The silence between them was jagged, awkward. As a trained therapist, she certainly knew the value of a good silence to allow for thoughts to be gathered, but she couldn’t endure this one.
“What did you want to talk to me about?”
He sighed. “I said I needed to talk to you. Not that I wanted to.”
His words stabbed at her already-tender nerves and she stopped abruptly, then turned on her heel and headed back the direction she had come. “Fine,” she said over her shoulder. “Let’s forget the whole thing. I can find my own way back to my car, thanks all the same.”
He grabbed her arm to stop her departure but quickly released her again when she turned back around. “Ah, hell. That didn’t come out right. I do want to talk to you.”
He was silent for a long moment. When he spoke, his voice was low and rough. “The truth is, I want to do more than talk to you. You’re all I’ve been able to think about for a week.”
Her stomach shivered at his words and she folded her arms tightly across it, as if he could see her tremble. “What am I supposed to say to that?”
He looked so uncomfortable that her heart tumbled around all over again in her chest. “I don’t know. That maybe you missed me, too.”
Only every moment, with every single breath. She swallowed and looked away. “What did you want to talk to me about, Ross? I was just on my way home.”
He didn’t answer, only started walking again and curiosity gave her no choice but to follow him. He finally stopped near a small, burbling creek that cut through a small copse of trees near one of the outbuildings.
They found a bench there, a weathered iron and wood creation that looked as if it had been there as long as the hills around the ranch. He must have known it was here, she realized, since he had led her directly to this spot. She sat, her emotions in turmoil. After a moment, he sat beside her.
“I love this place,” he finally said, his voice low. “It was always my favorite spot whenever we came to the ranch when I was a kid. We didn’t do it very often. Come here, I mean. Maybe only two or three times I can remember, but I loved it. I cherished those times because I always felt…safe here.”
She held her breath, more touched than she knew she ought to be that he had shared this secret place with her, though she still didn’t understand why.
He gazed out at the creek, without meeting her gaze. “I didn’t feel safe in very many places,” he said after another long silence. “You were absolutely right, Julie. Everything you said to me the other morning at your house was right on the money. I keep everyone away because it’s easier than letting myself count on people who let me down.”
He finally looked at her. “I spent my entire childhood with nothing solid to hold on to but a few fragmented memories of this place.”
She couldn’t help herself—she reached out to touch his forearm. He looked down at her hand on his sleeve, his eyes deep with emotions she couldn’t begin to name, then he covered her hand with his tightly to keep her fingers in place on his arm, to keep the two of them connected.
She could feel the heat of him through the fabric of his suit jacket, feel the muscle tensing beneath her hand. If he found some comfort from her touch, she wasn’t about to move.
“My mother should never have had kids,” he said hoarsely. “I don’t think she wanted any of us and she didn’t know what to do with us when we arrived. I was the oldest and it was left to me to take care of everybody else.”
“And you did.”
“I didn’t have a choice. There was no one else. What you said, about keeping everybody out, counting only on myself. You were exactly right. I had to at the time for survival, and it just became a habit, I guess. I denied what you said at first because I didn’t want to believe I could be giving my childhood, my mother, that much power to control my life. I’m forty years old. It shouldn’t still be so much a part of me.”
“We can never completely lose our childhoods,” she said softly. “It’s part of what shapes us. We just have to learn as adults to accept that we don’t have the power to change it. All we can do is try to move forward and make the rest of our lives the best we can.”
“You also called me the loneliest man you ever met.”
Her eyes stung with tears at the bleakness in his voice. “I’m so sorry, Ross. I should never have said that.”
“No. Don’t apologize.”
He was quiet. In the distance she could hear the music from the wedding, muted and slow. “You were right about that, too,” he finally said. “I have been. I never wanted to admit it before. I think I was afraid to face that. I told myself I was perfectly happy, that I liked being on my own, making my own decisions, not having to be responsible for anyone else. But it was only an illusion.”
“Oh, Ross.”
He let out a shaky breath. “I don’t want to be lonely anymore.”
Hope fluttered inside her chest like fragile butterfly wings but she was afraid to acknowledge it, afraid to even look at it for fear of crushing it.
He shifted and before she quite realized what he intended, he grabbed both of her hands in his. Her heart began to pound and she couldn’t seem to catch her breath.
“This scares the hell out of me,” he said, “but I had some good advice thrown back in my face tonight and I’m going to take it. It’s time for me to let go of my fears and enjoy the ride.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she murmured. “I’m sorry.”
He laughed a little, but his features quickly grew solemn. “I’m in love with you, Julie. That’s what I’m talking about.”
“What?” Her fingers clenched in his and she would have jerked them away but he held on tightly.
“It’s true. I think I’ve been in love with you probably since you just about whacked me over the head with that silly flowered purse I thought had been stolen.”
“You can’t be!” The delicate little butterfly of hope inside her became a fierce, joyful dragon, flapping furiously to take flight.
“That’s exactly what I’ve been telling myself for the last week. I’ve never been in love before. I thought I would get over it, get over you. But seeing you tonight just made me realize this is too big, too deep, for me to just forget about. I can’t pretend anymore.”
“Ross, I…” her voice faltered and she couldn’t seem to string two coherent words together.
“You told me first love was wonderful and terrible at the same time. Do you remember that?”
She nodded, vaguely remembering their conversation about Josh and Lyndsey.
“I’ve had the terrible part this week, without you. I’m ready for the wonderful part to kick in any time now.”
She gazed at him there in the gathering dusk, looking so big and gorgeous and dear. She gave a sound that was half laugh, half sob and crossed the brief distance to throw herself into his waiting arms and press her trembling mouth to his.
He gave an exultant laugh and gripped her tightly, returning her kiss with all the passion and heat and wonder she had dreamed about for the past week.
“I love you, Ross,” she murmured against his mouth. “I love you so much. I’ve been completely miserable this week.”
“I probably shouldn’t be happy about that, should I? You know what they say about misery loving company.”
She laughed. “You could show a little compassion for my suffering.”
“That’s something you’ll have to help me work on. That whole compassion thing you do so well.”
“I’ll do my best,” she promised.
His features grew serious and he drew away a little. “I’m not the greatest bargain out there, Julie. I can’t lie about that. I’ve still got some things to work through that might take some time. You and I both know you could probably do a whole lot better.”
“No, I couldn’t. There is no one better.” She pressed her mouth to his again and poured every ounce of the love flowing through her into the kiss.
; When she drew away, they were both breathing hard. “You are a wonderful man, Ross Fortune. The best man I know. I think I fell in love with you that first night, too, when I saw how concerned you were for everyone else around you but yourself. For Frannie, for Josh. You were even worried about me, and you didn’t even know me then. You’re good and decent and honorable, Ross. The kind of man a woman knows in her heart will watch out for her and protect her and do everything he can to make her happy.”
“You make me want to be all those things and more.”
He lifted her until she was sitting on his lap, her arms still wrapped tightly around the strong column of his neck.
“And just so you know,” he said, his voice just a whisper against her skin, “you’re it for me, Julie. This might be my first time falling in love but it’s also my only time.”
She fought back the sting of tears again and kissed him softly in the pale, lavender light, wondering how she had been blessed enough to love and be loved by two such completely different men.
A tiny part of her heart would always mourn Chris and all the possibilities that had been extinguished too soon. But she was more than ready to move forward, to take this incredible chance she had been given for happiness.
She had a sudden vision of a future with Ross, one that was bright and beautiful and shining with promise. She saw them taking on challenges and causes, opening their lives and their hearts to wounded children, filling their world with joy and laughter. A place where both of them would always feel safe and cherished and loved.
The image was as clear and as real as the huge, round moon beginning to gleam over the treetops. Only this was better.
Worlds better.
As beautiful as it might be, that moon was always just beyond their grasp. But Julie suddenly knew without a doubt that together, she and Ross would grab hold of their future and make it perfect.
* * * * *
SPECIAL EXCERPT FROM
Harlequin® Special Edition™
Natalie Holt wants nothing to do with the man who left her behind years ago, while Liam Donovan wants to win back the woman he missed. Can there be a second chance in the snow for these two members of the Lonely Hearts Club?
Read on for a sneak preview of,
A VERY CRIMSON CHRISTMAS,
by Michelle Major, the next book in the
CRIMSON, COLORADO miniseries.
CHAPTER ONE
Natalie Holt blinked open one eye and slapped her hand against the alarm clock blaring out heavy metal music. Heavy metal wasn’t typically popular in the mountains, but she’d managed to tune in to a college station situated a few towns over from where she lived in Crimson, Colorado.
Not her preference, but she slept through every other genre from classical to country to talk radio. Even the annoying default alarm buzz couldn’t jolt her awake these days. Probably a result of averaging about four hours of sleep each night.
Last night had been closer to three hours since she’d stayed up to finish the month-end medical billing for the senior living center where she worked. She’d been lucky to pick up the extra position—her official third job. She needed the money but couldn’t afford to take any more time away from her nine-year-old son, Austin. A decent night’s sleep was one of the few expendable items on her schedule.
Austin was the best thing in her life, and Natalie would manage through bleary-eyed sleep deprivation or walk on hot coals if it meant keeping him safe. Even if she collapsed from utter exhaustion in the process.
But she wasn’t dead yet, so she dragged herself out of bed and threw on a sweatshirt and pair of black yoga pants that hadn’t seen the inside of a yoga studio for years. It was Saturday morning, which she hoped meant Austin was still asleep. When she found the door to his room open she expected to find him at the computer or in front of the TV. Instead, the farmhouse where they’d been living for the past several months was quiet.
She headed down the stairs toward the hallway that led to the master bedroom, but something caught her eye out the front window. Shading her eyes against the bright morning light, she stepped onto the porch, wrapping her arms around herself to ward off the frigid temperatures. It was the start of December, so the cold air and dusting of snow on the flagstone porch were to be expected, but still a shock. Not smart to brave the cold precoffee.
An enormous black SUV sat in the driveway, and a shiver of unease slithered up her spine. Who would be paying such an early morning visit to Ruth Keller, the elderly woman who owned the property? And where was her son at this hour of the day?
She turned and went back into the house. The farmhouse had been remodeled with two distinct sections, the bedrooms on one side and the main living area with the kitchen, dining room, office and family room on the other. Her heart raced then slowed as she found Austin curled on Ruth’s bed with her, reading aloud from one of his beloved Magic Tree House series of books.
“Hey, Mom, I’m keeping Miss Ruth company.” He smiled, showing off the gap between his two front teeth. Orthodontia was definitely a part of their future, but Natalie would put off that financial worry for another day.
Ruth’s smile was softer. “Good morning, dearie. I hope you weren’t worried about Austin.”
“Not at all,” Natalie lied. “But next time wake me up before you come downstairs. Okay, bud?”
“Sure, Mom.”
“And maybe you should give Miss Ruth some room on the bed. I don’t want you to put any pressure on her hip.”
Ruth placed a hand on Austin’s arm when he went to move. “He’s fine. I like the company.”
Natalie didn’t doubt that for a second. Ruth Keller was a firecracker of a woman, even pushing her mideighties. She liked to be independent and active, which was why she’d initially hired Natalie to help with her care. According to Ruth, Natalie was the only nurse in town who didn’t treat her like she had one foot in the grave. Natalie had been happy to coordinate doctors’ appointments, buy groceries and help around the house in exchange for using the two upper guest bedrooms. But Ruth had insisted on paying her as well, and Natalie was in no position to refuse the money. A few weeks ago, Ruth had fallen and bruised her hip, which increased Natalie’s responsibilities.
She knew Ruth was terrified of eventually ending up in assisted living, despite the fact that she already had a room paid for each month at the senior center. Natalie had vowed to help out as much as she could to make sure that Ruth could stay at the farmhouse as long as possible. There was another home-care nurse who came in for respite shifts, but it was a lot for Natalie to balance with her schedule at the senior center and the medical billing work. Natalie was determined to handle everything. She’d learned a long time ago that the only person she could depend on in life was herself.
“How about breakfast?”
“The man’s making it,” Austin informed her, then went back to reading.
“Don’t get too far ahead.” Ruth tapped the page with one bony finger.
“The man?” Natalie took a step closer to the bed, remembering the luxury SUV parked in front of the house. Her skin suddenly tingled. “What man?”
“I must have forgotten to mention it to you.” Ruth straightened the covers over her lap, keeping her eyes averted. “Austin, what happens next? Do Jack and Annie find the ninja?”
“Mention what?” Natalie asked, reaching forward to grip the bedpost. “Who’s here, Ruth?”
“Hello, Natalie,” a long forgotten voice said from the doorway behind her.
Her fingers tightened around the wood until her knuckles went white.
“You remember Liam Donovan,” Ruth said cheerfully, although she still wouldn’t meet Natalie’s gaze. “The two of you knew each other in high school.”
Breathing was supposed to be an involuntary muscle reflex, but in that moment Natalie forgot how to draw air into her lungs. Concentrating, she forced her breath in and out. Saying she’d known Liam Donovan was like claiming Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton o
nce had a passing acquaintance.
She turned, keeping her features a placid mask as stormy gray eyes clashed with hers. “It’s been a long time, Liam. Nice to see you.” Which was partly the truth. Yes, it had been over ten years since she’d spoken to Liam Donovan. But nice didn’t begin to describe how it felt to be in the same room as him after all this time. It made her feel nauseous, invigorated, desperately sad and filled with regret. But not nice. Her feelings for Liam had never been nice.
One side of his mouth lifted as if he found her outright lie amusing. The smile didn’t reach his eyes, and the storm inside them cooled by several degrees. “I’m here to visit Ruth, to make sure she’s okay after her fall. And to find out why I’m paying for housing every month at assisted living when she’s still here even though she’s been injured.” Ruth had been Liam’s nanny when he was younger, but Natalie knew the woman loved him as if he was her own family.
“She fell two weeks ago and is almost fully recovered.” Natalie didn’t try to stop the censure in her voice. “She’s worked out how she wants to handle her room at the center with the director, so you’ll need to discuss that with him. I can assure you she’s well cared for. I’ve got it under control.”
His gaze flicked to Austin, whose nose was once again buried in the book. “So I see.”
She wondered for a moment what exactly Liam thought he saw. The boy who had been her first love was gone, replaced by a man who was so much larger, both in physical build and general presence. Liam had been beautiful in high school but now there was a raw masculinity to his features. He’d filled into his height and the potential of his looks. His hair was shorter than he’d worn it back then, the cut clearly from an expensive salon. It had darkened to almost black but remained streaked with the same chestnut shine she’d always loved to run her fingers through.
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