I used to spend every Sunday in the cave. Baba had a sweet voice and would often sing profound compositions of Kaivara Narayana Thatha, Brahmayya and Sarpabhushana Shivayogi. He was an expert on the ektara. On a certain Sunday, I requested him to sing but he had a bad throat. He said, ‘I am not in a position to sing, but you are testing me. I can’t say no to you because you are the Guru’s child. Let’s wait for the Guru to fulfil your desire.’ He then entered samadhi.
A few minutes later, someone who looked like a coolie, wearing a tattered vest and shorts, appeared at the mouth of the cave. He greeted Baba in Telugu. ‘Namaskaramu saami.’ Baba smiled, greeted him quietly and closed his eyes again. The man then asked for Baba’s permission to sing, and Baba nodded.
For more than an hour, he sang those very compositions of Narayana Thatha I had wanted Baba to sing for me. The last song he sang was my favourite composition: ‘Barayya Govinda, bidisenna bhavabandha…’ (Come, O Govinda, rid me of worldly attachments…). After this song, he bowed to Baba and left.
Baba opened his eyes and asked me, ‘Do you know who that man was?’
I replied, ‘Must be one of those coolies from the construction site nearby. But he sang so well.’
Baba sighed. ‘He was right in front of you but you didn’t recognize him. It was Narayana Thatha himself.’
I couldn’t believe it and wondered if Baba was joking. ‘Why didn’t you tell me when he was here?’
He said, ‘I wanted to demonstrate to you that your inner eye is not yet open, so you could not recognize him. Many saints, living and dead, have visited this place. Even Purandara Dasa and Kanaka Dasa have been here. On the night of Shivaratri, Lord Shiva himself came. While meditating that night, I had to go out to urinate. Sattar Sahib and Budan Sahib were sitting near the huge rock, singing, “If you repeat Shiva Shiva, you will have no fear.”
‘I watched them for a while. Then I said to Sattar Sahib, “So you have been calling upon Shiva? Can you recognize him if he stands before you?”
‘Sattar Sahib boasted that he could, and started singing rather loudly. Suddenly, a beggar in tattered clothes appeared before them.
‘He said, “Why are you singing so loudly?” Sattar Sahib didn’t pay him any attention but I immediately recognized him. He winked at me and left. Both men continued to sing till dawn.
‘I asked them the next morning, “What have you earned after your night-long vigil?”
“Shiva never came.”
“You are a fool. He was standing right before you, but your eyes were shut.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“How can Shiva be seen by a fool who doesn’t open his eyes when he appears in front of him?”’
Baba lived an austere life; his needs were minimal. He would eat only one meal a day, though he loved his tea and consumed four cups of tea through the day. He would also smoke a bit of ganja before his night-long namaz. On the days there was nothing in the cave, Baba and Ammaji would be content with tea or water.
Baba would accept the money people gave him but never demanded anything, except when he was in dire need. Nevertheless, Baba was a gracious host. When people he was fond of came to see him, he would take over the kitchen and start cooking something special; he was an expert in making bondas.
Baba would get Ammaji to cook something delicious for me every day. However, he would never let me wash the plates. In fact, at times, he would insist on washing my plates. He said, ‘Whatever we have got from others in past lives, we need to return. Nothing is free in the world, not even a cup of tea; every single paisa is accounted for. You’re in a hurry to be accepted by the Guru, but your time hasn’t come. You have yet to clear debts to two more women. Unless you do that, you can’t move one step ahead. The relationship between a man and a woman is also part of this debt business.
‘When a married person is accepted by a guru as his disciple, the story changes. If both people are accepted by the guru, it is okay. But if only one person enters the guru’s path, marriages break. This is what is happening with your marriage. If that doesn’t happen, that other partner may have to quit the world.
‘Listen to the story of Tomato Baba, whose ancestors were from Baghdad. His skin was as red as a tomato. He would wear nothing but a langoti, and his red testicles dangled like two tomatoes. For months on end, he would sit in tapasya on a hillock beyond Yellahanka. He was totally indifferent to his family, and his wife would curse him and say, “It’s better to die than to be married to a worthless husband like you!”
‘He went on listening to this for several years. Finally, he asked her, “Is this your final decision? Think again.”
‘She said, “What’s there to think again? So be it.”
‘Tomato Baba said, “Ameen.”
‘He disappeared from home for fifteen days. His wife died on the last day; he came the next day to attend to her funeral.’
I did not like the logic behind it. My heart went out to the woman in the story. Baba explained, ‘You still don’t understand these matters. Those born of the senses must clear the debt of senses. Without that, no sadhana can bear fruit. Karmic laws are very different from the calculations of our intellect. All of us need to pay off our debts. I had to wander in dense forests for fourteen years till I got the opportunity to clear a debt from a past life. One thing is clear: no marriage, no liberation.’ By this he meant that in some way or another, a man has to clear his debts to the women in his life before he can advance on the spiritual path.
At this point in the narrative, let me share with you Baba’s own story. He was born into a Virashaiva family in Denkani Kote, Tamil Nadu, and could speak Tamil and Telugu. He was not educated but could read Kannada and had read many Kannada books on spiritual topics. However, he could not read or write Urdu although he spoke the colloquial Urdu of the local Muslims.
Before he embarked on his spiritual path, Baba had been a happily married man, and used to work as a building contractor. Yet, despite money, property and a loving wife, there was a deep void in his heart. He started longing for something more, and began to pray daily for a guru. His prayer went like this: ‘Please send me a guru who can lead me beyond this ocean of the world.’ He prayed long and hard for three years, and his efforts finally brought him to his guru, Akbar Shah Quadri Wali.
This guru lived in Sultan Palya in Bangalore with his wife. Though Baba met Akbar Shah Quadri Wali in the company of his elder brother, also a great guru, Baba’s heart told him that Akbar Shah was his true guru.
Akbar Shah laid down a condition before initiating him into spiritual practice. ‘I can see that there is a whole trunk of useless books in your house. Throw it into the dungheap and come back to me. Only then can you get the first lesson from me.’ Baba was deeply attached to his books, especially books by and about Sri Ramakrishna. How could he throw them into the dung heap? He refused to obey his guru’s command.
In those days, Baba had to travel to Chennai frequently on work. One day, he was summoned to Chennai for a building contract. This trip was going to be a long one, so he locked up his house and took his wife along with him. When he returned to his house, he found it had been burgled. Inside the house, he found everything in place except his trunk of books, which had been stolen. Baba realized then that he had seen the first karamat of his guru. He also learnt that the guru knows best when to rid us of what he wants to rid us of.
Akbar Shah Quadri Wali gave Baba many tests, for a guru always tests the disciple—this is a part of the sadhana. Then came a time when he gave Baba the severest of tests. Baba, focused on his guru, had lost interest in his profession.
His earnings had dwindled. His wife was pregnant and sick and he had no money to buy her medicines. Eventually, she delivered a stillborn baby as her own life ebbed away. No help was forthcoming from friends or relatives. One night, his guru came to his house and thundered, ‘You bastard! I can see how attached you are. I want you to quit your house tomorrow and go away as a mendicant for
twelve years.’
Baba was in despair and tried to plead with Akbar Shah. ‘What will other people think if I leave her in this state? Just wait till she dies and I bury her.’ But the guru gave him an ultimatum. ‘Decide who is greater, guru or wife.’ Baba fell at his feet and begged him to wait. His guru kicked him instead and said, ‘Either you set out at 8 a.m. tomorrow or I will leave you forever.’ Baba sat crying the whole night beside his unconscious wife.
Finally, he made up his mind to face the guru’s test. The next morning, he put together a few belongings and some provisions. When he was about to leave, Akbar Shah’s elder brother arrived at his house and unleashed a volley of abuse: ‘Are you a human being or a beast? Just because my mad brother wants you to go, how can you ditch your wife like this? If you follow his advice, you go to hell. You will have to pay for this bad karma in many future lives.’
If that wasn’t enough, Akbar Shah also arrived and started abusing him: ‘You bastard, why are you standing here listening to this rascal?’ Then the two brothers got into a fight, screaming abuses at each other. Baba felt like laughing in spite of his anguish: one guru was telling him to go while the other was telling him to stay! Both were powerful gurus in their own right but he had to obey his own guru. He announced that he would go away.
The elder brother abused them both and left. Akbar Shah said, ‘Now that the stumbling block is gone, you can go.’ When he was about to leave, the guru noticed that he was carrying a bag with some belongings. He kicked the bag so hard that all the contents fell out. He said, ‘You trust your bag more than your guru.’ Baba asked for forgiveness. As he was leaving, he made a request. ‘Please bury her properly when she dies.’ The guru said, ‘You think I will let her die? You just go. It’s my business to look after her.’
When Baba returned twelve years later after his wanderings in far-off places, Akbar Shah had kept his word. His wife was glowing with health and had bought a house with the money she had received from an unexpected source. Baba said, ‘Shivaprakash, this is the Guru’s drama.’
Meanwhile, how had Baba spent those twelve years? This is what he told me. ‘As commanded by the master, I left my dying wife and took to the life of a mendicant. I roamed around in the regions of Sira, Chitradurga, Chikmagalur, Mangalore and then in the dense forests around Karwar. I had no money and was living only on alms. There were many days when I had to go without food. There were also occasions when I would not see another human being for several days at a time, for that is how thick and wild those forests were.
‘On one such occasion, I had been starving for three days. Though I had got used to going without food, my weakness was a craving for tea. One evening, I reached a hut in the forest. A young woman sat outside doing japa. When she saw me, tears started flowing down her cheeks. She said, “For ages, I have waited for you. You have come here at last.” It was as if I had seen a flash of thunder, and I suddenly remembered a scene from my past life where I promised her I would meet her in this life and clear my debt to her. However, I was in a fix. I had taken a vow of continence in this life and could not pay back my debt the way she was expecting me to. I could not move on without clearing it either.
‘Meanwhile, she saw that I was hungry. She cooked a meal with what little she had, and I ate. After eating, I longed for a cup of tea but was too embarrassed to ask her as I didn’t think she had the ingredients. She read my mind and said, “I know that you are longing for tea. But I have to walk twenty miles in one direction or ten miles in another to get tea leaves.” Saying this, she mixed some jaggery in plain water and brought it to me. “I have made jaggery water for you although it is a poor substitute.”
‘My heart melted, and I felt the fascination of many past lives tug at me. She held my hands and shed tears the whole night. Again and again she said, “Don’t you know how I have been waiting for you?”
‘I knew this was another test the guru had set. He spoke from within, “The debt is as huge as an ocean. You just drink a cup of it now. You’ll get the opportunity to pay it back completely in the next life.”
‘I said to her, “I understand everything that you have told me. In this life, we have to play the role of brother and sister. Your wish will be fulfilled in the next life.”
‘The next day the guru asked me to leave. I was never to meet her again in this life. Karmic debts can last over many lifetimes. Sooner or later, we have to clear them. It’s not easy for a lonely woman to live a life in such a desolate forest. It was the Guru’s will that I meet her that night. I know that the debt has to be cleared somehow in the next life.’
As far as I could gather, the sadhana that Baba practised was not based on the scriptures. Though he had converted to Islam as desired by his guru, he did not follow many Islamic rituals. For instance, he never went to the mosque but did ‘dil ka namaz’. In his guru’s tradition, eating meat was taboo but drinking alcohol as an aid to concentration was permitted. Consuming ganja was also an acceptable part of the sadhana. However, these substances had to be blessed and consecrated by the power of the guru.
There were other differences between orthodox Islam and Baba’s guru’s lineage. Unlike orthodox Islam, Baba and his gurus strongly believed in reincarnation. Also, while these masters believed that Islam is the best religion, they accepted that all religions are equally valid paths to the Divine. Further, though orthodox Muslims believe that the Koran is the greatest teaching, Baba and his masters believed that the Koran is derived from the akshara, the original unwritten scripture, which cannot be destroyed. To them, the unwritten scripture is the basis of all written scriptures.
Baba never entirely explained the path of his sadhana but he always maintained that the foundation of all sadhana was ishq for the guru; without love, sadhana was not possible. This is what he had told me at our very first meeting. Being tested by the guru is also part of the sadhana. The guru tests the disciple in innumerable ways. Baba’s guru used to do a lot of play-acting to test him. Apparently, this guru once told another disciple, ‘If you want me to be your guru, go bring your wife to me.’ The humble disciple obeyed the guru, who was moved to tears by his devotion. He said, ‘Child, what do I do with your wife? I said that just to test you,’ and gave him great blessings.
Baba told me about one of the toughest tests he had to pass. This was a test that most yogis encounter on the threshold of Light. ‘One day, I was deep in meditation. Whom did I see in front of me? A beautiful goddess.
She said, “I am pleased. Ask me for any boon. I have everything.” She showed me cars, aeroplanes, palaces, lands, jewels and money. It all played out in front of me like a movie.
I asked, “Who are you?”
She said, “I am God’s younger sister.”
With folded hands I said, “One day all these riches will be blown away. I want only what is permanent: the Guru’s sacred feet.” Mahamaya melted away and never came back.’
Baba also shared with me the story of one of his dearest disciples, Tippeshi. ‘Tippeshi was a hedonist and an incorrigible drunkard. He refused to believe in gods and gurus and had never stepped into a temple. He once happened to pass by this cave and wanted to find out who was living here. So he came in. I asked him to sit down and talk to me. After that initial meeting, he began to visit me every day and developed a deep affection for me, although he could not understand why he felt this way for me. My heart also warmed to him.
‘Most of the time, Tippeshi would come to me completely drunk. He used to frequent brothels and made no bones about it. If that wasn’t enough, he was also a notorious goon in his area. Only I knew how pure his heart was. He was somebody who could give up his life for his friends.
‘Love is the most important thing with a guru. Once you give your love to the guru, he always protects you. And he must be present at the time of your spirit leaving the body so that he can lead your spirit to the right place.
‘Tippeshi’s drinking began to get worse. When I tried to discipline him, he sho
t back. “Didn’t you tell me that love alone is enough? Please don’t lay down any more conditions.” His body became prey to countless diseases and the doctor warned him that he would die if he did not stop drinking.
‘One evening, when he was sitting in a crowded toddy shop with a toddy bottle in one hand and a piece of beef in another, he felt a spasm of acute pain in the chest. That was the end. His last word was “Swamiji”. He had remembered me. I was sitting here in the midst of a bhajan but his cry reached me. I could see that he had fallen dead. I sat down in namaz so that I could take his soul to the right place.
‘A few hours later his friends came to me and asked me to be present during his burial. I said, “You take care of his body, I am busy taking care of his soul.”’
After concluding the story, Baba began to sing his favourite line from a song by Narayana Thatha, ‘Whatever happens, O Govinda, please be with me at the hour of death.’
He then remembered something. ‘Shivaprakash, at the time this body falls, you won’t be there.’
I was angry. ‘I will make sure that I am there.’
Baba replied quietly, ‘So will I. But the Guru’s calculations are different.’ The Guru had given the hukum.
Baba used to say that it is not difficult to understand the Truth. The guru can give it to you in a fraction of a second. It could be just a sentence, word or a syllable, but then it becomes the responsibility of the disciple to live up to it every minute of his life. He warned, ‘This is where most people flounder.’
Another aspect that Baba considered important for sadhana was a sense of lightness. He had a great sense of humour. Even when he was narrating sad stories, he would punctuate them with well-timed jokes. Baba knew well that suffering was an essential part of spiritual growth. He would say, ‘Unless the water is heated, how can the dal get boiled? Yoga is about the focus in the mind when you are heated by your sufferings.’ But Baba insisted that one needed to be cheerful as one confronted trials and tribulations.
Everyday Yogi Page 7