“Sounds good,” I agreed distractedly. I was looking at my phone. I had a text from a number that wasn’t in my contacts. Did you end it? Damon hadn’t even bothered to sign it. And he was getting really brazen. Damon had to know I was still with Michael, that Michael could have easily picked up my phone and seen the text.
He doesn’t care. He probably hopes Michael did read it, so that he can drive a wedge between us.
“What’s wrong?” Michael asked.
“Nothing,” I started.
“You look at your phone and your entire mood has changed,” Michael cut in. “Please, just tell me.”
I gulped. “It’s a text from Damon – asking me if I’ve broken up with you yet.”
“Jesus Christ!” Michael exploded. “This has gone on way too long. Give me your fucking phone. I’m going to call that pervert and tell him to leave you the fuck alone.”
“No!” I said, holding my phone protectively.
Michael raked his hands through his hair. “You’re still keeping something from me, aren’t you? There’s no other reason I can think of for you to avoid dealing with this for so long.”
My hands were physically shaking. I put them in my lap, trying to calm my nerves.
Michael came over behind me, massaging my shoulders. “I can see how hard this is for you,” he said, calmer now. “But remember, we’re in this together. Whatever you need to tell me, I can take it.” He paused. “And it might make you feel better. Obviously Damon has some kind of hold over you.”
“He does,” I said slowly. “But it’s not what you think. Hell, it isn’t even about that night at summer camp anymore.”
Michael walked around and sat down next to me at the table. “It’s not? Then what? Surely you don’t have feelings for him?”
“Oh, God, no,” I said immediately. “This is going to make me sound like a horrible person, but sometimes I find myself wishing he was dead.”
Michael smiled. “That’s called being human.”
Being human. I looked away. I had to tell him. If I didn’t do it now, I would never have the nerve. And Damon would certainly intervene if I didn’t end it with Michael. I was cornered, and the only possible way out was if Michael believed me, wanted to help me.
“This is going to sound nuts,” I said. Michael was looking at me expectantly. “Shortly after my eighteenth birthday, my parents dropped a bombshell on me. I was adopted.”
“You never told me that!” Michael exclaimed. He shook his head. “There’s no shame in being adopted, though.”
“I know,” I whispered. “But that wasn’t the bombshell. They told me that I’m…not completely human.”
Michael furrowed his brow in confusion. “What?” he asked.
Slowly, painfully, I told Michael about my dark roots and my bleak future. He sat there, wordlessly, through the entire story.
“But don’t you see? There’s a chance for me now,” I said, looking at Michael, trying to gauge his reaction. “It’s why I tried not to let you in; I didn’t want anyone else to share my burden. But with you it’s different. I know in my heart that I’ll never give in to the darkness; it’s what my mom so staunchly fought to avoid herself.”
Michael was still silent. “Please,” I begged. “Tell me what you’re thinking, Michael. Say that you believe me.”
Finally Michael spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. “You’d rather concoct an insane story than just tell me the truth. You need help, Lana.”
“Michael, don’t say that! It is the truth. Look, I can show you. I can make things move with my mind.” I looked around the room frantically. I had to prove to Michael that I wasn’t lying. I concentrated as hard as possible, willing the potholders to move off their hooks and onto the floor. Nothing happened.
Michael was shaking his head, looking at me in disbelief. “You must think I’m an idiot,” he said, anger creeping into his voice. “I should have known this was too good to be real. You’re just as bad as Abigail. Fuck, maybe you are cheating on me with Damon. Maybe this is your excuse to run off with him.”
I could feel him slipping away. “I’m not lying!” I said defensively. “If you’d just give me a chance to prove it,” I started.
“Just stop!” Michael cut me off, furious. “You need to leave.”
“What?” I asked in astonishment.
“You heard me. I want you out of my apartment before I say something I can’t take back.” Michael was standing by the window now, staring out of it, refusing to look at me.
“I know it sounds absurd, but I wanted you to know my secret. Once you get used to it, it won’t seem so insane anymore.” I was desperate; he had to understand.
Michael finally turned to look at me. His eyes were cold, devoid of emotion. “You don’t have your car here. I’ll call you a cab.” And with that, he walked out of the kitchen.
I buried my head in my hands, letting the floodgates open. I cried, deep wrenching sobs, feeling as though my heart had broken in two. But this time, Michael didn’t come back to comfort me.
It’s over. The best thing that ever happened to you is gone.
I was numb with shock. A little while later, Michael came back into the kitchen, holding my backpack. “I packed everything of yours that I could find,” he said flatly, tossing it onto the floor next to me. “Cab’s here.”
I stood up, bracing my weight on the table, scared my knees might give out. “Please, Michael,” I begged, “if you could just take some time to think about what I’ve told you. You’ll see that I’m not lying.”
“You’re either lying or you’re crazy, and if it’s the latter then you need to see a psychiatrist,” Michael said coldly.
Finally accepting that there was nothing else I could say, I grabbed my backpack and walked through the front door, out of Michael’s life forever.
Chapter 29
I spent the rest of Saturday in bed. Maryanne didn’t come home at all, which was just as well. What was I going to say to her, anyway? Michael dumped me because I told him I’m half human, half dark angel. Oh, and by the way the man you’re sleeping with almost raped me at summer camp but I’m just now getting around to telling you. She’d probably kick me out, too.
My life was over. Damon had won. Michael wanted nothing to do with me. So it was back to plan A. Run away, start over. Maybe I should turn myself in to Magnus. After all, I was already in Hell.
Since I couldn’t force myself to physically move, I spent all day composing the emails in my head – the ones I would send to Michael and Maryanne. I might just tell Maryanne the truth. I wouldn’t be around to see her disbelief, to hear her biting words.
My only worry was if Damon would hurt her when I left. No, it was me he was after. MA was just a distraction, a good fuck as he had so eloquently put it. He would probably try and hunt me down again, but this time he would have no leads. I’d have to change my name, of course, but I could figure all of that out further down the road.
I would ask my parents for a loan – say I had some unexpected school expenses – and cash the check, withdrawal all of the money from my bank account and close it.
Even though I had the basics worked out, there was still a lot of planning to do. I’d have to pretend I was going away with Damon, make him think that I had feelings for him, at least until I could figure out where exactly to go. I shuddered, not sure how I would pull that off without physically touching him.
I studied the beautiful pearl ring Michael had given me last night, willing myself not to cry. I had to stay distracted and work out the specifics of my plan. I briefly considered mailing the earrings and ring back to him.
No, he gave you those; they’re yours now. And besides, you might have to sell them at some point.
I pulled myself out of bed and dumped out the contents of my backpack. The red lingerie – Michaels’ first gift – caught my eye. I shoved it under the bed.
I spent the next couple of hours packing everything I was planning to take wit
h me. A few changes of clothes, tennis shoes and flip-flops. I would grab the other necessities, like my toothbrush and soap, right before I left.
There was no point in going to classes next week. I would tell Damon that I needed a few days to get ready to leave. And as long as I could act normal enough, I wouldn’t have to let Maryanne know that Michael and I were over.
Then I would disappear, without a trace.
###
I knew that Damon would be in touch with me on Sunday, although I wasn’t sure how he was going to do it since Maryanne had spent the entire weekend with him.
Around noon, he texted. Meet me at the coffee shop next to campus in an hour. I quickly texted back that I’d be there.
I arrived ten minutes early and grabbed a booth in the back. Damon got there shortly after me.
Before he could say anything, I told him, “It’s done.”
“Good.” Damon nodded, looking pleased.
“Where’s Maryanne?” I asked.
“She’s at my apartment. I said I had to go grocery shopping.” He rolled his eyes. “She begged to go with me, until I told her that I wanted the romantic dinner I’m cooking to be a surprise.”
Damon leaned in. “I wish I was cooking it for you, though. Not to be mean about your friend, but Maryanne is so obsessive.”
I would have laughed if the situation weren’t so dire. How could Damon even begin to label MA as obsessive, after what he was doing to me?
But I had to play along. “I hope you let her down gently,” I said. “You know, I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell her that we’re going to be together. It will hurt her less if you just break it off and then leave.”
Damon’s eyes lit up. “Wow, Lana, you really did just need time to come around. I wasn’t sure if you were going to agree to go away with me.”
What other choice did you give me?
“Yes, I realize now that you’re the one for me.” I almost choked on the words. Fuck, I hope I sound convincing.
But any hesitation or disgust I had was lost on Damon. “What did you tell your boyfriend? Or should I say, ex-boyfriend?” he asked grinning.
“Let’s not talk about him.” I waved my hand flippantly. “This is about us.”
Damon nodded. “How long do you need? We’ll have to go quietly. Maybe mid-week?”
“Mid-week sounds fantastic.” I gulped. That meant I needed to leave by Tuesday at the latest. It was surreal, knowing that in merely two days time I would be gone for good. Never to see Maryanne again. Never to see Michael. And with any luck, never to see Damon, either.
Damon looked relieved that I had so easily agreed. “I’d better go,” he said reluctantly. “I still have to shop for this romantic dinner tonight.” He paused. “I hope you know that she means nothing to me. You’re the only woman who has ever had my heart. Who ever will have my heart.”
I nodded vigorously. “I know,” I agreed. He was delusional. Completely delusional.
We got up to leave. Damon put his arm around me as we were walking out. I forced myself not to recoil under his touch. When we got to my car, I tried to get in right away, to mumble that we would finalize our plans later, but Damon pulled me to him and kissed me.
I immediately felt the same panic I’d had as a fifteen-year-old girl, that I was being forced to do something I didn’t want to do. I pulled back, laughing nervously.
“You didn’t have a problem with Michael kissing you in public.” Damon scowled.
“I can’t wait to kiss you!” I said with fake enthusiasm. “But we’re right by the school. We have to keep our relationship a secret. You wouldn’t want someone to tell Maryanne, would you?”
“Okay,” Damon said reluctantly. “In a few days time, we’ll be together – forever.”
Agreeing that I couldn’t wait, I got into my car and sped back to my dormitory. As soon as I was inside, I started rummaging for mouthwash. There was none. I felt gross, dirty. Then I remembered seeing some little airplane bottles of vodka in the fridge. I had no idea where they came from or why Maryanne had them, but they would do the trick. I downed two, picturing the fiery liquid killing all of Damon’s disgusting germs.
Even though it was just a small amount of alcohol, it hit me hard. I had been running on empty for nearly two days now, too sick to eat, functioning off of pure adrenaline alone. I lied down on my bed, closed my eyes, and was out like a light.
When I woke up later that evening, Maryanne still wasn’t home. She finally came through the door long after I had crawled into bed. It was probably eleven, maybe midnight. I pretended to be asleep, even though I was wide-awake.
“Lana!” Maryanne hissed. She sounded tipsy. I ignored her.
“Lana,” she said again.
Stifling a groan, I opened my eyes. “What’s up?”
“Sorry to wake you,” she said apologetically. “But I just have to know, what’s going on with you and Michael?” she blurted out.
That had my attention. I sat upright in bed. “Why?” I asked, without answering her question.
“Damon was going to cook a romantic dinner, but we decided to go out for drinks first. We were about to leave and then I noticed Michael at the bar. And, I don’t know how to tell you this, but he wasn’t alone.”
“We broke up,” I said. There was no point in denying it now. Although how could he have already moved on?
“Oh my God!” MA exclaimed. “When? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You’ve been busy and I haven’t wanted to talk about it,” I said. “And besides, it just happened yesterday.”
“Oh, Lana, I’m so sorry,” Maryanne said apologetically. She knew just how hard I had fallen for Michael Reynolds. “What happened? Do you want to talk about it?”
“Maybe tomorrow. I’m exhausted,” I lied. “So who was he there with?” I couldn’t help asking, a sinking feeling in my stomach.
“Some blond bimbo. Really long hair. I could tell she was flirting with him, but I’m not sure if he was that into her.”
“Abigail,” I said morosely. “That sounds like her.”
“That’s what I was afraid of. I, um, got a pic with my phone if you want to see.”
“Yes, I need to know.” Maryanne handed me her phone. I could see the side of the girl’s face, and it was definitely Abigail. “That’s her,” I confirmed. Michael’s head was turned so that I couldn’t quite see his expression. Had he invited her out? Would he really hook back up with her, one day after our breakup?
“I feel sick.” I hadn’t really meant to say the words aloud. Maryanne leaned down and hugged me.
“Is there anything I can do?” she asked.
“Not unless you have a time machine handy,” I muttered.
I lied back down on my bed and prepared for a fitful, sleepless night.
Chapter 30
Monday went by in a blur. I pretended to leave the dorm for my first class, but as soon as I knew Maryanne was gone I went back home. Even though I didn’t want to, I forced myself to draft the letters to MA and Michael.
I ditched my original plan to email them and decided to print the letters and post them right before I left town. I didn’t want them to be read before I was gone, and I couldn’t risk the possibility of an email being traced to my new location.
In then end, I didn’t say anything about my half human state to either of them. Now that my head was a little clearer, I knew it would be too dangerous to put that down in writing. To Maryanne, I blamed my departure on Michael and stressed how much our friendship had meant to me.
Michael’s letter was a little more complicated, but it was from the heart. I told him that I had never loved anyone the way I loved him, and that I never would again. I apologized for ruining his life, and said that maybe someday he would believe that I could never lie to him.
It was impossible not to cry while I wrote the letters. I let myself go, surrendering to the misery and heartache, vowing that after this tear-fest I would buck up and get my shit
together so that I could leave tomorrow without a trace.
I called Evie at the hospital and told her I was sick and wouldn’t be in for my shift. That was one person I sure wouldn’t miss.
I couldn’t arouse any suspicions before I left. My parents had transferred two grand into my account, but the maximum withdrawal per day was one thousand, which meant I’d have to take the last of it out Tuesday before I skipped town.
My plan was to head west, far away from my parents and even farther from this hellhole. I didn’t know where my final stopping place would be – I might just keep moving, indefinitely. Why not? There was nothing for me now, not here, not anywhere. I could travel around, doing odd jobs like waiting tables, and when I got sick of it, I’d leave for the next destination.
I’d never let anyone in again – that much was for certain.
Maryanne was home Monday evening, and somehow her presence was comforting. I could tell she was still worried about me, although her official reason for not staying with Damon was that he distracted her from getting her homework done. Total bullshit, considering she didn’t even crack a book that evening.
By Monday night I was feeling surprisingly calm. Last night in my bed. I expected to toss and turn, but instead I slept like a baby. Maybe it was all of the stress and exhaustion finally catching up with me, maybe I was secretly relieved that for the first time in my life I’d be truly free. I didn’t know and I didn’t care.
###
Tuesday. D-day. Damon was supposed to call me to finalize plans, so I had to leave town before he realized I was going without him. I waited impatiently for Maryanne to get ready for class. She was taking forever! And of course, I had to pretend that I was getting ready, too.
“Are you okay, Lana?” she asked while she was applying her makeup. “I know it’s still fresh, but whatever happened with you and Michael – well, it might make you feel better to get it off your chest.”
“Maybe tonight, over wine,” I said noncommittally.
Maryanne hugged me before she left. “I’m really worried about you,” she said.
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