“You have it. I don’t mind letting you sleep here. It’s a big bed. I got the next size up.” He agreed to stay then, and poured them each another glass of wine, since he didn’t have to drive.
“Happy New Year, Caro. I can think of more glamorous ways to spend it, but I’d rather be here than anywhere else.”
“Me too,” she said simply.
He built a fire as he always did, and they sat in front of it talking quietly. The children were in their rooms, and when she checked, they were both asleep on their beds at eleven. She went back to the living room and they sat watching the fire and talking.
They waited until midnight and he wished her a happy new year and kissed her on the cheek. And then they turned out the lights and went to her bedroom. She opened the bed on both sides, and let him use the bathroom first, and he came out in boxers and T-shirt. Then she went in, and came out in an old warm nightgown, and climbed into her side of the bed, keeping her distance. He lay on his side looking stiff and awkward.
“It feels strange being back here,” he admitted.
“Yeah,” she agreed, turned off the light, and they lay there stiffly in silence, remembering better days.
He didn’t know how it happened and she wasn’t sure either, but he reached out silently to her in the dark, and pulled her into his arms, and kissed her, properly on the mouth, the way he had wanted to all night, and for months, instead of little pecks on the cheek. All his longing for her came at him in a rush, and engulfed them both. She thought she was over him, but she wasn’t. He had unlocked something in her again and she wanted him desperately. They were ravenous for each other and found each other easily. He was inside her where he wanted to be in seconds and she couldn’t get enough of him. They couldn’t stop and didn’t want to, and their lovemaking was so intense and so good it was almost painful. They couldn’t stop or slow down until it was over, and when they stopped, she knew that she had forgiven him. There was no room for Veronica Ashton in their life anymore. She had lived with them long enough. She was gone.
“Are you sorry?” he whispered afterward, terrified she’d be furious and make him leave.
“No, I just love you,” she said, and he pulled her tighter again, and lay glued to her, holding her.
“What’ll we tell the kids?” he asked, worried.
“Just that. That we love each other.” She was calm and happy and felt as though she had come home when he did.
“Do you want me to leave before they wake up?” He wanted to respect her boundaries, whatever they were. He didn’t want to lose her again. It had been the worst six months of his life.
“No, I want to make love to you again,” she whispered back, and he laughed in the dark.
“Thank God I drove home from Tahoe,” he said, and she knew how true that was. She’d been planning to call the lawyer and file for divorce on Monday, and now she was falling in love with him all over again. If he hadn’t driven home, she wouldn’t have slept with him, and this would never have happened. There was no telling about timing, or destiny. No predicting the heartbreaks, or if hearts could be mended. All she knew was that she still loved him. She had her answer. It had taken her six months to figure it out. And now she had.
Chapter 17
Peter moved back in the weekend after New Year’s. The children were ecstatic. Their parents explained it as simply as they could, that they hoped they had worked out their problems and wanted to stay married.
Peter knew that Caroline was giving him another chance, and he was determined not to blow it. His punishment and eternal reminder was that he hated the color of her new bedroom, but he didn’t say a word about it. She loved it. It had been her first act of independence from him. And he found with time that she had changed. She wasn’t as trusting or as quiet. She spoke her mind now, was more confident, and had her own ideas. She no longer apologized for their differences. She was proud of them.
She had called Kate to tell her as soon as he moved back in, and she was happy for her, if it was what she wanted.
“It is. But he’s on probation, probably for the next forty years. I may give him a break for the last ten.”
Kate laughed.
Caroline told Peter that she was taking the children to London to see Gemma in February during ski week, and if he cheated on her, she would divorce him immediately. He swore he would never cheat on her again. And she sent an email to Gemma that he was back.
Gemma was loving Africa and what they were shooting on location. She had emailed both of her sisters that the cast was fantastic, the smartest, most interesting, best actors she had ever worked with, and the director was amazing. They were going back to London the first week in February, and she was going to L.A. in March for a few days, and wanted to introduce the director to them. She wanted to invite him to the ranch for the weekend.
Caroline called Kate immediately. They had both gotten the same email.
“Do you think she’s sleeping with him?” Kate asked her.
“I hope not. She always moves too fast, and if she screws it up, they’ll throw her off the show.”
“She’s too smart for that,” Kate reassured her.
They were both right. She wasn’t going to jeopardize her career for a romance, or a night of great sex. She hadn’t slept with Rufus, but four weeks after they had arrived in Africa, after working together intensely, he had told her he was in love with her. She was too. And she was refusing to sleep with him. She told him she wanted to move slowly and not do anything stupid that she’d regret. They were inseparable, and had had some remarkable experiences, following the animals, filming episodes for the show, going out at dawn together to revel in the magic of Africa. It had been unforgettable.
He had to go to L.A. in March for some business meetings, and wanted her to go with him, and she wanted him to meet her family. She had never done that before either. Her lovers came and went without introductions, and her sisters read about them in the tabloids, not in emails from Gemma.
They picked the weekend that worked for Rufus, and Caroline promised to go to Santa Ynez with Peter and the children. Before that, Caroline was going to London for ski week in late February, when they were back from Zimbabwe.
“What if they hate me?” Rufus said to Gemma one night, while they sat on the porch of the hotel, long after everyone else had gone to bed. They had to be up in a few hours, and could hear the elephants trumpeting in the distance. It was the music of Africa which they had both come to love, and was the background sound to their late night conversations, where they talked about everything they cared about and hoped. He couldn’t believe that she wouldn’t sleep with him, and neither could she. She had never done that before, but she wanted it to be different with him, because she was different now.
“They’re not going to hate you, they’re going to love you,” she said about her family. She wanted him to see the ranch because it was part of her history. And meet her sisters, and her mother.
He wanted her to move in with him in London, but she wanted to take her time about that too. She didn’t want to spoil anything by moving too fast.
By the time they left Africa at the beginning of February, they were almost soldered to each other, and knew everything about each other. He could almost sense her instinctually, and he was the most sensitive director she’d ever worked with, and a huge talent, and he thought the same of her.
The cast didn’t even seem to object to their close relationship, because they were so enjoyable to be around, and Rufus remained attentive to the entire cast. Their love for each other spread good feelings wherever they were.
When they got to London, she stayed at the apartment the production company had provided for her, and he stayed at his London pied-à-terre, and took her to see his “crumbling drafty” manor, as he called it, and she loved it, although she could see why his kids objected to it. I
t was in need of some serious attention, a lot of paint, and more heat. It was damp and cold and dreary.
They had dinners at Harry’s Bar and danced at Annabel’s when they weren’t working, and on Valentine’s Day he sent her three dozen red roses. He was totally besotted with her.
When Caroline came to London with Morgan and Billy, Gemma took them everywhere. She asked Rufus for two days off and he shot around her. She took them to the Tower of London, and the queen’s stables, and Madame Tussauds, and all the corny tourist attractions they were dying to see and she wanted to see with them. And he let them come on the set to watch her filming when she came back to work. Caroline was struck again by how talented her sister was. She was a brilliant actress, and she thought Rufus was wonderful, and a great director. They were an extraordinary team.
When Caroline left, they had a Sunday off, and spent it together, walking in the park, they had tea at Claridge’s, and went back to her apartment when it started to snow. They were going to L.A. in two weeks, and they were going to see Caroline again with Peter and the children, and Kate and Thad, and Scarlett and Roberto. Having met Caroline, and seeing how sweet and easygoing she was, Rufus was no longer nervous about the others.
“I’m the family bitch,” Gemma said. “You don’t need to worry about them.” But she wasn’t a bitch with him. Far from it, and she had never been happier in her life. She loved the show, and she loved him. She just wanted to be sure it wasn’t an on-set romance that would be over in five minutes. She wanted this to be real and it appeared to be. When Caroline left London, they had known each other for more than two months and so far it seemed solid.
They talked about it that night with the snow falling. There were so many things they wanted to do together when they had time. He was forty-nine years old, and she was forty-two now. Even their ages seemed perfect.
Rufus looked at her then, and knew what he wanted was right. He smiled and said in a soft voice, “I’m not leaving. I want you so badly I can’t stand it. I love you, make love with me,” he said so enticingly that she smiled a Mata Hari smile and led him to her bed. He peeled her clothes away instantly, and she took off his, and they fell into bed like starving people, but for the first time in her life, she had waited, she was sure, and she knew that they loved each other. It wasn’t a wild, crazy fling or a one-night stand with a guy who meant nothing to her. She had had too many of those. And afterward, they were both glad they’d waited, and did it again, and again, and lay in each other’s arms until morning, savoring every minute of their first night together.
“Gemma, you have turned my whole life upside down,” he said in an awestruck voice, unable to believe what had happened. He had wondered if it would all stop in Africa, or when they got back. But it hadn’t. Their love for each other and attraction had just gotten stronger when they got home.
* * *
—
Rufus and Gemma flew from London to L.A. together in March. He went to his meetings, and Gemma went to see Jerry and thanked him again for getting her the part. Her house was gone so they stayed at the Peninsula for two nights, and then drove to the ranch in the car Rufus had rented. It was a big American SUV, which he loved.
Caroline and Peter were meeting them at the ranch with the children, and Kate was excited to see them. The sisters hadn’t all been together since Thanksgiving, it had been four months. And they were all getting together again in May, for the memorial for their father on the one-year anniversary. It seemed like an enormous number of things had happened in the ten months their father had been gone. But the ranch was running smoothly, and Thad’s new ideas were working out well. He was handling the whole breeding operation now, and they were both involved in the auctions.
When Rufus saw the ranch, he fell in love with it. He spent hours riding with Thad to get a feel for the size of the property. And Gemma rode with him for part of it. He got on well with Peter too, so the sisters left him to look at the livestock with the men, and the breeding operation.
The girls had a glass of wine at Gemma’s house, where she and Rufus were staying, and Caroline looked at them both sheepishly.
“I have something to tell you. I feel stupid saying it.”
“He’s not cheating on you again?” Gemma almost leapt out of her seat as she said it, and Caroline shook her head.
“I went off birth control when Peter left. I figured I didn’t need it, and took a break. He spent New Year’s Eve with me, when we got back together. I didn’t even think about it….I’m two months pregnant. I’m going to be forty when I have this baby…and ninety when it goes to college.”
“Oh my God.” Gemma laughed at her. “You’re a geriatric mother! That’s what they call it when you’re over forty.”
“Oh shut up, you will be too, if you and Rufus decide to have a child. You’re older than I am!”
“I don’t want babies. And he has two kids already, and I take the pill like a good girl!” Gemma said and Kate smiled at the exchange.
“I think that’s good news. It’s like a renewal of everything and new life. What did Peter say?” Kate asked her.
“He was shocked. It didn’t occur to him either. We haven’t told the kids yet. I don’t know how happy they’ll be about it. Morgan will be seventeen when it’s born, and Billy will be thirteen. That’s embarrassing for them. But Peter is happy about it now.”
“Are you? Never mind them,” Kate reminded her.
“I think I am. It’s like starting all over again, with nursing and diapers.”
“I’m taking two pills tonight,” Gemma said fervently.
“I haven’t made up my mind yet,” Kate said cautiously. “If we have a baby, I’d be forty-four when it’s born. That’s really old.”
“Not if you want it,” Caroline said kindly. “What does Thad say?”
“I think he’d like it, but he says he’s fine either way. He’s leaving it up to me.”
“We could start a nursery for elderly mothers,” Gemma said, laughing at the thought. “An old age home for unwed pregnant mothers. Well, you two are braver than I am.” She hugged Caroline then, and the men arrived a little later. And the whole group went into town for dinner. Rufus was having the time of his life, exploring Santa Ynez and the ranch. He had never imagined his glamorous star on the ranch, riding horses, with cowboys, and a family he liked so much. They were varied and interesting, outspoken, and kind to each other.
He knew that Gemma was coming back for her father’s memorial in May when they were on hiatus, and he promised to try and come with her.
And when they flew back to London, Rufus had a whole group of new friends, and understood Gemma better after meeting her family. They were unique and very special people.
* * *
—
A month after they’d been there, Kate called Caroline in a panic on a Tuesday morning. It reminded her of when she’d called to say their father had a heart attack. She sounded terrible.
“What’s wrong? Did something happen to Thad?”
“No. I have to talk to you. We’ve had an offer. I got a call from a realtor in Santa Barbara. There’s someone who breeds horses who wants to buy the ranch. They’re willing to offer an obscene amount of money.”
“How obscene?” Caroline asked her, instantly curious. Kate told her and she gasped. “That’s way more than obscene.” The buyer was Russian.
“I know. What do you want to do? They want a rapid answer. They’re considering another property. But our seven thousand acres is bigger so they prefer ours. Caro, do you want to sell?”
“I don’t know. Do you? You’re more attached to it than I am, but I like it now that it’s ours and we all meet up there.”
“I don’t want to sell, but it’s a lot of money to turn down. Should we think about it?” Kate wasn’t sure.
“I guess we have to. We’d both be pr
etty well fixed with that kind of money.”
“Do you want to ask Peter about it?”
“No,” Caroline said emphatically. “I don’t. This is our decision. We can decide for ourselves.” She didn’t defer to him now the way she had before. She had her own mind, and had found her own voice.
“Why don’t you sleep on it, and I will too,” Kate suggested. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
It was a long twenty-four hours after that. Caroline turned the numbers around in her mind again and again, and so did Kate. Kate wrote it down, and Caroline thought about all the things she could do with it, a bigger house, especially now with a baby coming, but Peter could provide that. She didn’t need that kind of money, no one did, but it would be nice to have. And it would give her independence from Peter, since she and Kate were now land rich and cash poor, as their father had said.
They both fell asleep and woke up early. Kate hardly slept all night, and Caroline got up at four A.M., and sat in the kitchen, thinking about it. She finally called Kate at six.
“What do you think?” Kate asked her, worried about what they’d do if they disagreed.
“I know this sounds crazy, and you may hate me for it,” Caroline said cautiously. “I’ll probably regret it for the rest of my life, but I love the place, Kate. It’s our home, and our roots, and it’s part of Dad. I don’t want to sell. I don’t care how much money they offer us, I want to keep it.” She sounded agonized when she said it.
“Oh, thank God, that’s what I think too. I thought you’d kill me for spoiling it for you,” Kate said.
They were both laughing with relief.
“I’ll call the realtor this morning. Thank you, Caro. I think we’re doing the right thing. How can we sell this?”
“I hope we never do,” Caroline said with feeling, and they hung up, and Peter came in a few minutes later, looking for her.
“What are you doing up so early?” he asked her, looking suspicious, he had heard her laughing.
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