by Shari Copell
Lindsay stepped forward, pulled T.J. away, and surprised Nicks by embracing her. The prickly Lindsay never hugged anyone. “I love you, no matter how you got here.”
Okay, things were starting to get real. Tears stung her eyes. “Thank you. I love you too.”
The quiet and studious Aimee was next, her eyes large behind her glasses. “It doesn’t mean a thing, Nicks. It’s just DNA. This house would be so boring without you here.” She moved into Nicks’s embrace.
“Thank you, all of you. It was a real shock to find out I had a different father, but...” She struggled for words, not wanting to be sappy and emotional, yet wanting them to know she had a grateful heart. “I know I’m not the nicest, most patient person sometimes, but we’re family. I love you guys.”
Stone threw his arms in the air and shouted, “Schmaltzy group hug!” Everyone converged on her with open arms.
Nicks looked up to see her mother and father standing in the doorway.
“I love you, Nicks. Thank you,” her mother said quietly.
“I love you too—both of you,” she said over the heads of her siblings. “And thank you.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Nicks was surprised to find her mother sitting in the family room alone when she got home from school Friday afternoon.
“You and Daddy okay?” she asked. “He’s not mad again, is he?” Her mother didn’t respond.
The house was ominously silent. The other kids were probably already at Grandma Whitaker’s house.
It must’ve been some kind of shitty day here. She didn’t have to see her mother’s face to know she’d been crying. At first, Nicks thought she had her arms crossed over a white book on her lap. Upon closer inspection, she could see it was a dress-shirt box.
“Are you okay?” Nicks dropped her book bag and sat down beside her mother. “Yeah, that’s a stupid question. The last week has been pretty rough for you, hasn’t it?”
Her mother sniffed and took her hand. “It’s the craziest thing, Nicks. I have a husband I love with all my heart. Great children. My life is the best it’s ever been, and I can’t stop missing that asshole. I shouldn’t even be telling you this.”
Nicks settled back on the couch. “It’s fine. Let it out, Mom. You’ll feel better.”
“I’d love to let it out. I just don’t know what ‘it’ is. I always thought I could’ve saved Asher if I’d known he was sick. But if I’d have done that, I wouldn’t have your father, or Reese, or Lindsay, or Aimee or T.J. I can’t imagine life without them.”
“Me either.”
“It all ends up running through my head in an endless loop. I couldn’t do anything about it then, and I certainly can’t fix it now. At the very least, I wanted him to see you. I wanted him to hold you. And he didn’t make it. I’m sorry.”
“How is that your fault?”
Chelsea sighed. “It isn’t. I just get furious at the choices he made. He should be here for you. And I feel so helpless. He loved me, but he didn’t trust me. I guess if I could understand—“
“If it makes you feel any better, Spencer doesn’t understand either. They were the best of friends, and Asher cut off contact with him too. Spence said he punched a hole in everyone’s dreams when he died.”
“Yeah. That’s what he did. What happened all those years ago feels like a brick wall sometimes. I can never get over it. I can’t seem to go around it.” Chelsea shook her head and wiped at her nose with a tissue. “I don’t understand why this still hurts nineteen years later.”
There wasn’t a thing Nicks could say to ease her pain. It must’ve been agonizing for her mom to lose her first love like that. If Stone died young, getting over him would be damn near impossible.
Chelsea had told her stories about Asher all week as she remembered him. Funny things he’d done and said. She’d done it for Nicks, but it had opened a floodgate of memories for her mother, not all of them pleasant. She squeezed Chelsea’s hand.
“I love you, Mom. And I’m sorry.”
Chelsea leaned forward and placed a warm hand on her cheek. “You. You are such a gift. We should’ve told you. I never felt right keeping it from you.” She patted the box on her lap. “This is actually the reason I cried all day. It’s an early birthday present for you.” She picked it up and laid it on Nicks’s lap.
“My birthday isn’t until next Thursday.”
“I know. I wanted you to have it tonight.”
Nicks had an idea what it was. She removed the lid, pushed back the tissue paper, and still got chills when she saw it. It was the blue Rock’n Tapestries T-shirt Asher had signed for her mother.
Still colorful and crisp, it had clearly never been worn. Asher’s name—a slanting script beneath a flaming black guitar—was as clear as the day he’d signed it. Nicks ran her fingertips over the signature.
It was an odd feeling to know Asher’s hand had been where hers was now. She could touch things he touched, but could never touch him directly. He lived in everyone’s memories but hers. Even her father had gotten the chance to know him a little.
“You don’t have to give this to me. I know how much that night meant to you.”
“The picture on his gravestone was taken the same night he signed that shirt.” Chelsea smiled. “You can have the notebook as well, though I’m keeping the locket.”
“What about the painting?”
“Painting?” Her mother looked confused.
“In the attic. The one Asher painted for you when you moved into your apartment.”
“You can have that too, but only when you move out. It’s a sore spot with your father. Those things should be yours though. It’s as much your story as it is mine. And maybe,” her mother stopped for a moment, “maybe giving them to you will finally bring me peace. I’ve hung on to him far too long. The little prick really doesn’t deserve the time he’s spent in my head.”
“Does Daddy know you’re giving me the notebook and T-shirt? I don’t want him to be mad at either of us.”
“He knows, and he approves. I think he’s relieved, actually. We had a good talk early Monday morning after you brought him home, and later, when he got up. We cleared the air about a lot of things. Things I didn’t even know were bothering him. Your finding out about Asher wasn’t a bad thing, honey.”
Chelsea opened her arms. Nicks snuggled in against her and asked, “You haven’t had any dreams about him this week, have you? I haven’t. He’s been strangely silent since last weekend.”
“No. I haven’t. No voices. Nothing weird. Maybe he just wanted you to know about him.”
“Maybe. But I’m a little pissed that he worked that hard then disappeared. I have questions,” said Nicks.
Chelsea snorted sarcastically. “Well, that’s typical Asher.”
“I didn’t expect to find you home. Aren’t you coming to Tapestries tonight?”
“Yeah. I wanted it to be the two of us when I gave you the T-shirt, in case you had any questions. I wanted to be able to answer them honestly, and your father said he didn’t want to hear it. Can I bum a ride to the bar with you?”
There were times when her mother was a giant pain in the ass, seemingly bent on making Nicks’s life miserable. That was her “mom” face though, the façade of authority she had to present to her children. Right now, at this moment, she could see the frightened, struggling twenty-four year old woman who’d been deeply in love with a paradox.
Nicks sat up and kissed her on the cheek. “You know you can, Mom.”
Chelsea felt relaxed and chatty during the drive to Tapestries. For the first time in a long time, she could look at Nicks and not feel guilty.
What an amazingly strong young girl Asher’s daughter was. So much stronger than either of them. Was it inborn? Or learned from years of adversity?
She’d prepared herself for a million invasive questions, but Nicks had not asked them. In fact, it was Asher who’d asked a million questions about their daughter. What does it feel like
when she moves inside you? Do you think she’ll be pretty? Do you think she’ll be talented musically? Who do you think she’ll look like? They’d had many intimate conversations about the future of their child, things Chelsea kept in her heart. Those memories were private. She was not prepared to share them with anyone.
“Is Stone coming to see you tonight?” She tried to derail her train of thought, hoping her daughter wouldn’t hear the catch in her voice. She was damned tired of being on the verge of tears all the time.
Nicks smiled. It made Chelsea smile in return. If the girl wasn’t in love with Stone yet, she soon would be. Her whole face lit up at the mention of his name.
“Yep. He’s playing a song or two with us. Returning the favor for last weekend, when I played with them.”
“I’m sorry we weren’t there to see you. Marybeth said you were fantastic.”
“He didn’t give me much notice. It’s okay. Maybe it’ll happen again. Not all of the guys in Heavy Remedy were assholes about me playing with them. Just Mike, the bass player.”
“Scared of a guitar-playing pussy, was he?”
“Yeah, I think so. Who knows what goes on in the mind of a guy like that. I’m over it.”
“Good. Your father says it’s an alpha-male thing. Fragile egos and all. Sounds like bullshit to me, but he swears it’s true.”
“The other guys thawed out after a while. It was just Mike. It was a great experience anyway. You should’ve seen the crowd!”
“How did you feel playing in front of all those people?”
“Oh, Mom, I want to play to crowds like that all the time. I had a bad case of nerves, but I was so excited. I was born to be on the stage. I just don’t know if it’ll ever happen for me.”
“You’re young yet. Give it time.”
So much enthusiasm in that young voice. So much hope. Chelsea sent up an internal plea to a now-silent Asher. You watch her. You help her. You left her behind with me. You make it happen.
Nicks could hear there was a larger-than-normal crowd even before her mother opened the back entrance to the bar, but nothing could’ve prepared her for the sight when they stepped inside.
Every table in the dining room was full. Clusters of people stood along both walls and the back, talking, with beers in hands. The noise was deafening. The crowd seemed to be a 50-50 mix of both genders. It was a shock to see the bar that packed so early.
As Nicks stepped in behind her mother, she heard someone say “There she is!” Conversation stopped as all eyes turned toward them. A little freaked out, she heard Pip’s words echo: Maybe if you talked to them once in a while?
She allowed her gaze to wander over all the people. Bikers of every shape and size. Punk rockers with colorful spiked hair. She saw flannel and camouflage, and even a few people in steam punk and Gothic Lolita garb.
“Wow! Hello, everyone,” Nicks called out. “Thanks for coming tonight.”
A cheer went up. Bottles were hoisted into the air. “You rock, Nicks!” someone shouted.
Her mother parted the crowd in front of them. She followed closely behind, gripping a guitar in each hand, smiling and self-conscious as they made their way through the room.
Chelsea stopped abruptly in front of her as she surveyed the scene at the bar. It was standing room only as well.
Marybeth saw them and came to their aid. “I don’t know what switch you flipped last Saturday at the Point, but half of Pittsburgh is trying to get in here tonight. You should see the line out front. We’re filled to capacity right now, and no one’s leaving.”
“You’re shitting me,” Nicks said.
“No, I’m not. C’mon. I had to hide Charm and Pip in the kitchen. You may need protection tonight. Stone coming?”
Nicks blinked. Protection? Hiding in the kitchen? This was the side to being “out there” she hadn’t envisioned.
“Yeah. He’s coming. Later. Dad gave him a key to the back door.”
“Excellent.” Marybeth shoved the guy in front of her to the side as she pulled Nicks along with her. “It’s gonna be his job to keep an eye on yunz girls tonight.”
Stone grinned when he saw the call from Nicks. “Hello, beautiful. I’m on my way,” he told her.
“The bar is packed, Stone. Packed! I’ve never seen it like this. Marybeth is making us stay in the kitchen for safety. I can hear them calling for us out there though. We have more than four hours before we go on, and the crowd sounds pretty rowdy. I wanted to warn you before you came in the back door.”
His stomach did a nosedive. He didn’t like the sound of that at all. Charm was tall, but tiny. Pip and Nicks were the size of pixies. They wouldn’t stand a chance if someone yanked them off the stage.
“Stay in the kitchen then. Don’t go out there.”
“Marybeth won’t let us. She said you’re on bodyguard duty tonight, but honestly, Stone, I don’t know if you’re going to be enough. Mom and Dad are busy taking care of the bar and keeping an eye on the waitresses. I’m not sure about this at all. The more they drink, the worse they’ll be. We’re going to have some of these guys up on stage with us tonight.”
“Don’t be scared, baby doll. I’ll be there as soon as I can. I’ll pick up a couple of friends and bring them along. I won’t let anything happen to you. Love you.”
“Love you too. Hurry!”
He clicked off the call and hit the gas. The Camaro roared to life.
“Well, this sucks,” said Charm as she sat at the prep counter eating a salad. “Listen to them out there. And we’re stuck in the kitchen. I wanted to sit at the bar and bullshit with Marybeth before the show.”
Nicks glanced up from the set lists she was preparing for them. It was nearly as loud as a Steeler’s home game. Occasional shouts of “Nicks! Nicks!” and “Wild Angel! Whoooo!” could be heard.
“I’m sorry about this, guys. They must be people who saw the show last Saturday. Stone shouldn’t have mentioned we played here on Friday nights. I didn’t mean for it to get out of hand like this.”
“It’s kind of exciting in a way. I mean… Wow, what a crowd!” Pip kept wandering to the kitchen door, peering out through the small round window in the middle.
“Tapestries is too small to handle this many people,” warned Charm. “We’re screwed if a fight breaks out. Grab your guitars and head for the back exit if it does. I don’t want my gear smashed or stolen.”
“Me either,” said Nicks, thinking of her precious tobacco Les Paul.
“Fine for you two,” said Pip. “I’ll get away with my sticks and not much else.”
“So we’ll grab our guitars and part of your drum kit as we’re running. We girls have to stick together.” Nicks handed Charm and Pip a set list. “Speaking of—do either of you mind if Stone plays a song with us tonight? It’s one we know, so it shouldn’t be an issue. I’m guessing you’ll be cooler about him than the guys in Heavy Remedy were about me, but I don’t want to piss either of you off by making assumptions. We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”
“Which song is it?” asked Charm.
“Stone in Love.”
“Gee, that’s subtle, Nicks,” said Pip. “I’m okay with it. We may actually need him onstage tonight if things get wild. Only he’ll need to have an AR-15 in his hands, not a guitar.”
“Or a ball bat with spikes sticking out of the end.” Charm nodded. “I’m okay with him playing too. And I hope we’re both wrong, Pip.”
The tiny drummer had just turned away from the kitchen door when it burst open. In came Stone with five big dudes trailing behind him. Nicks leapt from the stool, nearly tackling him with a hug.
“Here comes the cavalry, right on time,” said Pip with a smile.
Nicks pushed off Stone’s chest and looked over his shoulder. Cavalry, indeed. Four of the men he’d brought with them were big enough, but the fifth one was massive. He looked like Mr. Clean. Nose ring, four or five earrings in each ear, and a haircut her Grandpa Whitaker always called a bal
dy sour. What really impressed her was the deep scar that went from his left ear down to the corner of his mouth. It made him seem as mean as a junkyard dog. Just the kind of guy they might need tonight.
“Ladies, these are my DJs. Tom, Phil, Art, David. And this,” Stone gestured toward Mr. Clean, “is Tiny.”
Charm gave a hoot of laughter. “Tiny! Ha! You are my new best friend.”
A smile crossed the big man’s face which caused Nicks to smile too. He was actually handsome when he did that. Adorable. Like a teddy bear whose head you wanted to rub.
“Maybe Tiny shouldn’t do a whole lot of smiling tonight, “ Nicks said in Stone’s ear. “He’s more intimidating when he doesn’t.”
“Don’t worry. This isn’t Tiny’s first rodeo. See that scar on his cheek?” Stone asked.
“Yeah.” Geez, how could you miss it?
“The asshole who cut Tiny was quickly reduced to a broken heap on the dance floor after he did it. Some guy attacked an ex-girlfriend with a switchblade, and my man here stepped between them. He got one swing of the blade in before Tiny broke his arm. Compound fracture. Messed his back up pretty bad too.”
Tiny’s cheeks flushed red but the smile stayed in place.
“No shit,” said Pip. “Did you get in trouble?”
“Nope. Self-defense,” said Tiny as he drove his right fist into his left palm. “Nobody hurts the ladies when Tiny’s in the house.”
Nicks blinked. Geez, his voice was deep, as big as the rest of him. “Could’ve used you last Saturday, Tiny. That’s awesome. Glad to meet all of you. Enjoy the show, and don’t take this the wrong way but I hope we don’t need you.”
Nicks was getting antsy. It was nine-thirty. They were supposed to start at ten. If Dimitri was here, he was probably in panic mode. Sooner or later, he’d want a sound check. Given that the time was fast ticking away, it needed to be sooner.