How stupid, Emilia thought now, her head thumping as if one of those little friends from her childhood had just whacked her.
She felt herself drifting to the memory of yolks dripping down her back, of little fingers fluttering through her hair and down her shoulders.
Concentrate!
Concentrate!
It wasn’t Jeremy Lance!
But she’d seen him. She remembered his face.
She thought of all the things she’d noticed lately, all the signs. The sky and the clouds and the white puffy trails. The birds, they’d been trying to tell her something was coming, but she hadn’t understood. And her father was back. And her mother had revealed something so horrible.
Concentrate, concentrate.
Listen to the words I’m saying,
People are dying, babies are crying.
Concentrate, concentrate.
Why had they sung such a horrible song as kids? And laughed. Maybe because, back then, they didn’t really know the world was horrible. They didn’t know strangers watched from trees. Waited. Did horrible things.
But Emilia did. She knew.
Concentrate!
But she didn’t have to concentrate. What she’d tried so hard to hold back now came rushing forward. And she remembered all of it.
* * *
*
Emilia had been in the woods behind her school.
She was eight years old and looking to the sky like she did every day during recess. All she noticed were crows circling and circling around as she searched for a spaceship and waited to be abducted by aliens. After she saw the movie E.T. with her father, she became obsessed with the idea of life-forms on other planets far away. Though she didn’t kid herself about all aliens being nice and cute.
They must be watching us, me, all the time, she thought.
Some of them, she imagined, were scary—terrible even, like the ones she read in the comics she’d started buying for a dollar at Connie’s Arcade down the street. She’d sit and chew bubble gum in the aisles until Connie’s son would say, “All right, Emilia. You gonna buy it or what? You’re gonna get the pages all crumby.” Then she’d set down her dollar and read about the takeover of planet Earth by a giant squid-looking thing as she walked all the way home, always making it to her house just before it got dark.
Emilia knew they would soon be coming for her. She knew too much about them. They could read her mind. The idea both scared her to death and thrilled her.
How would her parents find out? Would she be one of those kids on the milk carton, MISSING, because she was on another planet? Would she become some kind of empress on that planet, and be allowed to return to her parents in the future and show them how important she was to the aliens?
She stood in the far corner of the playground, the part where it became the woods, and listened to the crows cawing. She wondered how her classmates would react when the spaceship appeared, when a magnetic beam of glowing light pulled her into a whirring, humming disk and took her away!
Emilia smiled, thinking how surprised they would all be. She was sure it would happen any day now.
What are you smiling about? Jasmine asked.
Nothing, Emilia answered, and resumed walking carefully so as to not disturb any of the tree twigs the aliens used to send her messages.
Sometimes they were in the form of a Y. That was their code for Yes! We are out here. We are sending you messages.
Sometimes there was an X. That meant Stop, don’t tell anyone. We are only entrusting you with these messages.
/ There’s a point to all this.
Emilia. Of course we know your name.
Someday our paths will cross.
Trust us, you can trust us.
Emilia knew she was the only one who could decode the messages. She kept walking around, searching the ground.
You’re doing it again, Jasmine shouted. Looking for your stupid clues, aren’t you? I told you already, aliens don’t exist.
Emilia tried to ignore Jasmine. She didn’t really like Jasmine, with her wrists full of jelly bracelets that somehow made her the leader of all of them.
Hellooooooo, Earth to Emilia! Jasmine sang. Stop being so stupid.
Jasmine walked past Emilia, purposely stomping on as many twigs as she could. The other girls followed, past the swings and metal spiderweb, where kids hung upside down by their knees. Emilia half expected the metal web itself to start creeping behind Jasmine, too. For all the kids on it to be shaken violently before they fell on their heads. For the lunch aides to run in that ridiculous way adults run—toward the chaos while calling for help for all the children. But to Emilia’s disappointment, it stayed in place.
Emilia didn’t care. She liked her game more. And she was glad she was the only one chosen to look for and decode the messages. Yes, she thought, I am the chosen one.
Emilia looked to the sky, imagining the aliens watching her, but only a bunch of crows sat in the trees. She waved at the sky, trying to get in the aliens’ good graces, in case they wanted to use her as a medical experiment or a human pet instead of turning her into an empress.
She kept walking.
–––––––––––––––––>
Look!
Look at the leaves. See how they blow, Emilia? That is us, too. We are in everything. We see everything. And we are watching you, Emilia, waiting for you.
They were getting closer. Emilia knew it. Their messages were getting stronger. She knew she didn’t have long.
When the recess bell rang, they went back inside to their classroom. Mrs. McNary passed around holiday coloring sheets and set out art supplies to keep them busy for the rest of the day. Emilia chose a Christmas tree to color as Mrs. McNary started the projector. Frosty the Snowman played on the screen that pulled down in front of the chalkboard while Emilia’s classmates laughed and sang along, colored and added glitter to their sheets.
But Emilia looked out the window, thinking of the messages out there. She remembered a movie she’d seen a few weeks ago, about a man driving through the desert when his car radio suddenly went berserk, his car lights flashed on and off, his engine died, and his car came to a stop as a bright light suddenly appeared in the sky.
Emilia wondered if he’d received the messages, too. She wished she could talk to that man.
She wondered if they would come for her at home, at night. Would they come while she slept? Would they do something to Ma and Dad and Tomás? She thought about her family waking to prodding green fingers and large black eyes. Should she warn them? Maybe they would leave her family alone and just beam up Emilia. Which meant she’d have to leave her parents and brother behind and possibly, likely, never see them again. Emilia’s eyes filled with tears and she felt a little scared.
She also felt someone’s gaze on her. Emilia looked over and saw Jasmine staring back. She quickly wiped her eyes and reminded herself, Don’t be stupid, Emilia! It’s just a game! A game you made up! Nobody is really coming for you.
Those of you in Girl Scouts, just a reminder that Brownies is canceled today, Mrs. McNary shouted over everyone hurrying to get their books and lunch boxes and backpacks together. Emilia looked at the clock, at the rolling credits of Frosty the Snowman, and was surprised it was time to go already.
She quickly gathered her things and wondered if she’d heard her teacher correctly. And though she dreaded it, she turned to Jasmine and asked, No Brownies today?
Duh! It’s winter break, was Jasmine’s answer.
Emilia tried to ask Mrs. McNary if she could go to Tomás’s classroom so he wouldn’t leave without her, but then immediately remembered Ma telling him that morning of his dentist appointment in the afternoon. She would pick him up at noon, Ma had said.
You too, Emilia. If you want.
But she hadn’t wanted to mis
s the holiday party or Brownies.
Emilia felt a small wave of panic as Mrs. McNary quickly rushed her back into line before leading them out of the classroom. She scanned the hallway for Tomás, just in case, but no luck.
Call home, said a little voice inside her head. Emilia giggled despite her panic as an image of E.T. came to mind. She quickly snuck out of line near the pay phone outside the gym and retrieved the one quarter she always kept in the small side zipper of her purple sneakers. She slipped it into the pay phone and dialed her home number.
After the third ring, Emilia knew nobody was home, but she let it ring four more times before finally hanging up.
Maybe they’re still at the dentist, Emilia thought. Ma will pick me up later. I can just hang out on the playground, decode more messages, and then go out in front of the school, where Ma will be waiting like always.
Because it was the last day before winter break, the school emptied quickly. And by the time Emilia headed out across the field and to the playground, she didn’t see anyone else around.
She puffed little smoke clouds out of her mouth and watched them disappear. By the time she got to the trees, she was out of breath and a little dizzy. She stopped, felt a strange stillness, and the cold found its way under her coat and her Cheerios sweatshirt, right to her spine.
A disturbance.
Emilia looked up, saw the crows watching her. “Have the aliens been here?” she asked them.
She got to work and searched for new messages but found none.
I know they were here! I can feel it!
Emilia looked all around but saw nothing. She walked and reexamined the same sticks, positioned just as they’d been during recess. Maybe the messengers had moved on. Perhaps she was not worthy of their time. Or maybe she’d misread their messages. Maybe they were just testing her patience.
Emilia sat down, waiting, wondering.
The day looked just like a winter day should, the sky so gauzy and white, filled with the long, thin, nearly bare arms of tree branches except for all the black birds. As she sat there, it started getting colder, so Emilia stood up, zipped her heavy jacket, and spun in circles to keep warm. She let out more puffs of smoke.
Can you decode my puffs of smoke? she asked the aliens.
After a while, she figured it must be close to time to go. She was sure she’d been walking and sitting around long enough and her mother would soon be parked in front of the school waiting for her. She started walking, but suddenly a strong wind blew, sending leaves and a ton of twigs falling to the ground. Emilia raced to them.
X——>
Stop! Follow the trail.
Behind you!
Emilia turned, but too late. A firework exploded in her ear, filled her world with streaks and spinning lights, and sent her falling to the ground.
The messengers! They were here! They were finally here!
Just like in the movie.
Emilia tried to remember if they had knocked the man unconscious before taking him into their spaceship. Oh god, they’ve come! They’ve come to take me away! She couldn’t believe it was actually happening. She tried to open her eyes for a moment, to look up at the sky, past the tree branches in search of the blinding light of a hovering mother ship, but all she saw were the branches crisscrossing above her.
The aliens trampled her. Attacked her and throttled her. They hit her on the head, again and again, filling it with black and then aching, flashing color. And it was nothing like Emilia thought it would be. They were terrible. Horrible. They were going to kill her.
The realization sent her into a panic and she called out, screamed, but they drummed their fists on her body, grunted like wild pigs, and made terrible, terrible sounds. She felt herself being dragged over exposed roots and hard ground. She turned and saw the dirty white sneakers the messenger wore. One messenger.
She occasionally caught a glimpse of the world as her eyes fluttered. Her head hit the ground again. She tasted blood. She felt it seeping out of the sides of her mouth.
She saw flashing dots. And she thought, It’s here. The ship is here.
Emilia wondered if what she thought was the spaceship was really the space shuttle Mrs. McNary had told them about all month. The space shuttle carrying the first teacher into space. It was scheduled to go off next month, but what if it was taking off right now and that’s what she was seeing? What if Mrs. McNary had lied?
Maybe she’d lied about the Brownie meeting, too. Maybe it wasn’t canceled. Maybe all of them were inside and she was out here.
Emilia felt herself being dragged hard by her ankles. This wasn’t what she’d imagined. This was something else, something frightening and inhumane, but not aliens.
Oh god! Someone help! Please! she thought as she looked at the sky. She saw the birds in the trees. Help! she tried to scream, but felt the blood bubbling in her throat; she heard herself gurgle.
Her vision was darkening, but then she saw a huge black bird coming toward her. And then more. And more. And more! The sky darkened, was almost blackened completely, with so many birds. Or maybe she was passing out. She couldn’t concentrate anymore. Help me! she told them. Please!
You can talk to me, you know, when I’m gone.
Emilia thought she heard her grandmother’s voice.
Help me, Emilia thought. Help me!
She heard more shrieking, cawing in the distance, then the sound of hundreds of wings. And a man’s voice, scared, getting higher.
Emilia focused on the trees, blurry and getting farther and farther away. She had a strange sense of falling, of going under. How much time passed before she realized she was alone? Before all she heard was silence and her own breathing.
She imagined floating up to the treetops, so high no one could ever get her. The wind blew again and Emilia realized she had no clothes on. She was cold, but somehow numb, and her body felt heavy. She felt herself falling, sinking deeper, into herself.
Am I dying? she wondered.
She went further inside herself, until she couldn’t hear anything anymore. She slipped into the red of her veins, and traveled in the river of her blood, and arrived in the soft glow of her belly and lodged herself there. Her ears were stuffed with silence. Her blood, and body tissue, and insides muffled all the noise outside. She slipped into darkness and peace. And she didn’t know how long she stayed there before she heard the crows crying.
Emilia! Emilia!
She heard the wind howling and felt it blowing against her bare skin.
The wind lifted her and carried her upward, past the tree branches, all the way to the top. And then they closed up beneath her, hiding the ground below. Hiding whatever, or whomever, she left behind.
It was dark.
And now she was a black bird, perched on the highest branch. And her mind felt soft and oozing. And she was trying to understand how she could be both up here and down there at once.
It wasn’t aliens, Emilia, she told herself. It was someone. Someone scary.
Her mind filled with the blurry image of that someone. Someone horrible and violent and dangerous.
Emilia Was Crying
Emilia was crying softly in her sleep; her head was buzzing, and from somewhere far away, someone called her name.
“Emilia?”
She wondered if her tongue was intact or split. She tried to move, but her body hurt. She knew it was covered in bruises.
“Emilia?” It was her brother’s voice, in her ear.
But how had Tomás gotten in the hospital room? They wouldn’t let him in. Ma wouldn’t let him see her.
“Wake up, Emilia. It’s a bad dream, that’s all,” he said. His voice was gentle but urgent in her ear. She heard a soft whimpering and suddenly realized it was her own. “Just a bad dream. Don’t cry.”
Emilia opened her eyes and saw Tomás’s worrie
d face. Hot tears came out of the corners of her eyes and a sob was stuck in her throat.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
She nodded, unable to speak, and took a deep breath before letting it out slowly. She stared at the ceiling as she tried to come back to reality. Her brother held her hand.
“It just . . . it felt so real,” she finally managed.
It was, but this was just a dream, she told herself. You’re home. In your bed. It was so long ago.
She wiped her face. Took a few more breaths.
Tomás had started coming into her room in the middle of the night and sleeping on her floor ever since the night Ma told her about Carl Smith.
In case you have a bad dream, he whispered one night when she woke to find him there and asked him why. She was secretly grateful.
“I’m okay,” she told him before he could ask again. And they stayed like that for a long moment before a knock at the door startled them both.
Ma peeked her head in. “Merry Christmas,” she whispered.
* * *
*
Downstairs, they sat around the tree, opening gifts. Each item made Emilia think of back when things were normal. Ma usually finished her Christmas shopping months before the holidays. These gifts came from that time, those moments, when things were as Emilia had always thought they were.
“Do you like it?” Ma asked about a sweater Emilia had just unwrapped.
“I love it.”
Tomás opened a new pair of sneakers. Then a new book. Emilia wrapped a new scarf around her neck.
“Now your turn,” Emilia said, handing Ma a small box. Ma looked at it, her eyes glistening before she even opened it. The box was shiny and pretty, wrapped carefully with a bow.
Emilia had bought Ma earrings. They were the kind of dangly earrings Emilia vaguely remembered Ma wearing. She didn’t know what made her buy them for her mother. Maybe because she knew Ma would like them, but would never get them for herself. She usually bought her mother two or three small gifts, but these had taken her whole budget. Still, she wanted Ma to have them. She wanted Ma to look like she was going to a fancy party instead of just prettying up the women who went to them.
The Fall of Innocence Page 15