by Sarah Price
Before he could respond, their conversation was interrupted as Rachel walked around the side of the mule shed. She was carrying her baby and headed down the lane. “Is that Mary Ruth?” She waved and smiled a happy greeting. “Was just talking about you inside,” Rachel said as she approached, ignoring Samuel who didn’t even smile a greeting hello.
“Ooo, let me see little Katie,” Mary Ruth said, hurrying over to see the baby. “She’s getting so big!”
Rachel smiled with pride as Mary Ruth cooed over her two-month-old daughter. “And Lovina is such a helper with her new sister, although she’s with Mammi Katie right now.”
“I just love the wee ones!” Mary Ruth said, happily taking the baby from Rachel’s arm. Samuel watched with amusement as Mary Ruth rocked the baby in her arms. Being the youngest daughter, Mary Ruth was in a similar position as him, being exposed to babies only through their older siblings rather than having their own younger siblings to tend. He wondered why she didn’t seem to resent that birth order as much as he did.
Rachel tucked the blanket around her daughter’s bare feet, shielding her skin from the sun. “Glad to know that, Mary Ruth. That was what we were talking about just moments ago at Mammi Katie’s.” She smiled when Mary Ruth looked up with an unspoken question on her face. “Ja, talking about how wunderbaar gut you are with the wee ones!”
“Oh?”
“Lillian has been feeling poorly and could really use some help. Can’t help her myself, I have my hands full with my own kinners. Katie suggested that we inquire if you’d be willing to help in the mornings, perhaps spend just enough time to give Lillian a small break until she’s feeling better and Linda is out of school,” Rachel explained.
Mary Ruth glanced over at Samuel. He raised an eyebrow but looked away, too aware of the expression on Mary Ruth’s face. If she were to help Lillian during the day, she’d be at the farm on a regular basis. Not only was it likely that he’d see her more often, she’d also be privy to his personal life. He wasn’t certain how he felt about that.
“I reckon I should ask my mamm, ja?” Mary Ruth smiled, turning her attention back to Rachel. “But I sure hope she says that’s it’s right fine with her!”
“What’s wrong with Lillian?” Samuel asked.
Rachel looked over at her brother-in-law, her eyes cold and distant. They had never gotten along and avoided each other like the plague. Clearly she was surprised that he had been paying attention, never mind the fact that he actually inquired about his sister-in-law’s health. “Tired, drained, not eating.” She frowned. “If you paid any attention to your own family, you’d have recognized the fact that your mother has been tending to Lillian and the children at night.”
Samuel rolled his eyes at the reprimand from Rachel. He’d never understand what his brother Daniel had seen in her. She was different than the other Amish women he knew, testy and strict with a quick tongue and flashing eyes. “If you paid any attention, Rachel, you’d have recognized the fact that I work in the dairy both morning and night and I’m not around to see what mamm is doing most times, never mind Lillian or anyone else!”
“Samuel,” Mary Ruth said softly.
Rachel shrugged her shoulder at Samuel, dismissing him casually, as she turned her attention back to Mary Ruth. “You ask your mamm and, if she says that is fine, you come over in the morning, ja? Lillian will sure be grateful if you could, that’s for sure and certain, Mary Ruth.” She reached out for the baby and smiled. “Now, I’ll get the mail and leave you two to whatever you were discussing.” As she turned to leave, she scowled at Samuel. “Can’t imagine that will be a long conversation,” she scoffed under her breath and hurried along to the mailbox.
A long moment of silence fell upon them as Rachel left. It felt as though the energy vanished with her. Her parting comment, though discreet, had been heard by both Mary Ruth and Samuel. Neither one knew how to respond so, rather than try, they simply stared after Rachel. She was a tall young woman and she carried herself with a measure of reserve that was unusual for Amish woman. Yet, Mary Ruth admitted that she liked Rachel Lapp for many reasons. There was something stoic about Daniel Lapp’s wife from Ohio.
“Well,” Mary Ruth said finally, breaking the silence. “You two sure have an unique relationship.”
Samuel snorted. “Unique!”
Mary Ruth laid her hand on Samuel’s arm. “You should try to be more patient with her.”
Despite the fact that her gesture startled him, he found himself annoyed. “Why does everyone keep saying that?” he asked incredulously.
“You know what she’s been through,” Mary Ruth reminded him, her expression softening under his intense gaze. “Everyone needs some degree of understanding, Samuel. You should certainly know that these days.” She took a deep breath then reached down for her basket. “Best get moving along to Whitey’s so that I can get home in time for evening chores. You have a wonderful rest of the day, Samuel Lapp!”
He didn’t reply but watched her thoughtfully as she hurried down the road, her basket swinging gently at her side and her gait full of life and happiness. For a few minutes, he leaned against the fence post, his eyes following her until he couldn’t see her anymore. It wasn’t until he returned to his work that he realized the image of her smile and the light touch of her hand on his arm remained on the forefront of his memory, even though she had long disappeared over the rise of the road.
Chapter Eight
She was outside playing with the children when Mary Ruth felt as though she was being watched. Laughing at Jacob and Lena as they chased after a ball that she had rolled on the grass, Mary Ruth stood up and covered her eyes with her hand. The sun was directly overhead, burning bright against the beautiful blue sky. There was a figure standing in the doorway of the barn, watching her. For a long moment, she stood there, her eyes trying to make out who was standing just inside that doorway. But it was too dark and the sun was too bright. Without being able to fully make out who it was, she simply presumed that it was Samuel.
Glancing at the children to make certain that they were alright, she started to walk in the direction of the dairy barn. But the figure disappeared, slipping further into the shadows. She hesitated and paused, just for a moment. It was Samuel, she thought. Wasn’t it? But she couldn’t understand why he would watch her only to retreat into the dairy barn when she noticed him.
Curiosity got the best of her. “Jacob,” she called out. When he looked up, she motioned toward the barn. “I’ll be right back. You watch the little ones, ja?”
He stood up straight, puffing out his chest and nodded. It was clear that he was taking his charge quite seriously and, as Mary Ruth started to turn back to the barn, she saw him round up Lena, Abram, and Anna, leading them toward the grassy knoll behind the grossdaadihaus. She smiled at his authoritative demeanor, watching for just one more minute before hurrying across the driveway into the dairy barn.
It took her eyes a minute to adjust when she walked through the doorway. The cows were outside and the aisles were cleaned, ready for the evening milking. In the distance, she heard the hooves of a horse pulling a buggy as it ambled down the road, just behind the barn. The sound grew louder until it passed. Whoever was in the buggy had somewhere to go that didn’t involve stopping at the Lapp farm.
Mary Ruth looked around. She had never been inside the dairy barn. It was much larger than her daed’s, understandable since the Lapp’s had a lot more acreage than her own family. It was well tended and fairly clean for a dairy barn.
As she walked down the aisle, she let her hand run along the wall. It was built of stone and felt cool to her fingers. The sweet scent of hay rose to her nose as she passed a wagon full of hay, ready for the next feeding. But she didn’t see anyone or hear anything. For a moment, she wondered if she had been mistaken. Perhaps he hadn’t been there, watching her from the shadows.
Just as she was about to turn around and return to the kinners, she felt his hands on her waist, quickl
y spinning her around and pulling her close to him. His action scared her and a startled scream escaped her lips as she found herself in his arms, staring up into his face. He was laughing at her but didn’t loosen his hold.
“Samuel!” She tried to push him away but his hold was tight. “You nearly stopped my heart!”
He shifted his hands slightly which caused her to press closer against him. Her heart pounded inside of her chest and she feared that he would feel it against his own. Her hands were pressed flat against his broad shoulders and she leaned backward, pulling away as much as she could.
“You sure are easy to scare,” he teased.
She pressed her lips together, frowning at him. “Easy to scare if you keep sneaking up on me.” His hand pressed against her back and she wiggled in his embrace. “You can let me go, please.”
“Nee,” he whispered.
“Samuel!”
But he didn’t listen to her. Instead, he stared down into her face, his deep blue eyes glowing. He seemed to be studying her face and she felt uncomfortable. Why would he pay her such attention, she wondered. It was not like Samuel to do so. Besides, she reminded herself, he had been quite adamant that he was not interested in courting her. Yet, she marveled, he certainly wasn’t acting that way. Had he changed his mind?
“Mary Ruth,” he said, his voice low and soft. “You sure do feel nice in my arms.”
For the briefest of moments, she relaxed. The throaty sound of his voice, so deep and strong, sent tingles down her spine and she could only keep herself from melting against him. But certainly he would think her too bold and forward if she did. And Mary Ruth was well aware that such intimacy was saved only for married people and only in the privacy of their own home.
“You set the story straight, Samuel,” she reminded him, gently rubbing one of her fingers along his shoulder. “Remember?”
He nodded slowly but didn’t say anything.
“And I’m not much for waiting around,” she added.
Within a blink of the eye, his left hand released his grip on her waist and covered her hand. His skin felt warm and strong against hers as he held onto her. Slowly, he dragged her hand down until it was pressed against his chest. She lifted her eyes to stare at him. “Feel that?” he whispered.
She did feel it. The beating of his heart. It was beating just as fast and furious as hers was beating inside of her own chest. Yet, here he was, holding her in his arms, pressing her hand against his flesh so that she could feel it. A beating heart, she thought. His beating heart and it’s beating for me, she corrected. Immediately, the color flooded to her cheeks and she pulled away, using more force than she had before.
“I think that’s quite enough teasing, Samuel Lapp,” she said, her voice soft and cracking just slightly. She pushed away from him again.
He responded with a smile. A gentle smile that sent tingles down her spine. Indeed, when he smiled at her, she felt a flutter inside of her body, as though her blood carried tiny butterflies coursing through her veins. It was a different smile, one that she had never seen before and one that made her knees feel weak.
“Ja,” he whispered, releasing her this time but gently so that she wouldn’t stumble backward. “Enough teasing.”
She took a moment to compose herself, smoothing down her apron and running a hand over her hair. “I came in here because I thought I saw you watching me,” she said. “It’s impolite to do that, Samuel, and not say hello.”
“Hello,” he said softly.
Another frown crossed her face. “That’s not funny.”
He shrugged.
“I best get back to the children. No gut to leave them alone for too long,” she said and turned to leave the barn. She glanced over his shoulder at the open doorway. She could barely make out Jacob and the little ones, seated on the grass in a semi-circle. “And I reckon Junior will be looking for you back at the shop, ja?” But, from the look on his face, she immediately knew that he had, once again, missed work and that explained why he wasn’t at the shop. “Oh Samuel,” she said, shaking her head sadly. How long would Junior tolerate Samuel missing work? And, if he lost his job, what would happen then? “Not again. This is the third time in just a few weeks! You’re going to lose your job!”
“When did you become so serious, Mary Ruth?” he asked, a smile playing on his lips.
Her mouth fell open at his question. Had she really just heard him correctly? Was he really smiling at her as though it was a big joke? A few minutes ago, when he had smiled at her, she had felt a thrill down her spine that sent shockwaves throughout her body. But the smile that crossed his lips now made her angry.
“When did you become so bold?” she retorted and immediately wished she could take the words back. But, once spoken, there was no taking back the spoken word. “I think everyone’s right. You are taking this rumschpringe too far,” she said, her voice angry. “Just because you haven’t taken the kneeling vow, Samuel Lapp, doesn’t mean you don’t have responsibility to the people around you.”
The smile faded from his face. Her words didn’t sit well with him. Not from anyone but especially not from Mary Ruth. “I’m getting tired of everyone telling me what to do!” he snapped. “All my life I’ve been hearing it. I sure don’t need to hear it from you!”
“Telling you what to do?” she asked angrily. “No one is telling you what to do.”
“Everyone is telling me what to do!” he retorted. “If it’s not my mamm and daed, it’s one of my older brothers or the church! Everyone wants to control me!”
She shook her head. How could he not see the obvious? That people cared about him. That the church was there to help the people, not hurt them. It was all because they cared. Instead, Samuel saw it as a manner of being controlled? That seemed backwards to Mary Ruth. The church wasn’t controlling them but providing them a structure with which to live. Instead of recognizing that, Samuel was rebelling and continued to make bad choices and was increasingly alienating everyone who loved him.
“You have it wrong, Samuel,” she said. “No one is telling you what to do but they are warning you that you are going to have to deal with some consequences that you just might not like.”
He waved his hand at her. “I’m exploring the world. That’s what it’s all about, ja? No one is getting hurt. Staying out late or having dinner in town doesn’t hurt anyone.”
“Oh Samuel,” she whispered. “I pray that you see what you are doing to your family, to your friends.” She hesitated before adding, “To yourself.”
“I’m not hurting anyone,” he demanded before lifting his chin defiantly and narrowing his eyes at her. “Mayhaps it wouldn’t hurt you to explore a bit before you make some lifelong decisions. You don’t know what you are missing.”
Once again, she shook her head. “Nee Samuel. I don’t need to explore the outside world to know that I’m happy with myself and with my life.” She lowered her eyes, hoping to hide the tears that touched the inner corner of her eyelids. “I just wish you were, too.”
With that, she turned and hurried back toward the children, leaving Samuel in the dairy barn to stare after her. She didn’t want him to see how upset she had become by his words. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to spend his life with her. No, that wasn’t it. It was that she was becoming afraid of the possibility that he didn’t want to spend his life with the Amish. And, if that happened, she was afraid that he would be lost forever.
Chapter Nine
“Twins?” Mary Ruth exclaimed as she dried one of the dishes in Lillian’s kitchen. She set the dishtowel on the counter and stared at Lillian who had just returned from the doctor. Junior had insisted on taking her into the city for a proper medical examination and Mary Ruth had volunteered to stay later than usual to watch the children. Now, she was glad that she had stayed. After all, she got to hear the glorious news right away. “Oh Lillian! How exciting!”
Lillian set her shawl over the back of a chair and collapsed into the green sofa
by the window. Her eyes were glowing and her face flushed. She looked more energetic and alive than she had in weeks. With a smile on her lips, she shook her head, laughing. “I can’t imagine such a blessing,” she gushed and stared at Mary Ruth and Rachel.
For the past two weeks, Mary Ruth had been helping Lillian during the mornings. Convincing her mamm and daed hadn’t been easy, especially given what they referred to as the Samuel Situation. But, after Mary Ruth pointed out that Katie was too old to help take care of so many small children and Rachel had her own growing brood to care for, Miriam had relented and pushed her husband to agree that their youngest daughter could do the Christian thing and help their neighbor. Besides, Samuel worked at the carpentry shop during the day and the chances of Mary Ruth interacting with him were slim.
During that time, Lillian’s condition hadn’t improved. She was deathly ill all day, couldn’t keep any food down, and slept incessantly. The more her condition seemed to deteriorate, the more concerned everyone had become. She had never been so incapacitated with her previous pregnancies. So, Junior had insisted that his wife visit an Englischer doctor, demanding only the best care for her and clearly not caring what the bishop might have to say about it. With Jacob Zook’s wife having passed several years back from the cancer and Whitey’s wife not faring well, Junior wasn’t about to take any chances with his beloved Lillian.