Why would he put her in this house? He knows I’m not in the mood to deal with anyone. I can’t promise to be pleasant and honestly don’t give a fuck if she hates me when I scowl at her.
“Son of a bitch,” I hiss out when the sting of the hot water hits my back. This is all fucked up. No matter what I do, my mind won’t slow the fuck down and just let me think. I stand here trying to relieve some stress and let the frustration out, but instead, it’s only growing. I lean my arms up against the tile and drop my head, letting the water run over my face. My emotions are starting to surface even though I’m trying like hell to keep them deep inside.
“Fuck.” I’m so damn tired, even though I’ve done nothing but sleep my life away. It’s not like I’ve had any form of solid rest in the past six months. My mind won’t allow it.
I need to get my shit together so I can give Maverick and the guys the help they need, but it just seems impossible. I don’t know why he’s so hell bent to get me around the table. We all know that isn’t a good idea. I’m not going to be of help to anyone in my current state. I’m honestly not sure I’ll ever be ready to go back to all of that. It would go one of two ways: I’d either be a psycho ready to kill anything that moved, or I’d miss something huge because I can’t get a motherfucking grip on reality.
I know one thing for sure: today, I need to drink. It’s been exactly six months to the day since she disappeared from my life. I’m not sure how it can seem like yesterday, yet seem like a lifetime ago at the same time.
I quickly soap up, rinse off, and step out to dry off. It takes less than two minutes to finish my routine. It doesn’t take long to get dressed and walk out without doing a single other thing besides putting on deodorant and brushing my teeth.
I step out of my room hoping to bypass his sister and try to feel a sense of relief that I’m going to actually go for a run today. This is me moving forward, even if it’s only one step at a time. I’m slammed in the face with the smell of coffee the second I enter the kitchen. Jade and Kaleb’s sister both look at me like I’m some sort of wild animal about to attack, and I’m not too sure my appearance isn’t exactly that. I run my fingers through my long hair as I walk toward them both.
“I suppose he sent you over to drag my ass out of here?” Both of them flinch from the tight little huddle they were in as I enter the kitchen and head straight for the Jack I left in the cupboard.
“No. I didn’t come to see you; I came to welcome Emmy.” Jade slings the rudeness right back at me. I deserve it. She’s been more than patient with me, but I can’t let her think she can actually fix me. I’m shattered beyond repair.
And Emmy? Nice to know that’s what her name is.
“I’d be more than happy to leave. She can have the place to herself.” I take the bottle out of the cupboard and turn to leave. The second I’ve spun around to face them, Jade snatches the bottle out of my hand and meets me face-to-face.
“Hell, no. You will not start to go there with this. You need something to help ease the pain, then let’s do this like we used to. Fight my ass. Just you and me, like we used to in training.” I laugh at her ridiculous suggestion. She doesn’t want to get into a fight with me right now. I have too much aggression and hatred for life to meet someone in a ring. I know my strength, and I won’t take it out on Jade, no matter how many times she asks for it. The need to kill someone runs so deep inside of me, it’s dripping into the marrow of my bones. Jade knows better than to get the hell in my way. We’ve been down this road a few too many times since I moved here, yet she doesn’t seem to give up.
“You and I are not a good match in the ring right now, Jade, and you know it. Give me the fucking bottle and get the hell out of my face.” Screw this. I yank the bottle from her hands, cross the kitchen, and not once acknowledge Kaleb’s sister. If she has the guts to stay here, then this is what she’s going to get. A prick and a man whose life is too damn complicated to comprehend.
~~~~~
I have no idea how long I’ve been stretched out on this bed. What I do know is, my mind and body are still not numb. The lids on my heavy eyes are struggling to stay open, and my bottle is half empty. I fight the demons inside of my fucked-up head from pulling me under and ending me in my sleep. Every time I close my eyes, all I see is her. Her long hair blowing in the wind and her eyes as bright as anything I’ve ever seen. The tempting smile on her gorgeous face as she made her way to me with that sexy small bump I could never get enough of. God, I craved her like no other before I found out she was carrying my child, and now I struggle daily with the memories of what it was like to be near her. What I would give to see her today.
“Son of a bitch.” I take one last swig and place the bottle on the dresser. The booze is catching up to me. I’m not a big drinker, but today I fucking need it. I pray like hell when I lay my head on the pillow and drift so that my mind goes blank. I want my dreams to be just as empty as the hollow man I’ve become.
“Come here, now.” Mallory has an eager, almost greedy look on her face when she walks through the door after a long day at work. Her hair is streaming wild all over the place. Obviously, she had the top down on my old ‘69 Mustang. Fuck. I want to grip all that wild hair in my hands and fuck her hard with my cock while my tongue consumes her perfect little mouth.
“It smells clean and fresh in here. Someone’s been busy today.” She saunters her sexy ass to me, and I grab her by the waist and haul her onto my lap.
“You tend to leave shit all over the place. I can’t meet your parents with your panties shoved in between the cushions of the couch or my boxers on the floor because you can’t keep your hands off me. So, yeah, I cleaned the house. How was your day?” I’m concerned about how sick she’s been lately. She has the worst case of morning sickness I’ve ever heard of. Of course, I haven’t had any experience at all around a pregnant woman, but shit, Mallory is constantly throwing up or dry heaving. The doctor told us it was normal, but fuck, I still hate seeing her with her head over the toilet while I’m holding her hair out of the way. That is not how I envision my hands in her hair.
“Much better today, and you?” She wiggles her sexy ass over my raging cock, and I lift a brow in warning before I answer.
“It was good. I’m sick of shuffling papers around on a goddamn desk though. I can’t wait to get back to what I was born to do.” She frowns, because we both know the day is coming soon where I’ll be given the clear to be able to return to active duty. With me being shot in the shoulder almost a year ago trying to help save my best friend, Jade’s, life, I’ve been taken off active duty, and now, well, the time has come for me to hopefully get the all clear from my commanding officer to get my ass back out there. I’m one of the best interpreters they have.
It’s a craving we all have when you’re trained to kill the enemy. The electric calm before the storm. Your body beyond the level of agitation and determination to get to the end result of the mission. I crave the interrogation after the capture most of all. There’s nothing like watching them squirm and practically beg for their life after they refuse for hours, or even days. I have a way with breaking them. All you have to do is get them where it hurts.
I can feel it in my blood now. That sweet smell of fear as they act like they’re innocent and I’m the guilty scum of the earth. They know they’re going to die, and still they’ll spit in my face, call me names until I have no choice but to either pull the trigger or make them suffer a long, slow, torturous death. It’s not my call. It’s a mission. I just do my job.
“Hey, where did that mind of yours go? You still worried about your physical therapist turning her report in?” Mallory places her hands across my clean-shaven face and then tilts my head back so I’m looking into those deep green eyes of hers. I’ve fallen hard for this incredible woman who before we know it will be holding our child in her arms. She’s so fucking beautiful. I can’t wait to hear the baby's heartbeat next week and watch her belly grow for as long as I get to before
I leave.
“Nah. What I have on my mind has nothing to do with work; it has everything to do with you and the precious human you have growing inside of you.” I grip ahold of her ass, tugging her over my throbbing dick, causing it to twitch with the anticipation of what’s to come.
“God, Beau,” she moans into my neck. “What am I going to do with you?”
A half hour later, she’s ridden my cock, screamed my name, and is now in the bathroom cleaning herself up before her parents get here. I’m still in the same spot on the couch praying like a motherfucker that for once in my life when our child comes into this world I’m here to witness it. I want to watch him or her take their first breath and not be out on some mission across the world. Being in the Special Forces has always been my dream, and I made it a reality, but now I can’t help but feel that ping of guilt that I’ll miss important moments in my child’s life.
“Goddamn it.” I wake, jolting upright in bed and tweaking the hell out of my shoulder. “Son of a bitch.” Why? Why in God’s name do I keep torturing myself with nightmares and memories that will never be?
Everywhere I look, she’s there. Every damn time I close my eyes, she’s there. I can’t get away from her no matter what I do or how hard I try. Even a bottle of booze won’t drown out the fact she fucking left me.
I swing my legs around the side of the bed and sit there in pure defeat. My head is killing me, and my body is drained from the way I’ve done nothing good to it in months. I need to get the hell out of here before I completely lose my mind.
A quick glance at the clock lets me know I’ve at least gotten through half of another day. I grumble at the thought of that shit. One day seems to bleed right into the next right now. It won’t be long until I won’t have a life at all, which is fine by me.
The muscles in my neck start to twitch, and the pain begins to travel its way down my arms until it hits the tips of my fingers. I lay my elbows on my knees and drop my head into my palms to try to control my temper. I want to beat the shit out of something and not stop until my body can’t move another muscle. I need to take out all of this anger, and I need to do it now.
I lift my head to look around the room that’s been my escape for the past several weeks. The sheets on the bed need changed, my clothes are piled up in every corner, and there are water bottles all over the room. Yeah, this is the way to fucking live, right here, cooped up in a room in the middle of a security detailed compound because your friends are worried about you.
“Fuck it all.” I reach for my running shoes and quickly shove them on. I’m not in the mood to run, but this pent-up anger needs to be taken out on something, and I sure as hell won’t agree to take it out on Jade even though fighting is exactly what I need.
What I need is to hit someone else. Someone who won’t talk back but will taunt me nonetheless. He’s been provoking me for days and practically begging me to get in the ring with him as well. Maybe it’s time I take him up on that.
He wants me to let it all out on him. Well, today’s that day. “I hope you’re ready for me, Kaleb.”
CHAPTER TWO
HARRIS
There’s no one around when I enter the kitchen. Thank fuck. Hopefully, Jade realized I’m in no shape to have anyone staying in this house with me, especially a woman. She’s nothing like the woman I want here with me anyway. In fact, they’re complete opposites. Mallory’s tall stature made her curves look like they went on for miles, her tits fit perfectly in my hands, and her ass was made to be grabbed. Her blonde hair felt like silk when I would wrap it around my hands and yank it back to attack that long, smooth neck of hers. The only thing I noticed about this chick was her hair is as black as my heart and as dark as I feel. I pray to God she’s gone soon, because I don’t need to look at all that hair to remind me that my life is nothing but a black fucking hole.
“You need to stop,” I say to myself quietly, then pick up my phone and shoot Kaleb a text telling him to meet me in the gym. I turn to grab a bottle of water out of the fridge while I wait for him to reply, and that’s when I notice her. Out of the corner of my eye, I see his sister outside the kitchen window with a big motherfucking revolver in her hands. I sure the hell hope she knows what she’s doing with that beast.
“Fuck me,” I whisper when I see the type of gun she has. A .357 Magnum. Those bitches can shoot the length of a few football fields in a second, and it will knock her on her ass and dislocate her arm from her shoulder if she’s out there fucking around. Her stance seems perfect, her body relaxed, and she’s completely focused on something through the sight of the gun.
It pisses me off that I’m intrigued. That woman I saw earlier does not strike me as some sharp-shooting pistol expert. Although, I must say now while I inspect her from head to toe, she’s toned and firm. And to top it off, she is Kaleb’s sister. He probably taught her how to shoot the thing.
If I had a sister, I would’ve done the same damn thing. Can’t blame the man after the shit that went down with their brother. But damn, that is one wicked weapon.
I watch her for mere seconds before my phone vibrates on the counter. I pull my eyes away from her and retrieve my phone, knowing it’s Kaleb and thanking his goddamn ass for saving me from watching this distraction I do not want or need. I slide the screen and respond to Kaleb that I’ll meet him in five minutes.
My eyes can’t help but divert back to her. I watch her bend down and gather all her stuff before she starts heading back this way. Not once did I hear that powerful gun go off. Someone needs to tell her that little girls shouldn’t play with a gun like that, for fuck’s sake. She’s more than likely bored out of her mind back here where we’re secluded, so she’s looking for something to kill some time.
I’m in no mood to strike up a conversation or pretend to be a nice guy with a woman I want nothing to do with, so I grab my water and leave the house. The conversation I have in mind has to do with my goddamn fists and not with the sister of the man’s ass I’m about to kick.
I run to the gym that’s attached to the main house. This is one area the guys didn’t skimp on, and I need to appreciate it more than I have.
I hit the door and feel relief when I see Kaleb. “You sure you’re up to getting the shit beaten out of you?” The heated tone in his voice and the smirk he has on his face piss me off even more when I walk into the gym. Kaleb’s standing in the middle of the ring already with no gloves on. Seeing him ready to throw down pumps the much-needed adrenaline I need and excites me more than I expected. This is the shit I need to feel alive again.
“Fuck you too.” I toss the water bottle on the floor beside the ring, climb the couple of steps up, and dip my body down to enter through the ropes. I’m weak as fuck, and he can smell it. The way he’s glaring at me with some self-satisfied smirk on his face and his stance ready to pounce only pisses me off more. I may look and feel like shit, but the things he’s gone through are nothing compared to the war that’s waiting to be fought inside of my head. He has his woman. She didn’t leave him and vanish right before his eyes, leaving his world to crumble, his heart to collapse, and his goddamn mind to disappear with her.
“You going to stand there all day or get this shit done and over with, bitch?” He stands with his arms spread open as if he’s waiting for me to drive the first punch. That’s exactly what I do. I nail him with a right hook that lands on the side of his temple. He staggers, but before I have time to swing again, he plows into me with a kick to my stomach, followed by a punch that leads to a crunching noise from my nose. Blood spurts down my face, and pain ricochets from one side of my head to the other. His arms go up like he’s challenging me to come at him again.
“Come on, Harris, you need this. I can take it, you pussy. Let’s go.” And I explode with that phrase. I grab him by the back of the neck, rolling us to the floor. Fists start flying fast and furious as if we’re fighting for our lives. An explosive punch to his ribs sets him off exactly how I want him. He attacks with the
force I need. Brutal punches to my face bring pain to the surface before a sweep of my leg has me dropping back down to the floor. I welcome the pain. I need the pain. It eggs me on and revitalizes me in a way I crave.
My next move is both spontaneous and unpredictable even to myself. I move swiftly and smoothly, snapping up off the floor. A swift kick to his jaw before I tumble backwards leaves him stunned and holding his face.
This is a fight with no rules, no winner, where neither one of us is looking to be the undisclosed master. It’s a language all of its own. This is a lesson I need and one he’s been dying to give. Only, I don’t plan to make it easy on him.
I know I’m hiding behind a mask of despair, and knowing this is when I let my guard down, when I decide to surrender and allow the man who has been doing his job as a friend to try and bring me back to the man I once was. I allow him to get one last destructive punch in. This is the one I need the most. The one that clearly knocks me on my goddamn ass until I’m lying there breathing heavily.
My mind starts to tell me it’s time to move on. My chest explodes inside, and I finally feel the shards of reality that are heating up the blood pumping through my veins. It’s time to realize she isn’t coming back to me. It’s time for me to take the lesson of life that has pulled me under this rough, intense current of self-destruction. It’s his punch to the side of my head that fucking makes me feel I’m alive. Here’s the best part though, I don’t care if I’m alive. I care about nothing. This isn’t living, and yet it’s all I’ve got.
“What the hell is going on in here?” I squeeze my eyes shut, not from the pain or the fact that blood is dripping out of my nose and my busted up lip; it’s the tone of a very pissed-off Jade that has me shutting out the world.
Stone (The Elite Forces Series Book 3) Page 2