by Corbit, Dana
“You always did have an appetite twice the size of that tiny frame of yours.” He paused, chuckling. “But I was hoping to eat at least one of the sandwiches.”
In the end, they each ate a turkey sandwich and tore the ham down the center. Together, they demolished the pastries until there were only flaky crumbs.
Hannah licked a drop of tart cherry filling off her thumb and wiped it with her napkin. “I guess I was hungrier than I thought. Thanks for doing this.”
“An early New Year’s present. So how come you’re working so hard when the rest of the world is kicking back for the holiday?”
“We have the year-end accounting to do for several of our corporate clients. That means year-end corporate tax returns and year-end payroll. We have to analyze and post the cash disbursements, which means figuring out which accounts they belong in. Then we have to go through the cash receipts, making sure they’re all for sales. After that, we compute annual depreciation of equipment and do comparative analysis with figures from prior years.”
“So in other words you’re just sitting around waiting to ring in the New Year.”
Hannah raised her hands in a mock surrender. “Oh no. You caught me.”
“Well, I don’t want to keep you from your afternoon nap, so…” He was grinning as he cleared away the empty wrappers, shoving them back into the basket. “We sure can put the food away. We don’t need to wonder where Rebecca got her healthy appetite from.”
“Or her strange sense of humor.”
“Or her beauty.”
“Are you complimenting yourself there?” she asked, though she felt warm inside.
“One of her parents, anyway.”
Instead of waiting for her to find some clever retort, Todd took his basket and headed toward the door. “I’ll call you tonight, okay?”
“Okay.”
Todd had called three nights in a row, and she found she could get used to the regularity of it. She could get used to a lot of things about the last few days, but she didn’t allow herself to dwell on them.
“Thanks again for doing this.”
“Anytime.”
With a wave, he was gone. Hannah couldn’t help feeling the acuteness of his absence. It was as if all the laughter in the room had left with him.
Yes, they were different together this time but not in the way Todd must have meant with his promise. He’d always treated her as if she were someone precious to him. That hadn’t changed with time or distance. But they were different people now. They’d made mistakes and had learned to live with their consequences. They’d wounded and been wounded. Yet somehow they’d found a way to continue on despite their scars.
Hannah stared at her computer screen, but she kept imagining Todd’s image in the pattern of numbers—as the boy he’d once been and as the man he’d become.
She’d loved that boy; she could finally admit that to herself. Did she feel the same thing for him now that he’d emerged from the milieu of youth as this amazing, strong man? She shook her head, the incongruity so clear in her thoughts. If this scary, thrilling feeling was love, then it wasn’t the same at all. It was stronger. Deeper. Emotional and spiritual in a way that only came with maturity.
She was so tempted to give in to the feeling, to let it soothe and heal. But she had to think this time. More than just two hearts were involved now. She had Rebecca to consider.
And even if she were certain that this was the best thing for all of them, would love be enough to make her forgive and forget, or would the seeds of distrust hidden just below the surface still linger? Would she ever be able to trust Todd fully with her heart?
The sounds of someone clearing his throat brought Hannah back from her dark thoughts. Harold stood in her office doorway with his arms crossed over his rounded chest. Hannah straightened in her seat. It was the second time her boss had caught her daydreaming in one day. She really was trying to begin the New Year in the unemployment line.
“Staring at the computer screen is not going to get those forms completed by five o’clock.”
Hannah shook her head to expel the last of the errant thoughts. “I’m sorry, Harold. I just need to get focused.”
“Too much picnic food?”
“No, it’s not that.”
“Big New Year’s plans distracting you?”
Well, there was a certain church service that was taking on an extra significance this year, but that wasn’t her current distraction, so she shook her head.
“Then I trust you’ll expend the extra effort to ensure that our paying clients have their year-end reports completed correctly?”
“Yes, sir.”
Her ringing desk phone saved Hannah from any parting comment from her boss. “Harold Lasbury and Associates. How may I help you?”
“Is this Hannah Woods?”
She started. Callers didn’t usually ask for her first but more often were transferred to her when she had been assigned their year-end reports or 1040s. “This is she.”
“This is David Littleton.”
“Oh. Deacon Littleton, what can I do for you? I can schedule your appointment for filing your personal tax return, but I don’t have any available until mid-January.”
He cleared his throat. “Um…no…this is another matter.”
An unsettling feeling crowded Hannah’s insides. Deacon Littleton was always direct, not one to mince words in order to protect feelings.
“Is something wrong?”
“Oh, probably not. I’ve probably just made one of those bookkeeping mistakes we volunteers do on occasion, and I was wondering if you might take a peek at the church books for me.”
“Well, today I am really swamped, but—”
“Oh, there’s no real rush.” He paused as if considering. “In fact, don’t worry about it. I’m sure I can find the mistakes.”
“You’re sure? I don’t mind looking over them at all. I even have a day off Monday since New Year’s is on Sunday.”
“No. That’s all right. Enjoy your day off. If I can’t find them, I’ll be sure to ask for help.”
“You do that, okay?”
“You’re the professional.”
Hannah ended the call, feeling relieved that she didn’t have to add another task to her growing to-do list. But something about the call still didn’t sit right with her. Why had the deacon asked for her help if he was only going to retract his request?
Another thing, Deacon Littleton had been keeping the church’s books for as long as Hannah could remember, and the paperwork he kept was impeccable. He never made mistakes. What was different this year? And what had the deacon so worried?
Hannah shook away the uncomfortable thoughts and focused on the form on the screen. If she had the choice, she would just give up and call the day a wash. First, questions about Todd and now concerns about church.
The owners of Village Gifts and Milford Beauty Supply had the right to expect her total attention on their business accounting. Maybe her boss had the right idea. Harold loved crunching numbers to the exclusion of everything else. She needed to follow his example, at least during office hours. She would have to figure out her love life and the puzzle at church on her own time.
“Daddy, why are you and Mommy not married?”
Todd jerked, an unfortunate reflex given he was sitting cross-legged on the floor, balancing a wiggly Rebecca, a messy-haired Miss Gabrielle and a copy of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland in his lap. The child’s backside, the doll and the book’s hard cover hit the floor before Alice could even attend the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party.
“Oh. Sorry, kiddo,” he said, pretending not to notice the other adults in the children’s department at the nearly new Milford Public Library. They’d heard the question as clearly as he had and were trying not to get caught staring.
“Ouch, Daddy. That hurt.” Rebecca frowned at him, rubbing the offended part of her before climbing back into his lap. All trespasses forgiven, she situated Miss Gabrielle, which was
discreetly covered in her dress that day, and collected poor Alice, returning it to her father’s hands.
But instead of opening the book and continuing reading Lewis Carroll’s classic story, Todd set it aside. How could he explain something so complicated to a four-year-old? He was tempted to distract her, to offer to find more books or to go eat ice cream, but Rebecca deserved better than that. She deserved a straight answer given at a level she would understand. It was his turn to answer their daughter’s questions. Hannah had been answering them for a long time.
“How about we find a different place to sit so we’re not on the floor?” They didn’t need an audience for this conversation, either, but he didn’t mention that.
Taking her hand, Todd led her into one of the tiny glass conference rooms and shut the door behind them. Setting the book they’d been reading on the table, he sat in one of the chairs. Instead of sitting in the other, Rebecca scrambled up into his lap.
“Why did we go in the room?”
“You asked me a question, and I wanted to answer it.”
She seemed to consider and then nodded. “Okay.”
“I wish your mom and I had been married when we were younger.” He brushed his hand over her tiny blond pigtails. “Before we had you.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Because we made too many mistakes. And then I lived too far away. I didn’t know you lived here.” He couldn’t see any reason beyond payback to tell Rebecca he hadn’t known she existed, so he kept that knowledge to himself.
“You don’t live far away now.”
“No, I don’t.” Todd couldn’t help smiling. His little girl just might have a future in law given the way she could already argue her case.
Rebecca lay back in his lap until her head hung upside down over the side of the chair with her pigtails drooping toward the floor. “Daddy, are you and Mommy still mad at each other?”
The question surprised him, but it shouldn’t have. Did he really think that Rebecca, who rarely missed anything, would have been oblivious to the tension that had been stretched tight between Hannah and him in the beginning and the gradual loosening of the rope?
“No, honey, I don’t think we are.”
Her head popped up, and she scrambled down from his lap.
“Then you can get married.”
“You see, it’s not that simple.” But even as he said it, he wished it could be.
“Then we could all live in the same house, and you wouldn’t have to live in your apartment, and we could get a dog.”
“A dog?” Todd threw his head back and laughed. “That’s what all of this is about? A dog?”
Rebecca slumped in the chair next to his and crossed her arms. “At Max’s house, they got a puppy for Christmas. His name is Rudy. Max’s mommy got married last year…” She let her words trail off to signify that she’d made her point: marriage first, then dog.
“Honey, even if your mother and I did get married, that doesn’t mean we could get a dog.” When those eyes started to fill, he considered telling her that even kids who lived with one parent sometimes had dogs. Still, realizing that a comment like that might make Hannah angry enough to remain a single parent indefinitely, he kept that bit of trivia to himself.
“But I want a dog.”
A giant tear rolled down her cheek until Todd reached over and brushed it away. After a few more followed it, he pulled her from the other chair back into his lap.
Was this really about a dog or about other things in her life that were just as out of her control? If only he knew. This feeling of helplessness was a part of the parenting experience. Hannah had explained that much to him. Would he always feel the need to hang the moon for his little girl and be frustrated when he couldn’t?
Well, he would never be able to guarantee that life was perfect for Rebecca, but the one thing he could do for her was to love her mother. He was becoming really good at it. And if he had anything to say about it at all, he would make sure that Rebecca’s parents were married, and they were all living together—with or without a dog—by next Christmas.
Chapter Twelve
The scents of pine and melting wax wafted through the darkened church sanctuary as candlelight cast the bowed heads in shadow. Todd realized he should have been praying, too, spending some time in quiet meditation as a brand-new year approached, but he couldn’t keep his eyes closed while the woman he loved sat next to him, already an answer to his prayers.
In the candlelight, Hannah looked so beautiful and serene as a strand of her hair that she’d worn loose fell forward over her cheek. It looked like spun gold, and he knew if he brushed the hair back from her face, it would feel like it, too.
He shook his head. He shouldn’t be thinking thoughts like these, especially here in church. But then where could he go that he wouldn’t think of Hannah? She lived with him at home, at work, in his dreams, even in his prayers. He had to tell her that, to make her understand that they were meant for each other.
Nervous tension flooded his system, making him shift in his seat. What if after all the time they’d spent with each other, she didn’t agree that they should be together? Still, his need to connect with her was stronger than his misgivings, so he closed his hand over hers.
Without opening her eyes, she leaned toward him. “You’re supposed to be praying in the new year,” she whispered.
“I pray better this way.”
He laced their fingers, resting their hands on the pew between them. It felt like such a significant statement to hold hands with her in church—like an announcement of their connection before the whole Hickory Ridge community. Already they’d stood sharing a hymnal, which he’d always considered a statement in itself.
Because he expected her to pull away, to be uncomfortable with the message they telegraphed to the rest of the congregation even in the low lights, his heart warmed as her long, elegant fingers pressed into the back of his hand. It made what he intended to say later tonight seem even more right.
“Amen,” Reverend Bob said into the sound system on the lectern, ending the period of quiet meditation. “Now that we’ve prepared our hearts and minds, please file forward to accept Communion in silence.”
Todd leaned close to Hannah. “Do you think Rebecca’s asleep by now?”
“Mary promised she would put her to bed by ten.”
“It was nice of her to take Rebecca overnight again so we could attend the service.”
“She’s like that.” She glanced up at her father and back at Todd. “Now hush, will you?”
After the solemn service and Andrew Westin’s inspiring closing prayer, the holiday event ended just after the stroke of midnight. Church members filed silently out of the dark sanctuary into the lighted vestibule before sharing cheer and good wishes to celebrate the arrival of the new year.
While the church building emptied, Todd retrieved both of their coats from the rack. A gray-haired man approached them, already wearing his coat.
“Todd, have you met David Littleton?” When he shook his head, Hannah turned to the other man. “Deacon Littleton, this is Todd McBride.”
The two men shook hands, but the older man kept his gaze focused on Hannah. “I’ll let you know about that other thing, okay?”
“Call any time if you need help. I mean it.”
Deacon Littleton nodded and continued past her.
“What was that all about?”
“Oh, tax season begins. The questions come from everywhere.” But she continued to watch the older man as he left, a perplexed expression on her face.
When Hannah reached for her coat, Todd rested a hand on her arm to delay her. “Can we go somewhere? I’d like to talk to you about some things.”
Her eyes widened, and she glanced through the glass doors into the night. “You want to go somewhere in that? It’s New Year’s. It’s probably crazy out there.”
As if to punctuate her comment, the multiple pops of firecrackers being set off in a nearb
y neighborhood drifted in as someone opened the church door. Somewhere in the distance, someone shot a rifle into the air.
Standing next to them in his Michigan State Police jacket, Brett Lancaster grumbled. “Let the 9-1-1 calls begin. When will people ever realize that firearms, illegal fireworks and holiday celebrations don’t mix?”
His wife, Tricia, came up beside him. “Don’t mind him. I just have to go home and relieve the sitter, but he has to go into work tonight.”
“Sorry to hear that, Brett.” Todd patted his shoulder. “Stay safe on patrol, okay?”
“Better pray that the rest of the drivers on the road will stay sober and safe.”
“I’ll pray for that, buddy.”
Todd was relieved when the other couple continued past them to shake hands with Reverend Bob and Andrew. Making polite conversation was difficult when he was anxious to get Hannah alone and say things that needed to be said.
Turning to Hannah, he gestured toward the sanctuary, still illuminated only by candlelight.
“You want to talk in there?” she asked.
She chewed her bottom lip in the nervous way he’d come to recognize. If she was flustered at the prospect of a serious conversation with him, he could just imagine how she would act if she knew what he was going to say. He did know, and he was nervous enough for the both of them.
“I doubt we’ll get in trouble for talking in there since the service is over.”
“I didn’t mean—” She rolled her eyes yet seemed to relax a little. “Okay.”
He led her past several stained glass windows with candles in their sills and past the candelabras near the rounded stage platform and the altar. In the front pew, opposite the organ, he sat and motioned for Hannah to join him.
Her gaze darted toward the lighted vestibule. “Dad will want to lock up soon.”
“Hannah, don’t worry. There are still a few people out there. And even if there weren’t, Reverend Bob would give us a few minutes to talk.” He patted the seat next to him. “Please sit.”
With a sigh, she lowered herself into the seat. “You sure are persistent.”
“You bring that out in me.”