by Noelle Adams
“Oh.” His features had relaxed. “It’s no big deal. I told you I’d help you, and I meant it.”
“I really appreciate it. I know it’s well beyond the call of duty.” I reached over to pat him on the arm.
He gave me a mild eye-roll. “It’s fine. What are friends for?”
He was my friend, and I wouldn’t lose that for the world.
He’d never be anything else to me.
“All right,” I said, reminding myself of this fact and also that I was going out with Stefan in a half hour. “So, since you’re my friend, what do you suggest I do to move things along with Stefan?”
He stared at me blankly. “Move things along?”
“I don’t mean I want to jump into bed with him, but I’d like to know if he’s a possibility. What if he still doesn’t want to kiss me?”
“He will.”
“What if he doesn’t?”
“I just said he will.”
“But you said he did last time, and he didn’t even try.”
“Did you give him any encouragement?”
“What kind of encouragement?”
“You know.”
I gave an outraged huff. “I do not know! What do you think I’ve been telling you all this time? I’m completely clueless. I’ve never done this before. What kind of encouragement am I supposed to give a man to get him to kiss me?”
Alex straightened up, shifting slightly in his seat. “Just… just… I don’t know… Gaze up at him soulfully.”
I snorted. “How am I supposed to do that? What does that even mean?”
He groaned but then evidently decided to take on this particular task. He turned to face me more fully and reached out to take my shoulders, turning my body toward his. “Okay,” he said in a different tone. “Look at me. In the eyes.”
I gazed up at him without hesitation. I looked at him all the time. There was no one I’d rather look at than Alex.
Our eyes met, and he murmured, “Now stop looking like you want to dig in to my brain for answers to your questions.”
I gasped at this comment, but he didn’t give me time to respond.
He continued, “I’m serious. Relax. Stop thinking. Just look at me.”
I tried to do what he said and was startled by the look in his eyes. He was gazing at me too, and for a moment I was trapped by the softness, the depth, the warmth of his expression.
My mind blurred over, and my heart started to beat wildly. I could feel my pulse in my wrists, my head, my throat.
“That’s good,” Alex murmured huskily. “Really good. Just like that.”
My breathing was growing more shallow, and other parts of my body started to throb. He wasn’t even touching me, but it felt so much like he was.
Trying to make my mind work the way it was supposed to and engage in this conversation, I asked, “So what if he… if he still doesn’t kiss me.”
“Try touching him.”
“I don’t want to humiliate myself.”
“So make it a little casual touch. Nothing definite. Just touch his arm or his chest or something.”
Instinctively I lifted my hand and pressed it lightly against Alex’s chest. He was wearing a dark blue crew-neck shirt, and I could feel his hard, warm chest beneath the fabric.
I heard his breath hitch slightly. “Good.”
Willing myself to act normal, I managed to say, “What if he still doesn’t kiss me?”
“He will.”
“What if he doesn’t?”
“He will.”
“What if—”
He smothered a soft groan. “Then move your hand. Maybe touch his face. But just lightly.”
I raised my hand and used my fingertips to gently stroke along the line of his jaw. “Like this?” I whispered.
Alex seemed frozen, unmoving, as he sat stiffly and stared at me.
I loved the feel of his face so much that I stroked my finger back up to his cheekbone.
He let out a low groan and grabbed my face in both his hands, pulling me toward him until he was kissing me hard.
It wasn’t a light, little brush of his lips like it had been the other day when Stefan was watching. Alex’s lips now were rough and urgent, and soon I felt his tongue sliding along the line of my mouth and then slipping inside.
I gasped as a rush of feeling overwhelmed me. My arms had moved of their own accord, wrapping around his neck.
My whole body was throbbing now, as if the whole world were pulsing in a heated wave, centered completely on the touch of our bodies, our skin, our lips.
He tangled one of his hands in my hair as he leaned farther into me, pushing me backward onto the cushion of the settee. My mouth was open for him now, and our tongues were tangling together.
Nothing had ever felt so good in my whole life.
Then he was touching me in other places, his free hand sliding down to stroke my side, my hip, my bare thigh, my bottom.
Desire had tightened so achingly between my legs that it was almost painful, and I gasped and moaned into his mouth as his touch just fired me up even more. My skirt had gotten hiked up, so I was able to wrap one of my legs around his, rocking my body up into his as we kissed.
He groaned against my lips and rocked back against me.
He was hard.
Oh God, he was hard.
“Alex,” I gasped breathlessly as his mouth finally tore away from mine. My cheeks were blazing, and my fingers were clawing at his back over his shirt. “Alex!”
Then suddenly he was pulling away from me, stumbling as he jerked to his feet.
I stayed sprawled out on the settee, dazed and throbbing and bewildered at the abrupt shift of feeling.
He was gasping audibly, straightening his shirt and rubbing a hand over his face. “Damn. Oh, damn, Lisette. I’m so sorry!”
I blinked, hardly comprehending what he was saying.
He was sorry. For that amazing kiss. For the incredible way he’d made me feel.
He was sorry.
“I never should have…” He cleared his throat and rubbed his face with both hands. “Shit, I’m so sorry. I had no right to do that.”
“It’s… it’s okay. Obviously, I was… I was into it.” I still couldn’t make myself move.
“You have a date in a little while. I was totally wrong. I’m so sorry.”
Before I could respond again, he’d turned on his heel and walked out of the room.
There was no way I could pull myself together in time to follow him, and I had no idea what I would say to him if I’d caught up to him.
I didn’t move for a long time until my body finally relaxed and stopped throbbing so intensely.
When my mind started working again, I came to a few conclusions.
I hadn’t wanted Alex to run out the way he had. I’d wanted him to stay and keep kissing me. I’d wanted him to make love to me.
It was what I’d always wanted.
He’d wanted it too.
There was no way to mistake his physical responses to me. He’d wanted me. The desire hadn’t all been on my part.
Naturally, he hadn’t intended to do it, but he’d definitely wanted it.
What if his feelings about me were changing?
What if he was thinking about me in a different way for the first time in his life?
What if the kind of relationship with him I’d always wanted wasn’t as impossible as I’d believed?
There was no sure thing, after the way he’d left just now, but I had hope for the first time since I was sixteen years old.
I’d go out with Stefan tonight since he’d be picking me up in about ten minutes and it would be too rude and awkward to try to cancel it now.
But afterward—or maybe tomorrow morning—I’d find Alex and figure out whether this meant what I was hoping it meant.
If so, I’d never go out with Stefan again.
Five
The next morning, I woke up tired and blurry-eyed and undeniably ex
cited.
It had nothing to do with my date with Stefan, which had gone just as smoothly as the first one with exactly the same amount of sparks.
Rather, my excitement had to do with seeing Alex again today.
I wondered what he would do. I wondered what I would do.
I wondered whether we would do anything together.
I’d always assumed that the reason Alex wasn’t interested in me as anything but a friend was because he wasn’t attracted to me. That was understandable. I could hardly complain or resent him for that.
But the way he’d kissed me yesterday had made it clear he was attracted to me.
We’d loved each other most of our lives. If we were also attracted to each other, there seemed no reason for us not to at least consider the possibility of a relationship.
Those were the reflections that had been going through my head all night, and they were still buzzing giddily as I got dressed and headed to the breakfast room.
My mother was already there, as usual.
“Good morning, dear,” she said, glancing up from her paper at me. “That color looks lovely with your hair.”
I was wearing a thin forest-green sweater. It did bring out the reddish glints in my hair, which I’d left hanging down my back. “Thank you.”
I went to put some oatmeal in a bowl and add fruit and milk and then pour myself a cup of coffee before I sat down across from her.
“How was your date last night?” she asked, evidently deciding my social life was of higher priority than world news.
“It was fine.” I wasn’t sure what else to say. The date had been fine. Nothing else.
Certainly nothing I wanted to rave about this morning.
I’d much rather talk about Alex, but my mother would probably think that was highly strange and suspicious.
“It wasn’t better than fine?”
“I don’t know. Everything went well. It’s a little early to be planning a wedding dress, you know.”
“I’m always planning your wedding dress, and just think how good it would be for the family for you to be married to a man of his means.”
I sighed. Of course it would be good for our family—at least the family coffers. Victoria’s marriage had pulled us out of a hole, but my mother would naturally want to increase our financial security by having a second daughter make an advantageous marriage.
Amalie was completely off the market in terms of husbands. She wasn’t yet engaged to Jack Watson, but we all assumed that was coming anytime. I was the only daughter left my mother had available to increase the family fortune.
I gave a little jerk when someone walked into the room just then. Then I blushed when I realized it was Alex.
I hoped he hadn’t heard what my mother had just said. Naturally, he knew she was like that, but it still bothered me.
Alex didn’t have a fortune. His father was an employee.
And I didn’t give a damn about that.
My mother would though.
I was getting ahead of myself, but I couldn’t seem to help it. I imagined what my mother would say if I announced I was dating Alex.
The scene would not be pretty.
“Did he ask you out again?” my mother asked.
I felt stiff and uncomfortable with Alex standing in front of the sideboard filling up his plate. He hadn’t really looked at me—just murmured a soft good-morning. “He mentioned something,” I said, trying to be as vague as possible.
I should have known that was a hopeless cause. My mother arched her eyebrows. “What did he mention?”
“That maybe we could go out again this weekend.”
She nodded in satisfaction, and I sighed in relief that the conversation seemed to be over.
Alex sat down across the table from me, but he still wasn’t really meeting my eyes. He was focused on his food.
My heart dropped slightly. He wasn’t acting normal. He must be awkward about what had happened between us yesterday.
We definitely needed to talk. Things would be better after we talked.
“Good morning, young man,” my mother said, evidently oblivious to any undercurrents.
“Good morning, ma’am,” he said. Because he’d been raised in the family, he’d never addressed her formally as “Your Highness” unless we were at a formal event.
My mother sipped her tea and silently slid her eyes between my face and Alex’s. I had no idea what she was thinking.
I snuck another look at Alex and caught his eyes on me, but he looked away as soon as I met his gaze.
I sighed.
Things were weird. Maybe this was why people advised friends not to get romantic. It had the potential to ruin a really good relationship.
My mother cleared her throat, her mouth pursed slightly in a way I recognized as her being amused. “How are your classes progressing, Alexander?”
“They’re going well, ma’am,” Alex replied with a polite smile.
“When will you finish your degree?”
“I’m on my last courses, and I have less than a month left until I graduate.”
“And your plans after that?”
I was surprised by the line of questioning since my mother wasn’t in the habit of asking him personal questions. Maybe she sensed some of the awkwardness and was looking for a way to distract from it.
“I have an interview for a job with a marketing and advertising firm in Provence. I’d like to work there for a couple of years until I have enough experience. Then I’d like to set up my own business,” Alex explained.
“Very impressive,” my mother said with a gentle smile. “We’re all very proud of you.”
“Thank you, ma’am.” He smiled at her, and it was clear that he appreciated the sentiment.
He still wasn’t looking at me though.
It was really starting to bother me.
I thought my mother might continue asking questions, but Henry and my father walked in just then, and the conversation shifted.
Alex didn’t participate in the discussion of our new private jet, which had recently been acquired, and my father’s concerns about the new gardener, who had too enthusiastic a hand with trimming the hedges.
Alex finished his breakfast and got up to leave with a polite farewell.
I sat for a moment as he left the room, and then I made up my mind. I excused myself and ran down the hall after him.
“Alex,” I called, hurrying to catch up. “Alex, wait.”
He could hardly keep walking when I’d called for him that way. He stopped and turned around to face me.
“Can we at least talk about it?” I asked after checking the hall to make sure we were alone.
“Of course we can. But this isn’t the best place.”
“I know that, but you can at least look me in the eye.”
He shifted his gaze so he was meeting mine. His expression was intentional, almost defiant, as if I’d dared him to meet my eyes.
“Are you mad at me?” I asked, my voice wobbling slightly at how awkward everything felt.
“No. No, of course I’m not mad at you. What happened yesterday was my fault.”
“I was involved in it too, you know.”
“I know. But I had no right to…” He cleared his throat. “I should have controlled myself better.”
“It’s all right. I mean, I know it was unexpected but…” I had no idea how to suggest that maybe our kissing hadn’t been a bad thing at all. How could I do that without making it seem like I was begging him to want me.
“It won’t happen again,” Alex said, rubbing his jaw distractedly. “I promise it won’t.”
That wasn’t at all what I wanted to hear.
“Oh. I…” I stumbled over the words that I just couldn’t say. “I didn’t even know you wanted to kiss me.”
That sounded silly, but at least it didn’t reveal too much.
He glanced away. “Uh, yes. Maybe you don’t usually think about me that way, but I’m a normal
man with normal responses. I can get… get caught up in a moment.”
I stared up at him, my lips parted slightly. It took me a minute, but I eventually figured out what he meant.
He’d been caught up in the moment. Physically. It had been a passing, physical thing.
That was all.
I might want something deeper with him, but he never had.
And it was getting clearer that he never would.
I felt like an idiot, like an absolute fool, for believing just for one night that maybe something could happen between us.
I’d learned that lesson at sixteen, and here I was learning it again.
Alex was never going to want me for anything but a friend. And any suggestion to the contrary was a passing physical desire that couldn’t be sustained.
“Lisette?” he prompted after I didn’t speak for a full minute.
I gave a little jerk of a nod, praying he wouldn’t see how crushed I was by this realization. “I understand.”
“I realize it might make you feel awkward, but I promise it won’t happen again. I can control myself better than I did last night.” He was peering at my face now, evidently trying to read my emotions.
I didn’t want him to see them. “I understand. It was no big deal. These things happen.”
They didn’t happen to me. And I could only pray they would never happen again.
“Yes,” Alex murmured.
“So we’re… we’re okay? Nothing has changed between us?”
“Not on my part.”
I released a breath and the last hope of my old dreams. “Not on mine either.” I forced a smile.
“So things went well with Stefan?” he asked, clearly wanting to move on to a different subject.
I dropped my eyes. “I… I guess so.”
“Did he kiss you?”
“Uh, yes.” He’d given me a little peck, but I’d been too distracted by thoughts of Alex to be excited about it or even respond.
I wouldn’t make that mistake again.
Stefan was a real possibility, and I needed to focus on that—rather than on a man that I never could have.
“Good.”
“Good,” I repeated, feeling like a fool.
“I’ve got to get to work.”
“Yes.”
With that, Alex walked away.