by Amy Cross
"What?" I ask, puzzled for a moment. "Oh, right". I wipe the lid of the milk carton on my dressing gown sleeve. Well, it's not actually my dressing gown. It's Alice's, like everything else in this house.
"Can you go to the shops for me in a bit?" she asks, dishing the bacon up onto a plate along with a couple of eggs and a fried tomato. "I've been run off my feet all morning". She brings the plate over and puts it in on the table. "Eat," she says firmly, with authority.
"Me?" I ask. "Isn't that for you?"
"I've already had lunch," she replies. "And breakfast. I was going to bring this up to you in bed, but now you're down, you might as well eat at the table like a civilized person".
I smile as I take a seat. "You're the best friend ever". As I start to eat, I watch Alice cleaning the kitchen work surfaces. It's strange, but since I arrived here in Wyoming last week I've started to see her totally differently. Before, I thought she was kind of pathetic. She used to be a marketing executive, but she gave up her career in order to be a full-time housewife and mother. When we were younger, she was full of radical feminist ideas, and then she did a three-sixty turn and settled for a life like this. I couldn't understand it at first, and I'd go out partying and feel sorry for her stuck at home. Now, though, I'm starting to think I would have liked a life like this.
"Those eggs okay?" she asks.
"Perfect," I reply, slowly starting to feel a little more human. Damn it, I'm not going to drink for a few nights. I know I said that yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that, but this time I really mean it.
"I need to ask you a question," Alice says suddenly, turning to me with an awkward look on her face. "Don't take this the wrong way, Shelley, but Tom and I need to plan things ahead a little bit. You're welcome to stay for as long as you need, but if it's going to be much longer, we were thinking of maybe moving you into the garage".
I stare at her. "The garage?" I say, with my mouth full. "With the spiders?"
"There aren't that many spiders," she replies. "The problem is, Bobby needs to have his bed back soon. Sleeping on the sofa isn't good for his back, and we're worried his school work might suffer. You understand, don't you? We can make the garage really, really comfortable. We'll park the car on the street and you'll have the whole place to yourself".
I sigh. "I don't know, Alice. I was thinking of moving on anyway. I've got other people I need to visit on this little road trip". That's what I've told her I'm doing: taking a road trip. The truth, though, is that I'm keeping a low profile so that Benjamin and the Watchers aren't able to track me down. The last time I heard from Todd, he sounded worried, and I'm scared that something might have happened to him. I keep waiting for him to call and tell me it's all okay, but as time goes by, I'm starting to realize that maybe he isn't going to call; maybe things aren't going to be okay.
"Please don't think we're kicking you out," Alice says, sitting next to me. "I love having you here. Tom loves having you here. It's just that we need to re-organize things a little if this is going to be a semi-permanent arrangement, you know? Just a few little things here and there, for all our sakes".
"It's not permanent," I reply, realizing that I've perhaps relied too much on her hospitality. I have friends in California, so I can go and visit them for a while. After that, I'm sure I'll have heard from Todd, and if not... Well, maybe it'll be time to think about getting some money together and leaving the country. I can't live in limbo forever, constantly looking over my shoulder while relying on some kind of vague, ill-formed plan that's never actually going to come to fruition. "You've been brilliant," I continue, "and to be honest, I was kind of feeling bad about having to move on. I mean, it's mean of me to deprive you of my wonderful company".
"Just don't be a stranger again," she replies with a smile. "Damn it, Shelley, I didn't hear from you for more than a decade before you turned up last week. We used to be such good friends. You and me and Callum and Rob and Sophie". She pauses, and there's a hint of sadness in her eyes. "Do you ever think of the old days?" she asks. "When we were young?"
"Not so much," I lie.
"I always liked Callum," she says. "What happened to him?"
I shrug. "He was a dick. I was just using him to make Rob jealous. Then it turned out Rob was a dick too, so that whole thing kind of fell apart".
"God," she says, laughing, "I remember Rob. He thought he was some kind of vampire, didn't he? What happened to him?"
"He died," I say, remembering the day Sophie and I found Rob's body in the video store. "It was kind of sad".
"How did we get old?" Alice asks. "It feels like just a few seconds ago that we were young. I don't feel like I've changed at all".
I smile. "Do you know who I had a dream about last night? Mrs. Hardstone. Remember her? Fucking psychotic bitch".
"She wasn't that bad," Alice replies.
"Yeah, she was," I say. "She really was".
Alice smiles. I can see that she doesn't agree with me, but she obviously has no intention of getting into an argument. "Actually," she says after a moment, "there's kind of something I've always meant to ask you about Sophie".
I stare at her cautiously. "What about her?"
She pauses. "It's nothing, really. I mean, I didn't really know her very well back in Dedston. We only really talked a couple of times, but..." She laughs nervously. "Forget it".
"Come on," I say, "spit it out".
She sighs. "It was about a week before she went missing. She came to my house, which I thought was really strange, and it turned out she was looking for you. And I remember the way she phrased it. She said she needed to get hold of you, and there was something in her voice that made me feel like it was really urgent, like a matter of life and death. And then she vanished a week later, and then... I just wonder, every so often, whether it's true that she was randomly murdered. She seemed like maybe she was in trouble".
"I don't know," I say, feeling distinctly uneasy. As far as the rest of the world is concerned, Sophie was killed by someone who was never caught. I hardly think Alice is ready to hear the truth. "So," I say, changing the subject, "what do you need from the store?"
She reaches over to the counter and grabs a piece of paper. "Here's the list," she tells me with a grin. "And you can stay here as long as you want, Shelley. Honestly, trust me, the garage wouldn't be that bad a place to sleep. The smell'll go away with a few candles, and I'll find you some blankets. We've got a little heater, but it's kinda expensive to run, so... I don't know if you want to use that, but we might need some money for the electricity. But seriously, Tom and Bobby love having you around, so please don't feel like you need to rush, okay?"
Half an hour later, having got dressed and tied my hair back, I wander out of the house and head toward the nearest store. Although Alice offered me money for the stuff I'm fetching, I told her I'd pay for it; after all, I feel I should contribute something to her household, given that she's letting me stay for free. Unfortunately, this approach is severely depleting my finances and I'm running out of money pretty fast. Without a miracle, I'm going to be totally broke in about two weeks, which means... Well, there were certain things I used to be willing to do for money in the bars back in Dedston, when I was younger, but I'm not sure I'd be as successful these days. When I was in my early twenties, I could easily make twenty bucks for ten minutes on my knees; now that I'm in my late thirties, I figure it'll be tougher to use my body to make ends meet. Then again, desperate times call for desperate measures, and it's clear that I need to get out of here.
Passing the bus station, I check the times for a few inter-state services. A plan is rapidly forming in my head: I'll stay one last night with Alice, and then I'll head to California. There, I'll get some money together and buy a ticket to somewhere like Australia or New Zealand, or maybe somewhere like India where I can get really lost; once I'm out of the country, I figure Benjamin and the Watchers won't be interested in me. It's a shame I won't get to see Todd again, but we never r
eally knew each other too well and I'm sure he'll be just find without me. The most important thing is that I get the hell out of this place before I'm dragged back into that world. No matter what I might have thought earlier, the truth is that I have a choice. I'm in charge of my own destiny. No-one can tell me what to do.
"Hey," says a voice nearby. I walk on, assuming the person isn't talking to me, even though something deep down in the pit of my stomach tells me that I'm wrong. "Shelley!" the voice calls out.
I stop dead in my tracks. I recognize that voice. Turning slowly, I see Abby standing in a dark doorway. It's been almost a month since I last saw her, and she seems a little different: older, and maybe a little tougher. The way she's staring at me is more intense, as if she can see right through me. Maybe I'm over-reacting, but I feel like she looks less like Sophie and more like Patrick these days. I have this urge to run, to get as far away from her as possible, but at the same time I feel that I owe it to her to at least stay and hear what she has to say.
"Surprised to see me?" she asks, a faint smile crossing her lips. She steps closer, and I realize there's something around her neck: a large, thick metal collar that looks like something for the medieval period. "You knew I'd find you, right?" she continues. "You must have known this day was coming".
Chapter Two
Dedston, 16 years ago.
With smoke everywhere and the heat from the flames becoming unbearable, I crawl over to Patrick.
“I figured it out,” I say, looking into his eyes, hoping to find some hint of understanding. “And I realized that there's only one way I'm ever going to see that baby, and that's if you take me to her. So I'm not going to let you die, do you understand?”
He sits up, looking at me with a shocked expression on his face.
“Do you really think that baby is going to be safer with you gone?” I ask him. “When they've finished with you, they'll still go after it, and you'll need to be around. If you really want to do all the heroic sacrificing yourself stuff, at least wait until it'll actually work. You have to be here for that baby. He needs you”. I look into Patrick's eyes, hoping to see that he understands. “It's a he, right?” I ask. “The baby's a boy?”
Patrick stares at me and then slowly shakes his head.
I stare back at him for a moment. “A girl?” I ask hesitantly.
Chapter Three
Wyoming, Today.
"How have you been?" I say, walking over to her. I glance around, but there's no-one else on the street. This whole situation feels wrong, as if I'm walking into a trap; at the same time, I can't help being worried about Abby. She's all alone in the world, and I'm probably one of the few people she feels she can trust. She doesn't have any parents, and she's at the mercy of Benjamin and his dark association. While I'd like to fool myself into thinking that she can look after herself, the truth is that she's clearly in need of help. She looks a little older than last time I saw her, but what's really caught my attention is that metal collar. She looks as if she's owned by someone; as if she has succumbed to someone's demands and surrendered her freedom in exchange for... what?
"I've been pretty busy," she says. "I've been looking for you, mostly. I thought it'd be easier, but I'm not very good at picking up scents and you weren't in any of the places I assumed you might be".
"I've been visiting friends," I say, my heart racing. Part of me wants to hug her, and part of me wants to run. I'm waiting for her to give me a sign, so I know what to do, but she seems kind of blank and passive and I have no idea whether I can trust her. "Have you heard from Todd?" I ask. Damn it, I wish that Todd was around right now. He'd know what to do.
She pauses for a moment. "Yeah," she says finally. "That's kind of why I'm here. He wants to meet you, but -" She looks up and down the street, as if she's worried that we're being watched. "He's worried about getting in touch. He thinks Benjamin might be bugging all the networks, so he asked me to track you down and deliver a message in the old-fashioned way. Face to face. He's worried about you, Shelley. He knows what's happening, and he thinks you're in danger".
"Where is he?" I ask. "Is he okay?"
"He's fine," she replies, but she seems a little nervous. If I didn't know better, I'd think she's lying. "He's in California," she continues, "but he can travel. He can be here tomorrow. Are you willing to meet him?"
"Yeah," I say, figuring I might as well play along, "but we have to make sure Benjamin doesn't find out. Isn't he looking for you?"
She smiles. "I can keep well ahead of him. Don't worry about that. Things have... changed since the last time I saw you. I've got faster, and smarter, and stronger. It's kind of scary, but it's good too. I think I've moved beyond the phase when I was in danger. There's nothing the Watchers can do to hurt me now".
I take a closer look at the collar. It's wide and thick, and it covers most of her neck; it also appears to have some kind of electronic system built into the metal. Overall, it looks on closer inspection to be a pretty sophisticated piece of equipment, and I have a horrible feeling that it symbolizes the fact that Abby has capitulated to some greater power.
"It's for my own protection," Abby says suddenly, with a determined glint in her eye.
"What is?" I ask.
She smiles. "The collar. Benjamin gave it to me. He was worried about me, and he said this would help me stay safe. There are still... things... looking for me. This..." She pauses as she reaches up and touches the collar. "Without this, I'd be in a lot more danger. It helps me stay free".
"Funny," I say, "it looks more like something that stops you being free".
"There's no point being free if you're dead," she says firmly, as if she's been rehearsing the line. I guess she must have known that I'd question her choice. "The most important thing is to stay safe. Once you're safe, then you can start thinking about being free".
"And you don't think Benjamin can track you via the collar?"
"He..." She pauses, and I see a glimmer of doubt in her eyes. "I asked him about that," she says, "and he promised me that there's no kind of tracking system. It's purely designed to give off a signal that..." She pauses again. "It's for emergencies. It stops other creatures from picking up my scent. It also records certain information about my body, so Benjamin can study it later. But he promised me that it doesn't transmit anything, and he swears he can't use it to track me. As long as I'm wearing this thing, I'm free".
"And you believe him?"
"Yes," she says, fixing me with a dark stare.
I smile. The kid's so naive, it's almost scary. With no-one around to help her, she's turned to the one person who offers her some kind of security, even if his help comes at a cost. She's twisted her logic inside out until black is white, down is up, and wrong is right.
"I know what you think," she says suddenly. "You think he's lying to me, but he's not. Benjamin's not like other people. He tells the truth. He trusts me, and I trust him. Not everyone's a liar, Shelley. Don't assume everyone's like you. Some people have morals, and ethics. Some people are good".
"What about Patrick?" I ask. "Is he -"
"Dead?" She pauses. "I don't think so. I can barely detect his life force these days, but every so often I get a hint that he's still alive. He's out there somewhere, hanging on to what remains of his existence. I don't know what he's waiting for. If I was him, I'd have let go by now. There's no point prolonging the inevitable. When your time's up, your time's up, and there's nothing for him here". She coughs; she seems ill, as if she's got something on her chest. "That's one of the things the collar is for. To make sure he can't find me". She coughs again.
"Are you okay?" I ask.
"I'm fine," she replies immediately, as if she's been expecting - and even preparing for - the question. She seems defensive, as if she's scared. I want to reach out and find a way to connect with her, but she seems so detached and distant. "I'm going to live for a thousand years. How could I not be fine?" She coughs again, and it's clear that something's wrong. She's d
efinitely not herself. "If there was something wrong with me," she continues, "the collar would warn me. That's one of the things it does. It monitors my body and checks for signs of illness. It..."
"Keeps you free?" I say, smiling sadly.
"Exactly," she says, but I can tell that she doesn't really believe it herself. She's parroting a bunch of lines she got from someone else, probably from Benjamin himself. "Free from fear and doubt. Free from my own mistakes".
"Cool," I reply, reaching out and tugging on the collar. "If only I'd known it was so easy to be free".
"Don't touch me!" she says, pulling away. There's real anger under the surface, as if she's struggling to hold herself together. "Don't touch the collar," she adds, correcting herself. "It's not supposed to be touched. Benjamin said it can defend me from anyone who..." She pauses. "I came here for two reasons," she says after a moment. "First, to set up a meeting between you and Todd. Second, I wanted to ask you if you can tell me about my mother".
I stare at her for a moment. "Sure. What do you want to know?"
"Everything".
I smile. "And where do you want to start?"
"We should go somewhere else to talk," she says. "Is there some kind of diner or something around here? I need to sit down".
"This way," I say, leading her around the corner to a little diner that I've been visiting lately. It's weird, but I've always been attracted to bland, soulless places that make me feel as if somehow I belong; I guess I just like places where people are constantly on the move, instead of places where people settle. As we approach the door, Abby gets a coughing fit, pausing to clear her throat. For a moment, I see a spot of blood on her hand, before she wipes it away and smiles nervously at me.
"I'm fine," she mutters, anticipating the question.
"I'll buy you lunch," I say, feeling as if I owe her something. She's alone in the world, and clearly ill. Whatever else happens, I have to make sure she stays out of Benjamin's reach. If she ends up back at his facility, she might be lost forever. It looks like the first job will be to get that collar off her neck, though I'm not optimistic that it'll be an easy task. It's crazy how he's managed to persuade her that the only way to be free is to become his property.