously through me. I joked about it before, but now I see I was right. The real Jakob, the man you’re supposed to be, is the one who explored his creative desire with his Morfar, not this corporate suit who pushes numbers and takes over other people’s creative endeavours thinking that it’s enough to make him happy. Your Morfar was trying to show you something, something he saw in you. Instead you let your parents press you into something else. You might say you’re good at being a shark Jakob, but I don’t see it making your heart sing. The lecture you gave me at the tradeshow? Well, back at you Juul, you hypocrite. If anyone here is the chicken it’s you.”
He looked stunned, and somewhat uncomfortable. It was the first time she’d ever seen him look like that. Unless she was very much mistaken, she’d hit a nerve. Well good. It was probably long overdue.
“I’m part of a big, old family, Jen,” he said angrily, “I had a role to take, a duty to fulfil. I love my family and I would never risk their disappointment.’
Jen looked at him hard, then nodded. “Fine. It’s your life and your choice. I think you might be underestimating your family’s capacity to allow you your happiness, but hey, you know them best and obviously I don’t know them at all. But you’ll have to excuse me if I say I can’t draw the line as you ask, because I honestly don’t know the man I’d be left standing with, not least because he doesn’t even know himself.” Every sentence felt like a spear and her hurting soul was taking a malicious joy in hurling them at him.
Fire flared again in his eyes and it wasn’t the sexy kind, more molten and spewing. His jaw was set hard, not something she’d seen before either, having always been used to his lovely smile.
“One day you might look back and consider the decisions you made Jen, and wonder whether there was more to be had in life. You might regret some of the things you didn’t think were worth the risk, that weren’t worth the fight or stepping out of your comfort zone for.” He fished his car keys out of his pocket, and walked past her to the door. “Good luck, Jen,” he said. “I hope the brewing is everything you dreamed of.”
Chapter 32
Their front door slamming shut was generally a thing to put Jen on edge; it was a portent for Mount Lydia about to erupt; a bad date, a selfish co-worker, a guy on the train who was hot, but didn’t succumb to her seductive glance. Jen was surprised the door was still hanging on after all these years, given the force it was shown, but then it was an old house and the door had been made in stronger times. Tonight though, she was glad to hear that slam, as she’d been waiting to tell Lydia. She was going to be as outraged as Jen about this.
When Jakob had left the workshop, Jen had simply stood frozen for many minutes with an enormous sense of dismay. But she’d been right in her reaction – she was sure she had – and so decided the dismay could only possibly represent the disappointment of being so let down by someone she was so interested in. For now the howling outrage was holding back her tears of being utterly gutted. Having locked up, she’d stalked through the streets towards home, replaying it all in her mind, her head placing the spotlight firmly on the deceit and Google images, to subdue the kissy scenes her heart naturally defaulted to.
Lydia stormed into the kitchen without so much as a “Hi”, and started to sort herself a cup of tea, her back to Jen. Excellent. This was exactly the mood Jen wanted her in, the indignation and commiseration would be at precisely the standard she was looking for. Jen fully expected some ripe swearing, but the occasion undoubtedly warranted it.
“You won’t believe what I found out,” Jen began.
Lydia grunted something nondescript, as she pelted the teabag into her mug. She didn’t ask if Jen wanted one, which was fine, as Jen had just been through this same pelty procedure.
“Jakob, of Copenhagen fame, isn’t some random worker at Kronegaard. He’s actually Kronegaard. Or at least one of them.”
She sat back, arms folded and waited for the What the fuck?! Then she would reply with an incensed I know, right?, and so it would begin, the Jakob take-down. She so needed someone to help her take him down, as something in the cavern of her chest was still ignoring the memo.
Instead, Lydia took her sweet time pouring the milk, and stirring her tea with a less than delicate tinkle. Perhaps she was processing. Fair enough. Jen could do the filling-in in the meantime.
“He lied to me. He deliberately withheld the detail
s of his identity, details that are somewhat pertinent to my career. He totally played me, Lyds, he slept with me, he could have been laughing at me behind my back the whole time, plus and – this is the cherry on the bloody cake – he buys craft breweries and it doesn’t bother him!” There. Lydia now had the full briefing. She could take her pick which bit to launch into first. Jen had all evening to work on this, weeks in fact.
Still Lydia kept her back turned, though she did straighten up to have a long sip of the tea. Did she need more info? Jen went on to tell her what had happened, how he’d turned up and how Alice and Max had exposed his heinous player-ing, how he’d tried to defend his actions-slash-deceit. “And then he had the gall, THE GALL – to suggest I was overreacting, that I wanted to destroy things, because I was scared. Ha! Hahahahaha!” She was sounding a little manic now. She knew that. But it was all too very ridiculous, utterly and totally.
Finally, Lydia turned to face her. Her expression was grim. How apt.
“He’s right.”
“What?!” She waited for Lydia to laugh and show she was kidding. But Lydia’s face remained stony.
“That’s what you do. When you get scared you shut things down. You liking him is scaring the pants off you, so you’re shutting him down on a daft pretext.”
Jen had to blink a few times. She pulled her earlobe to see if wax was making her hear weird things. Daft pretext?
“He lied to me! He made himself out to be someone he wasn’t.” Jen had never told Lydia about Danny, but she couldn’t see how the basics of this, the deceit, wasn’t enough for her sister to get it.
“No, he just wasn’t at the right place to tell you yet.”
“He had loads of chances.”
“What, you think he tells people as soon as he meets them who he is? How arrogant or stupid would that be?”
“There were other opportunities,” Jen barked. This, amongst various things today it seemed, was not remotely going how she’d imagined.
“Give him a break. He hadn’t found the moment yet. Had you found the moment to tell him about Robert?” Lydia gave her a laser-pointed look. Jeez. Not her too. “And as for the job. It’s a business, that’s how businesses work; investment and expansion.”
Probably the Best Kiss in the World Page 25