Avenger (Impossible #3)

by Sykes, Julia

  Sean’s brow furrowed, and for a moment I thought that he wasn’t going to answer me. “I’ve known him for as long as I can remember,” he finally admitted. “His father and my father were friends. Well, as much as Ronan is capable of sharing friendship with anyone. Bradley’s father brought Ronan into the Westies fold when he moved over from London in ’82.”

  “I thought your father was Irish,” I interrupted.

  “He is. He moved from Dublin to London when he was seventeen to join up with the Clerkenwell crime syndicate. They were just getting powerful, and he saw that there was money to be made. But he was too ambitious for his own good, and the Adams family, the brothers who formed the gang, turned on him. So he came to the States and sought out the Westies. They aren’t strictly “Irish” anymore, but the idea of it appealed to him. And there was more room for upward mobility. A lot of Westies higher-ups were arrested in the early ’80s, and there was a power vacuum. Ronan was brutal and efficient and rose quickly.” His mouth twisted in distaste.

  “But we were talking about Bradley,” he redirected the subject away from his father. “We grew up in a tough world, and he always had my back. Even now, in his own twisted way, he thinks that he’s looking out for me by going after you. But it wasn’t until the night that he took you that I fully realized his true nature. You have to understand.” His eyes were full of desperation. “I knew that he was ambitious, that he wanted to be a part of the Westies, but we just pushed drugs. That was all. Then on the day I was shot, the Latin Kings showed up to break up our deal and steal our stash. I was going to let them have it; no way was I putting my life at risk for my father’s precious heroin, no matter what the consequences. But Bradley wouldn’t let it go, and he pulled the gun. I don’t know who shot first, but the next thing I knew I was waking up with you handcuffed to my bed.” He shot me a wry smile at the memory. “And then I proceeded to act like a pompous ass.”

  I couldn’t help returning his smile. “I remember all too well. I believe I called you an idiot and a jackass.”

  “You threw me for a loop. You were this fragile woman, and yet you were bossing me around and putting me in my place. Despite everything we were putting you through, you were fearless.” His hand cupped my cheek tenderly and his eyes burned down into mine. “How could I resist falling for you?”

  My breath caught in my throat. Sean had turned against the only person who had cared about him for me. “I’m sorry that I came between you when Bradley meant so much to you,” I said quietly.

  His thumb hooked under my chin and he lifted my face so that I couldn’t drop my gaze from his. “He’s not the person I thought he was, Claudia. Or maybe I just saw what I wanted to see. No matter what he is, Bradley has never been anything but absolutely loyal to me. But when he took you, when he hurt you… That man isn’t my friend. I could never love anyone who harms innocent people. And for him to be capable of that, after everything he knew that my father did, after knowing how he…”

  Sean trailed off, and this time he was the one to drop his eyes.

  “What did he do to you?” My voice was barely audible. He kept his gaze averted and remained silent, his jaw clenched. “You know that he took my parents from me,” I pressed. “Please. Tell me what he did. You can talk to me.”

  He let out a long breath. “Ronan is a violent man,” he admitted softly, still not looking at me. “And not just towards his enemies. He uses fear to control everyone around him. Including his family.”

  “He beat you?” I gasped. I had guessed as much, but hearing the words come from Sean’s lips made the reality of it all the more horrible.

  “Sometimes,” he said hollowly. “When my mother wasn’t around to take it for me.” His hands clenched into fists, and the lines of his face were drawn.

  Fresh tears were stinging at the corners of my eyes as I came to understand the terrible reality of Sean’s childhood. I remembered the night he had told me that his mother was dead. I couldn’t hold back my question. “Your mother. Is that how she…?” I couldn’t bring myself to force out the word died, but my meaning was clear.

  “It wasn’t by Ronan’s hand, but it was as good as.” His eyes finally met mine, and they were full of pain so deep that it cut me to the core. I had to force myself to maintain his gaze. “She killed herself. Overdose. I was out of the house, living with Bradley, so she didn’t need to protect me anymore. It was her way of escaping him.”

  “But why didn’t she leave?” I asked. “She could have taken you and run years ago.”

  “You can’t run from my father. He wouldn’t have stopped hunting until he found us. And when he did, he wouldn’t have let us live. My mother only did everything she could to protect me. But I was always too weak to protect her. I thought that she was safe from him once I left. So long as I did what he told me, then he had no reason to turn his anger at me against her. I had no idea that he was still hurting her after I moved out. Or maybe I did, and I just didn’t want to see it. When she died, I wanted to kill Ronan. It was Bradley who stopped me. He knew that I was dead if I made a move against my father. Even if I succeeded in killing him, one of his friends would come after me to make an example of me. I didn’t care, but Bradley kept me grounded. He saved my life. And ever since then, I’ve just been… existing. Until I met you.”

  I was stunned. Through the bits and pieces about his life that he had revealed to me in the short time we had known each other, I had come to realize that we were remarkably alike, despite coming from different worlds. Now that I knew the whole truth, the excruciating depth of his pain, it became apparent why I had felt such a strong pull to him from the very beginning. He was heartbreakingly beautiful, but our souls were bound by something much deeper than physical attraction. We understood each other in a way that others could not fully comprehend. Even Clayton had only been able to sympathize with me rather than empathize. I didn’t resent him for his happy childhood, but my past trauma would have always been a barrier between us, a gaping wound at my core that would never be fully healed. But Sean knew, and maybe, just maybe, our deep understanding of just how damaged we were would help us heal each other.

  Chapter 6

  With these new revelations, I found that I was more drawn to Sean than ever. I turned my body, positioning myself so that I was straddling his lap. My fingers twined in his hair as I pulled him into me, craving to ease his pain through finding our release in each other’s arms. His lips were still under mine for the briefest of moments, but the tension in his body quickly melted as we touched. The low growl that rumbled from his chest made me shiver against him as that familiar, delicious heat gathered between my legs. I was reminded of our scorching first kiss, when he reprimanded me for my boldness by dominating my body, bringing out my submissive side for the first time as he pressed me up against the cool tiles of the bathroom wall, his hands pinning my wrists on either side of my head. It was my first taste of that wild abandon, of the hunger that he brought out in me so effortlessly. And although we had shared many kisses since then, my reaction to him now was no less visceral than it had been on that night.

  He took control of the kiss with an immediacy that took my breath away. The world spun around me as he forced me down, positioning my body beneath his in a show of dominance. My nipples hardened and I moaned into his mouth, arching up into him as I silently begged him to take me. His tongue swept into my mouth, and I welcomed it. His fist tangled in my hair, angling my head back so that he could take me more deeply. Calloused fingertips lightly traced the curve of my neck, the roughness of his skin contrasting deliciously with his feather-light strokes. Hot lines of pleasure shot to my breasts and then lower, hitting my core. My inner walls contracted as I craved for him to fill me, to slake the growing need that was sweetly tormenting me.

  Then the moment was shattered. Shock hit me like a bucket of icy water to the face when he rolled off of me abruptly, and I gasped. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, no longer looking at me. I shoved do
wn the feeling of rejection that threatened to overwhelm me. Sean was clearly upset, and it would be selfish of me to break down; I needed to help him with whatever he was going through. Had I pushed him too far in forcing him to re-live the memories of his father’s abuse and his mother’s suicide?

  I moved so that I was sitting beside him. “What’s wrong?” I asked, my voice small.

  His jaw clenched, and he didn’t answer. I sensed that this was one of those moments when I needed to take control. Just as I had once done, he was trying to shove back his consternation, to deny it. He had taught me that I needed to release my dark emotions, and now I needed to convince him to do the same. I lightly pressed my fingers against his cheek, turning his face to mine. The turmoil that I saw in his eyes took my breath away.

  “Please, Sean. Talk to me.”

  He was tense again, his fists clenched. “What I want to do to you isn’t right, Claudia,” he said hollowly.

  I frowned at him, and it was an effort to keep the irritation from my tone. “We’ve been over this before,” I said. “I want this just as much as you do. I need this. I need you.”

  He grimaced. “I understand why you feel that you need it. Your reasons - your need for release from your worries through submission - that makes sense. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But my reasons aren’t so pure.” His expression turned anguished. “I’ve always needed this, Claudia. But my father… Does this mean that I’m like him? Am I just channeling my violent, cruel needs through what I’ve rationalized as an acceptable path? I’ve pushed away my concerns over it in the past, but you’re different. I’ve never felt anything for anyone like what I feel for you. And my need to dominate you is so intense that I completely lose myself to my dark urges. Then I think about how Ronan treated my mother, how he claimed to care for her and yet he beat her mercilessly. He used pain as a means of punishment. How is that different from what I want to do to you? All I want is to protect you, Claudia. And if that means protecting you from myself, then that’s what I’ll do.” He looked lost, utterly defeated.

  I turned his words over in my mind. At one time, I had wondered the same thing. Had his domineering treatment of my body been a reflection of a truly violent nature? But now I knew him better than that. Sean wasn’t a cruel person; he was a victim of circumstance, forced into a life that he hated. Now that I fully understood his past, the reasons for his darker needs were clear to me.

  “No, Sean,” I reassured him quietly. “You’re nothing like your father. You’ve never truly hurt me, and I know that you never would. I believe that with my entire being. And I know that you do too, if you’ll just allow yourself to believe. Your urges aren’t born of a desire to inflict pain; it’s about control. You’ve never had control over your life. Ronan has terrorized you into following the path that he has chosen for you through threatening to harm the people that you care about. You’ve sacrificed your capacity to choose, your ability to shape your own destiny, for their sake. I can’t imagine anything more selfless or less cruel. You need control as badly as I need release, and I want to give that to you. Please, Sean, let me do that for you. Know that I accept you for everything that you are, and I wouldn’t have you change for anything.”

  His eyes were wide and shining, and a single tear spilled over and trailed down his cheek. I wiped it away gently, as he had done for me so many times. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse with emotion.

  “Claudia, I…” He trailed off, and I waited for his next words with bated breath. Was he really going to say what I thought he was going to say? And was I ready to hear it? He swallowed hard, and something shifted in his eyes. “You’re amazing. Everything you’ve done for me, everything you’ve given to me… I never imagined that I… Thank you.”

  His hand closed around the back of my neck and he crushed his lips against mine. The roughness with which he took my mouth contrasted sharply with his soft words. I reveled in the dichotomy. He was exactly what I needed: sweet and caring yet harsh in his possessiveness. The feeling of being needed, craved, had been a completely foreign concept for me before I had met Sean. And my need for him burned just as brightly. He had awakened me, brought me back to life after my long years of solitude. The process had been painful, but I wouldn’t trade him for anything.

  His hands were at the hem of my black dress, pulling it up my torso and over my head, and I kicked off my shoes. My own fingers fisted in his t-shirt, tugging at it insistently. He deftly unclasped my bra and freed my breasts before briefly releasing me to tear off his own shirt. My fingertips roved over his perfect body, so muscular and strong. I knew that I was completely at the mercy of his raw power, his strength which could so easily overcome even my most determined struggles. But as much as I enjoyed our power-play, I didn’t want to struggle today. I wanted to show that I welcomed his dominance of my body, needing to demonstrate how badly I craved it.

  He shoved me hard, and the wind was momentarily knocked from my lungs at the impact with the mattress. Now he was the one straddling my hips, his weight pinning me down where he wanted me. That cocky, lopsided grin that I loved so much was back in place, his turmoil and grief absent from his eyes, overcome by that dark flame that flickered in their green depths. The sight of it made me shudder in delight as I realized that he accepted my words; he had let go of his feelings of uncertainty, of self-loathing. He was embracing the sexual dynamic that gave both of us such unsurpassed pleasure. He was accepting himself.

  His expression turned more serious as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out something that glinted silver in the late afternoon sunlight that filtered through my curtains. He watched me carefully, gauging my reaction as I realized what he was holding: handcuffs. My heart skipped a beat and my breath caught in my throat as fear fluttered in my belly. Memories of my cruel captivity at Bradley’s hands flitted at the corners of my mind.

  “I don’t want you to be afraid, Claudia,” Sean said soothingly. “Use a safe word if this is too much for you.”

  I stared at the silvery cuffs, and I couldn’t deny that I was afraid. I tore my eyes from the restraints to meet Sean’s gaze. The concern that I saw warring with lust softened my heart. I remembered the intense pleasure I had experienced when he had tied me up, and I realized that I trusted him implicitly. Besides, I wouldn’t let the memories of Bradley’s cruelty control my life.

  “No,” I said definitively, lifting my chin. “I don’t want to use a safe word. I trust you.” A thought struck me. “But why do you have those?” I shot him a mock-censorious look. “It was rather presumptuous of you to assume that I would have sex with you.”

  His brow furrowed slightly. Despite my joking tone, he was clearly worried that he had crossed a line. When he spoke, he looked chagrined. “Honestly? I was prepared to restrain you if I had to in order to force you to hear me out.”

  I knew that I should be angry, or at the very least indignant, but all I felt was amusement. His eyes widened in surprise when a giggle escaped me. “You’re a ruthless bastard, Sean Reynolds,” I accused.

  He shot me a hard-edged grin, and his relief was evident when the tension visibly left his body. “You should watch your language, sub,” he warned.

  Sub. A delighted shiver ran through me at the word. I had been uncertain about the term at first, thinking it demeaning, but now I knew that it was an expression of Sean’s affection for me. He was vocally asserting his claim over my being, and I gave myself willingly, reassured by the knowledge that I likewise owned him in my own way. He was claiming me as his own, but at the same time it was a pledge that he belonged to me as well.

  A wide, silly grin spread across my face. He cocked his head at me. “You look far too pleased with yourself,” he informed me. “I won’t tolerate insults. I’m warning you not to push your luck.”

  I tried to wipe the smile from my face and look properly intimidated, but there was still a pleased curve to my lips. He tsked at me. “It seems a lesson in respect is in order. Arms
above your head, sub.”

  I complied with alacrity, eager for the pleasure that I knew he would bring both of us. A shot of residual fear returned at the sound of the first cuff clicking closed around my wrist, the cool metal encircling it causing unpleasant memories to surface. Sean noticed my distress instantly, and his hand was beneath my jaw, tilting my head back so that I was locked in his gaze. “Stay here with me, Claudia,” he ordered softly. “I’m not going to hurt you.” It was a promise.

  I swallowed hard and nodded, my muscles relaxing as I melted under him. His thumb tenderly traced the line of my lower lip. “That’s a good girl.” He smiled down at me in gentle approval. My clit pulsed at his words, and the heat that bloomed within me spread from my core to my fingertips, driving away the lingering fear as lust engulfed me. Already my mind was going to that wondrous, blissful blankness as I ceded all control to him.

  His attention returned to my restraints, and he looped the cuffs’ chain around my bedpost before closing them around my free wrist. I tugged tentatively, testing their hold. The metal was unyielding, threatening to bruise my delicate skin if I offered any form of resistance. My nipples hardened almost painfully, and my panties became damp with my growing wetness.

  His hands pressed down on my forearms, holding them against the mattress, as he kissed me deeply. His lips moved from my mouth to the hollow just behind my ear. The warmth of his tongue against my skin there, gentle yet firm, sent sparks dancing over my skin. He pulled back slightly and blew cool air over the inflamed area, and goose bumps pebbled my flesh as the sparks crackled and popped, pinging against my skin. Then his teeth bit sharply into my earlobe, tugging at it. I gasped as the slight, unexpected pain further stoked my need. His lips were sucking away the pain, this hot tongue soothing the place where he had bitten me. I writhed beneath him as he awoke yet another erogenous zone that I had never known existed. His low, satisfied chuckle rumbled through me as he skillfully manipulated my body, drawing forth my submission with every touch.