by Flora Dain
I ache for him, tormented by his memory. As I drift into sleep my hands wander to my aching sex to feel myself and I see his mocking gaze and snatch my hand away again. I almost hear his soft laugh. ‘What are you doing? Tell me.’
I shake my head, pinned by his stern look, and now he signals me to walk over and climb on his lap. I lean back in the dim light and see we’re sitting in a small movie theatre with rows of people in front of us. His strong arms wrap around me as I lean back against him.
‘Reach up and put your arms back behind my neck. I want to feel you.’
Now he’s feeling my breast with one hand and searching deep between my legs with the other. I close my eyes and yield to his touch as my arousal builds higher and his low voice murmurs disturbing obscenities in my ear. I’m almost there now … I start to whimper.
‘No noise. And you’re not allowed to come.’
I gasp and clench my teeth as my climax begins to build at the soft pressure of his fingers and all at once he parts his legs and now I’m straining for balance and terrified someone will see.
‘You know what will happen if you come?’ His fingers are working ceaselessly, circling, pressing and tormenting me as I gape over the void between his hard, splayed thighs. I whimper again and he tweaks my nipple to jerk me to silence.
‘You’ll cry out. And if you cry out everyone will see. And then I’ll have to take you over my knee and spank you in front of all these people. Is that what you want, Ella?’
At that moment he presses home and my climax explodes inside me like a volcano. I shriek, quivering and exposed, and instantly everyone in the theatre spins round to stare. I’m helpless in its grip as my orgasm crashes through me and now it blends with hot, dark shame as he spreads me wide for everyone to see that I’m wet, glistening, swollen and suffused with pleasure. And as I stare over their heads I see at last what they’ve all been watching. It’s film of me over his knee being soundly and steadily spanked, the blows coming in a regular, thudding drumbeat, over and over as I writhe and twist in his grip, earning even more blows and even harder slaps …
I open my eyes and groan into the early light seeping into my bedroom. My lower belly and everywhere between my legs aches with longing and feels soaking wet. His rhythmic slaps blend into the heartless pound of the distant waves as they beat on the shore.
It was only a dream …
I bury my face in my pillow and sob.
* * *
The morning mail brings me a heavy manila envelope with the Wolfe logo on it. I tear it open, heart thudding. It contains a cheque for twenty-five thousand dollars and a business card – his – card. Nothing else. No writing, no signature.
Like when he left me the flowers.
I swear, stuff the torn envelope and the cheque into the back of my suitcase and fight off hot tears.
* * *
I have lessons to prepare. The new semester starts next week and I’m nowhere near ready. I try to work and give up. I wander down to the shingle beach above the high-tide mark where my clapboard dinghy’s dry-docked in summer. I sit down and lean back against its peeling paint, close my eyes and let the sunshine warm me through.
After a few moments I hear the crunch of gravel.
Darnley? My eyes snap open but it’s not him. It’s someone even more unlikely.
‘Ella? Here you are.’ Billy stumbles the last few feet down the cliff and stumps along the beach towards me. She looks nervously at the pounding surf, only feet away. Open air’s not her thing. Open water even less so.
She screws her eyes up against the light. ‘Jeez, you look terrible.’
I grimace. ‘Thanks, girlfriend. Good to see you too. Social visit? Or just here for the insults?’
She hugs me, her face serious. ‘I was so sorry about, you know, those pix. Your parents don’t know?’
I count my blessings. ‘Not yet. Darnley said to lie low for a bit. It should blow over.’
‘Not at Camp Akela it won’t. Aaron’s furious. He’s fired half the security detail. Listen, there’s a crisis on. I’m to take you back with me right away. It’s urgent.’
Fear clutches my stomach. ‘Why? What’s happened?’ I gasp. ‘Not – Darnley?’
Her expression clouds. ‘Sorry, babe. He’s off the radar. Eldon sent me to fetch you. He wants you back at Camp Akela. Lydia’s opened those papers and wants to tell us what’s in them. She says we have to know. And for some reason I can’t understand Eldon’s gone completely crazy. He wants you to be there too. He thinks Darnley will flip.’ She breaks off. ‘You OK? You’ve gone white. Don’t ask me what it’s all about. I’ve absolutely no idea. I’m just the courier. So, will you come?’
* * *
I pack in a rush and say goodbye to my parents with the briefest of hugs, my stomach churning but my heart light.
Darnley will be there. I’ll see him again. And for once I have to agree with Eldon. I think Darnley will flip too.
He needs me. Now more than ever.
Billy paces in the hallway as I get my things together. Before I go down to join her I take out his cheque, tear it in two and stuff it and the blank card into a fresh envelope. I think for a minute and take out the card again, turn it over and write:
I love you and hate you. I’m sorry for you.
Know love when you see it? I don’t think you do.
I don’t want your money. I just want your trust.
I’ll please you and tease you but not if I must.
You think you can buy me? My heart’s yours for free.
This can’t work. I’ll never forget you. Your E.
I never write like this. I like to polish, make it perfect. This is just a hasty scrawl but it’s true. Right at this moment it’s what I think. It’ll have to do.
I stuff it in the envelope with the torn cheque, seal it and write Darnley’s name on the outside.
* * *
On the flight back Billy saves me from my dark thoughts by chattering about Eldon. I tell her he’s a lucky man. Privately I hope she’ll learn to swim. But the Camp Akela we walk into is a far cry from the rich man’s playground I left.
Muted servants usher us into the vast sitting area, where the core family are already gathered. The air crackles with tension. This is a family with secrets … And now I see I do scare them. For an instant they all gaze at me, fear in their eyes.
I ignore them and fix on Darnley. In his eyes I see no fear, only anger. As he walks over, his furious scowl shatters any lingering illusion that this will be a romantic reunion.
My heart dissolves at the sight of his hollow, haunted face. He keeps his voice low but his tone is icy. ‘What are you doing here? Are you something to do with this?’
It’s a nightmare welcome but it’s no time to get emotional. If he needs me at all, he needs me to stay rational.
He’s under a strain. He’s being hounded by the press.
He’s a Wolfe at bay.
I want to throw my arms around him, save him from what’s about to come. Too late now. I can only hope I help by being here.
Somehow I find my voice. ‘Eldon asked me to come. He wants me to be here.’
I leave out the detail.
He looks at me for a full minute, his expression unreadable. As he turns away I catch his arm and thrust my envelope into his hand. He stares at me for a moment, slips it into his pocket and then strides across the room and stares out of the window with his back to us.
Shakily I accept a cup of pale tea from a scared-looking servant and sidle up to Lydia.
‘Ella. Lovely to see you again. So sorry to hear about that business with the press …’ She tails off and looks vague as I glare at her. ‘But I guess you’re sick of hearing about it.’
She greets Billy instead, darting me nervous looks.
Eldon nods briefly at me. I notice he glances repeatedly at Darnley, his eyes full of concern, but he says nothing.
Billy chats to Lydia and glances around at us, calm and businesslik
e. She’s the most relaxed person here, blissfully unaware of the earthquake Lydia’s about to unleash. I envy her. I also feel sick.
At last we’re shown into Aaron’s study. Lydia’s air of excitement warns us this is her moment of fame.
As soon as the door closes behind her she takes centre stage. ‘This is going to be painful but you all have to know. I can’t keep this on my conscience any longer. As you may know, the papers Willamina brought relate to the passing of Fletcher Kraik. Fifteen years ago he passed away at our home. He suffered a heart attack.’
She clears her throat for dramatic effect and goes on. Darnley is standing alone near the door. He glances at his watch as if he’s not even listening. Her eyes rest on him for a moment, her face troubled. ‘I know you boys adored him, especially Darnley, so what I’m going to say will be an awful shock. But going through those papers reminded me that the truth should be told. He was my lover. That’s why he came here so often. Aaron knows. He’s always known. But it makes what I have to tell you next so much worse.’
She dabs her eyes with a tiny lace handkerchief, being careful not to smear her mascara.
Across the room Darnley seems to have lost interest. He rips open the envelope I gave him and glances through the contents. He takes a second to look at the back of the card and then raises his eyes and glowers at me.
Lydia seems not to notice. ‘What I have to tell you concerns the circumstances of Fletch’s death.’
With one last, burning look at me Darnley crushes the envelope and strides out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
We all jump. Lydia stares at Aaron, clearly derailed. We exchange glances as Aaron goes to the door, opens it cautiously and peers out into the hallway. He turns back with a frown. ‘I guess he’s upset. I warned you not to make such a meal of this, Lydia. It’s bound to be a shock for the boys. Go on.’
I look on in a daze, torn between the urge to chase after Darnley and horror at what I know Lydia’s going to say next. Horror wins and pins me to the spot.
‘Our affair was cut short because I soon found he had – shall we say – unusual tastes. But all along I suspected he had other lovers. I didn’t trust him an inch. And one day I found out I was right. Quite by chance I went out to our garage late one evening and found him sitting in his new convertible, handcuffed to the steering wheel. Can you imagine? I knew what he liked. He was waiting for someone. Someone other than me.’ Her eyes flash and then narrow to slits. ‘I’m pretty sure it was my masseuse. I’d seen how they looked at each other.’ She dabs her eyes again.
Eldon is staring at her. ‘Go on, Mom, for crissakes. What happened?’
She touches Aaron’s hand and lowers her head. ‘Well, he was terrified. He said he’d been there hours and he shouted at me to set him free. I was furious. I ranted at him for a while and he started to jerk and gasp air like he was in pain or something but I thought he was faking. I mean he was a pretty healthy guy.
‘Finally I shouted at him that I knew all about what he’d been doing and who he’d been doing it with and I was going to tell everybody. He went white. That made me even madder. I told him he could stay there all night and think about it and then I marched out of the garage and slammed the doors shut.’
She dabs at her eyes again. ‘They found him next morning.’ She bursts into tears. ‘I know you boys loved him, Eldon, but you had to know.’
Aaron puts his arm around her.
Eldon looks dumbfounded.
I leap for the door.
* * *
I race into the hallway, my heart in free fall. All my instincts tell me that Lydia was acting, and badly. Why was she lying? I’ll think it through later. Right now I’ve got more important things to think about.
Darnley has to know. He has to know he’s innocent. He didn’t kill Fletcher Kraik, no one did. Lydia could have saved him but she had no way of knowing her words would scare him so much that he’d convulse.
It was an accident.
But there’s no sign of Darnley. His bodyguard is pacing in the driveway and I race down the steps. ‘Bullen, where’s Mr Wolfe? I must see him. It’s urgent.’
‘Sorry, ma’am. He’s gone.’
I stare. ‘Gone?’
He looks down at me, impassive and bulky. ‘He took the jet, ma’am. The helicopter and the car are still available. I’m to take you anywhere you want to go.’
He’s gone. He’s innocent, but he’s gone. I stare blindly ahead as the bitter truth sinks in. I may never see him again.
My one crumb of comfort is that his beloved younger brother knows he’s innocent, but not through me – somebody else has told him. Not that Darnley will ever believe that. I kept my word but I’ve lost my lover.
‘Ma’am?’
I lift my chin and prepare to face my future, a future that has no Darnley in it.
It’s cold and bleak. Another void.
This time there’s no way over.
I take a deep breath. ‘Thank you, Bullen. If it’s OK with you I’d like to go home.’
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Things should look different after an earthquake.
As I walk into my parents’ house everything looks just the same as it did when I left. It’s almost an insult, like Fate’s laughing at me. Or is it me that’s changed? Somehow I have to get back on track and get used to a future that has no Darnley in it – at least, not for me.
But as I greet my parents and hug them both I realise that something here is different. They seem unnaturally quiet. They look furtive, like they’re scared. Uneasily I glance from one to the other. ‘Something wrong?’
Dad clears his throat. ‘There’s someone down by your boat. He came this afternoon.’
Mom avoids my eye. ‘He asked if it was for sale.’
‘What?’ Rage consumes me. This is the last straw. I drop my bag in the hallway and make for the screen door at the far end of the kitchen. I slam it behind me and set off down the cliff path towards the pounding breakers and the roar of the racing shingle.
Buy my boat? It’s part of my life. He damn well picked the wrong day to come here asking. And the wrong boat.
I run down the steep track to the tiny beach and pull up short. A man is leaning against it, hands in pockets, casual and elegant. The wind ruffles his dark hair and my heart takes a running jump against my ribs.
‘Darnley?’
I must be hallucinating.
He eyes me sternly and slightly lifts an eyebrow. ‘This clapped-out heap of junk yours? I’m not surprised you learned to swim. Call this a boat?’
Slowly my blood starts to pump again. I can hear singing in my ears. It might be incipient mania or it might be angels, I can’t quite tell.
I step closer and see my torn envelope poking out of the breast pocket of his jacket. I touch it lightly and then snatch my hand away, scared I’ll break the spell and he’ll vanish. ‘Twenty-five grand? I’m not worth anything like that. Call yourself a businessman?’
His teeth glint in the light glancing off the sea as he grins. ‘Call yourself a poet?’
Ouch. My cheeks burn. ‘I meant it when I wrote it. I was angry.’
He draws me into his arms. ‘Me too. But that’s no excuse. And you’re wrong. I do know love when I see it. But I’m like you. I find it hard to accept. I can never believe I’m worth it.’ He captures my lips and I press against him, winding my arms up round his neck as he eats me with his mouth, invades me with his tongue and crushes me with his body.
* * *
After a while – I’ve no idea how long – we lean on the boat side by side and look out over the rolling ocean. He keeps his arm firmly round my waist, holding me close. And right now I’m gaping up at him in astonishment, only partly distracted by the beauty of his classical profile as the breeze ruffles his hair again.
‘So, what happened about Ryan? Did you find him?’ I dread bringing up my ex right at this minute but I must. Darnley’s past is still out there and for him it�
�s still alive, and Ryan’s suddenly part of the key.
‘He’s gone to ground. Maybe I over-reacted. Maybe he was just trying to scare us.’
I dart him a suspicious look but from the set of his jaw I see he wants the subject closed. Gently I prise it open again. ‘I had the impression Lydia was hiding something.’
Instantly he looks wary. ‘Why? What did she say?’
‘She said more or less the same thing you did, that Kraik was found dead handcuffed to his car. But –’ I peer at his face. ‘Darnley, have you told me everything that happened that night?’
For an instant his face changes, and I see a bewildered young boy in his eyes – a boy faced with just one overwhelming urge – to save his brother. Slowly he frowns. ‘I’ve told you all I remember for sure, Ella. What more do you want me to say?’
His expression makes my heart flip. His stepmother may act badly, but Darnley never acts at all. Now I see instantly that this is truly all he remembers. But still …
There’s a mystery here, but I’ll have to be patient.
To lighten the mood I tell him my great news – that Lydia’s proved his innocence. Seconds later it’s me who’s in shock. ‘You knew what she was going to say? But how? You walked out before she told us. And what’s Ryan, of all people, got to do with all this?’
He looks away for a moment, and then seems to come to a decision. ‘I guess there is more I have to tell you. Not about that night, but about what Kraik did to us. To all of us. Remember I said Kraik had a hold on my parents? It was through Lydia. She started out in porn. Kraik got her started. When she dumped him for Dad, Kraik was furious and followed her. He wanted a piece of East Coast Society too, so he threatened to tell all their fancy neighbours about her past. Dad did what he could to shut him up, bought up all her past stills, anything that might reveal her past. He kept paying out, but Kraik always wanted more. He had a weird streak. He took us over. After his death we thought we were finally free of him. But it turns out he’d kept back one roll of film, pretty hardcore stuff. He was using it to blackmail them.’