by A. Anders
“You have been one step ahead of everyone this whole time. There’s gotta be a reason for it.”
“So when you made out with me at the beach, that was because…?”
“Oh, that was because you’re hot,” she said with a smile.
“Well, thank god for that.”
“Hey. I never said you weren’t hot,” Rose clarified with a chuckle.
I considered leaning across to Rose’s branch for a kiss. Rose’s lips felt like a little more than an arm’s length away, so I weighed the kiss against my chance of dying.
“Well, you’re hot, too,” I resigned myself to saying instead of leaning over.
“But come on. Tell me. What do you know?” she asked, again becoming serious.
“I don’t know anything.”
“But you believe something, right?”
“Maybe.”
“Aren’t we partners in this?” she asked, telling me how she truly felt about me.
She hadn’t wanted me to win because she had feelings for me or because she wanted to spend time with me. She wanted me here because she thought she needed me. She was like Brad. She was a survivor. It was no wonder she kept him around.
Someone probably even told her about him and Freddy. They must have. Considering how they turned on me, they wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to get Brad eliminated. Yet, he wasn’t only still here, but she gave him the first rose every round.
It was because Brad and Rose were the same person. Brad thought of everything in terms of game strategy and tactics, and that was how Rose saw me. I was just a means to her end.
“Yeah. We’re partners,” I agreed, understanding what she meant.
“Then what do you believe?”
After seeing her for who she was, it was difficult to mask my disappointment, and I didn’t try hard.
“I think that if we do nothing, we’re all gonna die here,” I explained.
“Me, too?”
With that question, she confirmed it. She was trying to figure out if this show would get her, too, or if it was just the guys’ problem.
“I think that if enough people die, they’re gonna start to think that you’re behind it, whether or not you are.”
“Do you think that I’m behind it?” she asked, clearly testing me.
“No,” I said immediately, not even considering what I truly believed. If this was a game, I needed Rose to trust me, even if I didn’t trust her.
“So, what do we do? I know you have a plan.”
I looked at Rose, trying to slow things down. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to bare my soul to her quite yet. “How did you get here?”
“What, in the tree? I climbed.”
Looking at Rose’s smile, it suddenly hit me how many times she had used humor to avoid answering my personal questions. It was certainly a familiar trait.
“On the show. What did you do before this?”
“What does any girl do nowadays?” she said cagily.
“I don’t know. Corporate recruiting?” I replied.
If she could be evasive, then I could be dim.
“No. Not everyone is a corporate drone like you,” she said teasingly.
It was like we were dancing. Neither one of us wanted to give up our secrets. The only difference was that she held the upper hand and we both knew it. I needed a rose tonight. If the roses were antidotes, then for me, it was a matter of life or death.
“I’ll tell you tonight,” I finally said.
“After the rose ceremony?” she asked, understanding what I was implying.
“Yeah.”
I turned to look at the view and a silence fell between us. I didn’t feel like talking. I wasn’t expecting to hear what she said next.
“Who do you think I should eliminate tonight?”
It was the fact that I heard it without seeing her that broke my heart. Without the smile that she wore like a mask, I could hear the pain in her voice. I could hear how much she hurt and how much she was trying to hide it. It was like a punch in the gut that took my breath away.
I whipped my head toward Rose. As soon as she saw my reaction, she knew that I had seen her. The real her. Not the strong woman she pretended to be, but the vulnerable person she hid inside. She was revealing herself in front of me, and the blood drained from her face as she realized it.
“Never mind,” she said, suddenly retreating behind her wall.
What had I done? I fumbled for words, but she cut me off before I began.
“You think we could just sit here?” she asked. “It’s a beautiful view.”
That was it. I had lost her. We had glimpsed each other for a moment. Not the charming facades, but the guarded, untrusting people who sat at our cores.
I knew what had made me who I was. What had damaged her? It was probably whatever it was that she was hiding.
I didn’t think that she had wanted me to see behind her mask. Now that I had, I wondered what the consequences would be. I wondered if I would be given a rose tonight.
We sat in silence for another two hours after that. Once the initial awkwardness faded, it began to feel nice just sitting there with her. It was pleasant. Hell, it was even a little romantic with the quiet and the canopy of leaves that stretched out in every direction like lush green waves.
I wasn’t able to see the compound from where I sat, but I could see the fence that separated us from the jungle. I could also see the tower with the light on top of it.
It was weird, but each time I looked away from the tower and then looked back a few minutes later, the light looked pinker. It was like after our beach date. I wondered if it changed with the time of day. However, I was more relaxed than I had been in a long time, and I didn’t feel like giving it much thought.
Our unusual date ended when Rose’s pawn summoned us down. Hearing its robot voice was jarring after listening to rustling leaves and chirping birds for two hours. But I guess we couldn’t escape reality forever.
As our two bots led us in separate directions, I wondered if it would have been better if I had lost the group date. Sure, it was relaxing sitting in the tree. But what had I gained by winning?
Rose and I hadn’t spoken, much less looked at each other, for two hours, so I wasn’t sure whether things were still okay between us. Plus, after winning my second challenge, the guys had to see me as a growing threat. Something told me that I would eventually regret my victory, and man was I right.
Showered and dressed, I joined the one big table for dinner. When I sat, the conversation abruptly stopped. I looked around, and no one made eye contact with me except Brad.
Needing to know what was going on, I furrowed my brow hoping for an explanation. Brad just smiled at me confidently. From anyone else, that would have felt reassuring, but coming from him, it didn’t mean much.
The tension continued at the cocktail party that followed. It lingered in the air like thick fog, but as soon as a pawn arrived with the tray of roses, everything became clear.
“We’re gonna go ahead and take those,” Gray said, retrieving the tray from the pawn. “We’ve already worked this out. You don’t have to worry,” he told Rose.
She looked relieved. Deciding who to eliminate had weighed heavily on her, and being forced out of the decision by a formable and assertive guy was the best that she could hope for. I would have done it myself if I had thought about it. Since I hadn’t, I was forced to watch as Gray distributed the roses.
Without formality, he gave a rose to every guy except me. There it was, my prize for not killing Gray while I had the chance. I would be the one sentenced to death.
“What are you doing?” I asked, assessing my chances in a fight.
“Ensuring our survival.”
I watched as Brad took his rose. He really was a snake in the grass. His smile had just been a ploy to keep me calm.
I looked around the room for weapons. If I was going to get a rose, I was going to have to take it from someone. And maybe it was time
for me to do what I should have done hours earlier.
When every guy had his rose, they all turned and looked at me. Would I have to kill them all or just one of them? Once I had done that, how many more people would I have to kill?
“Maybe I could just touch one of your roses. The antidote could be a chemical on the stem. I’ll give it back.”
“You think we’re gonna fall for that,” Mustache Gray growled.
I looked around at all of the guys. They stood firm in solidarity. This was it, then. Their plan was to stand around and watch me die.
Wasn’t this going to be someone’s fate, though? Wasn’t this the only possible outcome after we chose to continue playing the game? If I had gotten one, then someone else wouldn’t have. It was just a matter of who made the decision. What right did I have to live while so many others died?
I stood rubbing my stubble with my hands. I knew what I was feeling. The shrinks had warned me about it. It was survivor’s guilt. It happened when tragedy strikes, and you are the only survivor. The guilt robs you of your drive to keep fighting.
I couldn’t let it get me. Not here. Not over a show.
My movements were quick. I walked to the buffet line and grabbed a steak knife. I slipped something into my other hand and then charged towards Brad knowing that I was quickly running out of time.
Brad backed up when he saw the knife. I knew what he was thinking, but after everything that had gone on, he was still the closest thing I had to a friend.
“Take this,” I ordered. “When I begin to choke, plunge it here.” I pointed at the hollow of my neck. “You have to puncture the cartilage of the trachea. Once you’ve done that, stick this in.” I said revealing the drinking straw.
“What are you talking about?” Brad asked, uncharacteristically shaken.
“It’s what we do on the…” I stopped, reassessing how much I wanted to say. “It could save my life. Please, just do it.”
Brad relented. The tension in the room dropped. Or maybe I should say that it shifted.
Gray couldn’t be happy that Brad had agreed to do it. With me gone, Gray would most likely lead unchallenged. If I survived, he would have to contend with the one person he knew he couldn’t beat. So once again, I was impressed by Brad’s willingness to play both sides of the fence.
With not much time left, Rose became my biggest fan. She hugged me and rubbed the back of my arm. She looked defeated in exactly the way necessary to express how unfair everything was. Sitting down beside me, she rested her head on my shoulder.
Of course, I didn’t believe any of it. She had already proven herself to be quite the actor. Caring companion was just another role she was playing.
Would it have been nice if she demanded that I get a rose? Sure, it would have. At the same time, I couldn’t blame her for going along with Gray’s plan.
My fate was set. With me gone, she was going to need someone’s help to survive. In spite of everything, I did want her to survive. She couldn’t afford to make enemies now.
So, instead of revealing her empty gesture for what it was, I chose to accept it. If this was going to be the end of my story, then I wanted it to end with her warm touch. It almost made me believe that someone could love me.
The pawn’s screeching siren brought me to my feet. It had begun this way the last time. A few short alarms followed by silence and then death.
I stood next to Brad, gripping his shoulder. I didn’t want him to do it too early. I didn’t think Pete was going to offer me any magic dust this time.
My chest shook as my heart pounded. I was running out of alarms. When silence fell, I could feel the effects begin.
My skin tingled like it was on fire. The blood drained from my face while my hands grew hot. At any moment, I would have to let go of Brad’s shoulder. When I did, he would plunge the knife in my neck.
Any moment now. I was feeling lightheaded. Any moment now.
A cough! I looked up. Was it me who had coughed? I was sure that it wasn’t.
I scanned the room. Victor Vodka was struggling to breathe. What was happening? Were we both about to die?
No, we weren’t. Just one person fell. As he hit the ground, the rose rolled out of his hand. “It’s not the rose,” I whispered, as surprised as I was relieved.
Do something , I thought. But what?
I snatched the knife out of Brad’s hand and lunged for Victor. I had to fight his struggling to get him onto his back. I was sure that the position made him feel worse, but if I was right, I would apologize later.
It took one strong strike to puncture the trachea. “Bring me the straw,” I ordered.
Brad handed it to me, and I twisted the knife widening the hole. Victor released a gurgling sound as he fought me.
“Hold him down,” I shouted prompting someone behind me to help.
I was sure that I had done it right. The straw was in. His air passage was clear. Yet even with that, Victor’s eyes turned bloodshot, and the man underneath me died.
I didn’t understand it. What else could I have done? If he wasn’t choking, then what was it? And why didn’t it happen to me? If it wasn’t connected to the roses, then what was causing it?
It was at that moment that I looked up at Rose. Her face was pale. It could not have been clearer to me. She was behind this death. She had killed them all. But how?
Chapter 8
“ W ho would you have eliminated?” I asked Rose.
All eyes turned to her. She looked back at us like a deer in a dozen headlights. Fear rippled through her. Gathering herself quickly, she again retreated behind her mask.
“Does it matter?” she asked.
“Yes, it matters. Who would you have eliminated?” I pushed.
Rose couldn’t hide her discomfort. She looked around at all of her possible escape routes.
Brad repeated the question. “Rose, this could be important. Who would you have eliminated? No one’s going to judge you. Our lives are at stake.”
Again Brad had surprised me. The calm manner in which he addressed Rose didn’t hint at the man who had drugged five men before setting their beds adrift and lighting them on fire. Was he even better at playing the game than I ever imaged? Or was there more to him than simply being the villain?
“We won’t hold it against you,” I reassured her.
She tightened her lips as she looked at everyone. For a moment, I didn’t think she would answer, but she did.
“Victor. I would have eliminated Victor.”
A chill rippled down my spine. It was what I had most feared. I looked around at the other to see if they had figured out what Rose and I already had.
Brad looked like he was putting it together. “So you were going to eliminate Victor, and he was the one who died?”
Rose’s tortured, twisted face spoke for her.
Billy didn’t understand what was happening until he heard the words come out of his own mouth. “So you’re the one whose been killing us. You wish us dead, and we die?”
“I didn’t wish anyone dead. I thought we were just playing a game,” Rose said before collapsing into tears.
I knew that I should have comforted her, but I didn’t move. Neither did anyone else. We were all too scared to move.
“Who else knew that you were gonna choose Victor? Did you tell your pawn or something?” I asked, trying to give her a way out.
“No one,” she said, compounding her guilt with more tears.
“This is important,” I emphasized. “If anyone else knew, then you can’t protect them.”
When Rose shook her head “no,” I realized how much I admired her. It would have been so easy for her to lie. She could have said that she told her pawn. No one would have known, and she would have shifted the blame away from herself. But she took full responsibility.
“You did this to us,” Billy exclaimed, growing angry.
“Shut up, Billy,” Brad demanded.
“She admitted it. You heard her. She sai
d there was no one else. She’s the one killing us,” Billy continued.
“Seriously, Billy,” I added. “You should stop talking.”
“Why? She’s a murderer,” Billy exclaimed.
“Stop talking, Billy!” Gray ordered.
I looked around at the other guys. They were thinking what I was thinking. Rose’s desires were what was killing us. And if we say anything that turns her against us, we could be the next ones dead.
“Rose,” I began. “You’re safe with us. No one’s gonna do anything to harm you. But, we need to talk privately,” I said pointing at the guys. “You have nothing to worry about. We just need time to think about this.”
None of the guys said anything, but the scared look in their eyes told me that they couldn’t wait to get out of there.
“You’ll stay here? Yes?” I asked, trying to remain calm. “I promise you, you’re safe. I would never let anything happen to you.”
I caught myself as I said it the final time. I had mentioned her safety once too often. Each time I brought it up, I was telling her how much danger she was in. But really, how could we not consider killing her as a way of saving ourselves?
“Please, stay here,” I said before turning and drawing the guys out of earshot.
The men silently crossed the lawn and entering the resort’s lobby. Brad looked out the window back at Rose. He nodded, telling us that she wouldn’t be able to hear us.
Gray was the first one to speak. “We have to kill her before she kills us.”
“We can’t,” I retorted.
“Why not?” Carl asked.
“Because she’s a human being, and she’s not doing this on purpose,” I said.
“On purpose or not, that’s not gonna stop us from ending up dead,” Gray argued.
Brad’s tone changed. “I like her as much as the next guy. But I’m not about to die for her.”
There he was, the real Brad, the man who would do anything to survive.
I reasoned with everyone. “What if it wasn’t the roses that were keeping us alive? What if it was her? What if she were the antidote. Then killing her would kill us as well.”
“That’s possible,” Thorin added.
Gray snorted. “So now you’re saying she’s keeping us alive? So what happens when she decides that she doesn’t want us alive anymore?”