by Angel Allen
“How long have we known each other?”
A very long time. Almost too long to remember the exact day I met him. “Years.”
“That’s right. Too damn long to skirt around this. You know you can tell me anything.” He swallows hard, and for a split second, his gaze wavers. “No matter what, Sadie.” Something catches in his voice, but I can’t put my finger on what it is. Hope? Fear?
Uncertainty seizes my heart, especially since my feelings for him are completely fucked up—are nothing more than twisted vines strangling my gut. I bite my lip, deliberating, and finally settle on what little truth I can give him.
“I guess I was curious. I’m not…experienced…in that department.” Or any department, really. “That’s probably the reason he decided to feed someone else his fucking dick.” The words come out with more vehemence than I intended.
“So let me get this straight. Jake decided to be an asshole because you wouldn’t give him head?”
“Not because I didn’t want to,” I mumble.
“Jesus Christ, Sadie. Jake did what he did because he doesn’t deserve you.”
“Doesn’t change the fact that I don’t know the first thing about pleasing a guy.” Groaning, I cover my face with two sweaty palms. “I can’t believe I’m telling you this.”
He grabs my hands and yanks them away from my face. “And I can’t believe you tried sucking me off in public.”
I gulp.
His icy blue gaze smolders with intensity, roaming my face, studying each nuance of my features. “You confuse the fuck out of me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For confusing me, or for sucking my cock?”
Every part of me grows warm. My cheeks, my chest, my toes…and everything in between. The fuzzy memory of last night starts an inferno in my veins. I mentally flip through the recollections like TV channels. His steel shaft wrapped in warm, smooth skin. Skin like velvet. His soft tip between my lips, leaking silky desire onto my tongue.
The gagging.
The groaning.
His fingers tightening in my hair, pulling at my scalp. Begging for more. His thigh shaking under my hand.
No matter how embarrassing, I can’t regret going down on him. It was a ballsy thing to do, a humiliating thing to do. What’s done is done, and now my secret is out. Despite my inexperience, I crave things my parents would disown me for.
“I’m sorry for confusing you. Last night confused me too. I’ve never done anything like that before.” I try to extricate my hands from his, but he won’t allow it.
He leans closer, his lips parting the slightest bit, choppy breaths fanning my mouth. “If it’s experience you’re looking for, I can help you out there.”
Time screeches to a halt. My pulse speeds up, and my hands go sweaty within his grasp. His chest rises and falls too fast.
I affect him. Me. The girl he wrestled with in the mud when we were seven. The girl he picked on by pulling my pigtails. But more surprisingly is how he’s affecting me. One drunken, thoughtless act shifted the foundation of who we are. What we are.
Friends…
More than friends.
It might be undefined and unvoiced, but I suspect neither of us can deny what’s happening here. Not after last night.
“I don’t think…” Damn, I can’t keep my gaze from drifting to his mouth. My lips have touched his cock, but I’ve never kissed him. How crazy is that?
“Don’t hold back now, Sadie.”
“I…it’s not…I mean…”
“Not a good idea?”
“Yeah.”
Slowly, he lets go of my hands and puts some distance between us.
Why do I feel so damn disappointed?
“You know I’d never hurt you, right?”
Not physically, but emotionally?
“I have eyes, Ash. You break hearts for a living.”
“Are you saying I have the power to break yours?” He seems too interested in the answer to that question.
“I’m saying you’re one of my closest friends. I don’t want to risk losing you.”
“I can be your friend and still be…more.”
I read between the lines of his words. Experimenting with him will be safe. He won’t hurt me, won’t judge, and he won’t expect anything more. He isn’t the settle-down-in-a-relationship type of guy.
And that’s the problem, because I don’t know myself well enough to know if I can play around without getting my heart involved. The thought of risking what we have, of allowing our friendship to go into turbulent waters, is terrifying.
It’s about as unsafe as you can get.
Deep down, I know I’ll only grow closer to him through the act of intimacy. And after he walks away, I’ll want to tear out the heart of the next woman he brings into his bed. It doesn’t matter that she won’t spend more than a few weeks with him. Doesn’t matter that he’s open about being a manwhore of epic proportions. That’s a line that isn’t worth crossing.
I open my mouth to say thanks but no thanks.
“Okay.”
But that comes out instead. Why does my fucking mouth keep doing things that will get me in trouble?
He sucks in a breath. “Are you sure?”
No.
“I trust you.”
“Before we do this, I need you to know something.”
“Okay,” I say, dragging out the word with caution.
“I like to be in control.”
“What does that mean?”
He leans forward, planting a hand on either side of my body, and invades my space in a way he’s never done before.
Like he owns the air I breathe. Like he owns me.
“It means I call the shots.”
I blink, stunned because Ashton never came across as the dominating type. Okay, well maybe a little. He’s always been super protective of his sister and me when we were kids. Truth be told, he still is. And now that I give it thought, he never asks for what he wants. He doesn’t have to because he always makes his intentions clear from the get-go. He carries himself with confidence that borders on cocky.
Unless you know him like I do.
So what if he is a cocky fucker? Maybe that cockiness only comes out in the bedroom. His words from last night drift back to me, untainted despite my drunken state at the time.
You couldn’t handle me.
One look into his eyes steals my breath. The curve of his lips steals rational thought. The firm set of his jaw steals my will. Against my better judgement—against the warning staccato beat of my heart—I hurtle from everything that’s safe and familiar and boring.
“So…” I despise the way my cheeks flush under his scrutiny. “Where do we go from here?”
He takes my chin between two gentle fingers, his thumb stroking my jaw. His touch sparks something inside me—an ember longing to blaze. It takes everything I have not to let my eyes drift shut and just feel. A small sigh escapes my lips.
“We go where I take us.”
Now I do close my eyes. This is too much. Things are shifting too fast. I’m still the same girl I’ve always been, only now I want to drop to my knees and tear at his zipper. And I want him to teach me how.
A long stretch of silence passes. Or maybe it’s short and just feels like minutes instead of seconds.
“Look at me,” he says, the softness of his voice lifting my lids. “If you want to pleasure a man, the first thing you need to learn is how to pleasure yourself. Do you touch yourself?”
I jerk back, alarmed by such an intrusive question.
He won’t let me retreat. “Eyes up here, Sadie,” he commands, and I realize I’m staring at his strong jawline. “Answer me.”
Holy shit, this side of him both scares and thrills me. What sort of avalanche did I set in motion last night in my drunken stupor?
“I…sometimes.”
“Have you ever gotten yourself off in front of a guy?”
He’s so matter-of-fact with these q
uestions, we might as well be discussing the various ways one could prepare dinner.
“No.” I try to shake my head, but his hold on my chin won’t allow it.
He seems to consider that for a second. “I want you to get up, shower, and dress. Lying around in bed until noon isn’t going to help your hangover.” He finally lets go of me and stands. Parting my lips, I allow a tiny breath of relief to escape. But then he tugs on the blanket. With lightning quick movements, I grab hold at the last second, refusing to let go.
“I’m not dressed.”
“We’re gonna have to go over some ground rules, beginning with your modesty.” He steps back and lets go of the blanket before gesturing at me with a sweeping hand. “You’re gonna be naked in front of me soon enough, so a T-shirt and panties is nothing. Get up. Now.”
“You’re so bossy.” My words might have sass, but I can’t hide the quiver behind them. I’ve never heard him speak quite like that before—with commanding presence. With authority.
Over me.
He is utterly confident that I’ll bend to his will simply because he gave the order.
Who is this guy? I can’t reconcile the version of Ashton standing before me with the guy I grew up with. He’s a fucking master chameleon.
“Bossy doesn’t begin to describe me. Now get your cute ass out of bed before I spank it.”
I climb off the mattress, exposing my half-naked body to his heated perusal. But I can’t stop from folding my trembling arms over my chest. Too much adrenaline is rushing through me. Too much want.
“Is this what you mean by calling the shots?”
He nods with a frown. “Don’t be ashamed of your body.” He gestures at my rigid posture. “Lower your arms.”
Slowly, I let them dangle at my sides, hating how naked I feel standing in front of him, vulnerable and exposed to the core, despite my T-shirt covering my panties.
“Do you have a problem with me being in charge?”
“I…” My gaze lowers to his feet. “I don’t know. All of this is happening so fast.”
I’m dreaming. None of this makes sense. How did Ashton and I end up in my bedroom like this? In this situation?
“Do you trust me, Sawyer?”
He’s the only one who’s ever called me that.
“Of course I do.”
“Then I don’t see a problem. We’ll go over some ground rules so we’re both comfortable with this. But in the meantime, I want you to shower, dress, and get some food in your stomach.” His lips curve into a grin, and that bright smile of his warms me all the way to my toes. “Do you have plans tonight?”
“No.”
“You do now. Come by my place at seven.”
Chapter Five
Sadie
By the time I shower and dress, it’s past noon, and my headache has settled into a dull annoyance. Normally, wasting the morning away would bother me more, but after last night and this morning’s visit from Ashton, I can’t bring myself to care. Maybe I’m off kilter from everything that’s happened in the last twenty-four hours, not to mention the hangover, so when an unexpected knock sounds on my door, I’m not taken aback.
Maybe part of me even realizes who it is before I pull the door open.
He’s standing there holding my picnic basket, face a picture of regret. “I found this last night outside my office.”
“Uh-huh.” Raising a brow, I cross my arms over my chest.
He narrows his eyes, forehead wrinkling. “Did you leave it?”
“Yep.”
Raking a hand through his blond hair, he lets out a sigh. “Can I come in, Sadie?”
“Nope.”
“Are you only talking to me in one-word sentences now?”
“I don’t know. I guess that depends on how long you’ve been fucking your assistant behind my back.”
His shoulders sag, deflating in defeat. “I’m sorry you had to see that. It didn’t mean anything.”
I grit my teeth to keep from yelling at the bastard. Maybe I expected an ounce of remorse, but all I’m getting is regret that he got caught.
“Please, can I come in and explain?”
“At least be honest,” I say, glaring at him. “Call your ‘explanation’ for what it is—a pathetic excuse.”
He throws his hands up. “Okay! You’re absolutely right. I have no explanation for what happened, other than to say I gave in to a moment of weakness.”
“Sounded like a lot more than just one moment. I believe the words you said were ‘you take my cock like a whore every fucking time.’” I arch a challenging brow at him. Those words are ingrained in my memory, and I just dare him to deny it.
“I’m sorry, Sadie. You’re too important to me. Don’t end things like this.”
I’m too important…meaning I’m the boss’s daughter, and he doesn’t want things to get awkward at the office, considering I’m interning for my father.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he adds, a note of desperation entering his tone.
“You didn’t.” I gesture to the parking lot where his black luxury sedan awaits. “So you can go back to your assistant with a clear conscience.”
“C’mon, Sadie. It won’t happen again, I promise.”
“Don’t insult my intelligence.”
At that moment, my neighbor exits her apartment. She glances at the two of us for a few seconds before offering a small wave. As she makes her way down the stairs, I don’t blame her for getting the hell out of Dodge. The tension between Jake and me is palpable.
“Do you really want to do this out here?” he asks, giving the area a surreptitious glance.
“I don’t want to do this at all. There’s nothing left to say.”
“Your father is my boss. Please, Sadie. Give me another chance.”
How ironic that Jake is the first guy my father approved of. Like me, my dad was blind to Jake’s true nature, only seeing the front Jake perfected. The mature, intelligent guy with his shit together. Clean cut, no tattoos, well-dressed. Well-mannered. He shaves every day, doesn’t miss a day of work, and opens doors for women. He drives a nice car, owns his own home, and would make the ideal husband.
That’s all my parents see.
I want to laugh at what a joke this relationship turned out to be. I’ve had some shitty boyfriends in the past, but none of them treated me with such blatant disrespect—they just dumped me and moved on to someone willing to spread her legs.
They didn’t do it behind my back.
I wonder what my parents would think of that. I already know I won’t tell them. The last thing I want is to stir up chaos at my father’s firm. All that would accomplish is a shitty work environment.
“Let’s just call this a mistake and move on,” I say.
He shakes his head, his jaw forming a stubborn line. “We have to figure this out.”
“If you’re worried about your precious job, don’t. I won’t tell my father what a douchebag you are.”
He winces at my harsh words. “I know I fucked up, but I care about you. As far as I’m concerned, this isn’t over.”
“As far as I’m concerned, it is.” Without giving him time to argue further, I slam the door and turn the lock. Of course, he doesn’t go away that easily. For the next fifteen minutes, he pounds on the door, pleading his case through the barricade keeping him outside.
Tiring of his bullshit, I threaten to call the cops, prompting him to at least leave my doorstep. It isn’t long after when my phone starts ringing, again and again as his too-handsome face flashes on the screen with that smug smile I used to find sexy. Growling under my breath, I switch it to silent.
I don’t have the nerves for this today, considering my…date tonight with Ashton. Thinking of it as a date doesn’t set right with me, but calling it a meeting isn’t going to cut it, either. My stomach ties itself into knots as the day passes, bringing me closer to seven. I don’t think my apartment has ever been so clean. I’m sure Mandy will appreciate my la
ck of concentration.
I can’t eat. All I can do is think about tonight…and Ashton touching me. The thought of putting my mouth on him again makes my panties wet. It sends my heart into overdrive.
Jesus. My palms are sweating something fierce. But I don’t want to analyze the reasons why too closely. If I do, I might find something I don’t want to face.
Ashton is only a friend. Nothing more, and that’s the way it has to be.
So why am I doing this?
A vision of Blondie on her knees flashes through my mind, and that thought alone is what gets me out of my apartment and on my way to Ashton’s. Maybe I have no self-respect, but I want to be like her—sexy, and confident enough to take charge.
I don’t want to spend my life as a spinster because I can’t get past my hang-ups. If Ashton can help me, then I have to take the risk. There has to be some reason why I crawled under that table last night. On some subconscious level, I want him to lead me down this road.
By the time I’m standing on his doorstep, I’m shaking in my boots. Maybe not literally, but it sure feels like it. A curious vibration buzzes through my body, originating between my legs. I’ve been turned on before, but nothing and no one has ever gotten me so worked up as he managed to, which is insane. It’s like our history turned to dust, and the illusion of friendship was snuffed out in the process.
Not knowing what awaits me on the other side of that door makes me feel more alive, more turned on, than I ever have in my entire life, and instinctively, I know I made the right decision in coming here. Letting out a shaky breath, I raise my hand and knock.
And I realize as I do how ridiculous this is. I never knock on Ashton’s door. I always walk in, because he and Mandy are my family, and we’ve had an open door policy for years. How can the idea of intimacy change everything in the blink of an eye?
The door swings open, and the first thing I notice is the frown on his face. “We’re still friends, Sadie. You’re always welcome here. Don’t knock again.” He opens the door wider and ushers me inside before taking my coat. I swallow a sigh as his fingers trail over my shoulders.
“I’m sorry, Ash. I’m just…really nervous, I guess.”
“No reason to be,” he says, his tone softening as he hangs up my jacket in the closet by the door. “My roommate is gone for the night, so we have the place to ourselves.”