Chapter Seven
When Rachael reached the double front doors to Lacy’s boardinghouse she stopped for a moment to stare absently at their frosted windows, breathing deeply to appear calm when she entered. She looked behind her. It did not appear that anyone had noticed her walk out of town. She breathed a little sigh of relief and pushed through the doors to see Lacy coming down the stairs with sheets on her arm.
“Well! You look a mite flushed,” the woman commented, glancing at the books in Rachael’s arm. “Where are your packages?”
Rachael closed the door, looking down at her books. “Oh, I didn’t have much luck today. Nothing I saw interested me,” she lied. “I was going to stay at the school for a while but I decided to come back here to work.”
“Mmmm.” Lacy came the rest of the way down the stairs, her discerning blue eyes studying Rachael so intently it made the young woman nervous. Their eyes held a moment. “It’s not that far a walk to the school, Rachael. You look like you’ve been straggling through the desert or something.” She frowned. “You look like you could use a bath. You had better go upstairs and take one, honey.”
“Yes, I think I will.” Rachael quickly walked past her and up the stairs, anxious to hide the added flush that always came to her cheeks when she was caught in a lie. How she wished sometimes that it was easier for her to be deceitful.
“Just lock the door to the bathing room,” Lacy called up to her. “There are already buckets of water up there. Day like today, I don’t expect you want anything heated.”
“I certainly don’t. A cool bath sounds wonderful.”
Rachael hurried to her room. Her mind whirled with thoughts of Brand Selby and the unusual afternoon she had just experienced. After she entered she threw the books on her bed and sat down to take off her shoes. Her chest tightened with indecision as she unbuttoned the shoes and pulled them off. Had she done the right thing? Had she completely lost her senses?
She tried to push away all thoughts while she moved to a closet to take out a light cotton dress, then to her dresser for a clean pair of bloomers. She would not bother with slips for the rest of the day. It was simply too warm. She moved to the mirror and pinned up her long hair, studying herself a moment, wondering what Brand Selby thought of blond hair and blue eyes, or if he gave no thought at all to such things. Perhaps he had a special woman waiting for him among the Comanche. She had wanted to ask, but was afraid of how bold it would sound. Perhaps he would have gotten the wrong idea from such a question. And then again, perhaps the idea he got would not have been wrong at all.
That was what confused and angered her the most—the terrible provocativeness of the man, the wonderful but disturbing feeling he stirred in her. It made her feel almost wicked without having done one thing wrong.
She took a towel from another drawer and a tin of powder, then went to the little room with a large tin tub in it that all the boarders shared. She was relieved to see Lacy had already thoroughly cleaned everything. She closed and locked the door, then picked up the buckets of water and poured them into the tub. She peeled off her clothes, then eased herself into the cool water, splashing some over her shoulders and back, around her neck and over her face.
Rachael sighed and leaned back, enjoying the cool water. Brand Selby. Was it bad for a woman to be attracted to a half-breed? She closed her eyes.
“My God,” she whispered. “I am attracted to him.”
She could not deny it, at least not to herself. With her eyes closed, all she could see was his face, so finely chiseled, the high cheekbones, the dark skin, the moving green eyes set wide apart and perfectly outlined with dark lashes and brows. His smile was warm and beautiful, his hands big and strong, his arms…
She straightened, opening her eyes, shaking her head. It was all ridiculous. She had gotten herself into a fix now. She should not go back, and yet she had promised him she would.
She took the soap from its dish attached to the side of the tub and she began scrubbing vigorously, as though with the soap she could wash away the feelings that man gave her. It was not supposed to have turned out that way. She was supposed to teach him and that would be the end of it. It was strictly student and teacher and nothing more. She washed quickly, unable to let herself relax for a while in the tub for fear her thoughts would linger too long on Brand Selby.
She rinsed and got out of the tub, drying off and powdering herself. She looked down at her naked body, realizing how little she knew about being with a man. She knew what was supposed to take place between a man and wife, but she had never done more herself than receive a couple of kisses from young men back in St. Louis, before that unwanted attempt of Jason’s. None of those young men, nor Jason Brown, drew from her the wild emotions Brand Selby did.
For the first time in her life she wondered what it would be like to have a man touch her, and to want to do for him, care for him. It certainly must be a different feeling from what she had for her brothers.
Her brothers. Joshua. What would they think of what she was doing? Joshua would probably be furious. And Jason would be even worse. She turned and pulled on her bloomers. What did she care what Jason Brown thought? She didn’t answer to the man and vowed she never would. Joshua was the only one she cared about. Somehow she had to find a way to tell him she was teaching Brand Selby how to read and write. She would not mention anything else. It would be absolutely ridiculous, since nothing more was going to come of the situation. She decided her feelings came strictly from childish curiosity. After all, Brand Selby was somewhat of an oddity, someone very different from anyone she had ever known. That surely explained her odd fascination with him.
She slipped on her dress. How she wished her mother were here now to give her advice. As she buttoned the front of the dress, Rachael wondered if the unnerving feelings Brand Selby gave her were anything like the feelings her mother had got when she first met her father. She hoped not, for those feelings had led to something very serious. She could not give any thought to such an outcome with Brand Selby.
She unplugged the tub, letting the water run down a pipe that ran down the outside of the boardinghouse to a ditch behind the house. There were also two outhouses out back, one for the women and one for the men, which Lacy kept painted a bright white, inside and out. Lacy Reed was almost a fanatic when it came to housekeeping, and Rachael picked up another bucket and used some of the water to rinse the tin tub. She did what she could to help, even though Lacy insisted the boarders needn’t do any housework.
“It’s all part of what you pay for,” she told Rachael often.
But Rachael liked to help, especially now that there was no school. She decided that she would do even more now, hoping it would help her keep from thinking about Brand Selby.
She set down the bucket and picked up her belongings. She went back to her room, setting the powder on her dressing table and putting the dirty clothes into a basket. She went to the mirror to take the pins from her hair and brush it.
Again her thoughts turned to Brand. Did he like her blond hair? Did a man tangle his hands in a woman’s hair when he…
She threw down the brush and went to her door, opening it briskly. Lacy was right outside the door, preparing to knock, and Rachael gasped in surprise.
“Well, do I look that bad?” the woman joked, coming inside with fresh towels.
“You startled me. That’s all,” Rachael answered, standing aside.
“You done with that bath already? My goodness, girl, that was fast. I thought you’d want to lay in that cool water for a while.” The woman opened a drawer and put away the towels.
“I did, but…” Rachael sighed deeply, closing the door. “Oh, Lacy, I’ve done a terrible thing and I need your help—your advice.”
Lacy frowned, putting her hands on her hips. “I had a suspicion you didn’t really go shopping today. You were acting kind of strange when you left, and even stranger when you got back. Go ahead, child. I’m listening.”
Rach
ael walked to a window and looked out. “Promise you won’t get terribly angry.”
“I can’t promise that ’til I’ve heard. But I’ve no right to get angry or anything else. You’re a grown woman and I’ve no control over you. But I do care about you, Rachael?”
“I know. I think of you almost as a mother.” Rachael closed her eyes and sighed. “I wish my mother were still alive, Lacy. I’m so mixed up. Maybe I should just go back to St. Louis right now before I get myself in trouble.”
“What kind of trouble? Where did you go today, Rachael?”
Rachael folded her arms around herself and continued to gaze out the window, which looked south over a land far removed from the shops and theaters and comforts of St. Louis. Here there was little to break the horizon. She watched as a light wind whipped up dust, making tiny tornadolike formations along the ground. Clouds were moving north toward them. It would rain before morning, something that was always welcome.
“I was with Brand Selby today,” Rachael finally said.
Lacy’s words came in a near whisper. “Dear God.” She spoke louder then. “Where? Why?”
Rachael’s fingers dug into her own arms nervously. “At his place. I walked out to meet him. I knew that was the only way I could get out of town without anyone really noticing. Jason is the only person who really keeps track of me, and he’s gone. I told you I was going shopping so you wouldn’t suspect. I’m sorry I lied to you, Lacy, but I was afraid to tell you. Now I need to, not just out of conscience, but because I might need you to cover for me sometime.”
Rachael turned, her eyes tearing, a terrible guilt filling her at the sight of the worry in Lacy’s eyes. “Oh, Lacy, I shouldn’t go back, but I promised him; and I know that wrong as it is, I will go back.”
Lacy drummed her fingers against her hipbones, shaking her head. “How did all this come about, Rachael?”
Rachael sniffed, moving to sit down on the bed. “He came to the school that night I stayed after dark. I had already spoken to him once, in the supply store. He came in while I was buying your groceries. Mr. Briggs treated him terribly badly, and I felt sorry for him, so I made a point to speak to him so he would know I wasn’t like Mr. Briggs.”
Lacy shook her head. “You’re too softhearted for your own good, Rachael Rivers. So? Why did he come to the school? Do you know how dangerous that was?”
“Oh, Lacy, he isn’t dangerous at all. He’s a good man who’s trying to make a better life for himself.” She looked down at the quilt on her bed, picking at a quilt tie. “I was just getting ready to leave, and suddenly there he was, silent as dust. But for some reason I wasn’t even afraid, Lacy. Just a little at first. But something about him—his eyes—I don’t know. At any rate, he asked me if I would help teach him to read and write.”
She looked up at Lacy then. “He looked at me like a little boy pleading for help. I couldn’t turn him down, Lacy, not after the promise I made my mother. And everyone is judging him completely wrong just because he’s a half-breed. He’s really trying to make something of himself. He intends to live like a white man—has a little ranch northeast of town. And he knows that to survive in our world he has to know how to read and write. Oh, he knows some. His mother was white, Lacy, and old enough when she was captured to remember things she could teach him. So he has a head start. And he seemed so sincere. He said nobody else would teach him, but after being kind to him in the store, he thought maybe I would consider it.”
“And I don’t doubt he thought how pleasant it would be to have a pretty little thing like you sitting beside him giving him lessons, too.”
Rachael sighed, looking at her lap again. “I don’t know, Lacy. He was so respectful and mannerly. I don’t think it’s that.”
Lacy came over and sat down beside her. “Maybe not all that, but you’ve got to understand men, Rachael Rivers. And you’ve got to understand how pretty you are, especially to somebody like Brand Selby.” She suddenly put her hands to her head. “Dear God, you actually went off with him alone, clear out there where his ranch is?”
“It wasn’t like it sounds, Lacy. If you knew him better—you said yourself there was something about him you liked that day you saw him at the stables.”
Lacy rubbed her eyes. “I said he was a good-looking man and very quiet. I didn’t say I knew him well enough in those few minutes that I’d ever advise you to go off alone with him. And you—my God, Rachael, you walked all alone out of town?”
“I know it sounds terribly stupid, but Brand promised he’d be nearby, keeping an eye on me. I just—somehow I trusted him, Lacy. And he didn’t lie. He was there. He came for me as soon as I was where no one from town would see us. He said he was close enough to any Comanche who might be around to convince them not to harm me. He put me on his horse and rode me the rest of the way to his ranch.” She swallowed, hardly able to believe it all herself. “I know the kind of predicament it sounds like I put myself in, but I never felt any danger. We talked, and he told me about his mother—how eventually she learned to love his father, and how he knew some day he would have to decide how he would live; we talked about a lot of things. And I gave him a writing lesson.”
She turned and met Lacy’s questioning, worried eyes. “Lacy, he’s quite intelligent—a quick learner. He wants very much to learn, to improve himself. I can’t deny him that, Lacy. My mother would turn over in her grave if I did.”
Lacy grasped her wrist and squeezed gently. “Honey, there might be a danger here as great as the danger of something happening to you. Maybe that man didn’t frighten you, and maybe his intentions are all perfectly good. But what about the danger of you being seen? What about the danger of you losing your teaching job? Have you thought about what your brothers would think? Let alone Jason Brown.”
“Jason Brown!” Rachael pouted, rising from the bed. “What do I care what Jason Brown thinks?”
“Did you ask him about the incident with the old Indian man?”
Rachael turned, leaning against the dresser. “No. I couldn’t bring myself to ask him that—not yet. Besides, I didn’t feel like bringing up the subject of Jason.” She looked at Lacy almost pleadingly. “And I did consider all the things you mentioned. But none of my inner arguments were strong enough to keep me from going.”
“Mmmm-hmmm. What about the biggest danger of all?”
Rachael frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean what if you find out you have feelings for this man, which I can already see is happening? What if this turns into more than just teaching? You can’t tell me Brand Selby wouldn’t be attracted to you, young lady; and don’t forget, I’ve seen the man. There isn’t a woman alive who wouldn’t be attracted to him in return, although most would turn up their noses at him just because he’s a half-breed. What are you going to do if the feelings I see in those eyes get stronger?”
Rachael smiled nervously, reddening lightly. “Don’t be silly, Lacy. The man is as off-limits as a plague. And he knows there is no future in looking at me as anything other than a teacher.”
“Rachael Rivers, you’re lying to me again.”
Their eyes met, and Rachael’s smile faded. She put a hand to her head. “Oh, Lacy, I’m so mixed up. Why do you have to have such good insight?” She turned away, walking back to the window. “All right. I do get the strangest feelings when I’m around him. That’s what scares me. My biggest struggle is deciding what’s so bad about that. If he were a Jason Brown, there would be nothing wrong with being attracted to him. But I’m supposed to look down on him because he’s a half-breed. I can’t bring myself to do that. My mother and father never would have stood for that either. But I’m selfish enough, I guess, to worry about what other people would think, just of my teaching him, let alone if…if there were more to it than that.”
Lacy rose, going to stand behind her. “Did anything happen, Rachael? Was anything said between the two of you?”
Rachael shook her head. “No. Nothing like that. He just…
he gives me these strange feelings—feelings that make me feel like I’ve done something wrong when I haven’t done anything wrong at all.”
Lacy smiled sympathetically. “Honey, I can’t help you there. The only thing I can tell you is that if you don’t like having those feelings, you’d better cut this off right now and never go back there. That’s not an order, mind you, just some friendly advice. You’re looking to lose your job, and probably your reputation—and you’re heading for pure trouble. I don’t want to see that for you. And I don’t want you hurt. That’s just what will happen if you don’t forget this whole thing.”
A lump formed in Rachael’s throat, as tears of desperation and indecision wanted to surface. “But I promised him. He…he’ll be waiting for me in three days—waiting out there all alone. Oh, Lacy—” She sniffed and swallowed. “I can’t do that to him. He’s so proud. It would be like kicking dirt in his face for me not to show up. He wants so much to learn. People have no right treating him like that. I can’t let him down. I just can’t.”
Lacy put a hand to the young woman’s waist. “Then I don’t know what to tell you, Rachael, except that I’m here for you, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you through this.”
Rachael turned, hugging the woman, the tears coming then. “Oh, Lacy, I’m so tired and so mixed up. I feel like I’m digging my own grave.”
Lacy patted her back. “I wish you would have told me before you went out there, Rachael. It was a dangerous thing to do.”
“Brand would never let anything happen to me,” the girl sniffed. The warm, lovely feeling returned to her insides at the words. No. Brand would never let anything happen to her. Brand would fight a hundred men to protect her. Brand Selby was more man than any man she had ever set eyes on. And she knew she would meet him again, just as she had promised.
The Bride Series (Omnibus Edition) Page 48