by Diana Gardin
When she said it, the reality slammed into me like a thick wall of water. Like I was surfing and was upended in the middle of a wave, and the salty water was washing through my lungs. Keeping the air from entering. When I surfaced, Paige cradled her head in her hands. Her whole body shook with sobs, and I held her as tightly as I could.
“God, Paige. Holy shit…I didn’t know. I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t know. Your entire family? Gone. God, I’m an idiot.”
I kept murmuring in her ear, hugging her tightly, and then I just succumbed to my own sadness. Tears streamed down my own face, and as I cried for this girl I knew I loved, I felt myself breaking into tiny little pieces on her couch.
I don’t know how long we sat like that, just holding each other up. Without the other one, I think we would have sunk to the floor in a heap. Eventually, I heard a key in the lock, and Gillian walked through the door. Paige didn’t move in my arms. She was still, but I could feel her chest heaving as she struggled for breath.
I met Gillian’s stunned eyes with my moist ones and her expression was stricken. She pointed to Paige, and I nodded numbly.
“She told you?” she mouthed. I nodded again.
She took in the sight of us entwined in a pile of arms and legs on the couch, then tiptoed to her room and shut the door.
Okay. She trusted me with her best friend. All Paige had was Gillian.
Until now.
I sucked two deep breaths. I had never dealt with anything this monumental. Not even a grandparent had died in my family yet. I had three sisters, all alive and kicking, and two parents who loved me and supported me, no matter how much they despised each other. Maybe Paige had all of that before, but now she had none of it.
If I had lost everything the way she had…it was difficult putting the loss and emotional trauma she had suffered into perspective. The fact that this girl was functioning as a single entity without the support of a family, starting college, living life, was nothing short of a miracle in my eyes.
Paige was a miracle. And if she could get through all of that, basically alone, then I could get her through the rest.
I would stay with her. Until she kicked me out, I was going to fucking stay.
I picked her up and carried her to her room, where I lay her down on the bed and pulled the covers over her. Then I climbed in on the other side of her and lay down, staring at the ceiling.
She moved beside me in the dark, and I turned to face her.
“Why are you still here?” she whispered.
I swallowed, wondering how to articulate the feelings inside my heart. If I told her I loved her, would she run?
“There’s nowhere else I need to be right now,” I finally said.
“No?” she asked. “There’s got to be somewhere happier you can be. I’m dragging you down, I can feel it.”
“You could never do that. I don’t think you realize what an upper you are. You’re like a phoenix, rising out of the ashes. I can’t even understand how you stand up every day, much less do everything you’re doing. I’m humbled by you, Paige. Perfectly humbled. You’re amazing.”
She sniffled. “What choice do I have? I’m not amazing. I started the fire that killed my whole family. I’m an abolisher. Maybe you should stay away from me.”
I reached out and touched her face, and felt that it was slick with tears again. I wiped them all away, took her face in my hands, and kissed her. Tender at first, to show her the softer side of my feelings. My mouth moved against hers so slowly, I could feel each tiny line in her lips. I gently prodded her mouth with my tongue, and she opened up to me fully. The kiss intensified, and after a minute we were gripping each other tightly, our hands moving over each other’s bodies in a furious exploration.
“Clay,” she gasped, pulling away.
“I love you,” I told her simply. Whether I’d meant to spill the words then or not, it was the truth.
Thrusting me aside, she sat up. It was dark, but I could make out her shape sitting up in the bed next to me, facing straight forward. I sat up next to her, waiting.
“Are you saying that because you feel sorry for me?”
“I would never do that,” I answered. “I’m telling you I love you because it’s true. I don’t think I thought enough about it before tonight to realize it, but I do. I love you, Paige. I love everything you stand for. I love you for everything you’ve been through, and the way you’ve responded to it. I love everything that is Paige Hill and if you’ll let me, I’ll spend every day proving it to you.”
Twenty-One
Clay
She turned and straddled my lap. Her thighs squeezed my legs on either side, and damn, the pressure was spectacular. She pushed against my chest, and I fell back onto her pillows. She leaned over me and rained a trail of kisses over my chest. My body started to hum with the pleasure of it. Nothing had ever felt as good as Paige’s body on top of mine.
“I love you, too,” she whispered. Then her lips met mine again, and this time there was nothing gentle about it. We were hungry for each other. We’d been dancing carefully around this for too long, and now we were unleashing all the feelings we had bottled up inside.
Suddenly, I cupped her bottom and rolled her onto her back, hovering over her, supporting my weight with my arms. I slowly lowered myself down over her, positioning my face over hers, aligning my body with hers.
I stared at her for a full minute, not moving. She was frozen beneath me, her eyes like emeralds reflecting the moonlight outside the window. She was so beautiful I had to gasp in order for air to enter my lungs. I swallowed.
“Are you ready for this?” I finally asked.
“Ready for what?” she asked, slyly.
She knew what I was talking about. She wanted me to say it.
“For me to make love to you,” I answered, looking down at her.
I leaned down and kissed the crevice between her neck and her shoulder. Her skin called out to me and I had to listen. I kissed her collarbone and let my lips make a forge along her satiny skin until I reached her other shoulder. She tugged at the hem of my shirt impatiently and I obliged, pulling it over my head.
“Yes,” she said, breathless.
“Say it again,” I ordered.
I needed to hear her say yes to me one more time.
“Yes, Clay,” she said clearly. “I want to make love to you. Here in my bed. Over and over again.”
I groaned softly and buried my head in her neck. I would never get sick of hearing her say things like that to me. Paige Hill would be the death of me, and I was going to enjoy every minute of my demise.
Paige
These emotions were brand new. I had never needed to make someone feel my love the way I needed Clay to feel it. There was nothing I wouldn’t do to make him understand the depth of it, and that he was it for me.
I worked furiously at the button on his jeans, wanting them off so I could feel more of him against me. He supported himself above me on his arms, and I achieved victory as I pulled down the zipper and wiggled the jeans over his legs down to his ankles where he kicked them off distractedly. I reached up to his boxer briefs, rubbing the soft cotton beneath my fingertips.
I moaned as I felt his lips find a spot just at the swell of my breasts. He looked up, a flirty smile on his face. Keeping his eyes on me, his tongue traced a trail down to one pebbly nipple, pulling it into his mouth and sucking. I bucked beneath him, crying out. Concern etched wrinkles his forehead.
“You’ve never done this before, right?”
I shook my head, unable to speak. I wanted his mouth back on me. I had never done anything close to this. At this moment, I was so happy my first time would be with Clay.
“I’m going to go slow, really slow,” he assured me. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Okay,” I whispered. “Could you…could you do that again?”
“Do what, baby?”
“Kiss me again. Everywhere.”
“Paige,” he said
in a strained voice. “You’re killing me.”
He bent his head low again, moving down my body slowly. Touching me with his lips, tasting me with his tongue. Every place he kissed and licked left a little flame burning when his lips left me.
I let my head roll back on the pillow, and closed my eyes in pure pleasure. I could hear little sounds of ecstasy escaping me, and it should have been embarrassing. But I was too far away floating on the ocean of my first time with Clay that I didn’t care how much noise I made.
My hands roved over Clay’s bare back as he explored my body with his tongue. The muscles contracting and expanding under my hands was the single sexiest thing I’d ever felt. My nails scraped gently along his back and his answering shiver fueled my fire. I repeated it, and he groaned in delight.
Clay let me go to raise himself up onto his knees. I grumbled my protest, unable to restrain the disappointment and he grinned. He pulled a condom wrapped in silver foil out of the discarded jeans pocket and opened it. Then I watched in fascination as he slipped out of his boxer briefs and threw them on the floor next to my bed.
Oh wow. Clay told me I’d see more of him in this position, but I’d already forgotten how delicious a sight it was. A gush of heat pooled in my core, and I was ready for him to fill every part of me. Now.
He rolled the condom on over his erection, never taking his eyes off of mine. Then he raised his eyebrows, as if to ask if I still wanted him.
I reached out and pulled his neck down to me again, tasting his lips greedily. I closed my eyes. The anticipation created a tingling flurry of excitement all over my body.
As he floated above me, he leaned down to whisper in my ear. “Eyes on me, Paige.”
His eyes darkened when I complied and he eased gently into me. I gasped, and he froze, staring down at me. As the sweet pain subsided, I nodded, and he pushed deeper.
“Are you okay?” he asked, holding himself still above me, gazing worriedly at my face.
In answer, I began rocking my hips ever so slowly, gazing at his well-defined chest as I moved. I brought my eyes up to his, and the awe in his clear blue gaze was shocking. He began rocking with me, matching my rhythm.
The perfect compatibility we’d naturally developed was total. And my joy, as he continued to make love to me, was complete.
I whimpered softly as a bubble of pleasure rose inside me. I rocked faster, arching my back so I was even closer to him. His grunts mingled with my moans, a cacophony of ecstasy.
As the wave of pleasure washed over me, I cried out Clay’s name, and my world began to fall apart around me.
I belonged to this man.
Clay
I lay next to Paige, panting for breath, wanting already to repeat that act again and again.
“Paige,” I said.
“Hmmm?” she murmured sleepily.
“That was amazing, right? It’s not just me?”
“Well, you’re the one with all the experience to compare it to.”
“I have nothing to compare that to, baby. That wasn’t like anything I’ve ever done before.” I reached out for her, pulled her against my chest.
Having her inches away from me suddenly felt too far.
“Well, how many times have you had sex with a girl you loved?”
“Once. Tonight.” I kissed her hair, letting my lips linger at her temple.
“There you go,” she said, yawning. “This changes everything.”
“Everything had already changed the minute I figured out I loved you. I’m through. Done for. You know that, right? No girl has ever done this to me…made me feel this way. I never even knew it was possible.”
She looked up at me, a serious expression darkening her face. “Clay, there was a point in my life not too long ago that I wasn’t even sure I’d wake up the next day. So falling in love definitely wasn’t in the cards for me. You’ve changed my whole life. How’d you do it?”
“I could ask you the same thing. Now we’re unbreakable, Paige. No more secrets, no more barriers between us. It’s you and me from now on. Okay?”
She snuggled down close to me, and I loved the feeling of having her tucked against my chest. I always wanted her that close.
“Okay,” she agreed.
Twenty-Two
Paige
“Hey,” I whispered when I awoke to find Clay’s blue eyes staring into my own green ones.
“Hey, yourself,” he replied softly. “You know, this is the second time I’ve woken up next to you. And I’ve decided I’m never going to get tired of the feeling.”
“Me neither,” I said, stretching like a kitten next to him and cozying closer into his side. “No early class this morning. God bless the weekend.”
“Amen,” he answered. “Let me take you to breakfast.”
I yawned. “That’s a good idea. Should we ask Gill if she wants to come?”
“Sure,” he replied. “I’ll call Drew and Rob, too.”
He leaned in close and pressed his lips to mine in a gentle good-morning kiss.
Which I returned, and not so gently. I pulled him closer and sank into the kiss, deepening it. He groaned softly when I pulled his bottom lip into my mouth.
He pulled back and growled his words. “So, no breakfast?”
“Oh, yes, I definitely want breakfast,” I answered. “I just want an appetizer first.”
He rolled me over until he was lying on top of me, pinning my wrists back onto the bed. “I knew you were the perfect girl.”
He lowered his lips to my neck and I sighed in pleasure.
“If you keep that up, I will want to skip breakfast and stay in bed with you all day,” I moaned.
“That’s the idea, Paige,” he murmured, nibbling the soft skin of my shoulder. “Now you’re getting it.”
He trailed kisses down my collarbone and pulled one of my nipples into his mouth, sucking hard. I squealed in delight, not expecting the sudden pleasure it brought to my body and I rocked against his evident morning wood.
“Ah…Paige. You can’t do that during foreplay, sweetheart. I won’t make it to the next step. Now I need to be inside you.”
“I want you, Clay,” I said in a strained voice. “I don’t want to wait.”
“Damn right,” he said, and reached down to pull another condom out of the pocket of his jeans.
He came up empty.
“Oh, dammit,” he muttered. “No condom, Paige. We have to wait.”
“I can just go ask Gillian—“ I began.
“Shhh,” he said, silencing me with a kiss. “I have a better idea.”
I watched as he lowered his head and licked a trail from my chest to my stomach. He concentrated on swiping a circle around my belly button with his tongue, and I shuddered with shivery pleasure.
“What are you doing?” I gasped.
“Making my girl feel good,” he replied. “I don’t think you’ve felt this before…but I think you’ll be very pleased with the results.”
“What--“ I had to stop talking when I felt him kiss my hipbone and his hand tickled the inside of my thigh.
Oh. That felt better than good. He caressed my thigh with one hand while holding onto my hip with the other. All the while he trailed a line of kisses lower and lower. And lower.
He couldn’t be…
“Clay!” I breathed his name. There was nothing else I could do; my breath caught in my throat as his tongue did magical things to parts of my body I’d never thought anyone would touch.
“Baby, you are the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted,” he said in a low voice.
At first I couldn’t believe he was doing…that…to me, but I quickly got over the shock as my body began to hum with pleasure. With each little moan I couldn’t control, Clay’s attention to my most sensitive area became more intense and brought me more pleasure. I didn’t want him to stop.
I grabbed the sides of his head, my hands brushing against his short hair as the pressure working it’s way through my body began to buil
d. I welcomed it; I wanted to explode in his hands again.
“Clay…I can’t…oh my God…” I panted, clutching his hair in agonizing glory.
“That’s it, baby,” he encouraged. “I want you to fall apart. I promise I’ll catch you.”
With one last swipe of his tongue, I didn’t have a choice. I screamed his name, loud enough for the neighbors to hear, and sank back onto the pillows, breathing hard with my eyes squeezed shut.