Sitting in a half-lotus cross-legged position, she pressed the stone between her palms, adding some acupressure to her hand chakras, which were extensions of her heart chakra. She focused her mind on the stone’s smooth, cool hardness, and on the pressure of it against her palms, becoming mindful of her heart chakra, opening herself to the love she felt for her family even as she visualized her seat rooting to the earth, stabilizing, balancing. She could reach out to her family, she could be open, but she would not lose her footing.
Rhythmic clicking signaled someone in hard-heeled shoes walking swiftly past her through the breezeway. Marlena kept her eyes closed, her focus inward. There was no embarrassment in being caught in the act of meditating, of taking time to breathe and reconnect with the universe beyond the narrow human constructs of time and buildings and stress.
When, at last, she chose to open her eyes again, her body and spirit were at peace. She set down the stone, rested her hands palms-up on her knees, and took a final few centering breaths, feeling perfectly balanced on the line between inward and outward consciousness, between grounding and openness. She rose and set the stone near the tree, then rolled up and stowed her mat. Back in the sunlight in front of the hospital, she made her way to the emergency room, stalwart in her peace, ready to face her brother and her parents, as well as the stress and pain that was ever-present in hospital emergency rooms.
She spotted her father first. He was leaning against the wall adjacent to the pastel green and yellow privacy curtain in the bay number Marlena had been directed to within the bustling E.R. center, scrolling through his smart phone. The angle of his downturned face pulled his loose, mottled skin forward, giving him distinct jowls and caterpillar-thick white eyebrows over vacant eyes that told Marlena he’d already checked out emotionally. Her insides tensed, but she fought the flash of anxiety.
“Hey, Dad. Michael and Mom in there?”
“Hmm?” he grunted. Another scroll of his thumb over his phone before he lifted his eyes to look at her. “Oh, hi. I told your mother not to call you. What a mess. That jerkoff landlord overreacted.”
“Did something happen at the group home? Mom didn’t say.”
With a guttural sigh that was equal parts weary and irked, he returned his focus to his phone. “Knives, is what he said.”
“What who said? Dad, stop it with the phone and talk to me.”
“The landlord, Rob or whatever his name is. He claims Michael was stealing knives from the kitchen and hiding them under his bed.”
Marlena’s heart sank. She knew what that meant. “Michael’s done that before, but only when he’s off his meds.”
“That’s what I mean. The guy overreacted. All Michael needs to do is pop a few pills and he’ll be fine.”
She knew better than to believe her dad honestly thought regulating Michael’s moods and bouts of psychosis was that simple, which meant there was more to the story than he was saying.
“Dad, what happened? Did Michael get kicked out of the home?”
“Of course he did. That jackass won’t even give him a chance to prove this was no big deal. He shouldn’t have allowed knives in the kitchen, so, really, he’s the one who caused the problem.”
She let her dad’s vitriol roll off her back. “How much longer can Michael stay here in the E.R.?”
Her dad huffed. “Until tonight. Maybe.”
“Is that what you were doing on your phone, looking for a new place for him to stay?”
“There’s no new places that’ll take him tonight. Maybe not ever. His record doesn’t look good on the surface.”
On the surface. As though Michael was really a sweet guy if only people would look deeper. True, he had his own kind of charm, but that was what was on the surface, not the other way around. “Things will work out, like they always do—like the universe intends.”
Dad leveled a deadpan stare at her. “Someday, you’ve got to give up that gibberish nonsense and get with the real world, Marli. It doesn’t do you any good for you to keep your head in the clouds like that.”
She looked away, refusing to engage him on that point, as she had in the past. “I’m going to check in with Mom and Michael.”
She moved the curtain aside and stepped into the cubby of a room.
“Michael should’ve tried to stab that Rob asshole. Maybe then the system would’ve worked like it’s supposed to and he could get the help he needs. It’s all these goddamn bleeding-heart liberals in Washington,” he called, as though she weren’t five feet away, for the benefit of the whole E.R. “They’re keeping my son from getting the treatment he needs. What kind of dignity is in that?”
Michael was dozing in bed. His wrists were bound by soft restraints, as she imagined his ankles were under the blanket. Her mom sat in the bedside chair, knitting what looked to be the start of a winter hat and watching talking heads argue on a conservative cable news program.
When she saw Marlena, she set aside her knitting and rose, holding her arms out for a hug. “Oh, sissy, I told you that you didn’t need to come.”
“Mom, hi. How is he?”
As they hugged, Marlena studied Michael from over her mom’s shoulder. Looking at him now, at the docile, big-bellied lump of a person he’d become, she was shocked anew that he was the source of so much stress in her life. How could a memory from when she was ten still have such a hold over her? How had she subconsciously seen a connection between Liam’s aggressive sexuality and her brother’s sickness?
Even at his most psychotically narcissistic, at the height of his Foreign Legion obsession, Michael turned his fear and anger inward on himself. He hadn’t had a violent episode since he’d hurt her nearly twenty years ago, and even then, his intention hadn’t been to hurt her.
“He doesn’t look like he’s in bad shape,” Marlena said.
“Well, you know, they gave him some pretty strong sedatives.”
She braced her hands on her mom’s shoulders. “Are you all right?”
“Of course, of course. Just worried about him.” Mom’s voice caught in her throat. “He’s going to come live with us until we can find him a place of his own nearby. I didn’t like having him so far away before, anyway. It’s a blessing in disguise that this happened.”
It wasn’t a blessing, and it ticked Marlena off that her mom could be so deep in denial about the truth. Having Michael at home with her and Dad was going to change everything about their lives, just as it had when Michael’s mental illnesses manifested when he was a teenager. The more her parents were around Michael, the faster they seemed to age.
The trouble was, where else could he go? At least temporarily, her family was out of options. Marlena was bothered by the idea of having him within walking distance of her current apartment and only a short bus ride from her new apartment and yoga studio. She loved her brother, but she wanted to love him from a distance without worrying about running into him as she went about her daily life. Just as the universe had shoved her toward Liam until she acquiesced, it seemed to be pushing Michael back into her world whether she was okay with it or not.
“Dad thinks that you’re going to have trouble finding him a place, and I agree. If you’re not careful, then he’ll be living with you permanently, and you’re about to retire. You deserve to relax and have some fun,” Marlena said.
She waved off Marlena’s concerns. “No, no. He’s a good boy, and your father and I will pay the rent, wherever he ends up. He’s a perfect renter. He doesn’t have pets, he doesn’t smoke, and he doesn’t listen to any of that loud music that kids do these days. I’m going to call Vikki about it in the morning.”
Vikki was Olivia and Liam’s mother, owner of the apartment complex. She knew better than to rent to Michael, or at least, Marlena hoped so. She hoped sympathy for Marlena’s mom wouldn’t come into play, because having Michael living in the same complex was unacceptable. Rather than try to talk some sense into her mom, Marlena decided instead to give Olivia a heads-up about the situatio
n that night when she stopped by her place.
Marlena touched Michael’s leg through the layers of blanket. “Hi, Mikey. I heard you had a bit of a rough patch this morning.”
His gaze had the same faraway look as their father had when she’d arrived to find him scrolling through his phone. “Sissy. Did you make sure they didn’t follow you? They’ve been tracking me.”
“Who?”
He sprang up into a seated position, the wrist restraints rattling against the side rails, and shifted his suddenly sharp gaze around the room. “The Foreign Legion.”
Marlena looked down. She visualized her feet growing down, planting in the earth. She forced her heart to open to her family, to Michael, to her parents. But all her spirit wanted to do was scream.
***
Eight hours later, long after the sun had set, Marlena waved good-bye to her parents and Michael in their driveway after following them home from the hospital. They probably had expected her to come in, to help them get Michael settled, but she couldn’t make herself take that extra step.
It’d been such a long, draining day that part of her wanted to go back to her apartment, change into her pajamas, and crawl into bed, but the other half of her didn’t want to be alone. Besides, she’d promised Olivia she’d be over. Maybe she could borrow a pair of pajamas from her. On her way there, she swung through Pancho Pete’s, opting for the drive-in. Orlando had the night off, but Emilio slipped her three containers of habanero sauce and a side of sliced, fresh jalapeños to go along with her order of ultimate nachos and rolled tacos.
Olivia opened her apartment door and a wave of sulfur-scented air wafted into the hall.
Marlena covered her nose. “Is that a gas leak?”
“No. Hard boiled eggs. I need them for class tomorrow. How did everything go at the hospital?”
All Marlena could manage in reply were tired eyes. She held up the Pancho Pete’s bag.
“Yikes,” Olivia said. Looping an arm around Marlena’s neck, she pulled her inside. “Good thing I sprang for the top-of-the-line twelve-dollar bottle of wine at the grocery store. I’m sure that’ll go great with whatever flaming hot food you brought us.”
In her kitchen, there were dozens and dozens of eggs, along with multiple pots on the stove. Minding them was Vikki, Olivia and Liam’s mom.
Olivia’s parents were older, having adopted Olivia and Liam late in life, and their failing health was a frequent topic of conversation between Olivia and Marlena. Vikki liked to pretend she’d enjoyed the one gentle yoga class she’d attended, but Marlena had sensed her discomfort with her arthritis and bad back, and even though gentle yoga accommodated all kinds of disabilities and aches and pains, Vikki had never been back. Still, Marlena appreciated the gesture of support.
“Hi, Vikki. I’m surprised you’re still here. It’s getting late.”
Vikki might only be five foot nothing, but her smile had always had mega wattage and her hug was strong and full of love. “Oh, I could never resist helping Olivia with her classroom. There isn’t much that an old lady like me can help with in a high school science class, but I try to make myself useful. How are you doing? It’s been ages since I’ve been able to sneak away for one of your yoga classes.”
Both of Olivia’s parents’ health was failing. Their father, Lloyd, suffered from a bad back, bad hearing, and chronic pain resulting from the years of physical labor he’d performed around the apartment complex. Vikki had always been frail, but it was as if she’d gone from a young fifty to an old seventy in the blink of an eye.
“What’s the science project? Setting the record for the largest-ever batch of egg salad?”
“It’s for physics,” Olivia said. “An experiment on air pressure.”
Marlena raised a skeptical eyebrow. “With hard-boiled eggs?”
Marlena had never actually taken a physics class, and she couldn’t imagine that eggs had anything to do with science, but she had taken a cooking class in high school and had learned how to make a mean batch of deviled eggs.
Vikki’s eyes twinkled. “It’s a fun trick. I might have to use it at my next bridge party. Show her, dear.”
“The students love it.” Olivia handed Marlena a glass of red wine, then grabbed a match and an old-school-style glass cola bottle, which she set on the table. After lighting the match, she dropped it inside the bottle. Next, she plucked a peeled egg from a bowl filled with them and set the egg on the bottle’s opening. In seconds, the egg was sucked inside.
Marlena gave a little gasp, then smiled, instantly feeling like a new person from the one she’d been at the door. “Cool.”
Olivia was her safe place. Her parents were part of that, too, as was the whole apartment complex. She’d lost track of how often she’d ridden her bike or driven over to escape the drama at her own house. As much as meditation and yoga, the McAllisters were her safe haven.
Except Liam. He’d never been safe, never easy or comfortable, for her.
She pushed the thought to the corner of her mind. Tonight wasn’t the night to deal with that, even if her conscience was chiding her for keeping the truth about her encounters with Liam from Olivia.
After all the eggs were boiled and the dishes washed, Olivia walked Vikki home while Marlena laid out their spread of taco-shop food and poured more wine.
Olivia collapsed into the sofa upon her return, sighing deeply. “I’m beat. Between school and helping out around the apartment complex, my ‘to do’ list never gets any smaller.”
Marlena handed her a glass of wine. “You’ve been saying that a lot lately. Is there anything you can do to ease your burden?”
Olivia’s smile was harsh. “Sure. I’ll just convince Liam to step up. Kidding. I’ve been after him since he got out of the army to get with the program and help me, but he doesn’t want to be a full-time apartment manager any more than I did. Not that he’s said as much, considering I’m lucky to catch a glimpse of him in the distance, much less converse with him in any real way.”
It was strange, hearing Olivia’s assessment of Liam now that she knew him in an intimate way, not only the sex, but the dancing and his sense of humor and his PTSD struggles. She felt torn between wanting to protect Liam’s privacy and not wanting to lie to Olivia, even by omission. She was being less than honest with Olivia, but felt inextricably caught in the middle because she couldn’t help feeling that if Olivia could only see the real Liam, she’d change her mind about him.
“What I did decide to do is hire an actual, paid, full-time manager for the apartments. Mom and Dad won’t admit they can’t do it all anymore, which means I’m running the place on top of my teaching job, and I’m tired of feeling frazzled.”
“You should ask Duke before you put out a job ad,” Marlena said. “Maybe he’s heard of another wounded veteran who needs a job and a place to stay after he finishes rehab.”
“That’s a great idea. I’ll ask him this week.”
Marlena licked guacamole from her fingers. “And who knows, maybe he’ll be hot and nerdy, the kind of man I always picture you with.”
“With my luck in men? Please.”
“Speaking of which, how was your date last night with Roman Carter?” Roman was a friend of Presley’s fiancé. Olivia heard his name in all its manly potential and had orchestrated a blind date with Presley’s help.
Olivia groaned and downed the last of her wine.
“That bad?”
“He was all about himself. I don’t think he asked me a single question. He went on and on about his job as a freelance architect. Oh, and he’s a Bruins fan.”
Marlena almost spit her wine at that. “Bruins? You can’t live in New York and be a Bruins fan. That’s sacrilege.”
“I know, right?”
Olivia’s phrasing and tone made Marlena do a double take. She’d sounded exactly like her brother when she’d said that. Marlena had never really noticed that the two of them had anything in common other than their dark blond hair, blue eyes, a
nd well-defined cheekbones. They didn’t share a sense of humor or life outlook, but now that she’d experienced a night with Liam, she saw his connection to his sister for the first time.
“That’s what you get for going out with a guy because you like his name. You should stick to science geeks like you. I’m sure there are plenty of them out there who’d fall all over themselves for a girlfriend as hot as you who can wax poetic about the periodic table and all those Monty Python movies.”
“When you find a hot guy that can do those things, send him my way. But come on. You have to give me this one. I mean, Roman Carter. Now that’s a name of a man who was born with more testosterone pumping through his veins than the average American male. What do you think of when you hear the name Roman Carter?”
Marlena didn’t skip a beat. “That’s a man who knows how to woo a woman.”
“I was thinking, big dick, but same difference.”
Through their shared giggle, Marlena couldn’t help thinking of Liam again. Another twinge of guilt knifed through her. “So . . . spill it? Was he anatomically blessed?”
Olivia gave her a gentle shove. “What kind of girl to you think I am? I don’t put out on the first date.”
Olivia always had possessed a more traditional sense of dating and sex than Marlena, but they worked as best friends because they each respected the other’s code and sense of self.
“That means you’ll have to go out with him a few more times before you can find out if you’re right or not.”
Olivia groaned. “I’m not sure I can take much more of The Roman Carter Show. I’m not sure the possibility of great sex would be worth that.”
“Geez, that must have been one miserable date.”
“Honey, you don’t know the half of it.”
Marlena teased an errant thread on the hemline of her shirt. The twinge of guilt over her lie of omission had turned into a lightning storm. Olivia was her person, her safe place. She deserved to know what was going on in Marlena’s life, especially since it involved her brother.
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