“I think it’s obvious that I have some issues with speaking before thinking. I’m definitely odd in most people’s eyes and that’s what they see. I have very bad social skills and many people just expect everyone to behave a certain way in public. I just don’t seem to have that same skill and I can socialize to a certain point, but when I get nervous, my brain goes out the window and things just start pouring out of me. I wish it wasn’t that way, but I can’t change who I am either.”
“So, people judge you based on their first impression of you.”
“That’s the way it usually goes. I mean, I’m sure when you met me you were thinking that I was totally spastic, and I can be. But it’s not because this is my personality, but that I just don’t know how to talk to people. It just doesn’t come naturally to me.”
“Well, that explains a lot. I thought you were just quirky.”
“Quirky? I guess I am. I’m definitely not normal like other people, not that I’m abnormal. I just don’t do things or see life the way others do. I guess that makes me odd.”
“I like odd. Being normal gets boring.”
I smiled and tried to hide how happy it made me to hear that he was okay with me the way I was. Then again, if he was as..odd as I suspected, he would appreciate a woman that could see past normal. I didn’t want to get my hopes up that a man so sexy and smart would be interested in me. I knew that I was a smart person, but after so many people making me feel like I was a freak, it was a lot easier to see myself that way than the way Derek appeared to see me.
“So, how did you end up as the town librarian?”
I looked at him, trying to figure out where he was going with this. “What does that mean?”
“Well, farmer by day, librarian by night. It’s just all very different. I was wondering how you got into it.”
“When I was in high school, I had an after school job working at the library. When everything happened with my dad, I decided to take night classes and get my associates degree in library science. When the town librarian retired, I was hired to take over. I’ve pretty much worked there my whole life. I can’t imagine working anywhere else. Besides, what better place to work than a place you can immerse yourself in all those wonderful stories?”
“Really? Doesn’t it get boring? I mean, not many people use libraries any more.”
“No, but I try and find different ways to draw people in. We have certain days that are dedicated to little kids coming in and we usually have themes that go along with some books I’ve chosen. I also have reenactments of my favorite novels that I ask the high school drama club to put on for me. We spend a good month reading a certain book and we sort of have a book club set up for the drama students. Then on Mondays at 1:00, we have a cooking class featuring recipes from different cookbooks. The chefs from the different restaurants in the area come in to give lessons. It promotes the library, the restaurants, and gives a chance for people to get in some cooking lessons. It’s been great so far.”
“So, was that what you always wanted to do?”
I spread out some more mulch and tried not to stare at his ass as he bent over to spread more right in front of me. I cleared my throat and did my best to concentrate on what we had been talking about.
“I had planned to go to school, but I didn’t really know what I wanted to do. I met a woman that was studying the same thing as me, but she transferred to a four year school. She works at the Library of Congress. I always figured that would be pretty cool. Dad got sick right around the time I was going to go to school, so I stayed at the library and it all just kind of worked out. Lucy is in school finishing up her masters degree. She wants to be a history professor.”
“If I hadn’t gone into the military, I’m not sure what I would have done. I didn’t really have any direction.”
“Is that why you joined?”
“No. I didn’t go to college because I didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do. I was just working whatever jobs I could find, but then when 9/11 happened, I just couldn’t see working menial jobs when I could be doing so much more. I wanted to do something to help, something important.”
“What branch did you join?”
“Army. When I retired, I was an Infantry Team Leader.”
“Why did you retire?” He got quiet and continued to spread mulch. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push. I was just trying to get to know you.”
“It’s fine. I just don’t like to talk about it. I loved being in the army, but it ended badly and…” He sighed and ran a hand through his short hair. “This looks pretty good,” he said as he looked around.
“Yeah. Thank you for your help today.”
“You’re welcome. I have to get going.”
He started to walk away and I smiled to myself. The more I was around him, the more comfortable I got. I was so confused though. Nothing about the way he acted today led me to believe that he had special powers. In fact, he seemed like such a normal guy. I was really losing my mind. I needed to get out of my books and back to reality. I turned for the house, brushing the pieces of mulch from my clothes and started walking up the steps to the porch when I was swept off my feet. I squealed and quickly wrapped my arms around Derek’s neck. He was slick with sweat and had the distinct smell of a working man. My eyes connected with his and my whole body lit on fire. I wanted him to kiss me so badly, but then I remembered how gross I was and started squirming to get out of his arms.
“Stop moving,” he said forcefully.
“I stink and I’m dirty. I haven’t brushed my teeth since this morning and I’m pretty sure you wanted to kiss me, but I guess I could be wrong on that. I’m not always the best at reading people. Either way, we’re so close that you can probably smell my breath, which is probably disgusting at this point. Not to mention that-”
“Claire,” his eyes darkened and I swore I heard a rumble in his chest. “Shut up.”
His lips crashed down on mine and his tongue slid inside my mouth as I stared at him in surprise. My brain finally kicked in and I let my eyes drift closed as I melted into his kiss. His mouth moved more urgently against mine as he deepened the kiss. I ran my hands up the back of his neck until they were tangled in his dark locks. I couldn’t get enough of him, but just as I was really getting into it, he pulled back and quickly set me down, taking a step back as he ran a hand over his face.
I took a step toward him, but he held up a hand and shook his head. “Don’t.”
“Why?”
“Because. Just don’t.”
“I thought-”
“I have to go.”
He turned around and stalked off to his truck, leaving me confused and horny as hell. I stood at the base of the porch steps and wondered why the hell he had pulled back. It was a good kiss, wasn’t it? Maybe I was wrong. Maybe my breath really was as bad as I thought and I had turned him off. Shit. I knew I shouldn’t have let him kiss me. Now I would go down in his books as the crazy lady with bad breath.
Sighing, I climbed the steps to my house and went upstairs to clean off the day. I may have pleasured myself in the shower as I thought about the kiss and I may have imagined him doing more than just kissing me. That was probably the only thing I would get from him based on the way he ran out of here like his pants were on fire.
CHAPTER SIX
Derek
“IF YOU KEEP throwing punches like that, I’m gonna get pissed. This is training, jackass,” Chris said from across the ring. I had been in the ring with him for going on a half hour and not one punch I’d thrown had lessened the tension in my body. All I could think about was how good Claire felt against me and how badly I wanted her in my bed. I’d never wanted a woman the way I wanted her and I was sure that if I had her, I’d be a goner.
Chris came at me hard and I was too wrapped up in thoughts of the kiss I had with Claire two days ago to react to him. A few punches to the face later, I was on the ground as he swept my legs out from under me. I was lying flat on my back and st
aring up at his ugly face as he rested an elbow on me like I was a fucking armrest. He slapped my face twice, right over the cheek he had just punched the shit out of. I winced and rolled my head to the side to get away from him.
“Get your head in the game. Your team doesn’t need you pussing out on them.”
“Get the fuck off me.”
“Why don’t you tell me what the fuck the problem is?”
“I don’t have a problem other than you leaning your big ass body on me like I’m a fucking pillow.”
He picked at his nails like he had all the time in the world. Meanwhile, his weight was starting to make it difficult to breathe. “I got all day, man. What’s the problem? Not getting laid?”
“Fuck off,” I wheezed.
“So, definitely about a girl. Must be pretty good looking too if she’s distracting you at work.”
“I’m not fucking distracted.”
“Sure, sure. I just kicked your ass in less than ten seconds because you were thinking about what you were going to make for dinner. I like meatloaf, by the way.”
“You’re such a dick.”
“No, that would be Cazzo.”
“Get the fuck off me.”
“She has to be new or one of us would have heard about her by now.”
“Hey, Jackass-”
“No, Just Jack. My nickname is Jack, not Jackass.”
“I don’t give a fuck what your nickname is. If you don’t get the hell off me, I’m going to-”
“What? Kick my ass? Sorry, I already have you pinned. Now where were we? Oh yeah. Your lady friend. Is this the one from the grocery store?”
“Fuck you.”
“Thanks, but I get plenty of pussy. Now, this lady friend of yours, is she what’s got your head all fucked up? Cause I gotta tell you, you need to either hit that or go get fucked by someone else or you’re gonna get your ass shot off.”
“She’s none of your fucking business.”
“Well, she’s about to be everyone’s business because they all saw me kick your ass and they’re wondering where the hell your head is,” he said as he tapped my head with his finger.
“If I tell you, will you get the fuck off me?”
“Of course, why didn’t you say so?”
He lifted his elbow off my chest and I took in a deep breath, relieved that the fucker wasn’t crushing me any more. I sat up and saw that Pappy, Sinner, Cazzo, and Ice were sitting on the side of the ring staring at me with humor.
“Fuck off,” I growled.
“I don’t think so, Irish. We all want to hear about this girl,” Pappy grinned. That fucker. He’d known ever since the party that there was a girl distracting me.
“She’s just someone I met at the grocery store. She was almost hit by a car and I knocked her out of the way. She ended up in the hospital. That’s all.”
I tried to walk away, but Chris grabbed onto my arm to stop me. “Whoa, you’re not getting off that easy. What has you so wrapped up in her that you can’t concentrate?”
I looked around at the guys and sighed. There was no way they were going to let me get away without an explanation. At least Lola wasn’t here to bust my balls. She was the worst.
“I really like this woman.”
“So, fuck her,” Ice said, like it was just that easy.
“You don’t get it asshole, I mean I like her, like her.”
“Say what?” Ice grinned. “This is a good thing, man. You don’t have to work for it so much once you have them locked down.”
Cazzo and Sinner snorted. “You got that dead fucking wrong,” Sinner said. “They only make you work harder for it once you have them.”
“But it’s worth it,” Cazzo pointed out. “When you have that one woman that worships the ground you walk on, you make sure you hold on with both hands.” He rubbed his hands together and grinned. “I told you you’d be coming to us for advice.” I rolled my eyes in annoyance. I hated that he was right.
“You two are fucking crazy,” Pappy shook his head. “One woman to be tied down to the rest of your life sounds boring as hell. Don’t get me wrong, Cara and Vanessa are great, but that shit’s going to get boring after a while.”
Burg walked in the door and Pappy turned to him with a nod. “Tell them, Burg. Tell them what a pain in the ass it’s been with Meghan.”
“Shit. I’m not gonna lie. It’s fucking brutal. One minute, everything’s fine and the next, I don’t know what the fuck I did wrong.”
“See? Why would you want that?” Ice asked me.
“On the other hand, I fucking love her and I couldn’t imagine not fighting with her. I like that I can go home to her and she just gets me. I mean, the way a good woman can.”
Sinner nodded and slapped me on the back. “You remember how I was with the ladies before Cara. I haven’t looked at one woman since I met her.”
“That’s not true. You were with Vira when you and Cara broke up,” Cazzo said, grinning.
“Shut up, fucker.” I had a feeling we were missing some of the story when Sinner got so defensive.
“She forgave you for that?” I asked.
“She knew. Vira told her,” Cazzo told us. “Apparently, our man couldn’t get it up with her. She said he was the worst fuck of her life.”
“I was too hung up on Cara,” Sinner said defensively. “At least I didn’t almost fuck a man.”
“Not cool,” Burg said, pointing a finger at Sinner. “I may have been misguided, but that shit stopped as soon as I found out she was a he.”
“You still almost fucked a dude,” Cazzo laughed.
“At least I didn’t sit around my house watching chick flicks after my woman left,” Burg growled at Cazzo.
“Those were fucking good movies,” Cazzo said defensively.
“I’d have to agree with him,” I stepped to Cazzo’s defense. “There’s nothing wrong with a man letting off some steam at the end of a hard week with a beer and a good movie.”
“I’m with Burg on this one,” Chris interjected. “There’s nothing manly about watching chick flicks with a bunch of guys.”
“Says the man that wore a pink, frilly apron to cook dinner,” Cazzo scoffed.
“I’d like to see you prove it,” he growled.
“I don’t need proof. I have witnesses,” Cazzo smirked.
Chris sneered at Cazzo and stepped into his space. “That shit doesn’t leave the house. We swore we weren’t gonna talk about that shit.”
“Alright, alright. This is getting a little out of hand,” Pappy said. “Let’s all just step back and agree that anything that happens on the job or in someone else’s house-”
“Or in my own fucking house,” Burg jumped in.
“Or in your own house, stays between us. We don’t need to rehash all this shit,” Pappy said.
“Can we get back to the problem at hand?” Chris asked. “Irish has himself a bit of a lady problem and if we don’t work it out, he’s gonna get us all killed.”
“Don’t be so dramatic,” I said in irritation.
“So, you really like this chick. What’s the problem?” Sinner asked. “She doesn’t want to put out?”
I shook my head. “It’s not about that. I kissed her a couple days ago and it was fucking amazing. Like it almost blew me off my fucking feet.”
“Aw, fuck. You are so screwed,” Chris muttered. “Why do all you fuckers have to go and fall in love?”
“Whoa, I didn’t say anything about love,” I said defensively. “All I said was that it was a really good kiss.”
“Why don’t you ask Cazzo about earth shattering kisses?” Sinner grinned. “He had one kiss with Vanessa and that was it for him. He was sunk and we all could see it.”
“Yeah, and we all saw how it turned out for you and Cara. The only man I know to walk away from his job for a woman,” Pappy said.
“Not true. Cazzo almost walked away from everything,” Chris said grimly.
“Look, this is fucking great, w
alking down memory lane and all, but what the hell am I supposed to do about my situation?”
“Fuck her and get it out of your system,” Ice said flippantly.
“I don’t think I can do that.”
“So, what’s the problem?” Cazzo shrugged. “Just see how things go with her.”
“When you met Vanessa, did you just know that if you took things to the next level with her that shit would never be the same?”
Cazzo’s eyes went wide and he swore. “You’re screwed. If you know that already, then you’re fucked. Might as well bite the bullet and accept your fate, man.”
Cazzo clapped me on the shoulder and headed for the door. Sinner grinned and pulled me in for a man hug. “Welcome to the club, man.” I felt like I had just been issued a death sentence. I hadn’t been in a relationship in..well, ever. I didn’t do relationships. I liked my life the way it was. I didn’t have a strong desire to get married and have kids. I wouldn’t mind a steady relationship as long as those other things weren’t expected. What the hell was I supposed to do?
“Wait,” I shouted to Sinner. He turned around and looked at me quizzically. “That’s it? That’s all the sage advice you have for me?”
“Why fight it? You’re fucked and there’s no way around it?” He said with a shrug.
“No. That’s not it. You don’t just all the sudden know that the person you’re with is the one. That’s not the way this shit works.”
“Look, maybe I’m wrong about all this. With Cara, I just knew that shit was different with her. There was no second guessing with her. Things just clicked and I knew I would do anything for her. Believe me, when we broke up, it wasn’t because I wanted to. I tried to get her back, but it just wasn’t meant to be at the time. It all worked out in the end though. My advice? Just go with the flow. If it feels right, don’t let your head get in the way of what your heart is telling you.”
“You’ve turned into a sappy fucker, you know that?”
He grinned. “Yeah, it’s great.”
He turned and walked out the door, leaving me with the only sane men left in the room. “So, any words of wisdom?”
Irish: A Reed Security Romance (Reed Security Series Book 5) Page 7