A knock halted her progress and damn it if she didn’t gasp in a hopeful breath. Bryce?
“Avery! It’s Vanessa!”
She squealed and leapt off the couch. Not as good as her first choice, but definitely the next best thing. She padded to the door and unlatched it, swinging it open wide to give her friend a hug. She so needed a friend right now, and Van was about the best friend anyone could ask for.
Vanessa bounded in, bringing along the happy scent of perfume as peppy and bright as she was.
“Hey, chica.” She fluffed Avery’s damp hair and cycloned into the sitting room, dragging her suitcase behind her.
Avery followed. “What are you doing here?” Already her presence had taken the edge off the loneliness that had made her feel as heavy as those clouds outside.
“Edward flew me out,” Van informed her. “He’s got some project he wants me to work on, though I have no idea what it is.” She turned and slapped a hand on her hip, eyeing Avery up and down. “Besides that, I had to get out here and find out what the hell is going on with you.”
“What do you mean?” Avery asked, trying to sound as innocent as a Disney princess.
“Uh huh. Don’t bother with me, missy. I know you too well.” She meandered to the bar and picked up one of the wine bottles, studying the label carefully. “You’ve been gone almost two weeks, girl.” She stabbed the corkscrew into the cork and twisted until it popped. “I’ve never known you to stay on a business trip for more than three days. Not even in Barbados.”
Yes, that was true. Yet another reminder of her workaholic tendencies. Until this week, that was: she’d hardly worked at all since meeting Bryce. Even then, when she’d been checking e-mail or looking over a project proposal, he’d crept into her thoughts and derailed her productivity. And yes, of course, her heart started to flutter just thinking about him, which meant it was only a matter of time before her face flushed. She gazed out the window at the emerald mountainside so Vanessa wouldn’t see. “Things haven’t gone as smoothly as I’d hoped.”
“No shit.” Vanessa sipped her wine and perched on the sofa. “How’s the concussion?” she asked, her tone teetering on sarcasm.
“I feel great.” She would’ve sounded a lot more convincing if she could’ve mustered some enthusiasm, but she was clean out, which meant it was time to change the subject. “How’s Logan, by the way?” Yesterday, Vanessa had sent her a text to let her know she was taking Logan to Avery’s place so he could pick up some of his things.
“You know him,” she answered with a smirk. “Always the eternal optimist.” Her grin faded. “By the way…I took him out for a drink after we locked up at your place. I hope that’s not weird or anything.”
“Are you kidding?” Avery gasped and turned to face her friend. Those two would be perfect for each other! Why had she never thought of it before? “That’s great, Van. Really. He’s a quality person.”
A grin brought out Vanessa’s dimples. “Yeah. He really is.” She scooted to the edge of the couch. “But enough about him. I want to hear all about Bryce Walker.” She rolled the r’s in an exotic accent.
A prick on Avery’s cheeks warned of another oncoming blush. Her eyes wandered back to the safety of the window. “What do you want to know?”
“Let’s start with why you two were on some secret, romantic horseback ride in the middle of nowhere, shall we?”
“I was trying to get to know him better. So I could convince him to sell.”
“Mmmm hmmmm.” Van set her wineglass on the coffee table. “Don’t you hold out on me, sister. I Googled the man and he is one fine example of God’s talent, I’ll tell you that much.”
Van had no idea. Her body temperature shot up about thirty degrees. Yeah. She needed a drink, too. Trying to outrun Van’s questions, Avery hurried to the bar and poured a glass of wine.
When she turned back around, her friend looked her over, one brow raised in omniscience, then slapped a hand over her mouth. “You slept with him!”
“Not exactly.” She sank into the chair next to the sofa and sipped the dry red wine. “I guess we almost did, but…”
“But what?” Van demanded, as if no possible explanation could possibly suffice.
“His wife died three years ago. He’s definitely not over her.” A long sigh pushed her back against the plush leather. “He’s amazing, though. So real and thoughtful.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Van motioned for her to get to the point before she lost interest. “And he looked like he could bench press a pick-up truck, too. Let’s discuss that. I’m guessing he has a six-pack. Am I right? Surely you saw it…” Her teasing expression fished for details.
Avery tipped her glass and sipped more wine to fend off that annoying burn deep in her chest. “He’s definitely good looking.”
“Good looking?” her friend blurted. “Mamacita, he’s hotter than a July night in a Vegas strip club.”
“Sure. Yeah.” She wasn’t about to deny that Bryce had some serious sex appeal. “But he’s also one of the best people I’ve ever met. Complicated.” That was for sure. “But one of the best.”
Her friend’s dark eyes gleamed. “You have feelings for him.”
“Yes.” Her body sunk under the weight of it. “I see something in him I’ve never seen in anyone.”
Van’s smile got all dreamy, like she was watching the end of a chick flick, but then her eyes went wide like she’d just realized the story wouldn’t end in a happily ever after. “Shit, Avery. Have you told Edward?”
“No,” she admitted. “There’s no reason to. I can’t be with someone who’s clearly still in love with someone else.”
“Are you sure he’s still in love with her?”
“Pretty sure.” Why else would he have walked out on her? She still didn’t know what had triggered his hasty retreat. One minute, he was kissing her, telling her he wanted her like he’d never wanted anyone else, and the next he was sitting on the side of the bed looking like he’d just witnessed a train wreck.
Van crossed her long legs and donned her know-it-all frown. She considered herself skilled in a variety of areas—therapy, medical mysteries, supernatural phenomenon. The woman watched a lot of TLC.
“Sometimes people hide behind loss when they’re afraid of what they’re feeling,” she intoned as if she’d suddenly earned a PhD.
Today, apparently, Van was a grief counselor. Smiling at her friend’s suddenly serious face, Avery finished off her wine and slid the glass onto the table. “Maybe. But I can’t fix that for him.” Just like she hadn’t been able to fix it for her father. She’d tried. God knew, she’d tried. And meanwhile, her life had passed her by, the minutes ticking away while she sat in meetings and wrote e-mails and traveled to various sites around the world, pumping every ounce of energy and inspiration into work. All of which she did while sleeping alone. She didn’t want her bed cold anymore. She wanted it the way it had felt with Bryce, warm and intimate. Even if she couldn’t be with him, he’d opened her up to new possibilities; he’d revived her and exposed her to a depth of passion she hadn’t even known existed. He’d made her want more.
Her heart shifted hard in her chest, making her feel reckless and free as she gazed out at the mountains. Just like Bryce, she had a choice. She could choose her own freedom. “I don’t want to go back,” she said, eyes captivated by the swirling clouds.
It looked like change was coming, a storm…
“What do you mean?” Van asked.
“To Chicago. To work. I don’t want to go back.” Now that she’d said it, it felt like the easiest decision she’d ever made.
“Whoa, chica. That’s huge. Let’s take a step back here…”
She turned to her friend, the fiery energy inside of her gaining momentum. “I know it sounds crazy, but I don’t belong there.”
Van blinked at her a few times, as if letting the information soak in. “What do you want to do, then? Stay here?”
Yes. That was exactly w
hat she wanted, but life had taught her that you don’t always get exactly what you want. “I can’t stay here.” This was Bryce’s community, his life. “I don’t know where I’ll go. Maybe to California.” That’s where a group of her grad school friends had started their own consulting business. They’d been trying to recruit her for years.
“What the hell would you do in California?” Van demanded, as if insulted that Avery would even consider moving away from her.
“I don’t know.” The spinning wheels in her brain propelled her body into motion. She paced across the soft shag rug in front of the fireplace. “Whatever I want. I have a marketing degree. An MBA from Harvard, for crying out loud. I can get a job.”
“Oh, boy,” Vanessa mumbled with a worried shake of her head. “Edward’ll have a coronary, Avery.”
“He’ll understand,” she insisted, her fists clenched. Eventually. He loved her. She had to believe he loved her enough to accept her decision, to let her go. Maybe not now…
But hopefully someday he’d understand.
*
Why the hell had he suggested this, again?
Bryce glanced out the passenger side window of Ben’s rented Jeep. The two-hundred-foot dropoff below him seemed to roll on and on forever, all twisted tree roots and piles of boulders and loose shale that had slid down from the cliff hovering precariously above them. He cleared his throat so he could breathe. Small puffs of steam rose from his mouth, but it still felt like someone had shoved their fist all the way down into his chest.
It didn’t help that the clouds above them had sunk low, shrouding the peaks in a dull gray. He inhaled the crisp, cold smell that warned of an incoming blizzard. Bad time to be caught in an open-air Jeep. On the side of a cliff. He zipped up his fleece and blew warmth into his freezing hands.
“You okay?” Ben asked, eyeing him, but also keeping his focus on the rutted Jeep road, thank the lord, because one wrong move and they’d roll down the cliff. Been there, done that. Had no desire to do it again.
“I’m great.” His voice had gone hoarse. Truth was, he hadn’t been out in a Jeep since the accident. Hadn’t had a reason to go back to the place that haunted him. Not until now, that was. Not until the day Avery King had walked into his office.
Fear clashed with resolve and started an uprising in his stomach. Moving on. He was moving on, and this had to be done. For three years, he’d avoided coming out here, to the backcountry where he and Yvonne had spent so much time together. This was where most of his memories lived—all those times they’d hiked and fished and camped out, making love under the stars. He hadn’t been able to face it, like being alone out here would somehow make her death real.
But it was time.
“Now that’s a cliff.” Gritting his teeth, Ben slowed the Jeep and leaned over the steering wheel. “Good thing I opted for the insurance package.”
Bryce laughed. Felt good to release some of the pressure. “Just make sure you hug the right side of the road.”
“Road? You call this a road?” Ben asked, but his eyes held that look of conquest. That’s why he’d asked Ben to do this with him. The guy lived for adventure. Well, that and he’d recently lost his father so Bryce figured he’d understand why he had to go to the last place he’d seen Yvonne alive. He couldn’t have driven himself. Didn’t know if he’d ever be able to drive on a Jeep road again without dry heaving the whole time.
Even with someone else driving, it was tempting, but he took slow, deep breaths and tried to think about something else. Good thing they had other matters to discuss. “So, have you heard anything from your contacts?” he asked and grimaced at the series of bumps that shook him right down to his bones.
Ben slowed the Jeep to a crawl and eased it over a boulder in the center of the road. “Yeah. I’ve got a few buddies interested. You still want to go the investors route?” His hands were securely fastened at ten o’clock and two o’clock. “Or do you want me to give you the loan? It’s no problem, Walker.”
“I won’t take your money,” he said tightly. Hell, he didn’t even want a bunch of investors telling him how to run the place, but if that’s what it took to be free and clear, he’d do it. Once things were up and running again, he’d buy them all out.
Ben hit the brakes and shook his head at him. “Still one of the most stubborn SOBs I know.” He grinned. “I’ll have my business manager schedule a call. We can set it up next week.”
“Sounds good.” But Avery’s words echoed. Don’t wait. Did she know something he didn’t? “Let’s make it early next week.” Preferably before his Notice of Election and Demand deadline expired.
“Sure thing.” Ben threw the gears into drive and eased the Jeep onward.
Landmarks passed by Bryce’s window and made it harder to focus on something else. There was the rock shaped like a heart. White heat flashed across his eyes as he remembered Yvonne’s smile when she’d pointed it out. Stop! We have to take a picture, she’d said.
He’d told her they’d have time to take it on the way down…
“How much farther?” Ben’s standard upbeat tone had gone somber.
“We’ve got about another mile.” He’d never forget the exact spot they went off the road. Two more curves, then the road would dip right where he’d gone too far to the left to avoid a deep rut. “Then I’ll hike down.” To the place he’d left her. To the place he’d returned with the search–and-rescue crew to find her dead.
“I should probably warn you…” Ben braked again and the Jeep stuttered to a stop. “I called Sawyer. Asked him to round up a few of your friends to meet us here.”
“Friends?” Anger pumped through him and repelled the chill. What right did Ben have to invite people, like this was some kind of party?
“Yeah.” His friend looked apologetic. “He said he knew who you’d want there. Mentioned something about Meg. Paige. And someone named Dinger?”
“Shooter?” It had to be Shooter. He wouldn’t hang out with anyone named Dinger.
“Yeah. That’s right. Hope you’re not too pissed off. I thought maybe after you took some time, we could all go for a hike or something.”
“Yeah. Sure.” Fury still simmered under his skin, but it wasn’t because of Ben. It was because this was hard. So damn hard. He could see the spot, up ahead. The left side of the road was still eroded, crumbling down the steep grade below. Embrace it, he reminded himself. He had to embrace the pain that thrashed his gut, even though it felt like it had the power to kill him. If he did this, maybe the past would lose its power over him.
“Stop.” He gagged on the word. Right here, on this very stretch of road, he’d had his hand on Yvonne’s thigh, as high up as he could get away with. They’d been talking about starting a family. He told her he wanted a family with a lot of kids, the brothers and sisters he’d never had, a whole basketball team, if she was up for it. She’d laughed, that silky smooth laugh of hers, and then leaned over to whisper in his ear. Then we’d better get started, she’d said, her voice low and soft.
But they’d never had the chance because right here, at this very place, the ground gave out on his life, and his dreams had plummeted over the edge.
Silently, Ben pulled the Jeep over and Bryce had to remind himself to move.
Swing one leg out the door, then the other.
Stand, even though he wasn’t sure his legs could hold him up.
Walk. His feet shuffled like they’d been dipped in concrete, but somehow he slogged across the road and peered over the edge.
Behind him, Ben cut the Jeep’s engine, but he stayed in the car.
The sudden silence let in other sounds—the endless whisper of the wind, the rushing of a river somewhere down in the valley—and even though he was full of turmoil, this was a peaceful place, too. A wild and beautiful place. It reminded him that Yvonne had not taken her last breath surrounded by ugliness.
His footsteps pounded the packed dirt in a solemn processional down to the place where he’d left
his heart three years ago. He moved slowly, carefully stepping over loose rock, keeping his weight balanced so he wouldn’t pitch forward on the steep slope. Lower, he felt his way over the boulders until he found the flat ground where their Jeep had finally rested.
Seeing it opened the vault of memories he’d carefully protected. His legs gave out. He sank to a rock.
Remember. Embrace it. He battled the instinct to fend off the images, and instead let them fill his mind.
When he’d regained consciousness behind the steering wheel, he’d found her slumped next to him. Blood stained everything red, but she was okay, she’d told him. Just cold and her arm was badly broken. Pain fired all over his body just like it had then, remembering how he’d bandaged the gash on her head with his shirt, how he’d used the old sleeping bag he kept in the Jeep to fashion a bed that would keep her warm while he went for help. How he’d stuffed extra fleeces into their backpack to make her a pillow. “I’ll be back,” he’d promised her.
And she’d smiled up at him. “I know you will.” With a light kiss on the lips, he’d whispered I love you. And he had.
He’d loved her the best he could.
He hoped she knew that. He hoped she’d felt that as she drifted away from the world.
“I’m so sorry,” he said for what had to be the millionth time, but something in him knew it would be the last time. She wouldn’t have wanted him to spend the rest of his life apologizing for something he couldn’t change.
Breathing in the purity of the mountain air, he gazed out over the peaks across from him. The gray, swollen clouds draped over the sharp crags, softening them with a light haze.
“I’ll never forget you, Yvonne.” He hadn’t spoken to her since she’d left him, but he had to believe she heard. “You made me want to be a better person.” That’s how he’d honor her memory. It started with getting sober, and it’d continue with moving on. With learning how to love someone the way he hadn’t been able to love her.
A biting wind scraped his cheeks, and a swarm of hefty snowflakes flitted in the air.
Snow in September.
Yvonne had always loved the snow. She said it blanketed everything in a pure, white peace. It made everything beautiful and new. Every year, when the first snowstorm hit, she’d bundle up and beg him to walk with her. They’d stroll down the streets arm in arm, turning their faces to the sky until their noses went numb.
No Better Man Page 20